[MissLadyBunny]

Lately I've been feeling super blue and really reflecting on choices I made back in the past.Everything from my educational choices,financial,and for some reason spiritual.
The educational reason because I'm having difficulty finding financial aid for college.I cry crazy over that because recently I lost my job and my car.I feel like so many limits are place against me. On top of that the first college that I attend (3 years back) has place a lean against me getting financial aid of some $4,000 worth.I had to drop out (first college) because I could NOT get financial aid. The only way I can make peace with that is by paying it off. That only helps if I can find a damn job. I live in Florida were the unemployment rate is at 13% now.If i can't pay my lean then I can't go to college to find a better career.If I don't go college I can not get a job cause i lack experience. The only job experience I have in is in retail. I HATE RETAIL. My goal is while attending college for Criminal Justice get a job working in INS (immigration) in my towns sheriff department.This way I can pay off my lean and still get my education.By being in the sheriff department I can earn a scholarship also.See I plan all this out perfectly but its a matter of persuading the collection agency that has a lean against my federal loan.

For some reason I feel urging need to focus on my spiritual wellness. My family is old school Catholic and I'm not baptized. I'm child born out of wedlock.I wanna go to church and find guidance I don't know why.I've been through worse growing up in my house hold but I feel a need to have religion in my life. WTF is wrong with me..becoming a basket case from all the stress I'm feeling.

[Pogichinoy]

Nothing is wrong with you. You are simply looking for comfort, guidance, understanding, and clarity in life, especially when times are tough. Do what you need to too. You will find a way.

[derrek]

I don't think there's anything wrong with how you're feeling! Your body and your mind tell you what they need. When you're feeling negative effects, its something that needs to be addressed.

I believe your spirituality / religion is much like your physicality. When you maintain it well, you feel great, but if you begin to neglect it you will decline. I used to be very spiritual, then not have time and realize how much it effected me. Now I make a conscious effort to always keep in mind my spirituality, and it makes a major difference. It keeps me grounded, and to me it's more important than any money, job, or other stressful thing because it can truly make you happy and at peace with yourself.

I believe you should pursue your spirituality / religion at a level and pace that benefits you. You say that you feel that lack, I encourage you to try a little harder with it and I'm quite sure you'll see a positive result.

Also remember, the purpose and goal in life is to be happy. Don't bury it too far down your list of chores!

*Edit: Also, thinking about what you've lost doesn't help! Think about where you are, and how you can improve from there!

[Bamidele]

Hearing your story reminds me of my older sister who is also in Florida trying to put her life together after the choices she made. She went through a lot of struggles and although the clouds haven't completely disappeared but she is getting towards better days and so will you.

I just wanted to say don't fight it, that feeling/need for more spirituality in your life. Take it all in at your on pace in your own time. You don't always have to be strong, just remember that even though it feels like your world is crumbling down, it is but a moment in your life.

Don't give up and yourself or your dreams for your future. My motto is one day at a time, one step at a time. Start off small and see where it leads you.

[terrorist]

i'm going through the same exact thing this moment buddy...

i'm dropping out of college to get paid minimum wage to help my mom financially.

everything in my life feels like a failure. yet at the same time i know it's just a process i'm going through.

i'm also looking for spiritual guidance. i realize spirituality is THE best base/fundamental part of life you should have.
everything else comes to you when you put God first. Wake up with a prayer..praise the lord. make sure to be thankful. confess your sins. and ask for supplication

it's a very rough road. that's why when you look at businessmen they are unhappy because they are blinded by money and disappointment. don't lead that life.
just be content with what you have now.. and things will eventually pay off slowly. just be patient.

[Nightmare]

I'm experiencing somewhat of a similar situation, too.

Keep all your options open and keep moving towards you're goals. Be positive.

[MissLadyBunny]

I spent most of my days reviewing my emotions. I have these moments were I just cry for no reason. As a child I was never really taught on how to deal with my own emotions. If i cried I was look down upon as being weak. I'm at that point were I'm old enough to make my own choices but at the same time I'm afraid of the world. I don't hang out with friends anymore or go outside.I'm trying my hardest to disconnect but I know it's screwing me up.

I'm happy to see that other people are going through the same thing.I'm not the only one that has those type of fears. I try talking to my mom about stuff like this I feel like I'm failing. Its hard to talk to my mom because she struggles so much with her own stuff.I feel like my problems can't really compare to hers. I keep to myself and that's when I start to just destroy myself.I gotta be brave this year I really gotta change and open my eyes more. Thanks for the advice. I take everyone words to heart.