[espinoza]

Here is my situation in a nutshell: I'm a 31 yr old male and she's 21.. yeah, big age difference, I know! We met on a work related situation, and have continued to work for the last year now. When we first met, she asked what ethnicity I was, and I said Korean.. and she was like "oh my boyfriend is half Korean" (she's Latina). Anyway, her age and the fact that she had a boyfriend was enough for me to consider our relationship nothing past business. Fast forward to the last several months, our relationship has grown to more personal than business.. going out to dinners, movies, going to the gym together, and just hanging out in general, with HER doing most of the initiating than me. She also ended up breaking up with her BF of 4 years, due to the long distance stress. Keep in mind though, nothing "physical" has happened between us so far.

I've spent a lot of time with this one person over the last year +, and finding it's hard not to feel something more than just a "buddy" and, now I'm at a point where I would like to be more than friends. Of course the age difference is an issue, and it makes me feel weird in some way to even consider it. And the business relation that we have is something I don't want to mess up either, and I'm sure we both feel the same way about that. The difficult thing is I'm not really able to read how she feels about me. I mean, we're obviously really comfortable as friends, but I don't know if she sees anything past that. I feel like the only way to find out is to directly ask or confess my feelings.

What do you guys think... should I confess and risk our friendship, or keep quiet and maintain what we have now?

[Daylightful]

Well, as long as she's older than 18 then it's not illegal. I don't think the age thing is much of an issue.. Although, it is up to you. Is she showing any signs that she likes you? Why not try and hint it a bit and see her reaction? You could also just confess or even ask her if she has any feelings for you? You've guys been on a lot of dates so there must be a connection of some sort!! Only you know how she may feel or not. If you feel like it will hurt your business then don't do it, but if you feel like you guys can really start something then go for it! It's up to you, but I wish you the best of luck to you! You could always start off really slow when it comes to confessing to. Why not ask her out on more dates? Or I should say more romantic dates? Buy her a little gift-- little things like that. But good luck again!

[jεη]

My sister dated a 30 year old when she was 20. I also considered dating someone 8 years older than me. As long as she is mature enough and you don't look like her father when you hang out, I don't see age as much of an issue.

It seems like you two have a great relationship as it is, and I can see how it is important for you not to disturb it in a detrimental way. I would think that the safest way to find out how she feels without hurting your relationship would be to ask her how she felt if you two were more than just friends. Just ask casually and not as if you spent the whole night thinking about it. If you suddenly make romantic gestures and she actually does not see you as anything more than a friend, things may get awkward. On the flip side, if she does see you as a potential lover, then making your move would be the best thing to do.

Hope this helps, best of luck.

[caramelon]

i am the "girl" counterpart in a situation similar to yours, and i'm starting to get those sorts of "vibes" from him. to tell you the truth it makes me a bit uncomfortable. but i can't say anything about your specific situation, it may be different! just my 2 cents. (:

[hobobear]

confessing doesnt mean it has to ruin your friendship. i confessed to my friend and he's still best friends with me. but.. nothing has happened though *disappointed*

i say you should tell her how you feel. youre a grown man and shes a grown woman. the age difference isn't an issue if she doesnt think its an issue.

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

i am in almost the same exact situation as you are, only we met in college. we ended up being in the same group. and so far we've known each other for two years but there were months of gaps where we didnt contact each other, (he does most of the initiative contacts). we hung out once like a year ago. and i swear it felt more like a date than hangout even though we didnt hold hands or kiss or anything. but i could feel something and i was confused. we flirted a bit......and a year later today......we're hooked up.....so yea.

[eyeluvyew<3]

hey, life's short ... and sweet : )

Confess! If you're not sure of yourself, than confess in small ways.
Buy her something meaning more than the present itself(?)...

Like, get something that has a meaning, let's say you guys had a LOL moment with a duck.. you can buy a rubber ducky or a something reminding of it, to remember and it has a meaning you and her has.


GOOD LUCK!

age shouldn't be a barrier~

[bittersweet ♥]

As long as the business relationship isn't boss and worker, I think it should be fine. Age is only a number these days. If you feel bad about the age, just remember the age difference between demi moore and ashton kutcher. They made it work, so you can too! Good luck!

