[bebexdesire]

okaay so lately me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot more but yesterday we got in a pretty big one.

because lately, whenever we have problems he always talks to this one girl about it, that girl is
also his ex from like 1-2 years ago? they just started talking again, about when we started having
problems. NO. its not that i mind it, just cause she's his ex but its because
everytime he txts her, he always tries to hide it from me. sometimes when we're hanging out
he'll get txts from people, and i'll just glance over to see what he's doing or something.
BUT HE ALWAYS just tilts it away, shuts off the screen, switches the screen, pulls the phone away
or something like that. but even when he does that, i can still catch a glimpse as to who txted him
and its his ex. cause when its his mom, or his bestf txts him, he always lets me see what hes saying
or what they said. but for some reason, he always hides her txts.
and i know its bad, but it was bothering me for soooo long, that i looked through the convo
cause he has an iphone, so you can see the whole convo. and from that, i found out that he
found one of her old 'letters' to him, and he doesnt usually go through his stuff so it seemed like
he was purposely looking through his old stuff to reminisce. in his txts, he also said stuff to her like
" im so glad that we talk again now, i missed talking to you ' and stuff like that . =/
and maybe he actually does, but to me, it sounded like he was saying that stuff cause he missed her
or something. and he brought up certain stuff from when they dated a couple times too.
there was also this other time, when she txted him, and i asked him what did she want
and i got distracted by something, when i asked him again, he had cleared the whoole convo with her
when i asked him why he cleared it, he said iunno.
he's been talking to her for a little while now, and its bothered me before but i never said anything
but he told me that he doesnt really have anyone to talk to anymore when we fight and im guessing shes
like the only one he talks to. and i didnt wanna bring it up cause i didnt want to make it seem like
im trying to seclude him from other people, or make it seem like im that girlfriend who is so insecure
that i can't even let him talk to another girl or get close to another girl without me going (&#@*&# about it.

but when i confronted him about it, he denied that he wanted to get back with her or even had any
feelings for her and what not.. and when i asked him about why he always tried to hide it when he
txts her, he said ' we're just catching up, its not biggie. its nothing. i dont know why i hide it "
and stuff about how he's only friendly to her, because she is to him.
and i was like wtf, if its nothing, i dont understand why you have to hide it
when i saw him say stuff to her, like he how misses talking to her and stuff, along with how he
hides his txt from me purposely, it makes me think like that he wants to get back with her
seccretly behind my back or something. he has the new update for his iphone too
so he could be hiding even more from me, because he has the option to delete certain txts.

i think i may be overeacting a little? maybe he just misses talking to her
but i still dont understand why he always hides that fact that he does talk to her?
he has lied to me a couple times before too, because of her or something to do with her
so now we're on a break, because i dont know what to do. i dont know if i should trust him
or not about this, but its really bothering me.

[Yuki]

Well as you said, he doesn't have anyone else to go when you two fight....so it's understandable. But the fact that it's his ex, might make it a bit uncomfortable to you. But you should just trust him. If he doesn't have a record of cheating, then you shouldn't question him. He has the right to his privacy and doesn't have to show you the convos. Just accept it. He broke up with her for a reason, and now he's with you......so just learn to trust.

best of luck!

[des monstres]

..that's kind of sketchy.
especially if he has to constantly hide his conversations with her.

just tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable.
and yeah, he shouldn't HAVE to show you the conversations,
but he shouldn't have to go all that way just to hide them.
it seems like he's trying to hide something.

and if my boyfriend did that, it would make me feel really uneasy.

[PhuongNguyen]

Your boyfriend does sound pretty suspicious, but obviously, you already confronted him and he's denying it, so there's nothing much you can do now beside giving him an ultimatum or go and stalk him. Honestly though... if my boyfriend put me in that position, I rather just break up and not waste any of my time wondering and questioning his motives. He knows you're uncomfortable... he knows that you're not happy with what's going on, why not just back off and not be on such a close term with her? He don't have to stop talking to the chick, but he certainly can draw the line between friends and close friends.

