[Belovedrose]

This post will be blunt and it will be harsh because I am such an individual.

I have a girlfriend and I have cheated on her twice already and I have lied to her plenty of times. I can lie very easily because I usually don't know I'm lying, for this reason I am generally living a lie and not knowing it...and so this therefore becomes my reality. Always re-fabricated, always changing...just as chaos would allow it. Although sometimes, like this time, I sit down and I ponder to myself about what I am doing...and so when I do this, I then become knowledgeable of my lies and I feel sorrow, but only a little sorrow because the world does not need my compassion.

Now, it may be another time when I cheat on my girlfriend, with a woman who has been used all her life. One time in middle school she sent a small boy to tell me that she likes me, being the maggot I was, I told her to go to hell. She told me that they made fun of her for that for a very long time. She told me this in person by the way, you see, she found me on facebook and we spoke for a few weeks trying to catch up with the times. We decided to meet yesterday, last night.

We were at a park a lone at night and she told me how nice I am. She told me I seemed like a great person. They always say how nice I am and I agree, I am a nice guy I think. Always told I have a great personality, I'm so fun to be around with, so fun to drink with, so fun to smoke with, so many compliments. None of them ever know really what I am here for...and just out of sport, I even hint at it...I actually hint that I have hidden motives because sometimes it is just so easy to hide things, but they never catch on...never. Being who I am, it is very hard to derive pleasure from things...so hard to be entertained. Sometimes, but very rarely would I actually admit the truth to a select few...and the irony is that they don't believe me when I tell them.

I started to feel sad right then and there when this woman from middle school told me of her love life...she told me that every man she came across has cheated on her and used her, she told me that she is so tired of being used and yet she is so use to it. I found it interesting when she told me this with a smile, she wasn't looking down and she wasn't sad...She told me she is much smarter now and this motivated me to continue because I found the irony to be very satisfying. When she was telling me the details of how she was used...I started thinking to myself..."She's had enough misery...why does she meet me? It is almost too much of a coincidence for it to just be chance." ...All her life she has been in emotional misery and then, as if it wasn't enough, she runs into me...of all people, me. She was telling me how her boyfriend cheated on her and how she would continuously go back to him...and while she told me this I kept saying to myself, "Don't tell me that, stop...don't show me your weaknesses."...and it seemed that the more I said that to myself the more weaknesses she revealed.

...She's a Catholic and she has a good heart. She is a moral person, very moral...Sometimes I do these hideous things to spite their false God. In this way, I am an Anti-Christ for sure and I have been called one many times by people I have wandered to. Bringing faithful and moral people to my level is my ultimate accomplishment. I show them the chaotic side of life.

...I have been trying to find a reason to not continue seeing her, but I have yet to find a reason. This is an unfortunate circumstance, indeed.

[joxxy]

If you're sad about it, then change it.
It seems as though you've already accepted being the person that you dislike being.
Maybe you rekindled your relationship with her for a reason.
Maybe it's time for you to change, with her as your encouragement and motivation.


By the way, you're a good writer. Your style kind of reminds me of Palahniuk.

[Belovedrose]

If you're sad about it, then change it.
It seems as though you've already accepted being the person that you dislike being.
Maybe you rekindled your relationship with her for a reason.
Maybe it's time for you to change, with her as your encouragement and motivation.


By the way, you're a good writer. Your style kind of reminds me of Palahniuk.

Change is a lot more harder than it sounds...I never said I was sad by the way, I said I felt a hint of sorrow. My reasonings may be flawed, but if I do not see them as flawed then they are not flawed. Just as if I do not see the time to change, then it is not the time for change. Though I do want to find a reason to not continue this, I seem to be having trouble feeling sorry for her enough to the point where I shouldn't continue.

You know, people always say that when I post on here.You know what else is strange? It's ALWAYS the person who posts first, they always say that.

[courtneyy]

she's confiding in you.

don't break her trust, and don't be another man she adds to her list that has used her.
...but also, what about your current girlfriend?

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

Change is a lot more harder than it sounds...I never said I was sad by the way, I said I felt a hint of sorrow. My reasonings may be flawed, but if I do not see them as flawed then they are not flawed. Just as if I do not see the time to change, then it is not the time for change. Though I do want to find a reason to not continue this, I seem to be having trouble feeling sorry for her enough to the point where I shouldn't continue.

You know, people always say that when I post on here.You know what else is strange? It's ALWAYS the person who posts first, they always say that.

i just feel that you get bored easily like you've already said, so you're conjuring up drama.......even in your writing, the way you write and describe things are dramatic in a sense. sounds to me like you're never honest or directly honest anyway or just be open about yourself......your true self that is. afraid of getting hurt? do you feel like hiding your true self gives you power over people? manipulate them..........blah blah

did you ever tell that friend of yours that youve cheated, have a gf and all that?

