[ice_lemonade]

First off, i have nothing against ulzzangs. just to clear that up. I have one ulzzang friend, who's quite different, she's really nice and unique and i love her for staying true to herself.
Second, I'm not trying to shift blames onto ulzzangs. I know what happened was, I just plain lost to another girl. My question is just asking if boys really do prefer ulzzangs.
Third, there seems to be a misunderstanding. As independent as I sound, I am not a tomboy as a lot of people have kindly assumed. I do polish myself. Everyday.
Fourth, yes I'm bitter. Of course I'm bitter. I admit that I'm bitter and sour and hurt and angry. And who wouldn't in my shoes?

There is a thread asking people what motivated them to put more efforts into their appearances. I was going to post a reply, but I ended up writing a lot on my thoughts of the standard "ulzzang" beauty and plainer, more average looking girls. Just like all other girls, I dress up and put on makeup because I want to look good. But the reason why I spent at least 45 minutes everyday doing hair and makeup in the morning when I could be stealing 30 mins more sleep before class?

Well I'm going to risk sounding sour... but this has been my true motivation to put effort into my appearance for a long time:

I'm not a bad looking girl. Actually, I'm above average. However, the standard for "pretty girls" now seems to be the "ulzzangs" trend --> big round eyes, straight bangs, dyed hair, puckered lips in photos, cute gestures, etc...

I don't even know where to start. I don't mind any kind of styles at all. I don't care if other people like to wear their hair big, or wear circle lenses, or dress Fobby asian or dye their hair brown/red/whatever or do their make up like japanese fashion models... but I DO care when guys around me use those standards to judge how pretty girls are.

It's like I feel like I'm being compared to those typical "ulzzangs" (or those who tries to be "ulzzangs"). It doesn't even matter how nice or sincere a girl is underneath, it just matters if the girl had big round eyes enhanced by circle lenses, with typical dyed asian hair and how cute they act.

It makes me sad and it brings back awful memories because I've had a boyfriend who left me due to the fact that I'm not like a "ulzzang". He left me for an "ulzzang" girl, and I'm not going to say this nicely, I really don't think she's ulzzang at all, maybe just the style.

I have big eyes, but i don't wear circle lenses; I have a small face with pointed chin, but I don't act cute or pucker my lips and widen my eyes when i take photos --- I smile at the camera; I dress chic, but I don't wear laces or leggings or asian style etc, I'm nice and straight forward, but I'm not shy nor do I act cutesy, and apparently that's what a lot of guys around me wanted in girls, cuteness, whether it's pretended or real.

I was very heartbroken after my boyfriend --- now ex--- left me. A few guy friends were "nice" enough to give me advices. They told me what guys expect and want in girls...... AND I'M NOT LIKE ANY OF THESE. And know what's funny? All the qualities that I have that I thought are GOOD, are actually intimidating and, well, NOT good.

I am a very confident person, and it shows. It gives me presence, and I love that. I acquire it due to the fact that I used to be a professional dancer. I performed on stage and competed a lot so I worked hard on my presentation. After I quit dance due to a hectic school schedule, some of the confidence and presentation carried over to real life. I've always thought confidence is a GOOD thing, especially since I'm an insecure person, as in I get insecure easily, building up my confidence really helps me to step out of my boundaries and try new things.

However, I'd had complaints from my (ex) boyfriend saying that he always feel less superior to me due to the fact that I'm so confident and comfortable with myself. Ever since then I've tried to watch my actions and my words, and tried very much to not sound or act arrogant.

I think I'm a polite and modest person.

My (ex) boyfriend still left me because he couldn't stand how tiring it is when he's with me.

Because I know what I want, and I'm opinionated.

I'm not mean. In fact, I'm very nice. I'm the kind of girl who would hang with anybody, and by anybody, I mean even those people who weren't consider "cool" enough or "up-to-par" in other people's eyes.

Another reason that my boyfriend had left me, according to my guy friends, was the fact that I'm not slim.

So what? I weigh a whopping 110lb standing at 5ft (153cm). And you call that not slim? Okay, so maybe other girls my height are at around 90-100lb... but I really don't think I'm fat or unfit. And it hurts. I actually eat. Healthy. I exercise regularly too. I just don't go on stupid diets nor do I talk about dieting all the time.

I don't want to be one of those girls who are obviously fit but complain 24/7 about their bodies. It's annoying.... it makes girls sound immature and whiny.

My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend once posted a hate note on Facebook about me. Because she thinks I'm not pretty. I'm not a ulzzang just like her. Because I don't have stupid guys sucking up to me because of the way I dress or because of my "status". Because of the way I talk. I have a sweet voice and I talk to everybody like that. Because she thinks that it's NOT okay for me to talk to her guy friends, not even a polite "hello". My boyfriend's brother hates me too. Because before my boyfriend left me, my boyfriend would rather spend time with me than hang out with his friends.

