[Mannosuke]

We get this kind of advice from time-to-time, but generally when we DO follow it, we're told we should change this and that? So perhaps we're not supposed to be taking this phrase literally.

[HaplessChild]

Then how about "be a better you."

Normally isn't that people want you to change as it is they want you to improve on features you already posess.

[1n_c0mplete]

when people say "just be yourself" i think they mean that you should bring out the good traits in you, and hold back the bad ones (e.g. if being a jackass is one of your strengths then you should hold that back). this obviously doesnt just refer to traits, it could refer to like talents or any other things that you are proud of.

[hippiehop]

I strongly believe in the phrase "just be yourself". I believe it is the only way to true happiness.

[Mannosuke]

Then how about "be a better you."

Normally isn't that people want you to change as it is they want you to improve on features you already posess.

The problem is that both phrases require that one already knows who they are (ie: strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes) before they're able to "improve" themselves. But from other threads, we see that a lot of people either think the hardest person to understand is yourself, or they think it's a stupid question (ie: how can anyone NOT know themselves?)

And sometimes what you think is "good" is not necessarily good, for example telling someone that isn't particularly social and only hangs out with 3-4 people on a regular basis to stop being so "anti-social" and talk to more people.

[HaplessChild]

The problem is that both phrases require that one already knows who they are (ie: strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes) before they're able to "improve" themselves. But from other threads, we see that a lot of people either think the hardest person to understand is yourself, or they think it's a stupid question (ie: how can anyone NOT know themselves?)

And sometimes what you think is "good" is not necessarily good, for example telling someone that isn't particularly social and only hangs out with 3-4 people on a regular basis to stop being so "anti-social" and talk to more people.

Well then that more so comes down to being self aware and knowing what you're compatible with and what you're not; what you're willing to compromise/ put up with.

I have a potty mouth. I enjoy potty humor. I enjoy tacky clothes and bad music. My bf hates all of this. I know me; I know what I like and I know that I can tell him to bite me. HOWEVER, I do have some fashion sense and I'm totally capable of tuning it down a bit when I'm around him. I'm perfectly capable of plugging his ipod in instead of mine. Hence, I can be myself but I can be a more considerate me and not subject him to my garbage.

I don't really curb the potty humor though. I enjoy that too much.

[Mannosuke]

They say communication is key, and then compromise would naturally follow. Which is true, but if someone doesn't really know themselves to begin with, then they would be unable to determine what they're compatible with (ie: vista) and how much they're willing to put up with.

A better advice would be "do you know what you want?" or "do you know yourself?"

[xjimin]

^ i like that.

"do you know yourself?"

if youre who you want to be then i think thats good enough.

[goook]

Personally, I think it's a great piece of advice. Whether it's understood or not, is a different story.

When suggested to be yourself, it's often a short way of saying "If they're right for you, you don't have to change a thing.", more or less along those lines. You would want to be with someone you're compatible with - whether you are or you're not, you find out by being no one other than yourself. If it doesn't work out after being yourself, it can simply be taken as "You two just weren't right for each other." If you did succeed in a relationship with someone while going out of your way to act differently, we can only imagine how far that would get you. Even if you don't truly "know yourself", the point is that you shouldn't have to over-think it (i.e. your actions/words). This, of course, is a basic acknowledgment and has exceptions, as all things do.

Now, if you have significant flaws such as being a complete ass or anything of the like, then, this advice would not suit you very well. But, such things should come quite obvious.

[SurpriseSex]

It is indeed a great piece of advice, some people's true personalities aren't worth a second glance. This is just social darwinism at work, if you're undesirable, you deserve to be alone.

[HaplessChild]

They say communication is key, and then compromise would naturally follow. Which is true, but if someone doesn't really know themselves to begin with, then they would be unable to determine what they're compatible with (ie: vista) and how much they're willing to put up with.

A better advice would be "do you know what you want?" or "do you know yourself?"

I think it's less that they don't know themselves and more so that they're not at peace with who they are yet. They a feel a pressure [that's usually self pressed] to be what they THINK other people want them to be. I've always been white wahsed. For a while I tried to be more "brown." Now I'm at peace with being white washed and I have no qualms with being myself BUT even when I was a sort of "closet traitor" once I got comfortable with people the real me always started to seep out anyway. *shrug* I tried to reinvent myself so many times and it just never worked. You have to try really hard to be something you're not.

It's the confidence that's key. If you're not confident in being yourself or if you're constantly unsure if people like what you're doing it comes off as you trying to be something you're not. Really, you can only be who you are. If you're a chronic people pleaser and shift at the drop of a dime in an attempt to suit other people, that's who you are and there's nothing wrong with that.

People at work always think my roommate bullys me into stuff. What they don't understand is I do it for her because it makes her happy and I want her to be. That's who I am. I am... acccomidating.

[Mannosuke]

Definitely, if someone is genuinely a bandwagon hopper and that's simply who they are, then it's ok. But really, how many people out there are genuinely bandwagon hoppers? lol

I don't think it's not so much lack of confidence in yourself, but the fear of disapproval by other human creatures (which may be the result of lack of confidence, or possibly the cause of lack of confidence).

