[meowx]

I was raised in a wealthy family and materialistically, I couldn't really have asked for much more. I admit, I was spoiled and given everything I could possibly want - there was never a time in my life where I can remember wishing I had something I didn't ... in regards to material things, that is.

Three years ago I met a man that I fell head over heels in love with, we are still together and we plan to marry ... only, in early times my parents would tell me that I could do "better", that he would never be able to "financially support" me and I "wouldn't be satisfied living in a smaller house". This was a year ago, maybe more ... but I've recently found out that my dad has still been saying the same things behind my back (he is now divorced from my mum). All the men my mum knows and dates are rich, and she came from a rich family.

I see so many women talking about rich men and how it's made out to be such an ideal - am I weird for not valuing someone's material possessions and bank account at all? Is it really strange for me to love someone regardless of their finances if I came from a "well-off" family? I know that sounds insane but I'm beginning to question whether there's something wrong with me, with the way everyone seems to be pouring it down my throat that I should find a rich guy!

Oh it is also really hard because I am seriously considering asking my grandad to give me away and not my dad (not just because of what he's been saying). It would really hurt my boyfriend to hear that those things are being said all over again

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[Sidoneon]

If you know you can live happily with a little less then don't think too much lol

[felinius]

I see so many women talking about rich men and how it's made out to be such an ideal - am I weird for not valuing someone's material possessions and bank account at all? Is it really strange for me to love someone regardless of their finances if I came from a "well-off" family? I know that sounds insane but I'm beginning to question whether there's something wrong with me, with the way everyone seems to be pouring it down my throat that I should find a rich guy!

I would say it's a big mistake to not look at a man for his financial state. What if he has unsaid credit card debt? What if his credit is crap? This all looks fine before you get married and you try to get a house.

There's nothing wrong, though, for looking for a person besides them being rich. You should just make sure that he's stable financially as a part of the package. It shouldn't just be the lone decision of whether you marry him or not.

[-aimeex]

I guess it just depends. Like you said you're from a wealthy family and so was your mom so maybe that's why they expect you to find someone who's rich because they're so used to having money. I believe you made the right decision in falling in love with the person he is instead of falling in love for someones bank account. You're not weird and its perfectly normal. It really proves that money doesn't matter to you when it comes to love.^^

[Mannosuke]

Material wealth is of no real value to me. I only expect enough to sustain myself and perhaps provide some entertainment (good food, hi-speed internet, for example) but anything extra is unnecessary.

I'd say I'm pretty spoiled and come from a wealthy family, and hence I can say the stuff I say.
When the basic necessities are met, it is only natural that you look ahead and think about what really makes you happy: those that are living in poverty and struggle just to put food on their tables every night will probably value money as the most important thing in the world.

Some people believe that because poor people don't have a lot of money to begin with, they can live without all of these material things, but I strongly believe that's a false belief. Or was it "better financial management?" I can't remember.

[adiavoy]

Lol.. hello, don't you watch Korean dramas? There's always the rich guy loves poor girl scenario. But in my opinion... it's never strange to love someone regardless of their situation.. if you guys really love each other, you wouldn't be really thinking "oh.. should I marry him or find a rich man."

[Lie]

I see so many women talking about rich men and how it's made out to be such an ideal - am I weird for not valuing someone's material possessions and bank account at all? Is it really strange for me to love someone regardless of their finances if I came from a "well-off" family?

Hmm. While I don't think someone's financial prospects should be the only thing, or even the most important thing people look at when they look for a s.o., I think it should at least be considered.

Have you ever gone through an extended period where you were broke and couldn't afford to pay the bills? That's of course the worst possible scenario (and I'm sure that both: a.) you can support yourself, and b.) the guy you like makes enough money, he probably just isn't rich the way your parents would prefer he was), but not having a lot of money doesn't seem so bad when you grow up with plenty of it around, however, ask most people who grew up poor, and they'll tell you that having money makes a BIG difference.

The other reason to consider finances when considering your s.o. is because if you guys fall in love, get married, have kids, the amount he makes won't just be affecting you anymore, but will be affecting your kids as well.

[EmpsTreenee]

not to generalize but from my experience most born-into-wealth people do not realize the worth of money. they think that they can live with way less money, but they never once experienced or realized how much hardship that might bring. i think you should really look into his financial state, and calculate how much money you would actually have to spend, and compare it to the current amount, see if you can adapt.

my family was very poor up until i was six? so i was raised up pretty well off, my cousins were born well off, and her marriage with a poorer guy lasted two years. the lack of money didnt directly kill it, but it put both of them on odd sides (her for not having money to spend, him for her spending) and in the end, it was pretty bad, they cant even look each other in the face now.

so i dont think its shallow to look at his financial state, especially when you're used to having much more money than you would have.

