[lovebite]

I've had many wonderful opportunities to create lasting friendships but I ruin them. I criticize, I complain, I gossip, I do all kinds of nasty things that have pushed them the other way. I guess I couldn't accept them and I was insecure and clingy while brushing them off, yet I don't realize my mistakes until the damage is done.


I make friends easily but once they get to know me they go in the other direction....



I can't continue this any longer... I know I gotta change myself. Please any suggestions? My character is filthy

[Mannosuke]

I've had many wonderful opportunities to create lasting friendships but I ruin them

yet I don't realize my mistakes until the damage is done.

Write all this down on a cue card, and the next time you see someone, before you even say anything pull out that card and re-read what you just wrote.

"Change is gradual".

[SayurixPark]

Write all this down on a cue card, and the next time you see someone, before you even say anything pull out that card and re-read what you just wrote.

"Change is gradual".

good idea... never hurts to try.....

its good you know that you're the reason and your willing to do something about it

[heavenztears]

I was like that.

But I changed because I saw how much I hurt my friend and somehow she stayed by my side during all the drama.

Just think about all the things you've done and the people you've lost.. The reasons why you need to change.

By the way, I think it's great that you realize the situation

[WoopieDaDoo]

Hmm.. knowing the damage that you have caused in your past friendships, should already give you the motivation to change as a person.
Know that this was your choice, eveything that you did (complaine, gossiping, criticizing etc) this was all because you wanted to do it. even though it might not be the nicest thing that you wanted to hear, it is true.
But that does not mean that it's too late to change as a person.
What I would suggest to you is look back into all the things that you've done. Think about it and then think that instead of being in your own shoes, you're placed in their shoes, the person that gets gossipped, criticized about. Think about how it makes them feel when they hear those things, and how it may hurt/affect them. Once agian, it's not too late. I would think the most important priority right now, or the first step to change as a person would be to apologize to all of the people that you have no friendship with anymore. Let them know that you're willing to change now, and fix your mistakes. Whether they accept your apologie or not, you should still feel good about yourself knowing that you've tried. It should relieve some weight off your shoulders. Then the next step is all up to you, depending how great you are determined and commited to change.
Remember:

"If you believe you can, you can. If you think you can't, then your right"

Good luck,

Brandon

[SayurixPark]

Hmm.. knowing the damage that you have caused in your past friendships, should already give you the motivation to change as a person.
Know that this was your choice, eveything that you did (complaine, gossiping, criticizing etc) this was all because you wanted to do it. even though it might not be the nicest thing that you wanted to hear, it is true.
But that does not mean that it's too late to change as a person.
What I would suggest to you is look back into all the things that you've done. Think about it and then think that instead of being in your own shoes, you're placed in their shoes, the person that gets gossipped, criticized, etc. Think about how it makes them feel when they hear those things, and how it may hurt/affect them. Once agian, it's not too late. I would think the most important priority right now, or the first step to change as a person would be to apologize to all of the people that you have no friendship with anymore. Let them know that you're willing to change now, and fix your mistakes. Whether they accept your apologie or not, you should still feel good about yourself knowing that you've tried. It should relieve some weight off your shoulders. Then the next step is all up to you, depending how great you are determined and commited to change.
Remember:

"If you believe you can, you can. If you think you can't, then your right"

Good luck,

Brandon

2nd that!!!

[eternal_bliss]

"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."

Accept that this is who you were. Don't be in denial or blame it on others or the circumstances. It won't change anything.

Changing your bad qualities is neither easy or quick. You're already aware of some of your bad habits. Think about them. How are they affecting you and your life? What about others? Reflect on what you're doing wrong. Constantly remind yourself. And communication is key. Who are the friends you wished you could have kept? Talk to them. Explain.

[jaejoongiefied]

Well, it's good you realized your flaws .
I think all you have to do is remember to not do what you're doing when you're with somebody .
Just remember it, and once you get use to it, you'll know not to do it anymore ^^ .

