[MiddleMan]

There are many families raising their children in a strict environment.
Is this a good thing? Is there an alternative? If so, does it work? Which ones better?

Reason I bring this up is, I have recently read a book that mentions of "Concerted Cultivation."

Below is a copy from Wikipedia:

Concerted cultivation also emphasizes the use of reasoning skills and variations in language use. Parents start to encourage their children to learn how to speak with adults so that they become comfortable and understand the importance of eye contact and speaking properly at an earlier age. Concerted cultivation causes a transmission of differential advantages, meaning they end up having an advantage in life over children reared based on other methods. Children who are reared using the concerted cultivation method are set apart in academic environments and they also learn to have more confidence when confronted with social interactions.

The poll I have created above does not cover the various methods of raising children, including Concerted cultivation. But I believe, if this method is applied to most children, it could bring greater number of socially competent generation of leaders.

[terrorist]

it's a good thing.
it helps children become civilized when they become older.

[shotamerican]

whoops i voted for the wrong thing. sorry.

my family is strict as all else, and although i hate it at times and it causes a lot of confusion, in the end i cannot say they are bad parents.
it guess it works out somehow but i still wonder what it would have been like if my parents and i were different.

[Swtess]

Mine was strict. I couldn't go out at all whenever it got dark back in my younger days. Asking permission to leave the house was worse than just sneaking out, but then I was too scared to even do that. It helped curve me though. If I was let out like some of my friends from the past, they would've influenced me the wrong way. Positive side to that would be that I would have a killer social life but would probably have negative gossips roaming around town without me knowing and a not so great rep. I rather not have that. I might end up like a few of them and became a teen mom and still jumping from guy to guy.

Thanks to my strict parents though, I am pretty traditional and not a total train wreck.

[Pogichinoy]

Mine were strict, but I turned out fine. Neither option is more correct than the other. I think its good for parents to be strict to their kids as the message is that they love you and want to protect you. However, the kids may grow to hate their parents and place blame on their parents for the life they miss out on. Ditto for being raised in a non strict family.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[lhkim85]

I think you do need to be fairly strict, but you have to make sure that your punishments are fair, and that the kids are getting enough praise when they do choose to do the right thing. Be clear with what your rules are and what consequences can be expected. Respect is key--the kids should know there will be consequences for their actions, but they should not fear you. Although fear can be an effective tactic in the short run, I don't think it works out the way the parents would hope. You need to try to teach kids the reasoning behind the rules you make for them, not just expect them to obey because you tell them to.

I personally think my parents were absolutely too strict with me. It got to the point where I would have to lie about things that weren't a big deal just to avoid a conflict. I honestly was a good kid and didn't even try to do "bad" things or disobey my parents, but there was never a clear set of rules; I was just expected to be "perfect," whatever they decided that meant for every aspect of my life. I felt like pretty much anything I did was wrong. I rebelled in a big way when I went to college, and I have had to deal with a lot of issues because of the way I was raised. I'm much better about it now, but I think there are certain things I will never fully get past. Everyone has their issues, of course, but I think that the way my parents chose to raise me did not provide me with adequate tools to deal with life.

[joogrlpekaun]

My family was lenient most of the time and it worked out pretty well, in my opinion. They were firm when they needed to be and no pushovers, but I never became a hellion or out of control without truly strict parents to prohibit and control virtually everything under the sun, and I was a good student and found my most worthwhile hobbies without my parents pushing me. I agree with lhkim85 about fairness, positive reinforcement along with negative, not making the parent an object of fear, and showing the reasoning behind your restrictions and demands so they don't seem like illogical "just because I'm the parent" type things. I was always more likely to follow what my mother said and see why I should when she told me why. I actually respect my lenient parents more than my friends with strict parents respect theirs, on average, without any element of fear, and I feel like my parents actually respect me now, too. I don't have the strong resentment towards my parents that some of my friends with much stricter families still do even after living away for two or more years of university and even though none of them were very rebellious (good students, didn't try to date in high school when it wasn't allowed, never did drugs or drank underage, etc. etc.). Being especially strict seems to backfire in a lot of cases even if the kids turn out well eventually because it sets up a love/hate relationship in the family and causes a lot of stress, and it doesn't leave a lot of room to make one's own mistakes and decisions in preparation for adulthood.

Being lenient doesn't guarantee that you'll end up with a hellion or a lazy bum as long as you know when not to be so lenient (lenient =/= neglectful or disinterested), and being really strict definitely doesn't guarantee a satisfactory result based on all the people from strict families I've seen deliberately rebel in high school just for rebellion's sake or go wild as soon as they hit college and tasted relative freedom. Things can go wrong or right at any point in the spectrum between strict and lenient. I think being extremely strict is as bad as being extremely lenient.

