[bunnykisses]

well, its not my problem it is my friend's and i really want to help them. pls give ur advice.... they have a great relationship but it is fading away slowly..
the guy and the girl has been together for over a year now, they recently had their 1 year anniversary this month...
earlier in the relationship they were a very happy couple and everything was fine.

but recently towards their 1 year anniversary,
they've been having problems...
the girl is very insecure, due to personal reasons... she tends to think negatively about their relationship...
once the guy told her, "maybe we are not suitable, thats why we always have problems"
that was long ago, and she's still thinking about it...
i understand how it is though, i dont blame her... if my bf were to say like that i would not stop thinking bout it either...
and because she is always thinking negatively bout their relationship, and thinking she's a big burden to him, she has been very depressed and moody...

and the guy can't seemed to handle that and is always very stressed because of her...
these days, he is thinking of ending their relationship.
but she is not willing to let go... they both still love each other, i know that for sure.
how can i help them?
i've been giving advice and asking them to stay strong, but it is not working...
pls help me...

they are both my friends and i would not want to see both of them unhappy because of this.

i would like to her ur point of view on this problem and advice(:
pls and TQ(:

[judii]

If you plan to interfere in the relationship then I suggest you just let things be and let them sort it out for themselves...

But if its not that way and you just want to give advice because they BOTH want to stay in the relationship...i guess you could ask her to talk it out with her bf and tell her to ask him about that comment and what he meant by it, etc.
If they can't talk it out and just end up arguing then maybe its just best to let them be and that they really aren't suited for each other even though they still love each other.

However, I also think you should encourage her to be more confident in herself and boost her self-esteem and happiness by making her challenge herself - try something together that you guys have never done before, compliment her, etc.

hope this helps and everything goes well~!

[bunnykisses]

If you plan to interfere in the relationship then I suggest you just let things be and let them sort it out for themselves...

But if its not that way and you just want to give advice because they BOTH want to stay in the relationship...i guess you could ask her to talk it out with her bf and tell her to ask him about that comment and what he meant by it, etc.
If they can't talk it out and just end up arguing then maybe its just best to let them be and that they really aren't suited for each other even though they still love each other.

However, I also think you should encourage her to be more confident in herself and boost her self-esteem and happiness by making her challenge herself - try something together that you guys have never done before, compliment her, etc.

hope this helps and everything goes well~!

Thanks(: i know i should not interfere but, they do want my help... they do want to solve this but nothing is working... i myself do not know what to do for them its so sad to see love being thrown away. . .

you can tell the boy if you are the girl ,you also feel bad when you heard these words.
and then you can courage the boy if he still love the girl .
He should convey his love by words and action to let his girl feel better .
wish the girl can talk out her feeling to the boy ,wish they love each otner and never give up
my web

thanks

[C4Y [[Crazy 4 YeongSaeng]]]

take a 2 week break.
once when my ex and i had problems we had a 2 week break.
during that time, we lived practically as singles. except he didnt see other girls and i didnt see other guys.
but i hung out with my friends, and lived my life.
i didn't call, text, or contact him at all. it was a great time to really think about the relationship, my own thoughts, and really evaluate on my own.

after 2 weeks we sat down and talked about our relationship and what we wanted.
in the end, we decided to end it, because we were both happier that way.
during the 2 weeks we were on break, i was happier, like a burden had been lifted off me.

so i think, they should take a break.
they might find that they're happier apart. or they might find that they miss each other way too much and want each other's company.
it's a good "test" in a way.

anyway, i don't think you should personally interfere. just suggest ideas.
if you interfere to much, you might become the reason to blame for whatever outcome.
good luck to you and the couple :]

[ShadowMax76]

x_X' it's hard to help from the outside of a relationship.
first things first. does each person want to keep the relationship? if not, why? what would you change? how can this be achieved? can this be done with help of the other person?

etc. rofl. i'm starting to remember that cheesy line from The Simpsons when Marge got Homer to go couple therapy by a fishing spot, "now look into each others' eyes" followed by a miraculous cure to a strangers' relationship.

[ra123]

Relationships MUST go through arguments. How can you wholeheartedly trust somebody that you haven't argued with?

its normal for couples to go through stages that involve arguing. I'm not a relationship expert but its safe to say that I think at some point couples will come across a stage where they expose their insecurities and learn that their s/o isn't perfect. Its when your initial attraction towards your partner starts to fade away and at some point can become a disappointment. All that can be turned around however, only when both partners are willing to make a commitment and accept each others differences.