[Alt.Loves.Ctrl]

You fall in love with someone not with their money. So no it's not wrong to fall in love with this 'poor' guy.
(Assuming that he's normal and has no bad credit history)

[meowx]

EmpsTreenee,

I can totally identify with what you're saying, and I don't want to say it for the sake of disproving your generalisation or anything (as for the most part, it is true) but I honestly think that this does not apply to me. It certainly applies to my siblings, who break every expensive and not-so-expensive item they receive (because they know it will be replaced without question), but not to me.

I think another factor that could be related is that I was abused, so lots and lots of money doesn't look as remotely as appealing as somebody who actually loves me and shows me affection! Sorry, depressing.

But no, I get where you guys are coming from. Financially things are tight right now, everyone in the UK is losing their jobs and we're both going back into education ... but we've survived for a year on practically no money, and it hasn't really caused a bother. I think fanciful things HAVE lost their value to me, but not in the same way as my siblings see it ...

Yeah, I know what you're saying. Ooh gosh, now I've got more to think about

Alt.Loves.Ctrl ... no bad credit history as far as I'm aware haha!

[Mannosuke]

There's a difference between spending money, and spending too MUCH money on unnecessary things.
Fancy restaurants and expensive wine on a regular basis is not necessary, but some people feel they need it and can't settle for anything less.

Heck, I find instant ramen to be a staple when I could always go out and buy more expensive things. All of that money spent on "fancy" things could've been spent on other things like healthcare and family.

The other reason to consider finances when considering your s.o. is because if you guys fall in love, get married, have kids, the amount he makes won't just be affecting you anymore, but will be affecting your kids as well.

Makes sense, I really should re-consider my stance on money and include others in my budget the way my parents did lol

[Pogichinoy]

You fall in love with someone not with their money. So no it's not wrong to fall in love with this 'poor' guy.
(Assuming that he's normal and has no bad credit history)

Couldn't have said it better myself.

---

[jiangji]

Well, of course it is not wrong to love "poorer" guy...^^
But, you need to carefully consider about your future.
Actually, it just depends on what you really want to have in your life.
If you don't care about working hard & you're willing to have harsh life, then you can be with him.
If you prefer to have more relaxing and smooth life, then you better think carefully.

Please remind that money can also cause relationship worse or make couples argue to each other.
For example like..."I worked so hard and you spent money on useless stuffs?" "No...I think we need this important things!" "Oh really? Why don't we buy more other useful stuffs rather than this one?" "Why you could buy your stupid stuffs and then I cannot buy for my own?!" blah....blah....blah...

You can be with him as long as your boyfriend has higher education (like bachelor degree) who is hardworking & strong and willing to work hard although he is "poorer than you." But, if your boyfriend is lazy and coward or like to complain something, then you've to be careful and seriously think about it before you continue walking down the path with him.

Painful experiences can change human's mind and even his/her behaviour and personality.
Trust me....

[j.adore]

I've been in your shoes before too.
I grew up not realizing that our family was well off b/c most of my relatives lived that way, and most of the kids around me lived that way. I grew up in Kangnam, Seoul, so everyone around me was pretty well off.
As I got older, I realized how well off we were and how I was able to ask for something and be able to get it right away.
Then when i came to the states for school, I met this guy who ended up being my boyfriend during the later half of my senior year. At first, everything was good but I guess the things that were normal to me wasn't normal to him. There was just such a huge difference in our family background and I understood that his life was very different but me just understanding it didn't help the relationship. I think it hurt his pride too.

You aren't weird that you don't care about his financial issues! Throughout the whole relationship (even though we were young), I thought that money wouldn't be an issue. If he couldn't afford to go somewhere nice for a date, I could settle for takeout Chinese food at his house. But I guess there were more problems than I realized. I wanted to buy him presents on special occasions but he wouldn't take it b/c he realized how expensive it was or he would insist on paying for dinner even though I wanted to split it at least. I think I was just not considerate enough and throughout college, I've learned better about that... but at the same time, i sort of feel like that is just how I grew up in, and it will be very hard to change.

Good luck! It'll be very hard but if you both are willing to work on it, something will work out

[mintcracker]

People that come from wealthy families might find it hard to be married off to sb that ia alot less well off. Sure love is important, but I don't believe the whole notion of love conquering all- You'll always be in that kinda environment, and he'll feel the pressure to provide all that for you. You've always been really spoilt, and if you get married to somebody that isn't rich, you'll realise life doesn't just hands you things on a silver platter. You gotta work for things, not sure if you're willing to do all that...It's easier said than done, esp since you've grown up that way.