[Belovedrose]

i just feel that you get bored easily like you've already said, so you're conjuring up drama.......even in your writing, the way you write and describe things are dramatic in a sense. sounds to me like you're never honest or directly honest anyway or just be open about yourself......your true self that is. afraid of getting hurt? do you feel like hiding your true self gives you power over people? manipulate them..........blah blah

did you ever tell that friend of yours that youve cheated, have a gf and all that?

You must think out of the box a lot. Why would I tell this friend of mine that I've cheated and I have a gf and all that? She doesn't need to know that from me. I've allowed for her to find that out on her own. This is the fun part, I purposely allow ways for people to find me out, but they never see the pathways I open...In this sense, I can't be blamed for these unkind things. Though I don't do this as a means to justify my actions, I do them because I find great interest in the ignorance of our pitiful race.

Don't be so simple though, pain is an odd illusion. I would be a sorry person if I were afraid of pain of any sort. Pain goes away ya know...Just like we do.

Would you believe me if I said I do these things because I love my fellow man?

[joxxy]

Change is a lot more harder than it sounds...I never said I was sad by the way, I said I felt a hint of sorrow. My reasonings may be flawed, but if I do not see them as flawed then they are not flawed. Just as if I do not see the time to change, then it is not the time for change. Though I do want to find a reason to not continue this, I seem to be having trouble feeling sorry for her enough to the point where I shouldn't continue.

You know, people always say that when I post on here.You know what else is strange? It's ALWAYS the person who posts first, they always say that.

Yes change is hard but you should try.
So you feel sorrow but you don't care because you feel no compassion for the world that you live in?
And you feel sorry for her but you don't care enough to stop?
Okay.

I don't believe you are as apathetic as you try to come off as.
I think you DO care and you wish you could change but don't believe you actually could.

Edit; Are you happy with who you are?
(I don't mean for it to sound rude - it's an honest question)

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

You must think out of the box a lot. Why would I tell this friend of mine that I've cheated and I have a gf and all that? She doesn't need to know that from me. I've allowed for her to find that out on her own. This is the fun part, I purposely allow ways for people to find me out, but they never see the pathways I open...In this sense, I can't be blamed for these unkind things. Though I don't do this as a means to justify my actions, I do them because I find great interest in the ignorance of our pitiful race.

Don't be so simple though, pain is an odd illusion. I would be a sorry person if I were afraid of pain of any sort. Pain goes away ya know...Just like we do.

Would you believe me if I said I do these things because I love my fellow man?

? so you didnt tell her, just answer the question geez. and why would you tell her? well since she confided in you, is it weird of me to ask you if you confided in her? it was just a question, but i think sometime you over think things and it doesnt have to be so complicated. i just feel like you never give a direct answer. and you dont, because you dont want people to know who you really are. because you dont want them to treat you the way you treat them. you think 'they must have a motive'. the way people can find out things about you is through you but if youre not letting that happen then how is that possible. it also seems to me that you contradict yourself a lot and think you know better than others.

all that is just my assumption.........but i mean you titled this topic 'unfortunate circumstance'.....i just feel drama. and you remind me a lot of this other person i *used* to know

[Belovedrose]

Yes change is hard but you should try.
So you feel sorrow but you don't care because you feel no compassion for the world that you live in?
And you feel sorry for her but you don't care enough to stop?
Okay.

I don't believe you are as apathetic as you try to come off as.
I think you DO care and you wish you could change but don't believe you actually could.

Sorrow is a feeling, it's just a state of mind...By no means is it a stimulus to my actions. That can't be so.

Your optimisim to your fellow man is a kind sight...This optimism sadly opens a pathway for parasites to take advantage of you. You must think you already see the light, so me telling you to do so will come off as an insult perhaps...

Though please consider your remarks...and think about it. Why on earth would I pretend to be apathetic through the internet? Do you see now what I mean by irony? Notice how when I said in my first post that when I do tell people the truth about how I am they don't believe me? ...This is a fallacy of mankind. You can suggest something to someone and they would listen to you, but they would still continue to do as their peers do.

All I asked for was a reason to not continue with this new woman...

[ny-sw / ny_sw.]

your reason should be - she's already been used, gone through soo much pain and she hasn't given up yet.
why would you try to destroy someone like that?
you already know why you shouldn't - so don't. be honest.. and OPEN and direct for once.

