[5bchm]

This has been bothering me greatly. I have no problems with my bf being friends with an ex, but I guess its really dependent on the situation. My bf has become close friends with a particular ex. Now its okay but in this case, the ex was someone he couldn't get over with for soo long, and to add, was kind of getting feelings for just her prior to having a relationship with me. However, that dissolved because she got a new bf (so yes, this makes me think sometimes). There was a bit more to the situation, but I don't want to drag too much into this.

Anyways, knowing the history between them, it does make me feel inferior and uncomfortable. I've already expressed this to him and he is fully aware of my feelings, but tells me to trust him (yeah I know, but that's besides the point). But, he wants me to get along with his friend. I am probably being, well more like I am being stubborn about this, because I don't want to acknowledge her. She is probably nice and stuff, but its just so awkward for me. I know they see each other and have dinners together. I don't forbid him from seeing her, since they are friends and I'm not a control freak, I give him his space and freedom. I guess ultimately, I am just simply asking that he respect my feelings and try not to force me to befriend her.

This is really difficult, because he just does not understand and he gets upset at the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with his friend . As if this does not upset me too? And it got me really really angry that they spoke about our relationship and she adviced him. I don't know why this angered me, but it just bothered me. I told him that he is biased about the situation and he had to see this from my point of view to understand where I am coming from, but I just feel he doesn't care to bother. Now, I'm just not in the speaking mood with him. If he can't bother to understand or care why I am feeling so despaired, then what's the use of talking to him. He just stopped the conversation when I was trying to express to him my thoughts.

I am probably coming off selfish, jealous and insecure. And I probably am. But, from anyone's point of view, is it really wrong for me to feel this way? To feel uncomfortable and awkward about all this. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before?

[HaplessChild]

I'll say it's natural to feel that way but maybe not right.

[Lie]

To be completely forthcoming with you, almost every guy has a potential gf/ex-gf for whom he'd drop just about any other girl at the chance to be with. I guess you just have to hope that either you're becoming that girl (and usurping her place in his heart), or that there's no chance she'd want to get back with him. I know I'm sidestepping your question, but to me that's the central issue here. Not so much whether you're right to be uncomfortable with him being close friends with her (seems reasonable to me), but whether you feel you're the most important girl to him, and if not, if you're okay with staying in a relationship with someone for whom you aren't the predominate love of his life.

[The Pink Panda]

I can totally understand why you would feel uncomfortable around her and resist getting to know her. You know that she has a place in your bf's heart that you might never occupy, a part of his history that you were not involved in... but he's with you now, and that speaks volumes in itself. Try casting aside your instinctive feelings and get to know her, maybe if you were friends you will feel better about the situation. Just like in horror movies, the most terrifying thing is your own imagination.

[blue_wishesx3]

i was okay with my bf becoming friends with his ex.
until i found out that they were not being completely innocent / clean behind my back >=[.
so now im not okay with him being friends with her (except he says he has stopped
talking to her)

[MNLV27]

You should do what you feel like doing. If you don't want to befriend her then it's up to you, your boyfriend should never force you to befriend someone who you don't want to get close to. It's totally understandable that you would feel uneasy about them, I think that your bf isn't being as reasonable towards your feelings even though he says that he understands how you're feeling.

[HienSTAR]

I went through the same exact thing.. or am I STILL in that situation? Maybe. My current boyfriend is my first boyfriend and he's had one girlfriend before me. They were together for a significant amount of time and went through a LOT of things together. That's why they still maintain a best friend relationship. The whole best friend thing, along with other things made me feel incredibly inferior to her. When I first met him, he had lingering thoughts/feelings for his ex who he was trying to get over, despite her having another boyfriend already. Then suddenly she became single and started popping up in our lives a lot more than ever before and it got to me. I mean.. it really got to me. SO many things went through my head, questioning her motive and such. I told my boyfriend of all the things I felt and he was extremely understanding about my feelings. Of course, he and his ex talked about this problem I had and she tried to be understanding, too. I dunno. In the end, she and I talked over some things and reached a mutual understanding. To this day though, I still feel awkward and uncomfortable around her, not about the situation though.

Eh, that was my long winded way of saying, "No, it's not weird for you to feel this way!" Lol. But my advice is.. though it's important for your boyfriend to see things from your point of view, try seeing things from his perspective, too. You both are important to him, so it's only natural that he wishes for you two to get along. It takes time to adjust and hopefully you and your boyfriend will both try and work things out. Not being on speaking terms is apparently what neither of you want, so try talking to him again. Don't expect a Korean/Japanese/whatever drama moment and expect for him to understand everything that goes through your mind. If he's important to you, try to have the patience to help him through what you're feeling, just as he's probably trying to be patient with you.

Good luck!

[5bchm]

I appreciate the input, thank you. Its given me some insight with the situation. I guess I do need to feel more confident that he is with me, but yet, there's the awkwardness. That is, expecting me to get along with the ex, because no matter what, I feel that there will be a sense of tension. And it is difficult for myself to forget the history they had together and his feelings for her during that period. But, that is the past, so I should just look at the present.

I have to add that my bf and I are at a long distance relationship right now due to summer vacation, so we are at our respective homes, which is a 12 hour time difference. So with that in mind, I don't see the importance of me befriending the ex considering what are the chances the two of us meeting? He also wants/expecting me to come visit him this summer (but, money is my major issue right now and its escalating into another conflict between us, sigh....) and wanted me to meet her. And I just dread the thought of this meeting.

But yes, I do wish he had more patience with this situation, he isn't really a patient person to being with. He is friends with her, so I won't object to his friendship, its his right. I require time to adjust to the situation and feel comfortable. I just loathe the thought of being pushed into something that is just awkward for me. So hopefully, we will try to see from each other's perspectives.