[xsusanz]

i was in your exact same shoes a few months ago. honestly, i couldn't believe what you wrote because it just sounded like my situation except that it wasn't his ex girlfriend but an ex crush that he liked for a long time. what bothered me was that we see her every weekend at church and along with talking to her and messaging her, it seemed like he was always trying to get her attention and he would always look in her direction when talking and never look at me. he never told me of messaging her and talking to her and once, i did catch his messages. he said she was still very pretty and sorry that they havent talked alot. okay, and he even compared us. whatever it got me hella pissed.

sooo then i confronted him and he said the same things like he doesnt know and whatever.
so i basically gave him an ultimatum...which some people may say is too extreme but to me, i didn't want to be in a relationship where i felt like a shadow to some girl and i told him if he really wanted me and if he really liked me, then to drop her and to stop going to her all the time because it felt like he made her the girlfriend and if he wanted her, then i told him i would leave so he can officially make her the girlfriend.

he chose me and he eventually stopped. there were still times where he would suddenly start talking to her again (not continuously though) and i got mad and we would fight. but i think eventually, he got the jist that he needed to drop her.

its hard..i think i still struggle with it. i want to tell him that he can be friends with her but im afraid that if i tell him that, he'll be close friends with her so i dont think i want to tell him.

[SayurixPark]

you can kind of understand that he wants someone to talk as you two aruge alot.
so that kind of got me thinking that maybe you to have some communication issues that you guys need to sort out, i don't know .. that's what i think.

the fact that when you ask him why he's hidden his phone/messages away from you and all he can come up with is that he doesn't know and it's know biggie kinda makes me feel that he aint completely telling the truth about what's really going on.

i know it must be hard for you to decided on what to do; whether to trust him and let him continue talking to her or you know, confront him over it and end it or whatever you plan to do.

i would try and communicate with him more so that he knows that you're they're to talk to.
try and stop arguing because from what you're saying he says that he can't talk to you because of that.
if you put the effort to try and talk and he's still shifty then confront him about and if you have to, make an ultimatum: her or me ( last resort though!!)

[bebexdesire]

yeaah i want to trust him and i guess he hasnt really had any history of physical cheating
but theres also emotional right? how you like someone or have feelings for someone else
thats not your gf/bf kinda thing =/ so iunno. thats what i think is going on

& a lot of you suggested giving him an ultimatum, but the thing is
this isnt the first time another girl has gotten between us
and the last situation, i gave him the me or her kinda thing
he chose me, but then i dont want to do that with this situation
because i constantly feel like im secluding him from others when
i do that =/ i guess last resort maybe.

[MNLV27]

She's the only person for him to turn to when you guys are fighting? I'm sure she's not the ONLY person, what about his other guy friends? And why would he go to her after you guys fight? Shouldn't it be just between you two? Why get someone else involved in your arguments? He should turn to you to talk it out and talk about his feelings and vice versa.

I know I would feel uncomfortable to know that my bf is going to another girl telling her about his feelings than coming to me since it involves him and I, not me him AND her. It's kind of fishy on how he doesn't let you see his convo with her, you should talk to him about it and really get to the bottom of it, like someone mentioned, give him an ultimatum if you have to, to get the truth out of him.

[angelZ]

I was in a similar situation with my ex too so I completely understand how you feel.

My ex not only texted with HIS ex but he also went out of his way to see her. When I confronted him about it, he kept saying that nothing was going on and I had nothing to worry about. He said they were "best friends", and he also told me he hid her texts because he knew I would freak out when I saw them. But no matter how many times I said I didn't like what he was doing, he STILL did it anyway. Its like he didn't give a crap about what I thought. When you're in a relationship with someone, you want to be respected and he wasn't doing that for me.

I guess it really boils down to how much you trust him. Would he leave you to be with his ex? Only you know that for sure.

[riisah]

That makes me so mad! I think that if you've told him how you feel about it but he keeps on doing it anyway, you should definitely make some sort of ultimatum. If he really cares then he'd stop. Out of all the people in his life that he could talk to, he chooses his ex?? That's pretty dodgy to me. Hiding the messages? Obviously he doesn't want you to see them because he's hiding something.. either 1)hes being too intimate with her and he doesn't want you to see it or 2) hes talking about you with her and obviously not saying very nice things and so doesn't want you to see it. Both are not very nice and totally unacceptable.

Do something girl! Don't let him walk all over you. gl!

[brownman90561495]

i am really sorry that you have to experience this.

your reactions are very understandable, but there's not much you can really do but to accept it and trust him for it, or breakup with him.

if they really meant nothing hurtful, maybe you can ask your bf to meet up with his ex. all the three of you. try to be friends with her.

or no? lol

[bluberri_oreo]

If he respected you, he wouldn't be texting her around you or purposely hiding it. Its understandable that his ex is the only one he can confide in, but then again ... who does that? Why would he do that and potentially make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy? It's very fishy how he doesn't allow you to see his texts. If there's nothing to worry about, then why is he hiding it from you?