[Sammiie__x]

Hii guyss. I'm Sammiie.

Um, I'm usually a lurker around soompi, but I do sometimes posts at current events, or at random topics... I guess.
And, well, I was thinking if I should post my problem up for a while now... so I had enough courage to come and post it. ^^

It might be long, iuno. So yeah.

So, me and my ex broken up few weeks ago, and I just want an honest opinion if it it was right to break up with him.
This is our story.

So, I met him when I was like... 4? 5? Really young, lol, and I only ever seen him once, and never got in touch with him again, cos of our parents time, always working and ect.

Until earlier this year, around March, my friend got in touch with him, my other friend, aka my ex's best friend was trying to hook him and my friend up, but my friend didn't really want to get with him, and me being a good friend, I tried to get her with him, but she ended up liking another guy and my ex liked me.

So then we started going out a while after that.

In our early stages in our relationship, he introduced me to his friend, let call her L. And my ex T. So, L was a really optimistic girl who's really funny and everything, only that she was very obsessive and annoying. She seems really nice at first but it's like... her true colours come out after? Yeah, some L and T knew each other for like... 3 years and are super duper close.

So one night me and L and T was talking, and L asked me questions like,"Do you really like T? Do you wish to stay with him forever?" ect. And I was like,"Well course I really do like him! And I guess... I could stay with him forever... if we last that long.. lol" and I was in a jokey mood so I asked her,"Do you like him? oi oi", and she said,"Yes". I was really suprised, she said,"Yeah, I still do... for three years actually, and I never got to tell him my feelings cos I was shy... but don't worry, I won't butt in your relationship". So I trusted her... for a while.

Ever since then me knowing that, I told my ex, and my ex said,"I don't like her, don't worry", so I didn't, I guess. But ever since then, we kept on having arguments about her or something related about her. And she'd always try and cheer me up and get us back together on a happy note, which I thank her for that, but when I'm angry I say alot of sh*t, so I'd say,"argh he's so stupid I hate him so much atm!" and stuff like that... even if I don't mean it lol :/, but she'd like tell him everything I say, which gets him more peeved off with me so I'm like "err... :/"

After a month or so, L got herself a boyfriend. T's close friend. Funny thing is, they only met each other once with me and my other friends and T's other friend's too. Let's call him B. So, B's shorter, and younger than L, and L and B started to go out. It didn't last very long, L shortly dumped him cos she said,'I don't feel the same way'. After everyone found that out, my friend assumed L used B to distract herself from T. I guess it kinda made sence.

So, there was a point where I no longer wanted to be L's friend, since well. I'm jealous, haha. I'm not really a jealous person, and I try not to be, but knowing a girl who 'USED' (or maybe still does as we speak) like T, that goes to his house everyday, see him everyday, and who was freakin' annoying. I said to her,"I think we shouldn't be friends".
L immediantly tells T, and T gets peeved off at me.

Funny thing is, he always get peeved off at me if I ever have a problem with L. And then he screws at me like no tomorrow? :/. And, L is like a beg friend, she was begging me to be her friend again and blahh. I was like,"no, I already gave you a chance" and ect.

T gets really peeved off at me and is like,"WHY DON'T YOU WANNA BE HER FRIEND?! OMG I'M SO P*SSED NOW. OMG". So then, I ended it. He then wished to be friends after that, but I said I don't know.

I recently bumped into him few weeks ago, but I avoided him. He didn't say anything either, when I got home, on msn he called me 'immature' and it was all my fault our relationship failed. Then we had a really long argument about it and he deleted me off fb,myspace,msn ect.

I've been going out with him for four months and he tells me this now? :/

So, from my lovely soompi readers, I'd like to ask;
- Your honest opinion.
- Was I being immature?
- Anything else you'd like to add?


I am over him, slightly, but I just want to know my wrong doings. Lol.
Thanks.

[Shuga]

The "I think we shouldn't be friends" line is pretty straight-forwardly the wrong thing to say. It's just asking for enemies. I think this was a mistake on your part.

I would have talked to T about how you felt about L always visiting him. Did you talk to him about it?

