[crystal.star]

My bf left to work in CA 8 days ago & I swear...this past 8 days hasn't been
easy for me. He's staying there for work, I don't mind the fact that he's there for
work but I do mind the fact that he's staying at a girl's house, bc he doesn't know anyone
over there and he's going to be there for 3 months. I told him that he shouldn't go, but it was
too late bc he already booked his ticket since he got the job & everything he told me not to worry
bc they're just "friends", but honestly...even a 5 yrs old can look at them & be able to tell that they had/have
something more than just "friends". She was the one who hooked him up w/ the job, offered him a place
to stay and even offered to let him borrowed her car. I know I shouldn't base on just "Myspace/Facebook"
pics and comments, but still...it bothers me. She comment him all these stuff like, "Babe/Hun, I miss you.."
and what's funny is that she STILL call him that until today, knowing that he's dating me. Weird, isn't it?
She called him at 5 in the morning, knowing that he's with me...yet she still called..yeah I try to be positive
and try not to think of anything bad about my bf...but it's hard. He told me so many times that "Oh, we're
just friends, blah blah blah" & how he'll never go for her because she's not very good looking...but idk, things
seems complicated...so a night before he left, I broke up w/ him bc I told him I can't take it anymore, I think
it's better off if we're just friends bc if anything happen, I won't be as hurt or as pressured. I told him that
in this 3 months, I want to see his "dedications" & what he can do to show me that he's not like what I think
he is but in return...he told me that he don't think that will work out because once we're not together anymore,
things won't be the same...and he'll only see me as a "friend" only & acted super heartless toward me. Yeah, he
might not like her now...but damn, 3 months? Things happen, people change and feelings will grow...ya know?
I just want to protect myself in this relationship, I don't want to get hurt in the end..that's all, but then on the
other hand, I feel so selfish doing this to him...

But, a few hours later, I asked for him back because I felt so bad..and I guess I missed him too much?
So we got back together, I want to be able to trust him...but I'm so frustrated...and ever since he been
there, he still call me at night time to talk but our conversations just seems "awkward" now, it's not as
fun as before...I asked him if he feel awkward talking to me now and he said no, but he did told me that
his feelings towards me is a bit different... I want to give him trust and I guess this is the perfect time
for me to challenge myself, but yet...I feel uneasy. *sigh*

Any advices on what I should do? And do you guys think him and her are as "simple"
as he told me?

[ShadowMax76]

x_X' what's his past relationship history + your past relationship history ?

i personally think that it wouldn't be that hard to convince your partner there's nothing to be worried about.
that is, of course, if the issue was made clearly a problem. rather than under the rug, or raised as a small question.

[crystal.star]

x_X' what's his past relationship history + your past relationship history ?

i personally think that it wouldn't be that hard to convince your partner there's nothing to be worried about.
that is, of course, if the issue was made clearly a problem. rather than under the rug, or raised as a small question.

Well he had about 4 ex's (from what he told me) and 3 of them was long
distance...the longest one lasted 11 months. As of myself, I had 2 ex's and
my longest relationship was 1 yr and 2 months. People told me that the girl
he's staying with was never his ex.

[ShadowMax76]

ugh... >_>' saw a couple read this. now they left w/o an answer.

_ i dunno if it's just how you told the story, but i sensed he may be playing you. that thought came from his lack of a reaction when you expressed your worries + will to leave the relationship.

as i said. it's probably just how you told the story..

in the end.. i guess it's only a matter of confrontation. don't hold back. + good luck.

[have_faith]

emm i understand how you feel. i, myself have been having the same problem with trust kinda.

i agree with ShadowMax76. it shouldn't be that hard for him to convince you that there is nothing to worry about. especially if you confronted him openly about how you feel. i think what you did wasn't selfish at all, you were only trying to protect yourself. maybe when u did break it off u should have told him more on why you felt you had to do that. not sure if u did or not. he seemed honest, cause he was frank about how things might not work out because being just friends would change things, he no longer is committed to you. then again, why didn't he seem so worried that he was going to lose you. i think he should have showed more care on his part. during your whole relationship with him, have you ever felt like u couldn't trust him? and u didn't mention any history of him cheating. maybe it's just us girls being a little too paranoid, but hey, who wouldn't if their s/o was gonna do what he's doing. now that the phone calls seems awkward and stuff, i think you should talk to him about the situation and have some type of closure. try compromising. who says he has to live there the whole three months. can't he at some point or another try to get an apartment or something? there has to be trust for a relationship to work out, if he's worth it, you should fight for your relationship.

how long have you guys been together?

[Mannosuke]

I told him that in this 3 months, I want to see his "dedications" & what he can do to show me that he's not like what I think he is but in return.

This isn't much of a challenge if you initially thought breaking up would be a good test. That's like dropping out a course and still doing the assignments: you don't really have anything to lose and won't put all your effort into getting the best of yourself.

If you really want to trust him, well, that's kind of hard, cause usually if you want to put faith in someone or something you need to have some reassurance that the person won't just ditch you for someone else.

And do you have any reassurance to support you? Has he ever broken a promise or gone behind your back and compromised your trust?

[crystal.star]

emm i understand how you feel. i, myself have been having the same problem with trust kinda.

i agree with ShadowMax76. it shouldn't be that hard for him to convince you that there is nothing to worry about. especially if you confronted him openly about how you feel. i think what you did wasn't selfish at all, you were only trying to protect yourself. maybe when u did break it off u should have told him more on why you felt you had to do that. not sure if u did or not. he seemed honest, cause he was frank about how things might not work out because being just friends would change things, he no longer is committed to you. then again, why didn't he seem so worried that he was going to lose you. i think he should have showed more care on his part. during your whole relationship with him, have you ever felt like u couldn't trust him? and u didn't mention any history of him cheating. maybe it's just us girls being a little too paranoid, but hey, who wouldn't if their s/o was gonna do what he's doing. now that the phone calls seems awkward and stuff, i think you should talk to him about the situation and have some type of closure. try compromising. who says he has to live there the whole three months. can't he at some point or another try to get an apartment or something? there has to be trust for a relationship to work out, if he's worth it, you should fight for your relationship.

how long have you guys been together?