Apparently that pissed a lot of people off. And people spreaded rumours. And voila, before I knew it, I have a bad reputation.

For what? Damn if only I knew what's going on. =(

I've had people telling me that I'm "pretty" and I've had people telling me that I'm "pretty, just not ulzzang pretty because I don't dress or do my make up or act a certain way".

Wait, so what do all these have to do with not being an "ulzzang" and being dumped by my boyfriend, who went to chase after an ulzzang girl even after a long long long relationship with a girl who truely loves and care for him???

EXACTLY.

I. don't. know.

what I know is the guys around me want those kind of girls.

I'm starting to think maybe it's because the guys around me are still immature.

Yet we're all in universities... we're all legal adults. >_<

Maybe I'm just not in the right crowd for me? Maybe if I look further, I'll see that NOT all guys think like them?

I mean, I thought it's okay to aim for being a smart, sophisticated, confident girl who is capable of doing a lot of things, knows what she wants and isn't afraid to work hard to reach her goals.

But if I aim to be that kind of girl, I risk a lot of chances to find guys. I already lost a boyfriend, whom I've been in love with for 2 years.

And now I don't know anymore. I'm still trying to pick up the confidence that shattered when my boyfriend left me. and I'm learning new things, taking up new hobbies, etc.

I just want to ask, are there any other people who have similar problems like mine?

And if anybody actually finished reading everything, they deserve a medal. This is one hell long post haha.

btw, I didn't say that I am a smart, sophisticated ... girl. I said that I AIM to be one. There is a difference. Don't twist my words.

[Yukita]

i totally read all of it
and i feel for you, like having to deal with all the fakeness etc etc etc


but uhhhh
you sound mad cocky BUT I DON'T MEAN IT OFFENSIVELY
but i mean maybe that might have put him off?
if so, you deserve someone who can deal with your confidence lol
not someone who's looking for a quiet easy beezy

[I Cook With A Flashlight]

No I don't have a problem like yours.

Just know when your ex decides to get in bed with her and she takes off all her makeup, just know he isn't going to like what he sees.

[maharu.]

Idk why but I felt kind of sad reading your post haha.
And ugh damn the fakeness. Guys can be so shallow and occupied with appearance/weight.
If he called you not skinny if your weight, well...his perception is extremely screwed.

But yeah you do sound really confident. I think you just really need to find a guy who likes the traits you like about yourself as well.
If your ex left you for a girl just because of 'looks', you should be kind of happy.
It means that he really wasn't worth your time and probably is the type to easily leave someone.

I do wish you luck though ^^. Don't give up.

[brownman90561495]

i read it all up. where's my medal? lol kidding

firstly, you are in a crowd of undoubtedly shallow people. don't lose the good traits that you have. with those, pretty much you'll know how to deal with those shallow people. also, those good traits of yours will be well appreciated in another crowd. so just keep those, and when the time comes, you will know what i mean.

yes, you sound sour, but who's going against you? i won't dare myself. i understand how you are reacting now because some guy that you have shared yourself with for two years turned out to be one big jerk.

you're pretty and confident. you have beauty and you have brains. you don't have to heavily deal with those people who has NO BRAINS. don't try to be an ulzzang girl. by your definition of it, that is the type of girl i don't want to be with. try to move on and find people who can appreciate you more.

[MELOVESYOUU]

Hm, I actually understand exactly what you mean.
HEC, you took the same words out of my mouth.

Except, I'm a bit younger than you I assume, so I wouldnt
know if the male population around me even know what Ulzzangs are.
I mean, im surrounded by diverse cultures, not only Korean & anyone of the Asian race.

But I totally feel for you and what you're saying about how we dont seem to have
the same equal chance than ulzzang girls. I guess it's just the certain styles of some of the guys...idk

Seriously, I dont think you sound cocky at all. You really seem confident and opinionated; I cant tell
you that the right guy will come along cause 2 years is a long time to be in a relationship, but I'm sure
you'll meet others who appreciate those qualities in a woman rather than actually focusing on physical
appearance enhanced by man made products.

You'll be okay

[whenaicu]

I don't think guys prefer ulzzangs. My guy friends all think that's cute and all but it's also very plastic. It doesn't seem like a realistic expectation since most ulzzang girls are all hair and makeup. If your pretty and confident that shines through. You don't have to be any of those things you think those boys "want" cause what they are really shallow if they base their choices on "looks" and in the long run, is that really who you want to be with?

& I deserve my medal. I read all of that

[Xian]

I read everything too lol.

