[FraZZLE]

Now before you all bash me, hear me out. It is my belief that humans are inherently selfish and love is no exception. When you love somebody, you see certrain traits and characteristics in them that you find attractive. The reason you're in love with them is that you want to fulfill a need that you have. Therefore, you do everything you can to get the object of your affection to return your love. That way, you can gain happiness. When it's a mutual thing, love benefits both parties who are only out for themselves. It's like a buyer - seller relationship, both parties need each other because they want something from each other. When you are no longer in love with that person for whatever reason (interest gone, their qualities don't attract you anymore, they turned out not to be the person who attracted you in the first place, etc.), you end the relationship and move on, with little disregard for the other person's feelings. It's like when the seller refuses to buy what the seller is selling anymore or vice versa. Then you find a new person to "love" to fulfill that need once again. Therefore, in conclusion, I say love is a selfish phenomenon that reflects mankind's selfishness.

Now, feel free to bash me.

[bidywoo]

you analysis is quite correct

the only thing that is lacking is the matter of "faith over time". this just means that the qualities you desire in your partner will not be shown to you unless you show faith in them over time.

[Painterlyy]

I guess your correct.
We are all selfish to a certain extent.
But what about those who just want the person they love to be happy? Even if they're not with them.

[FraZZLE]

you analysis is quite correct

the only thing that is lacking is the matter of "faith over time". this just means that the qualities you desire in your partner will not be shown to you unless you show faith in them over time.

That depends on the person's patience. It's kind of like whether an investor is willing to wait for his investments to bear fruit.

I guess your correct.
We are all selfish to a certain extent.
But what about those who just want the person they love to be happy? Even if they're not with them.

That usually happens when the person has to "save face" because he/she can't hold on to his/her object of affection anyway. If you can't keep a treasured item anymore, you'd normally want to give it give to someone else in good shape (sorry for using "item").

[blueskiezgurl]

I don't believe in this. Love is never selfish, if it is then it is not love at all.

[adiavoy]

Lol.. you forgot about one other type of love, family love... which is not selfish at all.

[brownman90561495]

i agree. that's putting love in a bad perspective, which isn't really bad for humans.

[rawr_sheila]

lust is selfish

there is love in family and friends too. that is not selfish, because you want the best for them.

[Mannosuke]

I don't believe in this. Love is never selfish, if it is then it is not love at all.

The only time you'll ever realize whether it's love or not based on this logic is when you have to make a life-or-death decision: either it's you, or your partner. If you're truly in love, you will sacrifice yourself. Whether that means anything or not, I don't know, but maybe the one that sacrifices themselves are happy?

[soapja]

The only time you'll ever realize whether it's love or not based on this logic is when you have to make a life-or-death decision: either it's you, or your partner. If you're truly in love, you will sacrifice yourself. Whether that means anything or not, I don't know, but maybe the one that sacrifices themselves are happy?

Or maybe they just can't live knowing they chose themselves over the one they're in love with? It could be a guilt / ideology thing

[24Hours]

Your analysis is both correct and incorrect.

Yes, humans are selfish and usually take things for granted.
& the selfishness usually only happens in the beginning of a relationship.

But, as the relationship progresses the selfishness disappears.
& since the feelings towards each other are mutual.
The closer they are, the less they will be in it for themselves,
and the more, they will be in it for the opposite person.

[blueskiezgurl]

The only time you'll ever realize whether it's love or not based on this logic is when you have to make a life-or-death decision: either it's you, or your partner. If you're truly in love, you will sacrifice yourself. Whether that means anything or not, I don't know, but maybe the one that sacrifices themselves are happy?

sure, that will be the first instinct of someone loving selflessly, the other's well-being is so important to him/her that he/she would sacrifice/risk her/his life for the other person...so dying for someone they love wouldn't be a hard decision-if they even think about it, they just do! willingly and lovingly..

Or maybe they just can't live knowing they chose themselves over the one they're in love with? It could be a guilt / ideology thing

although what u said really happens...it is also possible to love someone sincerely with no condition, so its possible that it's not out of guilt too, but the unselfish act of loving someone truly..

[gasoooo]

I can see the key points but i think it boils down to what you believe in. Although I haven't been in church in years I still compare love to the 2nd corinthians definition: "love is patient, love is kind, so on so on..."

if you compare it to that then no, love is not selfish because it should never be self seeking.

I agree with the person who said "lust is selfish". A lot of times i dont equate love as to a full type of feeling. it does involve some sort of feeling yes, but in the end i think most importantly it is the ability to commit to that person no matter what temptations may arise and to find that person you know you can commit to.