I don't know if the entire break up was a mistake though. Do you still like him? If not, then don't sweat it. If you do still like him, well, then maybe you can get back together again. =)

[fredinsac]

I don't think you did anything wrong. L & T were friends before you came into the picture and not only that but they're like really close friends. Trust me, L was butting in on your relationship with T whether she intended to or not. No need to apologize or go back to that kind of atmosphere because it'll only worsen. I say to move on and not worry about it any more.

[HaplessChild]

Extremely immature.

You dumped him because you were jealous of a girl that he never dated.

You were jealous just because she liked him.

You got mad at her because she played middle man in your relationship? Well, you shouldn't have put her in the middle. You don't tell people things, especially mutual friends, if you don't want the other person to hear it. Of course she told him what you said, she was his friend, not yours, her allliance is with him.

You broke up with him because he wanted the two of you to be friends? Really? You could have just said something like, I dunno, mature, such as "hey, I know you two are good friend but I have to be honest she really just doesn't do it for me and I tried to be friends with her but I just don't feel that way about her. She's a nice girl and I have no problem with you two being friends but I believe it's a relationship that should remain all your own."

My bf has a close female friend that I don't like. I didn't like he to begin with but then I found out she had been telling him to dump me, for what reason I don't really know. He wants us to be friends. I don't want to. I don't like her and I don't like that she was all up in my relationship. I'm certainly not going to dump my bf for her.

[Sammiie__x]

Shuga.
Well, I guess I didn't really say it out plain like that o_o. But yeah lol.

Fredinsac.
Lol thanks. :3

DreamingSaturn.
I didn't dump him cos of that. :/ I dumped him cos I couldn't take anymore of his screwingness at me. -.-"
Ya. I was jealous. I'll admit that.

I actually didn't put her in the middle. And I didn't tell her anything. My ex did, then we jsut happened to start talking about it.

And I did say something like that :/

[HaplessChild]

Screwingness? WTF? English please.

If it didn't have anything to do with her then why'd you mention it?

[Sammiie__x]

Lol, basically.

I broke up with him cos he defended her alot, and if I said something out of line like,"Hmm.. she's always texting me it's kinda annoying", he'd screw.

'Screwingness'.
Screws at me alot.

[HaplessChild]

I broke up with him cos he defended her alot, and if I said something out of line like,"Hmm.. she's always texting me it's kinda annoying", he'd screw.

Then why keep saying it?

How would you like it if he was complaining all the time about people you care about? No one wants to hear that garbage.

So basically, you were being rude and you broke up with him because he wasn't having it.

Yes, honest opinion: severely immature.

[J00NGiEx]

^ Okay, no need to be so mean about it.

I agree with DreamingSaturn in a way though. It doesn't seem right to just dump your boyfriend just because you didn't like his friend. And you have to remember, they've been friends way before you got together with him. Although she's a girl, I don't really blame him for sticking up for his friend. You can't expect everyone to like or dislike the same people. She might be annoying to you, but to him she could be a great friend.

And didn't he say he didn't like her in that way? It IS kind of messed up, though, to just tell a girl straight up in the face "I think we shouldn't be friends."

Although, she IS kind of messed up, telling your ex everything you said to her, but after the first time, wouldn't you have realized that you shouldn't rant to her about your ex?

Well, that's just what I think, though. Good luck in the future!

[StayHighxD]

So, from my lovely soompi readers, I'd like to ask;
- Your honest opinion.
- Was I being immature?
- Anything else you'd like to add?


No, I think your xbf was a lil prick. Maybe your xbf didnt really like you. Screw him.

No, you weren't immature. You were just trying to be yourself and hey, no one likes getting used. Your xboyfriend has to learn somethings between what to get pissed off at and what not to.

[Sammiie__x]

And didn't he say he didn't like her in that way? It IS kind of messed up, though, to just tell a girl straight up in the face "I think we shouldn't be friends."

I guess that's kinda out of order... but gosh she's just so. hsdkfhsgdh. :/
She wouldn't stop emailing me and she was just really obsessive and it was like rawrrrr. >.>

Although, she IS kind of messed up, telling your ex everything you said to her, but after the first time, wouldn't you have realized that you shouldn't rant to her about your ex?

Yeah... I only did it for that one occasion.

[kg123]

I like straight-forward people. No drama and no need to fake that u didnt like your ex's friend. You shouldnt have trusted her that much since she was your ex's best friend..I mean..it was pretty obvious that she'd tell him everything you said. I dont know if it was immature though.. jealousy can really F things =X.
Is DreamingSaturn your ex? he seems kinda mad at you.