I believe your friend is in fear of intimacy, thinking that if she gets too close she might reveal the negative aspects of herself that may ultimately turn the boyfriend away from her. Paradoxically its usually the fear and behavior that are resulted from a person's insecurity that may make the partner leave.

Communication is an issue for both your friend and her boyfriend. She needs to express herself emotionally and get closer to her boyfriend and have more trust in him. If the boyfriend really does love her then he needs to reassure her that he cares for her feelings and that he's willing to accept her for who she is. If both cannot do that and feel that they are not ready to commit then the relationship is not meant to be.

[bunnykisses]

take a 2 week break.
once when my ex and i had problems we had a 2 week break.
during that time, we lived practically as singles. except he didnt see other girls and i didnt see other guys.
but i hung out with my friends, and lived my life.
i didn't call, text, or contact him at all. it was a great time to really think about the relationship, my own thoughts, and really evaluate on my own.

after 2 weeks we sat down and talked about our relationship and what we wanted.
in the end, we decided to end it, because we were both happier that way.
during the 2 weeks we were on break, i was happier, like a burden had been lifted off me.

so i think, they should take a break.
they might find that they're happier apart. or they might find that they miss each other way too much and want each other's company.
it's a good "test" in a way.

anyway, i don't think you should personally interfere. just suggest ideas.
if you interfere to much, you might become the reason to blame for whatever outcome.
good luck to you and the couple :]

thank you, i shall talk to them about it (:

x_X' it's hard to help from the outside of a relationship.
first things first. does each person want to keep the relationship? if not, why? what would you change? how can this be achieved? can this be done with help of the other person?

etc. rofl. i'm starting to remember that cheesy line from The Simpsons when Marge got Homer to go couple therapy by a fishing spot, "now look into each others' eyes" followed by a miraculous cure to a strangers' relationship.

yeah, i agree it is hard. tq(: lol simpsons! i didn't watch that episode though...

Relationships MUST go through arguments. How can you wholeheartedly trust somebody that you haven't argued with?

its normal for couples to go through stages that involve arguing. I'm not a relationship expert but its safe to say that I think at some point couples will come across a stage where they expose their insecurities and learn that their s/o isn't perfect. Its when your initial attraction towards your partner starts to fade away and at some point can become a disappointment. All that can be turned around however, only when both partners are willing to make a commitment and accept each others differences.

I believe your friend is in fear of intimacy, thinking that if she gets too close she might reveal the negative aspects of herself that may ultimately turn the boyfriend away from her. Paradoxically its usually the fear and behavior that are resulted from a person's insecurity that may make the partner leave.

Communication is an issue for both your friend and her boyfriend. She needs to express herself emotionally and get closer to her boyfriend and have more trust in him. If the boyfriend really does love her then he needs to reassure her that he cares for her feelings and that he's willing to accept her for who she is. If both cannot do that and feel that they are not ready to commit then the relationship is not meant to be.

tq, i did not know about the intimacy problem, i'll have to talk to her about it... (:

[ShadowMax76]

yeah, i agree it is hard. tq(: lol simpsons! i didn't watch that episode though...

http://www.wtso.net/movie/234-The%20Simpso...20Simpsons.html
:]

[bunnykisses]

http://www.wtso.net/movie/234-The%20Simpso...20Simpsons.html
:]

thanks, i'll watch it when i'm free

[Mannosuke]

You see if the girl thought a bit more positively, that would reduce the stress on the guy and they'd probably be able to talk something out.

But if he thought there were problems a *long* time ago, have they ever been resolved?

[iCupcake]

Wow... this is weird for me because this was the SAME way with me and my boyfriend a little while ago. For me, he even went a little further and said that he knows that he's not the perfect guy for me and that I should be with a guy who would treat me better. I was so hurt when he said that... and he said similar words more than once too. It got to a point where I got so tired of him saying those things that I just yelled at him one day and just confronted him about it. After a whole day of talking (yelling and crying too on my part..) he realized he needed to be stronger and more confident in our relationship, so he changed for me. =] So I definitely recommend talking it out and getting everything out there so both parties know how the other person is feeling. I hope everything works out for them!

[kg123]

just let them be...from what you said it seems that the girl is the one making the drama, if she cant overcome her negativeness then I guess this is it.

[bunnykisses]

thanks everyone,
all your advice are great(:

but it was too late to help them,
they broke up.