[jadeooo]

I know a 39 year old that looks 21!!!!! As long as you don't look like her dad.
I dont know if you should confess but I don't think the age difference should be an important factor in your decision making process, unless you want kids NOW (cause I don't think shes wants kids at her age.)

Since shes close with you, has she told you she liked anyone? How long has it been since her break up? (asking cause maybe she wants a break from relationships?)
If you have strong feelings & see a future with her, you might regret it later if you dont confess.

[Jentage]

You should just let her know how you feel. Honesty is the best policy. Otherwise, telling her too late might be not so good afterall. When opportunity knocks, take it. Otherwise, you may regret. The outcome of this doesn't seem negative at all. If you confess your feelings to her and she likes u the same way u seem to like her, then thats good. but i don't think confessing would ruin your business relationship. both of you can still be good friends and leave this confession in the past lol.

[InvestigatorCHER]

i dont think age is important. EVEN MY PARENTS ARE TEN YEARS APART! ;O

i think you should defiantly just tell her how u feel.

[shim shim hae]

age is not a big deal once you're 20++

give her some time to cool down after her 4 year relationship.
you don't wanna end up as a rebound or completely ruin your chances with her by going in for the kill too early.

[bemap]

Does any of your co-workers notice anything or ever tease you guys? You know, I think you guys need to settle your feelings out... because if this drags on, it could be detrimental to your career (assuming that you're at a higher position than her). Sooner or later, people will notice it and it could cause a problem for you guys. I think you should express your feelings to her and re-evaluate where you guys are at? I mean, do you guys see each other everyday? If so, there could be a great chance that she's interested in you; nobody wants to spend that much time with one person if they didn't have any interest in that one person. Also, do you guys go out one on one only, or are there other co-workers as well? When you guys make plans, does she invite anyone else from work? If she does, then she might not be interested in you and only wants to be friends, but if she doesn't, there's a great chance that she likes you. Maybe it'll be weird after you express your feelings, but it beats you liking her and keep on wondering what she is thinking and feeling. It might not even be that bad either! Good luck!

[brownman90561495]

i am a guy who believes that the most regrets that we have come from the things we did not manage to do for whatever reason, so more likely, if i were in your shoes, i'd confess my feelings to the girl, even more that she's just physically around and reachable.

but you know, that's just me. you are the only one who can gauge if you should confess to her - the timing, the effect in business, personal level effects, etc. don't worry about the age gap, i think she seems to be mature enough to handle everything with ease.

whatever the outcome would be, i wish you both happiness.

[espinoza]

Since shes close with you, has she told you she liked anyone? How long has it been since her break up? (asking cause maybe she wants a break from relationships?)
If you have strong feelings & see a future with her, you might regret it later if you dont confess.

no she hasn't said she liked anyone else, but she hasn't really shown any strong signs of interest in me either.. maybe some light flirting. I wonder if a girl of that age is more likely to do flirtatious acts without much meaning behind it. It's been only a few months since her breakup, so maybe it's too early to say.. but I haven't felt this way about a girl in a looong time, and I've been on several dates. Maybe that's why I'm that much more cautious about making any big move.....

[<3StrawberryPocky<3]

AWWWW! My parents are eight years apart, and their relationship is great!! Age doesn't really affect a relationship as long as she's not a teenager...you know...... Lol. Since it's only been a few months since her break up, give her time to adjust!! A four year relationship is something that can't easily be forgotten. Try to get closer to her and show signs of interest like....flirting....or hugging.....or holding hands....or something.....that will suggest your feelings for her. If you get positive feed back then totally go for it!! She sounds like an awesome person, so I'm sure she won't let it get between your friendship ONLY IF she can't return mutual feelings. My sister broke up with her boyfriend of three years about half a year ago!! She met someone with a lot in common with her during the break up, so they went out a lot and spent time together. Now, they're in a strong boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and he's younger than her!! Good luck!

[Privodevat]

DO NOT CONFESS TO HER

Since she initiates everything, if there are feelings there she probably would have told you by now.

Business before pleasure.