[Belovedrose]

your reason should be - she's already been used, gone through soo much pain and she hasn't given up yet.
why would you try to destroy someone like that?
you already know why you shouldn't - so don't. be honest.. and OPEN and direct for once.

You actually gave me a reason instead of boring me with pitiful attempts at reading me. I thank you. Amateur attempts at being my psychologist is very irritating.

I'm going to respond to you and respond to you only because I like your reason.

Let us argue your points though because I can't stop for a reason like this because I do not see her misery as a reason for me to stop. I do not feel sorrow for her because I feel for her, I feel sorrow for her because of her weaknesses.

Now I will answer your question...which is quite a simple answer really, though I can't answer it directly for reasons I have a feeling you just wouldn't understand. Though please don't be insulted by that, it will save us time.

So I will answer it in a question.

Have you ever done something you thought was wrong and you'd always get away with it no matter what? Do you ever feel that sometimes you just want to feel a sting because you're so tired of not feeling one? Sometimes people just want to be hurt for the things they do.

Though I do not think what I do is wrong...and so my answer is not all true. I really don't think it is wrong because if I do continue this, I will do it in such a way so she will know...and my hope is that she will learn from it and become stronger so someone that is worse than me can't have the pleasure of trickery. These are both selfish and courteous reasons, though I don't consider selfishness a bad thing. To be perfectly honest, I see nothing as wrong and nothing as right and I know my answers to you imply that I do believe so.

Know that I'm only speaking like this because it is the language people understand. Most people just don't understand that life is simply an illusion...Just a playground.

[miki.]

You felt sad when this woman told you her story...yet, you don't feel sad for having cheated on your girl friend? For what? The third time now? What this woman is going through is more or less exactly the same as what your girl friend is going through. Except your girl friend is even more pitiful. Does she even know that you've been cheating and lying?

I'm sorry if I'm offending you but not only are you hurting your girl friend, but you're hurting this woman as well. I'm in no position to judge you as an individual but your actions don't give me the best impression of you either. Based on the way you described your feelings, you do seem like a good person who actually cares but I just hope you would take a minute to consider how your actions are hurting all three of you.

But here's a question I have for you - why are you still with your girl friend? If you love her, you wouldn't have cheated and you shouldn't be in the position you're in now. If you don't, why haven't you let go of her?

[joxxy]

Sorrow is a feeling, it's just a state of mind...By no means is it a stimulus to my actions. That can't be so.

Your optimisim to your fellow man is a kind sight...This optimism sadly opens a pathway for parasites to take advantage of you. You must think you already see the light, so me telling you to do so will come off as an insult perhaps...

Though please consider your remarks...and think about it. Why on earth would I pretend to be apathetic through the internet? Do you see now what I mean by irony? Notice how when I said in my first post that when I do tell people the truth about how I am they don't believe me? ...This is a fallacy of mankind. You can suggest something to someone and they would listen to you, but they would still continue to do as their peers do.

All I asked for was a reason to not continue with this new woman...

Ooh my apologies.
I wasn't aware that a reason to let her go was all you needed.
With that said, you should let her go because hasn't she gone through enough?
You seem to already understand that.
You should end things now to avoid hurting her.

And I don't think what you said to me was insulting.
I know how naive I may come off as but optimism's a risk I'm willing to take.

[cannotfindserver]

i got confused coz when i clicked on threadstarter's profile there's a pink icon there which means female. are you a guy or a girl?? well you said you could lie easily and you don't even realize you're lying. is this story you posted even true?

[Belovedrose]

You felt sad when this woman told you her story...yet, you don't feel sad for having cheated on your girl friend? For what? The third time now? What this woman is going through is more or less exactly the same as what your girl friend is going through. Except your girl friend is even more pitiful. Does she even know that you've been cheating and lying?

I'm sorry if I'm offending you but not only are you hurting your girl friend, but you're hurting this woman as well. I'm in no position to judge you as an individual but your actions don't give me the best impression of you either. Based on the way you described your feelings, you do seem like a good person who actually cares but I just hope you would take a minute to consider how your actions are hurting all three of you.

But here's a question I have for you - why are you still with your girl friend? If you love her, you wouldn't have cheated and you shouldn't be in the position you're in now. If you don't, why haven't you let go of her?

I find your response to be intelligent and I welcome you for that.

Your questions are valid...Yes, if I did love her I wouldn't do these things. Though that is the folly of it all is that I really don't think I can love anyone but myself. Really I don't because of my individualistic nature. Sure I have friends and I do consider them friends but only for as long as they serve their uses. Surely I must serve a use for them too and I accept this cycle because this is the way of the world really. There is no such thing as a soul that is truely genuine.

