[chungy]

A few months ago, I joined one of those online dating sites OUT of curiousity. I'm not the "unlucky in love" type, but I can be super shy in person and thought that communicating with someone online initially would be easier. Anyways, I meet this guy and he has all the personality traits and interests and values that I like. Over a month, we communicated through the online site and even exchanged emails. I was getting to know him and at the same time he was getting to know "the real me". (You know, sometimes girls/guys like to "impress" the other....but I didn't lie or fib.)

So he initiates a face-to-face meet up. And I was hesitant because I was thinking things like "what if i'm not the type he's physically attracted to..." "what if i come off too strong/bold" (I am shy, but around people I'm comfortable with, I can be really dorky and enjoy getting into long/good conversations.) We met up and honestly it was a real good date, I don't have many others to compare it to, but I felt really comfortable and sensed that he felt the same.

After our first date, he pretty much called often and he planned a second date. I said yes, but when the day came, I was just too tired to go out and flaked out on him. I apologized and he understood (because we're both full time working people, and we live far apart it was hard to meet up). To make it up to him, I said I'll plan our second date. During that time, we'd call each other, talk on the phone alot...it was great. I had some doubts whether I want to go this route with him, but I started to really like him.

Our second date was again, pretty good. I started to notice some flaws but it didn't bother me or turned me off. After our date we took a walk in a park and he brings up the "relationship" issue. First he tells me he likes me and says that I'm pretty. But then he goes "You're such a busy person, with work (he calls me career-driven), family and friend obligations....Do you have time to be in a relationship?" I said to him that I never been in one, and I don't know what it entails to be in one and that I would appreciate a guy to give me some space and can work with my schedule. Then he rambles saying that it's a huge commitment and that he really likes me and likes hanging out with me. And I told him, I'm not ready but let's see how it goes. (My friends claim that I rejected him at this point, but I don't see how I did.)

We talk about other things, and we brought up the relationship topic here and there then he says "You're probably the coolest girl I ever met, seriously, I can't believe there are girls out there like you. It's good to know that there is. Honestly, I've been single for x-years and I thought I was ready for a relationshp and now that I met you, I don't know what to do. I sort of want to stay single."



After that we went back to our work lives and hardly talked since that day. I wanted to confront him b/cs I was a little upset, but when I called him I didn't say what I wanted to say, and he ended up planning another date. Then changes plans which I couldn't schedule in....And he hasn't called.

What's wrong with this situaiton?

[dymsumboi]

He probably just wants to respect that fact that you're not ready to be in a relationship.
So by staying single, he can still hangout with you without requiring any of you to be in a relationship.
Also, from what I read, you seem to have quite a busy schedule.
2/3 dates you had difficulty fitting into your schedule (one of them due to his change of plans), he's probably
assuming you're too busy to fit him into your schedule.
What's wrong? Miscommunication.

[xxdis0riental]

I think he's torn between his obvious feeling of wanting to spend time with you, but he also sees you're a busy woman and doesn't want to bother or risk losing you (because if he calls you and keeps making plans, he'll feel like he's overwhelming you). You've made it quite clear you're not ready for a relationship, so he's probably trying to figure out how to make this work and cater to your comfort. This is just what I see from what I've read as well as past experiences.

He seems like a friendly guy who probably doesn't want to overwhelm you with wanting to spend time with you because there have already been a couple of incidents where your schedules have conflicted or your busy work schedule affects the outcome of the date (if it even happens). I honestly think if he was able to ask you and make sure if you were ready for a relationship or not, it should tell you that he cares and doesn't want you to alienate him if he does end up wanting to spend too much time.

If any of this post doesn't make sense, bear with me that I am very very tired.

But I wish you the best of luck with your situation. I would offer you whatever advice I have, but I would take ages. I've dealt with these situations more than a couple of times.

[brownman90561495]

i can feel that he likes you way more than you know, way more than how he said he likes you, and maybe way more than he himself knows.

[greenlavender]

i agree with your friends that you reject him at that point because if you tell him you are not ready he wont want to presure you and you cant just expect for him to make everything fit into your schedule because he is busy too so you should have compromise. if you are not ready for a relationship and especially a far distant one then dont be too upset if he moves on because it would be wrong if you just want him to wait on you when you are not even sure if you want to develope your relationship with him

[FusionGT2]

I call BS. He sounds as if he was making up excuses to sound like a legit reason to stay single. He probably found a flaw in you he didnt like and is too much of a pansy to come up front about it.

[koezane]

you really shattered his belief and dreams in a relationship.
you are his dream girl.
but somehow you showed him that his dream girl and relationship was not how he hoped it might be. and you did it in a really rude and brusque manner.

he's probably thinking he doesnt want to spend a lifetime with a girl who can treat him so callously. but if you, his dream girl, treats him that way, then surely other dream girls will too. his dream is shattered and he is back tothe drawing board.

you do not seem ot have an understanding of what a relationship means. it means making the effort to be close and building connections. ifyou are not willing tomake the effort then don't bother. or choose another guy who also has the same career lifestlye aspiratons as you.