[MONEE]

Everyone was raised differently and honestly my family was not the rishes nor the poorest, but my mom has always support me about my love life. When I was having a hard time dealing with my last break up, which lasted four years, my mom was there for me. And she told me that, "He doesn't have to be rich, smart, tall, handsome... as long as he loves you and you're happy." My parents are also divorced and doesn't want me to be in a relationship that I wasn't happy in. Just ask yourself, "Is money really everything?"

[B L o T T - ii]

umm... i might not be quite right here~ please correct me if i'm wrong ^^"

but in my opinion, becuz ure brought up from such a family, u don't know what it's like to not get everything u want~ to save up, to go and work for money.

so when u meet this guy, u base ur emotions solely on affection. u believe u can be with him through pure love, even though he doesn't have much money. but think again. are u with him becuase u've never lived a life where money wasn't a problem and now u want a change? maybe his lifestyle is so diff. from urs that u think his lifestyle is exciting and want to try it??

from my experience, poor girls dream of getting rich guys~ whereas rich girls don't care whether the guy has a penny or not, as long as she loves him =)

[Floatii]

to me, i think you're only not caring about your s/o's financial state because you came from a wealthy family. you never had that feeling where you want to buy something very very badly but you simply cannot afford it. you never know what it's like to hear your parents talk about how their bank account pretty much emptied out. this is why you don't think money matters.

of course, since you're from a wealthy family, i guess it doesn't really matter if you find someone who's rich or not. because you would still have money from your family. unless of course, your family is not planning on supporting you after your marriage.

if you can support yourself out in that world, why not marry this guy? live in a smaller house, learn to manage a budget. if those are the things you have to do if you decide to go for love instead of money, why not?

however, if you have no way of supporting yourself without your parents' money, think if this is what you really want. there isn't anything wrong to consider bread before love. when there are financial problems, a couple is more likely to have disputes.

and you can also talk it over with your s/o. does he have plans for your future? does he know where all the money is going to come from? talking it over will help a lot. =] hope everything works out for you!

[blastoise]

to me, i think you're only not caring about your s/o's financial state because you came from a wealthy family. you never had that feeling where you want to buy something very very badly but you simply cannot afford it. you never know what it's like to hear your parents talk about how their bank account pretty much emptied out. this is why you don't think money matters.

of course, since you're from a wealthy family, i guess it doesn't really matter if you find someone who's rich or not. because you would still have money from your family. unless of course, your family is not planning on supporting you after your marriage.

if you can support yourself out in that world, why not marry this guy? live in a smaller house, learn to manage a budget. if those are the things you have to do if you decide to go for love instead of money, why not?

however, if you have no way of supporting yourself without your parents' money, think if this is what you really want. there isn't anything wrong to consider bread before love. when there are financial problems, a couple is more likely to have disputes.

and you can also talk it over with your s/o. does he have plans for your future? does he know where all the money is going to come from? talking it over will help a lot. =] hope everything works out for you!

Very well said. I agree that if the OP has the ability to support herself after marriage she should go for it. If the OP's parents are willing to help you guys out, I wish you the best of luck in your marriage. However, if you'll have live on only his wages or something much less than what you were used to before, I would ask you to reconsider. Finances are a big part of a couple's relationship an

[HaplessChild]

I was raised in a wealthy family and materialistically, I couldn't really have asked for much more. I admit, I was spoiled and given everything I could possibly want - there was never a time in my life where I can remember wishing I had something I didn't ... in regards to material things, that is.

Three years ago I met a man that I fell head over heels in love with, we are still together and we plan to marry ... only, in early times my parents would tell me that I could do "better", that he would never be able to "financially support" me and I "wouldn't be satisfied living in a smaller house". This was a year ago, maybe more ... but I've recently found out that my dad has still been saying the same things behind my back (he is now divorced from my mum). All the men my mum knows and dates are rich, and she came from a rich family.

I see so many women talking about rich men and how it's made out to be such an ideal - am I weird for not valuing someone's material possessions and bank account at all? Is it really strange for me to love someone regardless of their finances if I came from a "well-off" family? I know that sounds insane but I'm beginning to question whether there's something wrong with me, with the way everyone seems to be pouring it down my throat that I should find a rich guy!

Oh it is also really hard because I am seriously considering asking my grandad to give me away and not my dad (not just because of what he's been saying). It would really hurt my boyfriend to hear that those things are being said all over again

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

You say this now because you're still on the side of family. Just wait until your guy can't support your standard of living and see how you feel about it then. You'll be frustrated. I hope you make bank on your own.