I did told him the reasons when we broke up, I told him that I felt like it was better off being friends
and I'd feel less pressured. I also told him that I'm tired of arguing everyday because of my "insecurities"
feelings. The first few times when we argued, he tried really hard to persuade me, telling me that they're
just friends, he got my trust back...but after awhile, the insecurity feeling kept on coming back to haunt me. =/
To be honest w/ u, there's times when I felt like I can't trust my bf..he's a ladies man, a lot of girls like him but
he's a very picky person, BUT my friend also told me that he's not (as in he would go for any girls)...but with his
full-of-pride self and how he always critize girls looks, I don't think he would..lol. He told me he never cheated on any
of his ex, matter of fact...they're the ones who always break up w/ him (he didn't specifically tell me the reasons
why they did tho), but a few of his friends told me that I can trust him bc he's a good bf overall and he's loyal
once he's ur bf...but in situations like this, I don't know if I should even listen to other ppl anymore. =/

This isn't much of a challenge if you initially thought breaking up would be a good test. That's like dropping out a course and still doing the assignments: you don't really have anything to lose and won't put all your effort into getting the best of yourself.

If you really want to trust him, well, that's kind of hard, cause usually if you want to put faith in someone or something you need to have some reassurance that the person won't just ditch you for someone else.

And do you have any reassurance to support you? Has he ever broken a promise or gone behind your back and compromised your trust?

No he hasn't so far.

[Mannosuke]

but in situations like this, I don't know if I should even listen to other ppl anymore. =/

...

No he hasn't so far.

Now comes the real personal question: have there been experiences in your past that led to your insecurities?
My PM box is open.

[MNLV27]

Why let your insecurities get in the way? Live life to the fullest, every time you back out because of your insecurities, does that make you feel good? Are you happy in the end? Honestly, it seems like he wouldn't cheat on you, in the end you have to trust him, if you can't even trust him then there's really no point being in the relationship.

[I_Love_Rice]

It's not you, nor is it your bf, it's that girl. That girl is fishy. VERY fishy. No trust, no love... It's hard, I'm in a LDR, it's hard, but you get use to it. Trust and communication is the most important. Talk everything out. Is he coming back? Or staying there for sure?

[xx_melody]

That really sucks. To me it sounds like your bf really doesn't like the girl..plus if he's not physically attracted to her I think you'll be okay. I think you should just watch out for that girl cuz she sounds like she's interested in your bf...which sucks. You just have to trust him and hope everything works out in the end. Hang in there! If he's not worth it, let him go.

[lintintin]

I feel as though your insecurities might cause you guys to break up and not the possibilities of something happening between him and what's her face. Don't try to trust him, don't even work on it. Just do it. You're in a relationship with him right now so just go with the flow. So he'll be there for 3 months, find something interesting to occupy your time for the time being so that when you talk to him, you'll have something interesting to tell him. Ask about his day, where he's been, people he's met, and things he's seen. Try to be positive; it'll pay off in the end. It'll even make him miss seeing/being with you more because he enjoys talking to you on the phone. If you're so insecure and lacking trust, it'll show in your conversations (because you're too busy thinking about whether that girl made a move on your man or not). It'll make him tired of having to deal with your insecurities when he's got so much going on for him over there already (with work and everything).

If something does happen between them; then you know you need to find yourself a better man. In a way, this long distance is to help test you guys out and see whether you could actually stay together in the long run because you know what? When you're older, things like this happens all the time; how will you deal with it every time, right?

Have trust. Enjoy your relationship for what's its been. If it ends, then you've had a decent run.

Don't think too much.

[Decus]

I think you should trust yourself. Don't tell your boyfriend any negative things you think about her, because he might end up telling her. Becareful !

[have_faith]

emm i see. well from ur reply, it seems he's trustworthy. and i think deep down, its not him tat u dont trust. its the situation. cause i'd feel the same way, but eventually i would just say "i like/love him. and im gonna take a leap of faith and just trust him." and see wat happens. but if ur feeling that insecure and its bothering too much, then the relationship is not gonna work out. especially if he starts to feel that he doesn't wanna have to explain or prove himself alll the time. its all gonna get tiring for both you and him. so i think it comes down to, are u willing to just take tat leap of faith. or do u wanna truly end it. in the end, do watever u wont regret.

[uhohhitzkc]

he should never have accepted the offer if he respected you. he wouldn't like it if you went to cali for 3 months and stayed with a guy that messages you BABY you're hot CUTIE i miss you on fb or ms. so why should you have to go out of your way to allow it? at night tell him that you feel uncomfortable because of the comments, and the amount of time. that you're scared feelings change

but personally, if he was willing to allow the breakup, the day before and still go. its wrong.

[jasy.A]

i understand your feeling .
my situation is the same to you ,i decide to break up our relationship ,but i cant do it cause i love him much .
so ask yourself if you love him very much ,if is ,you never give up.just pay more your attention on yourself ,fullfill your life ,make more friend ,improve yourself .that s ok .when you do these ,you can say to your self :love is your motivation .so you can try your best.
dont pay your all attention to a man .
http //www anyspacecanbebeautiful.ca/?spaceID=932