Humans are social creatures, who wants to be labeled an outcast? I've been around people that are constantly worried about how they look and what others think to the point where I actually get ticked off and start asking them why others' opinions are so damn important. And these aren't important people at that, just minor details like the peers around you that probably aren't going to make a difference in your life anyways. But of course me being not-very-social I wouldn't understand how much value being popular is.

Those that can't fully accept themselves, well, it really depends what they don't like and why they don't like it. A lot of girls appear to be self-conscious about their looks and don't like a lot of things about themselves physical-wise (nose, eyes, eyelids, eyebrows, lips), and even when they use make-up or glue or tape or get surgery or any other methods to try to "boost their confidence" as some claim, they don't really look satisfied with it. But others are happy, so they're happy. I guess?

One girl told me that if a girl were to put on a little more make-up, and others were to compliment her on how she looked better than before, then she would continue to put on the same amount of make-up. Does that mean she's being herself? Maybe...people can change, so perhaps this "new" look is just a change for the better. Our perception of beauty, for example, influences how we perceive ourselves, but are they really OUR own opinions?

[akiaki]

This bit of information goes a long way.

Being yourself and having people love you for who you are will bring eternal happiness.
Looks, money, and anything physical fades with time but what you possess will remain with you forever.
(From my momma. )

[HaplessChild]

Definitely, if someone is genuinely a bandwagon hopper and that's simply who they are, then it's ok. But really, how many people out there are genuinely bandwagon hoppers? lol

I don't think it's not so much lack of confidence in yourself, but the fear of disapproval by other human creatures (which may be the result of lack of confidence, or possibly the cause of lack of confidence).

Humans are social creatures, who wants to be labeled an outcast? I've been around people that are constantly worried about how they look and what others think to the point where I actually get ticked off and start asking them why others' opinions are so damn important. And these aren't important people at that, just minor details like the peers around you that probably aren't going to make a difference in your life anyways. But of course me being not-very-social I wouldn't understand how much value being popular is.

Those that can't fully accept themselves, well, it really depends what they don't like and why they don't like it. A lot of girls appear to be self-conscious about their looks and don't like a lot of things about themselves physical-wise (nose, eyes, eyelids, eyebrows, lips), and even when they use make-up or glue or tape or get surgery or any other methods to try to "boost their confidence" as some claim, they don't really look satisfied with it. But others are happy, so they're happy. I guess?

One girl told me that if a girl were to put on a little more make-up, and others were to compliment her on how she looked better than before, then she would continue to put on the same amount of make-up. Does that mean she's being herself? Maybe...people can change, so perhaps this "new" look is just a change for the better. Our perception of beauty, for example, influences how we perceive ourselves, but are they really OUR own opinions?

I have to tell you. The weirder I act the better reception I get. I'm confident about it. I tell people right away "I'm sorry but I'm john teshing psycho. You should know this." People seem to actually enjoy this about me. I don't know why that wouldn't work for anyone else.

However, I have naturally curly hair and I hate it and I keep it straight. Everyone tells me I look better with my hair curly. I tell them all to bite me because they don't know what it's like to deal with it and I think the straight looks better. I personally prefer the reaction of everyone getting excited when it's curly. If I had it curly everyday it wouldn't get the reception that it does.

[goook]

I've always been white wahsed. For a while I tried to be more "brown." Now I'm at peace with being white washed and I have no qualms with being myself BUT even when I was a sort of "closet traitor" once I got comfortable with people the real me always started to seep out anyway.

I apologize for this is unrelated to the topic of this thread. I just wanted to mention that you, DreamingSaturn, should have no reason to feel pressured to lean towards any "race"-based persona, especially if you're living in the United States. The U.S., unlike other countries, is a combination of many ethnic backgrounds and cultures. While the rest of the countries across the world have their cultures based on their nationality and assumed ethnicity, we, on the other hand, do not base our American cultures on our race. Doing so would be quite difficult considering the numerous amounts of different ethnicity around. And in turn, being American introduces us to the cultures of other nationalities while maintaining our original ethnicity. For example, in the Asian community, the majority of the population in the U.S. seem to categorize themselves into mainly "white-washed", "fobs", and "ghetto". The Asians who become accustomed to American clothing and style see themselves as white-washed. The Asians who maintain an Asian style become labeled as fobs. And, of course, there are those who become accustomed to the more baggy clothing, Hip-Hop scene. People would complain that the white-washed or ghetto Asians are pretending to be something they're not. While at the same time, the Asians who've maintained their ethnic looks are seen as fobs. That doesn't seem quite right. Where is the middle ground? How do you become an Asian-American who's not a fob while not trying to be someone you're not? Logically, that wouldn't be possible - because it's incorrect. Regardless of your style, you're an American. The so-called "fobs" are American. The white-washed Asians are American. And, those fitted cap fellows are also American. It's a great thing to respect your ethnic background, of course, but don't let your race determine the way you are - not in this country at least.