I don't plan to be stricter than my parents were with me if I don't have to, because I think they struck a pretty good balance between lenience and strictness most of the time that didn't let me turn into a total brat or a slacker on their watch but didn't repress me or make me grow up deeply resenting them into my twenties and feeling like I was deprived of something, either. I'm really grateful for the major decisions they let me make for myself even when I was really young, like changing schools to be in more challenging elementary school classes, and then letting me choose my high school instead of forcing me into the magnet school like many parents did. I think it depends on the kid, really. If the kid is mostly on the right track without really strict parents, then being strict won't improve things much and could actually hurt more, but if the kid is the type to want to do everything he/she shouldn't do for his/her own sake, then it makes sense to be stricter as long as it's not oppression more than parenting. I guess my parents agree, because my younger brother's laziness has made my parents often stricter with him than they were with me. That kid would seriously do nothing but read and play videogames all day if left alone.

[hamster428]

mine was really strict - especially my dad-, and my brother & i did turn out well. but IMO, we turned out well because WE turned out well. i don't think my parents' parenting was the best in retrospect. my brother and i just have enough sense to know [most of the time] what's the right thing to do and where the limits are. half of the time we disagree with our parents anyway. so although one day i hope i'll be a good parent to my kids, i also pray as heck that i'll get good kids to start with >_<

[Penny Lane]

i think there is a line where strictness can be effective or can be detrimental. my parents were quite strict, and it did help (the pros outweigh the cons), but i can see where it also backfired on them- usually these things were directly related to subjects they were quite strict about but had no reasoning for it. example: my parents were quite strict on maintaining a conservative apperance, and now i have tattoos and piercings (and we're not talking ears here....).

[Hax]

Personally, looking at my own family, it really depends on the person. My family was strict with my sister and I. I turned out to be the typical proper asian raised kid where I got good grades, went to a good college, etc. My sister, though is reaching what I have gotten, has been very rebellious. So I think being strict really depends on the type of kid you have and how well you can adapt to their attitudes.

[(M)amagochi]

I was raised in a SUPER strict family and I did not like it AT ALL.
Being strict is good because it prevent the kid to go in the wrong direction in life.
BUT if you over supervise them, it is a no brain-er that they are going to rebel.
Its just like a rubber band, if you pull it too hard. It is going to break at some point.

[itrayya]

it's a good thing.
it helps children become civilized when they become older.

^ exactly.

my parents were strict and traditional.
i grew up with my culture and the american culture, and i was able to balance both.

i think i turned out fine. great, if compared to most cousins and siblings.
it depends on how the child takes it.
some children of course may not be able to handle the pressure.

i always took everything my parents threw at me as a challenge.
they said cook, i cook, and now i can.
they said dont go out too much, i did well in school cause i studied more.
they said stay away from unnecessary 'friends', i did and have great straight headed friends now.
they said dont trust just any guy, i listened and now im independent and rely on no man!

i dont think parents are strict to ruin your life.
well, if you're in a cult, then that's different i think.
but they say it cause it does help build you into what kinda person you'll become.

i can definitely say that with the upbringing that i grew upwith,
im responsible, open minded, etc.

i dont think all strict are the same.
my parents were strict but encouraging at the same time.
*rants*

[BbyDean]

i grew up in a strict family on hangers and belt (back in the days)
i ran away from home a couple of times too.
But the older you 've became the more layed back they are. But in any case it work out for me.

[jesus.shuttlesworth]

kids do the dumbest thing, i dont blame my parents for being strict

it works, and it has worked for thousands of years

[kuroimisa]

I think it's about achieving a certain balance. My parents were fairly strict, but I understand it's because they were trying to protect me.

But yes, it's about balance = too much can topple the children, and far too little the children could grow up to not be quite right.
It also depends on the family circumstance and any external influences as well, but I think everything should be done in moderation.

[Bamidele]

I grew up in a strict family and though it had its ups and downs it had helped me to become a responsible person with values and respect for other people. I mean it sucked not being able to do the things my friends did but it kept me from getting in trouble too.

Like everything in life it has its good and bad moments.

[House_Rulez]

Well yeah.

I think it was fairly strict when my dad was trying to put more on my upbringing.

But with my mom with more about nurturing and encouraging - to the point it kind of spoiled me.

But both didn't really help me. And I'm wondering how my mom and dad went through years of agony and pain trying to discipline me

Thank God, He gave them strength.

I wish I could've done better for them and for myself, so they won't worry about me too much in the future and what i do constantly w/ the decisio ni make.

It must be hard being hteem lol.

[HaplessChild]

My parents were ridiculously lenient. I was allowed to start dating very early (first bf I was 14 and my mother used to take us out and drop us off or let us take the metro,) stay out fairly late, sleep over at my bf's house, drink alcohol, etc. I got decent grades, never got a bun in the oven and never got in any real trouble with anyone. I moved out at 16 and have been doing my own thing ever since. I've got a decent job and a decent apartment, in a good relationship and a fairly healthy body. No tattoos, no piercings, no babies, no drugs ever, no smoking ever, not even a social drinker.

[HERMIT]

My folks were pretty strict when I was a teenager.
For example, I had a curfew of 11:00pm every night.
If I came home any earlier and bugged my parents, I'd get a hell of a whooping.

[Hax]

^Did we have the same parents?