[Sammiie__x]

^ LOL. I don't know him/her. Yeah he does seem really mad at me. :S

[dreamyxxx]

i can understand where he's coming from
if my boyfriend refused to be friends with one of my best friends and called him "annoying" for "texting too much"
i'd be pissed =\
especially since L technically did nothing wrong (ie texting you because she treated/thought of you as a friend?)
and then i'd be even more outraged if he breaks up with me just because i was standing up for a friend.

so yeah, honestly, you didnt deal with the situation very maturely

[kansaieito]

I think you were both acting like tards. end of story.

you broke up now so what does it matter if you were right or not...what happened happened. and he's being a pinkberry messaging you just to call you immature then delete you off everything. hypocritical much?

if you really need to know though...no you weren't being immature but you did do something stupid. then again you obviously couldn't handle it and removed yourself...so it's probably best.

i'd like to add your ex is a dumbass simply for his actions after the whole thing. who acts like that? "omg you're so immature rawr...im gonna delete you off everything hahaha take that NYAAAH" >__> dumbass.

[xoxomcm]

i dont think that was immature.
and honestly? i think HE was being immature.
coz think about it for u guys who said she was immature,

T got mad at her for saying L was annoying and all that.
T was acting like L is his gf not her.
and T didnt even care about what Sammiie__x was feeling, he kept getting mad at her for saying what she was feeling.
and he kept defending L.

i think it was right that u broke up with him.

[Alt.Loves.Ctrl]

So what'd he mean by 'immature'?
As in ... you just being immature throughout the whole relationship?
Or .. the fact that you avoided him when you bumped into him?

i suppose i can understand that you couldn't take him defending the girl all the time.
i mean you're his girlfriend he should listen to your side a little more and be more understanding.
he's being a little immature by just yelling at you instead of talking about it properly.

this L chick. she's definitely in the middle. i would hate to be in her position.
so if i were her i would try to get myself out of that position.
i think she needs to get out of the picture because she's obviously leaning towards T's side of things.
you and T should have had a conversation talking about Why he kept yelling at you.
not about L..

however .. i think you should have put a little bit more effort into the relationship
it seems like you just wanted everything to go your way.
you needed to compromise and i suppose you gave up way too early or altogether.

so at the end of the day, are you happy about where you are now?
if yes, then it was the right thing to do
if no, then think about what went wrong and how you can fix it
*nodnod* hope that made sense o.O

[uhohhitzkc]

lol i don't think you did anything wrong really... you didn't want to be friends with someone, & that's that. you felt insecure with her always around. even on the phone i suppose? you're friendship with his friend should have nothing to do with your relationship. he was being immature for not understanding that.

[soyabeangirl16]

i guess it is a little immature, but thats a hard situation to handle.
it just matters if you trust your ex's judgement enough for this girl to be over at his house all the time.
but i dont think the 'i dont wanna be your friend' thing was necessary. you could just talk to her less, and eventually people get the point.
i just dont know what you should do now...

[saintdaifuku]

hard to say, i think in certain areas it could have been handled more maturely.

firstly with L, i think you started to see her as a girl after your ex. putting on a bias on someone makes it harder to befriend and like them. subsequently, it might have been why you started to pick up on her 'annoying' habits.

as someone said before, it's not a good idea to admit to a mutual friend unkind words and feelings about your significant [or ex this case] other, knowing they're closer to your significant other than you. also not a good idea to admit the aforementioned if you couldn't say them to your significant other. i think primarily, T was upset because you didn't tell him these things and he heard it from someone else, unfortunately one of his closest friends. i think had it been something you confronted him about, he'd feel less agitated than learning it from someone else. think about it this way, not telling him, is like gossiping about him behind his back.

with T, he also had his moments of immaturity. one should never call someone else immature unless they wanted to sit down and talk things out, in a clear manner and not run away from their problems. and while defending friends is important, understanding why someone close to you doesn't like/get along with your friends is equally important. it didn't seem like T wanted to know why you didn't like L, or try to defend her in a kind way, like explaining why she might act a certain way that you thought was put-offish.

sounds like a lot of miscommunication all in all