[xwinnie_lovex]

i know a girl like that
but i was never her friend
she just hurt my friend alot

but anyways

like others said
its good that you realized your mistakes
but just realizing them AFTER you do them isnt good enough

you have to see the mistake before you even make it
does that make sense?

so think before you act
and like the brandon guy said
put yourself in their shoes
and slowly you'll change for the better
:]

[cicisaurr___]

I remember when i had a group of friends and i didnt like them cause they would ignore me and i gossip around them and then i turned to my best friend at that time(which was also part of the group) and i told her everything. Turns out that she told everyone in that group and they all hated me. From that day, she lost my trust. The worst thing i did was calling them pinkberryes.

I started to hang around with another group of friends and i just told myself to NOT DO THE SAME THING AGAIN cause I DONT WANT THE SAME END RESULT.

To this day, people hate me cause the group of friends i had still talks about me (bad way) and people would know me right away and blah blah blah. AND I ONLY CALLED THEM pinkberryES! O.O; imagine wat could of happened if i did something much worse.

Just think before you speak (:

[Ninshark]

Hmm...I'm sorta like this I guess.

the good thing is that you can quickly recover with your friend-making skills and get someone else.

but try to make a friend who you'd care more about than yourself- that way you wouldn't do those nasty things. it's kinda tough, but there're some great people out there who probably'd like you too.

[cow_vinh]

whats done in the past cant be changed.
but you can totally change the future.
just learn from ur mistakes and grow from it.

[brownman90561495]

I've had many wonderful opportunities to create lasting friendships but I ruin them. I criticize, I complain, I gossip, I do all kinds of nasty things that have pushed them the other way. I guess I couldn't accept them and I was insecure and clingy while brushing them off, yet I don't realize my mistakes until the damage is done.


I make friends easily but once they get to know me they go in the other direction....



I can't continue this any longer... I know I gotta change myself. Please any suggestions? My character is filthy

you just said it yourself. you criticize, you complain, you gossip, you do all kinds of nasty things that have pushed your friends the other way.

it's good you are able to recognize these. actually no further advice needed. just don't do the things you just mentioned. train yourself in avoiding doing those horrible things. if you just can't avoid it, be sure you do them WITH A VERY VERY GOOD REASON.

you will change yourself gradually. this may take time. but believe in yourself, don't be negative and don't lose hope.

good luck!

[ParappaRappa]

i was like that too. and i feel horrible.

i have changed.

but now i care too much about getting accepted by people.

now i need to change that.

[MaliceInWonderlandx]

first, if opportunity arises, you should apologize to those you really hurt.
and then, see if you can start fresh with them. hopefully they are the forgiving type.
try to watch what you say and do from now on. treat potential friends like a vase, and every criticism (unless they ask for your honesty), gossip, etc is like punching a crack in the vase.
try to watch your words and actions by asking yourself first: "will this hurt them in a way that will affect our friendship?"

try to work on your gossiping habit. there is a saying (something like this) "those who gossip to you, will gossip about you." its not necessarily true 100%... but its just saying that those who know someone who is a notorious gossiper will begin to feel irky around them.

as for your complaining habit, i tell myself that 'i'm not the only one who's got it bad in this world' and just try and calm down. works pretty good for me.

for criticizing, try to avoid it unless you're a movie critic. if you want to express your opinion, say so in a nice manner. give constructive criticism, and not destructive.

...i don't know what you mean by doing nasty things to others... ummm just try and discontinue that.

don't feel discouraged, people don't change over night. if you really are willing to change, then that will make a huge difference

[tubbycheeks]

I think i'm sort of like this too... but something has to trigger it first... I tend to be a very loyal and good friend at first and everythings all good but cause I don't always stick up for them if they've done something thats really wrong, i tell them or yell at them and sometimes everything is kool cause they know they did the wrong thing (for e.g. cheating on a guy or hurting another mutual friend for a guy etc) but yeah sometimes if I've completely changed my viiew of someone and its so shocking, i can't seem to be good friends anymore...

