[Javus]

We all know the belief or saying that if you can make it through arguments or fights the relationship will get stronger. And I don't just mean bf/gf but also maybe best friend kind of relationships. Like the more you go through with someone it kinda tests your relationship and helps it grow and become stronger. Do you believe in this? (and I don't mean like abusive fights or anything like that)

I recently got into a fight with one of my really close friends. It wasn't anything to serious, its just we kind of ignored each other for about 2-3 weeks. We ended up resolving the issue and supposedly we're both fine, but now it feels a bit awkward. Has this happened to anyone?

[Mannosuke]

Conflict does not necessarily bring two people closer. Of course, the reason why conflict exists at all would be, in a nut shell, difference of opinion. The fact that two people are able to compromise and come to an agreement and accept each others' differences IS in a sense how people strengthen their bonds with each other.

"Relationships get stronger" is a vague statement is completely devoid of all meaning. One must examine WHY it's "stronger" compare to before. I don't think it gets stronger, it just means you understand one another more. Or less.

People shouldn't be intentionally picking fights with each other to "test" their relationship or to intentionally "strengthen" it I find that unnecessary lol

I've never been in an argument where both parties find it awkward to be around each other.

[meowx]

I agree with with Mannosuke. It doesn't NECESSARILY make you closer - for some it drives a wedge between you and your friend/partner.

About a year ago my partner and I had a HUGE fight, in front of everyone at the pub (bar). He ranted and raved about my abusive behaviour (I suffer from BPD, my emotions get TOTALLY out of hand) and how he couldn't take it anymore, started crying and told me the relationship was over. Very embarrassing.

We made up the next day after I promised to get therapy, which has worked wonders for our relationship and me as an individual. I've never had such a bad fight with him before and we're definitely closer now, we rarely have disagreements and if we do, they're over very small, insignificant things.

So yeah, that fight brought us closer because we wanted it to. At the same time it could have driven us apart forever. I think in these situations it also depends on how compatible you were with the person in the first place.

A long time ago, a best friend and I had a big, big fight and fell out (stopped being friends) for good. As you described, things were awkward whenever we did talk, but if I think back to our friendship, it was also awkward in ways that neither of us liked to admit. We were completely different people, and though we didn't fight, conversation wasn't exactly great either.

It all depends. Sorry for the essay!

[mintcracker]

^ woah props for keeping the relationship strong. Most times that would have been it's over for good.


Anyway conflict gets your feelings out there, so you both can work on it together. If it's always 'lovely' and calm, you really never know what the other person is thinking sometimes.

[LCM3]

yeah because you learn from what is needed to be said

[chewy130]

u guys been watching TOO many kdramas

[Humilious]

in my experience it's not really true. i got into a fight with my best friend and it's been going on for 8 months now. we have like an on and off friendship. we're alright sometimes and if she decides to blow up on me again, we just ignore each other. we're ignoring each other right now because she decided to rant at me again but whatever. i feel ready to just let her go now.

[touche`]

I think it depends how you handle the situation, how you represent yourself to the other person, and how you solve the situation. For example, if you are going to act dumb, swear this and that, thinking you are always right (completely wrong), then relationship doesn't get better. If you confront your friend with what is the problem, why did the problem bother the both of us, how did I hurt you (vice versa), what can we do about this, then there is a road where the relationship is going. I always tell people that sometimes problems is not just "you need to fix this and it is your fault that this happen." if you or the other person is hurt either way, then the both of you need to fix it. If the problem is yourself, then you need to fix yourself before you go to the other person.

[bonjour tristesse.]

It depends on how the two people are when they face problems. Some people like to talk about it. By talking it out they get to hear one another's side and knowing their opinions does count. Others doesn't like to talk as much about it and just leaves it be. One of the main reasons why sometimes couples fight more and more until they break up or just break up straight off.

[meowx]

^ woah props for keeping the relationship strong. Most times that would have been it's over for good.

Thanks

Yeah, a lot of people tell me the same. I'm VERY lucky!!

[ringo<3]

For friends:
I believe that you start to care less and less about your friend after fighting so many times. It also depends on what kind of fight it is, and who's at fault.

For boyfriends:
My belief is that when you start off your relationship your "love gauge" is totally full. After a few fight, you start to learn more about each other, then if one of you ends the relationship, then get back together again the next few days or so, the "love gauge" goes down by 1/7. If this circle of events happens over and over again, the "love gauge" goes down again and again, until there is no more love and that's when you realize you can let each other go without any pain.

The only way to stay together for a very long time is if both has a mutual understanding of each other and compromise.

Also, I believe that if you continue to have a lot of HUGE fights, you guys are not right for each other. The puzzle just doesn't fit right no matter how hard you try to smash it together, you'll only break pieces off of each other, until the puzzle pieces look like nothing but rubbish.

[OneChance]

Sighh, I just had a fight with a really close guy friend about 3 days ago..
It was quite a big fight..
2 days ago it was still bad and we didn't talk to each other much..
I kept on crying cause I was thinking our friendship was going to end
1 day ago we decided we didn't want to fight anymore and try fix it
Today we talked a bit, but it was awkward.. I was kinda upset cause he didn't seem too happy and this was making me feel depressed

I really hope we get back to the way we were before ):
I hate fighting and I'm sure that he does too..
God I miss him ;__;

I guess we'll see if we can get through this and if it brings us closer or further apart..

[Javus]

Sighh, I just had a fight with a really close guy friend about 3 days ago..
It was quite a big fight..
2 days ago it was still bad and we didn't talk to each other much..
I kept on crying cause I was thinking our friendship was going to end
1 day ago we decided we didn't want to fight anymore and try fix it
Today we talked a bit, but it was awkward.. I was kinda upset cause he didn't seem too happy and this was making me feel depressed

I really hope we get back to the way we were before ):
I hate fighting and I'm sure that he does too..
God I miss him ;__;

I guess we'll see if we can get through this and if it brings us closer or further apart..

I'm right there with ya. Hope me and my friend can get back to normalcy in our friendship.

Yeah, I guess it really depends on the types of people involved and how they resolve the problem.

[bona fide*]

Hmm, I don't think relationships necessarily get stronger after a fight but the outcome of it can really give some insight as to how strong the relationship actually is/was.

[Meenuh]

I've found that each time I have a fight with my s/o we grow stronger because of it. We actually take the time to talk about why it happened and what we each could have done differently. We take the time to tell eachother why we felt the need to react the way we did and why. If you do it in a constructive manner then I really do think that fights make a bond stronger.

[thisismyv]

^ I totally agree.

As for best friends, I can't really comment because I just can't get into fights with my friends even if they piss me off... I might get a little bit quieter, but later I just shrug it off.