It is simply the ultimate game of power, which mind you is my favorite game. I am with her still because of that sense of power, that sense that she is mine. It is not all one-sided in my favor though...She has a lot of perks to being with me too. Plus, a rather large reason is social insurance...and a good supply of pleasure.

Take for instance the use of this forum, the use I have for you and the use I have for all who post. You serve right now as a valuable tool for allowing me to understand more about myself by you asking me questions. Do you notice that when questions are asked about you that you learn more about yourself? You can never stop knowing about yourself because you are the most complicated thing to understand in your own universe. Don't be insulted by this though, there is no need to be as I am sure I serve something to you as well.

When you see it from my view, you will see that what I am doing is perfectly fine. Though you may ponder this statement and then ask yourself, "Well then why do you ask us for a reason to give you to stop doing it?" Well, to answer this question...I fear her revenge and yet, I also want her revenge...and so this is why I ask for reasons.

Though I am curious about your statement. Why do you insist that I am hurting myself by continuing to do this?

[Belovedrose]

Ooh my apologies.
I wasn't aware that a reason to let her go was all you needed.
With that said, you should let her go because hasn't she gone through enough?
You seem to already understand that.
You should end things now to avoid hurting her.

And I don't think what you said to me was insulting.
I know how naive I may come off as but optimism's a risk I'm willing to take.

Reasons based on morality are not reasons. This is the challenge that I request, a reason not based off morality or dogma.

[joxxy]

Reasons based on morality are not reasons. This is the challenge that I request, a reason not based off morality or dogma.

Why are you with her?
The answer to this question could be the reason you should end things with her.

Morality is a reason for relationships because one of the most important aspects of a relationship to be considered is the morality.

[twenty4k]

Sorrow is a feeling, it's just a state of mind...By no means is it a stimulus to my actions. That can't be so.

Your optimisim to your fellow man is a kind sight...This optimism sadly opens a pathway for parasites to take advantage of you. You must think you already see the light, so me telling you to do so will come off as an insult perhaps...

Though please consider your remarks...and think about it. Why on earth would I pretend to be apathetic through the internet? Do you see now what I mean by irony? Notice how when I said in my first post that when I do tell people the truth about how I am they don't believe me? ...This is a fallacy of mankind. You can suggest something to someone and they would listen to you, but they would still continue to do as their peers do.

All I asked for was a reason to not continue with this new woman...

Simple. Reason being your playing a game with someone that's not on your level. Why are you always chasing the pitiful and easily-taken-advantage of girls? I wouldn't call them woman, since they do not even have the experience that grants them the knowledge to understand men. Seducing woman that are on level one doesn't give you invincibility, infact it just encourages you to continue living in your lies, and forfeit that concept of love.

It's really not that complicated. If you want to stop then stop. Ignore the pleasure that you derive from seeing foolish woman get hurt over and over again, and come to your senses; a rose has thorns but it can also be very beautiful. Try to genuinely offer someone love for once, and you might see that the beauty in it is greater than the reality you live in now.

[Christinaisweird]

You felt sad after she told you her story, then you should stop seeing her. I think there are worse people than you out there.You did state and admit you are a nice guy, but also stated, " I think."
Since you like showing people the chaotic side of life, show them to her if you get a chance. It is both of your decision if you still want to be friends. Her weaknesses are part of the past, and did admit she is smarter now.

[AngieK]

I can lie very easily because I usually don't know I'm lying, for this reason I am generally living a lie and not knowing it...and so this therefore becomes my reality

Well, first off, this statement makes no sense. One cannot lie without being aware that they are lying. To lie is to purposefully deceive or to not tell the truth. In order to not tell the truth you must have some grasp of what the truth is which ultimately implies that you are aware of the fact that you are lying. I just wanted to get that straight since

What I mean is, unless you have the memory span of a goldfish I HIGHLY doubt you can be unaware of the fact that you are lying. One can, say, get accustomed to lying and eventually make a habit out of it but they are still conscious of the fact that they are lying on some level. Let's say you tell person A that you are 20 years old, person B that you are 23 and person C that you are 22 when you are, in fact, 19. Since you are a rational human being you can easily deduce, even on a subconscious level, that one cannot be all four ages at once.

All I asked for was a reason to not continue with this new woman...

If you pride yourself on playing this amazing game of power, what's the fun in overpowering someone who is already mentally weak to begin with? You should be aiming to overpower those who are already self-confident and independent. By only targeting the weak you are only showing that you are only a little bit stronger then the weakest link.