Now what I tend to do is try not judge them until i know them really well... cause the only reason i don't always stay friends with people is cause i see the real side of them which is not what i expected and maybe i feel like i cant be compatible with them... i'm not sure if that's the case for you though.. have u ever spoken to these friends who you've lost contact with? cause i think it helps sometimes... i know every time why we couldnt stay friends and i think thats important too, cause if you don't know what the problem is, you can't work on it.

[kristennn]

I'm like that, and like you, I did lose a lot of friends because of it. For some time I didn't understand why they would just suddenly not talk to me. I was just being stubborn and slow to accept that I did anything wrong. But then eventually I realized that I had an attitude (as in the criticizing, gossiping, complaining... I was very negative about everything and everyone, to say the least) which I guess if from the whole lot of insecurities I have and it drove my friends away from me. They didn't want to be around someone who could potentially hurt their feelings. I've lost some potentially strong friendships there and I regret them so much now. I'm just so glad that one of my friends is seriously the nicest person I've ever met, and she's the one who's motivating me to try and change.

Like ^tubbycheeks, now I make it a point not to judge anybody. It's pointless to try making friends with people if you've just met someone and already you're thinking that you won't get along and stuff. I try to get to know the person more. Even if I've heard bad things about them from other people, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. It's really hard to stop myself from gossiping or badmouthing, but sometimes I just think, if I've got nothing good to say, then I won't say anything at all.

Like everybody else said, it's good that you recognize your mistakes and accept them! That was really difficult for me to do so I admire you lol. Anyway, I think that's the first step, you can really go a long way from there.

[BattleRoyale]

I was like you once too. But it wasn't until a long friendship between me and an ex-best friend of mine ended that I realised just how serious this foul act was. By the time that self-realisation came, it was far too late. Don't you feel so low afterwards? After they've confronted you about the whole ordeal? After you've realised what you've done and witnessing your friend suffering from your acts? That is what keeps me from repeating this mistake because I do not want to put anyone of my friends and myself in this situation again.

But the first step that you've achieved was realise this bad habit of yours. And that's all it is. A bad habit. It's a habit that's slowly affecting the way you behave and eventually it becomes your character, a "filthy" character as you even said, which will succumb you to the point where you wouldn't know who you were anymore.

I suggest you just take some time out away from your friends and question yourself:
you need to observe and look deep inside yourself and question why you are behaving this way?
What's the catalyst for this?
And how does it make you feel knowing that you are hurting others?
How would you feel if you were being critized and talked about?
What do you get out of doing what you do?
Once you realise this I believe you will feel more intune with yourself. You'd feel enlightened; feel a deeper and newer side of you and that's when you will really start to feel a change within yourself. It's gradual but you will feel it. At least that's what happened to me anyway.

But at the end of the day, nothing comes out of it and it just shows people that you have a need to be critical and judgemental.
Though "what's done is done. It can't be remedied", embrace these life lessons and change will gradually come. You just need to make an effort.

[Yukita]

you see,
at least you didn't say you're a pathological liar.
then you'd really have a problem.


you don't really have a problem. all of us are like that.
criticizing, complaining, and gossiping are not traits of a terrible person.
you just haven't found people who have enough balls to do that right back to your face.


THEN YOU'D HAVE BEST FRIENDS LALALA

[o w o ♥]

I have had 7 ex-bestfriends and I'm only in yr 8.
I didn't care about them, I found a new best friend to chill which probably makes my 8th if I brush her off.
It was practically their fault for pissing me off and being annoying. Like asking to come over my house 24/7 or asking for my phone number. Maybe even to keep following me every single day, or just their personality I don't like about them.
I don't worry about friend-ships because I control them.
If you want to have a happy long-lasting friendship it's easy.
Just change yourself, If it's not easy for you I don't know what would work.