[xAzumi]

I agree with your statement! Everyone is selfish in their own way, but some just refuse to accept the truth.
Love is too strong of a word, so I dislike it myself. Love is blind, and love is free. What is love?
Can you ask me? Its only if its meant to be.

[ShadowMax76]

love, for me, is to have someone to be the container of your affections. so, it's not selfish to give give give. to me.

people who want the perfect person...and get frustrated when that fantasy person isn't what they wanted..because they want someone who complements what they want to be, rather than accept them for what they are.. that's selfishness.
people who excuse their selfishness for 'valuing the friendship', when it's just relighting the puppy eyes so they can reap more and more naive niceties.. as long as they give false hope and smile for the puppy-eyes, puppy-eyes will keep giving. that's selfishness.


love is selflessness. benefits/rewards aren't selfish, if you've earned it.

[Daylightful]

I sort of agree.. I mean, as humasn OF COURSE we would want things for ourselves! That's what we do! We can't always give give give, we sometimes need to recieve to. In a relationship, you want to love and to be loved. BUT, that is not always the case. There are even things such as one-sided loves. I personally know a person, who is in love with a girl. He feels like she is everything, and so amazing. But she doesn't have the feelings back for him. Despite that, he does everything for her. Be there for her when she needs it, helps her when she cans, and she really appreciates that and she does things for him as well. But he's not doing that for HIMSELF, he is doing it for her. Sure, maybe you can say, he would be happy if she was happy. But I think the point is is that he loves her for her, and does everything for her. When she had a boyfriend, and it hurt him to death, but he sitll tried to support her with her boyfriend and helped out as much as he could EVEN if it made him cry everything. And unless he liked purposely hurting himself all the time, I don't think he was being selfish at all. So you have to take that into consideration. As for me, the guy I'll be with would be because of him. Forget about physical looks. He could be overweight, green skin, and ten eyes, and I would love him for him. I would hope our love would grow strong each and everyday. I'm sure in many years we'll keep at me, and and this ten-eyed guy. I wouldn't break-up with him and hurt him on purpose over some little things like-- if he grew another eye or something. I would take his feelings into consideration many many times. I've been in love before. And I've bent backwards, sideways, and in circles for this guy. I did a lot of things for him, even things I enjoyed I gave up. As long as he was okay, it was fine with me. And sure, I was sad over missing some of the things I'd normally do, but hey, it happens. So yes, I don't think love is exactly selfish. But in a sense, humans have selfish motives. We strive for things to keep us content. You can't expect us to want to be miserable for the rest of our lives. And even then, it's not a bad thing to be selfish. And not everyone is REALLY selfish. You have degrees of selfishness here. How about two teens, one teen would ask their parents to buy them everything even though their parents struggle with money and never get anything for themselves. Whereas, you have another teen who takes into consideration of her parents, and don't ask for much, and even suggests their parents to buy themselves things once in awhile. I only live with my dad, and we're a poor family. I don't like taking things from him, and he works a lot so I volunteer to clean and cook the majority of the time. I'm taking my father's feelings into considerations. I know another person, who would be the exact opposite. She asks for a new cell phone from her father every week, and a bunch of other mumbo jumbo. So see? Everyone is different, there will be degrees. Even though I don't ask for much, I still want things sometimes, y'know? I want people to listen to me sometimes when I need it, and sometimes I'd like to buy the latest video game, or a new dress once in awhile. It happens.

[Mannosuke]

sure, that will be the first instinct of someone loving selflessly, the other's well-being is so important to him/her that he/she would sacrifice/risk her/his life for the other person...so dying for someone they love wouldn't be a hard decision-if they even think about it, they just do! willingly and lovingly..

How many people here would actually die for their s/o's?
I'm sure most people love their s/o's.

Just cause you love someone doesn't mean you're going to give them everything.
That's why there is compromise.

[touche`]

Love was never selfish and was never to begin with. I do agree that we are selfish and because we are selfish, we use love to get what we want, and it makes love selfish. We distorted love and it is not the same it used to be anymore.

[ParappaRappa]

what you described wasn't love. or at least, i don't believe it is. =P

[` J e s s]

Lol, of course. xD

And I can't believe people would actually die for their s/o's. ._____."

I wouldn't die for my s/o, even if we were married or something. I wouldn't die for my friends. Why? Because you are a sure life. You will definitely live. If you risk your life trying to save someone you "love", there's a very high chance you will die as well. The only time I might actually take that big of a risk would be if it were for my child.