I know you must feel so crappy right now, but honestly, it's NOT a loss that you two broke up. Why? Because he sounds highly insecure, highly immature, and absurdly shallow - along with all his friends and his brother. Then again, it seems like you tend to hang out with shallow people...so perhaps broaden your horizons when it comes to friends. When I read your post, I immediately thought of all those fobs I would see at university lol. I wonder if you go to SFU? XD Don't worry about it, really. Why? Because this is a very good opportunity for you to live a way more meaningful life, one that isn't fixated on "popularity" (you're all in university now, for goodness sakes), being downright gorgeous 24/7, being a make-up and fashion rainbow 24/7, etc. Your boyfriend totally wasn't worth it. But don't feel bad, you might think you wasted two years, but you have also learnt a lot from it. This is a good lesson. I weigh a lot, and I'm quite chubby, but never once did my boyfriend feel any less attracted to me. Instead, he calls me his little piggy, etc. If two people really love each other...genuinely love each other, then they wouldn't be quick to throw away the relationship simply because the other person wasn't skinny enough or perfect-looking enough all of a sudden. Good luck.

Oh yes, and to answer the question in the title. Nope, not all guys (heck, I don't even think many guys do) prefer ulzzangs. Don't most guys much prefer someone down-to-earth, and fun and comfortable to be around with?

[starrie]

Honestly, I think your ex-boyfriend just didn't have his priorities straight. He's clearly too shallow.

Even though it seems like a lot of guys adore those ulljjang type girls, you would be surprised that many guys hate it when THEIR girl gets plastic surgery. It's sad that today's perception of beauty is shaped towards the physical kind and not the internal kind due to all the hype about celebs and whatnot, but I'm glad you're above that. In the end, those girls who stress about their looks for the entire time typically don't have anything but their looks. This is just in general of course, there are always exceptions.

I really do think that there are people out there who genuinely care about personality above looks. I have a lot of guy friends who tell me that the pretty girls are just there to look at and maybe date, but when it comes to something more serious and longterm or even marriage, someone who is genuine and honest is the way to go.

[heineken.]

Well, guys like girls that are physically appealing. I'd be more troubled if he left me for an uglier girl than a prettier one.. cause then I'd be like.. yo.. your taste sucks.. but you liked me so what does that say about me?? O_O

I like all your qualities. You come off as a real girl who knows what she wants and is very assertive. A lot of guys find that really attractive. My friend got accepted into a really good school, and all the guys were really impressed. It made her more desirable. I think your ex just had insecurity issues with himself and he has to be superior to you in every way. You just need to find someone who doesn't find your ambitious qualities a flaw. Being in a healthy relationship brings the best out of both of you, and encourages you to better yourself as a person~

[koezane]

i read it all...

i think your easiest solution is to get a western boyfriend, they will suit your outgoing confident personality much better...

if you are really keen on getting an asian bf, then you might want to practise a more girly/feminine personality. westerners will think you are feminine enough. asian guys may not be fully comfy.

btw, by girly feminine personality there's no need for you to be ulzzang. you can opt for the quiet beauty type. that will snare a guy's attention faster than ulzzang.

[JennyWa]

*phew finished reading all of that

you have so much going for you; you have confidence and aren't ashamed to show it! Don't ever change who you are based on what other people think. I know this is cheesy, but, be who YOU want to be. If people don't like you, that's just how the world works; you can't please everyone all the time. The people that mind and constantly judge you based on how you look or act shouldn't matter to you. The people who truly care about you will do just the opposite. One day, no matter how long you must wait, you will find your "prince charming" who will love everything about you and you won't need to "hold back" or change anything.

[ice_lemonade]

oh gosh. I never thought that anybody would reply/read.

I actually teared up after reading all these encouraging replies.

Thank you so much, guys. I really needed these encouraging replies cuz I'm having insomnia right now from all the stress and after effects of a heart break. It's really nice to get some pressure off my chest by sharing with people.

@Yukita
yah my confident attitude did put him off. sadly. =( i've been trying hard to not come across as too confident when i was around him.

@I Cook With A Flashlight
first, hilarious name. I totally LOLed, but not as hard as I did after I finished reading ur reply. yes, imagine that..... o_O

@Maharu.
I realized that i really need to stop hanging out with his crowd so much. and thanks. ur reply is very kind. =)

@ brownman90561495
lol the medals are still being made... and yes everybody gets a medal and i don't sound sour, i AM feeling the sourness lol.

@MELOVESYOU
you are very lucky that you are in a diversed crowd. It's really great! I used to be from quite a diversed crowd, until i went to university and met my boyfriend, since then i started hanging with his crowd more (cuz it's easier for him... sigh).

@whenaicu
here's ur medal! =D and im glad someone thinks like me too. i was getting a bit lonely thinking that im the only person with those kind of thoughts. =|

@Xian
i don't go to SFU lol. i know SFU has a lot of Fobs though. I know a few. They're not that bad really... i think. =S

@starrie
sigh... my mom's been telling me that my (ex) bf is shallow. if only i listened haha.

@heineken
i agree. guys do like girls who are physically appealing. i like to look pretty too, prob just like all those girls out there. i just dont think it's ALL about looking good. and thanks!

@koezane
funny you suggested that. I used to date all caucasians, until i realized that those guys only cared about sex, and they didnt know how to be in a relationship. But then again, i was in highschool... im pretty sure they've matured since then. I don't have racial preference when it comes to dating. My (ex) bf was actually my first asian boyfriend experience... It left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm hoping that I'm not going to give up persueing love because of a few bad examples. =)

@JennyWa
what you said is really true! I've always been a people pleaser cuz i want to make friends, but i realized i cant please everybody.

[brownman90561495]

oh gosh. I never thought that anybody would reply/read.

I actually teared up after reading all these encouraging replies.

Thank you so much, guys. I really needed these encouraging replies cuz I'm having insomnia right now from all the stress and after effects of a heart break. It's really nice to get some pressure off my chest by sharing with people.

you are welcome and i can really say you have read every single reply we all made

you'll know what to do in no time

[retro!blue]

Finished reading. You kinda took the thoughts from my mind, therefore I don't have that much to add. I just hope you realize that there is nothing wrong with you.. you sound like a great girl but it seems you're hanging with the wrong crowd. I hope one day you truly find the right guy that respects and accepts you for who you are, the way you are and loves it regardless of whether you are "ulzzang"*cough*fake*cough* or not. Just be yourself and never change yourself for anyone else. Keep your chin up and stay confident and true to yourself! I wish you the best of luck.

[Naycom]

For me Ulzzangs are nice to watch, but that’s it. For me it's all fake, I mean I don’t even want to think about how it is when I wake up in the morning with a ulzzang and she doesn't have any make up or stuff. omg.

No but serious. From your post you sound like a beautiful person from inside and outside. Even like a perfect GF. When he really leaves you because he wants a Ulzzang then he doesn't deserve you. Keep it in mind: He. dont. deserve. you.

And when some "friends" or people really tell you on facebook or somewhere else that you are not pretty then screw them. I mean what the hell, how old are they? 10?

I wish you all the best, I hope he didn’t broke your heart to much. It will be all better in the future, trust me.

[LoLLyphee]

i read the whole thing, believe me =D

I cant really tell what to do. I know i'm not that pretty, I don't have nice figure as well, but when guys do tell me to be like how they wanted me to be, well sorry, I can't. I have a life.
But in your case, you have pretty face, nice figures & are friendly, there's a lot of chance that guys might like you =D

you shouldn't feel bad about what you are now & I don't think there's something that you should change in yourself when you're already comfortable with how you are now.

My dad told me, if a guy likes a girl only because she's pretty then he's stupid. Because they don't know how to love.
my dad is so cheesy

oh & more over,sometimes pretty girls are just nice to watch & see, nothing more. Beside that, real guys look into girl's inner beauty. haha
my brother told me this

[judii]

I read all of it yay for me!
haha I like how you talk like that.
I personally find it really annoying when ppl like that (here, I think its called teenyboppers - tb or typical asian - ta) do all these random cute/ sexy things just to try to be popular or get guys and flirt, etc.
Everyone should be able to be comfortable in their own skin and there are probly heaps of guys out there who are different I'm in high school and all the guys around me that I've seen or talk to like ppl like you or they go for the different ppl. haha they dont actually like the shy ones xD

[ilovethatpanda]

gah, this was long, but i read it all (:

first of all, your ex sounds like a total !@#$%^&* for leaving you just because you weren't uljjang material. so anyways, good thing you guys are done and over with because you deserve someone so much better than him. honestly, i don't know what else to say because everyone else said them all. there are better guys in this world who like girls not only for their looks, but their personality and everything else. those guys are the guys that you want to be with, not the guys who leave kind girls to go with girls with eyeliner glued onto their faces.

[Daylightful]

Psh pawsh apple sauce! You don't need a guy like him.
First I have to say is, THANK YOU for thinking that way! Honestly, I'm so HAPPY that you have confidence in yourself, and that you don't fake or anything! You seem like a kind person! If he wants a girl who pretends to be cute, and don't care for him directly then let him be! You will find guys who would LOVE a person like you! I totally think it's good you two aren't together.. And as for boys preferring ulzzangs, not ALL boys do that! I don't even see what a guy would want to be with a fake girl. But.. if they are into big eyed and photoshopped stuff then let them be. Just stay the way you are! You have a great personality it seems, and there will be someone who would honestly love you dearly for that! If he truly loved you he would have fallen for the inside you instead of the outside.. I'm sorry about your ex, though. I hope things can work out in the end with you!!