Getting back on topic, what exactly is a bandwagon hopper? I kind of missed that. But yes, confidence is key. If I recall, there's another thread in this forum about confidence. I don't know how well that thread's going, but in all honesty, you can't expect someone to like you if you don't like yourself. That's like trying to sell a product you know doesn't work.

[bloopy_babo]

I agree that sometimes it is ultimately ourselves that prevent us from being ourselves. Sometimes being your true self is a bit different than who you are to others or how you want to portray yourself to others and that is a little to hard to swallow.

[HaplessChild]

I apologize for this is unrelated to the topic of this thread. I just wanted to mention that you, DreamingSaturn, should have no reason to feel pressured to lean towards any "race"-based persona, especially if you're living in the United States. The U.S., unlike other countries, is a combination of many ethnic backgrounds and cultures. While the rest of the countries across the world have their cultures based on their nationality and assumed ethnicity, we, on the other hand, do not base our American cultures on our race. Doing so would be quite difficult considering the numerous amounts of different ethnicity around. And in turn, being American introduces us to the cultures of other nationalities while maintaining our original ethnicity. For example, in the Asian community, the majority of the population in the U.S. seem to categorize themselves into mainly "white-washed", "fobs", and "ghetto". The Asians who become accustomed to American clothing and style see themselves as white-washed. The Asians who maintain an Asian style become labeled as fobs. And, of course, there are those who become accustomed to the more baggy clothing, Hip-Hop scene. People would complain that the white-washed or ghetto Asians are pretending to be something they're not. While at the same time, the Asians who've maintained their ethnic looks are seen as fobs. That doesn't seem quite right. Where is the middle ground? How do you become an Asian-American who's not a fob while not trying to be someone you're not? Logically, that wouldn't be possible - because it's incorrect. Regardless of your style, you're an American. The so-called "fobs" are American. The white-washed Asians are American. And, those fitted cap fellows are also American. It's a great thing to respect your ethnic background, of course, but don't let your race determine the way you are - not in this country at least.

Getting back on topic, what exactly is a bandwagon hopper? I kind of missed that. But yes, confidence is key. If I recall, there's another thread in this forum about confidence. I don't know how well that thread's going, but in all honesty, you can't expect someone to like you if you don't like yourself. That's like trying to sell a product you know doesn't work.

I'm not Asian. There's a lot more pressure from my ethnic communities to... behave... a certain way and the scope of what is considered acceptable is much more narrow. I'm not into what they're into so they can kiss my toosh. I gave their way a whirl and while I retained some of it, most of it got tossed out the window. At the time I was genuinely a people pleaser. Now I'm a me pleaser and anyone that's interested is welcome to come along for the ride but I'm not pulling over for anyone.

[Mannosuke]

I have to tell you. The weirder I act the better reception I get. I'm confident about it. I tell people right away "I'm sorry but I'm john teshing psycho. You should know this." People seem to actually enjoy this about me. I don't know why that wouldn't work for anyone else.

Humans are inspired by confidence, and hence if you're doing something different and you could care less what others think, you will naturally get the attention of a select few individuals that also feel the same way but didn't have the guts to do it themselves.

Confidence leads to great things, depending on how you use it. Either that, or you're naturally charismatic lol
They say hitler was a very charismatic person and what he said just got people all fired up. Well, most leaders tend to be rather charismatic as well, like obama or ML king.

Getting back on topic, what exactly is a bandwagon hopper? I kind of missed that. But yes, confidence is key. If I recall, there's another thread in this forum about confidence. I don't know how well that thread's going, but in all honesty, you can't expect someone to like you if you don't like yourself. That's like trying to sell a product you know doesn't work.

Bandwagon hopping is a vague term adopted by people that don't think very critically about things and just throw words like that around. But since it sounds a lot better than "LEMMINGS" I decided to use it to avoid offending people by comparing them to rodents lol

The concept that I associate with "bandwagon hoppers" is that they essentially follow where the crowd is heading. If a majority of the people agree with something, then they'll agree with it with or without thinking, and with or without honestly believing in what they're agreeing with.

A smaller example would be groups of humans where you have one guy that is considered "the boss" and you have all his underling henchmen that are probably weak on their own and feel that they need to serve this big powerful guy just to remedy their own insecurities. I watched some interviews involving gangmembers (or at least, ex-gang members of some local gang that really doesn't mean anything) and a lot of them actually said they didn't agree with what they were doing, but they did it anyways for fear of the possible consequences that may arise.

Clearly they weren't being themselves, but they really didn't have a choice either way due to how they chose to live their lives.

[HaplessChild]

Well, look at it this way. Something only becomes popular if enough people accept it to begin with. What you believe or percieve to be as jumping on the bandwagon for the sake of being a lemming may actually just be because they like it. I hate to admit it but I listen to DJ Tiesto every now and then. I feel awful for liking it but I do and I'm more than happy to subject other people to my crappy poppy techno garbage. It's "out of character" for me but I can't help it. Someone may think "Shy, that's not you, why are you listening to that?"

I think a lot of people just have bad taste.

[goook]

I was simply using Asians as an example, miss.

I must be terrible when it comes to slang terms. I wasn't aware of "lemmings" either. Now, about being yourself - If you, yourself, had a flimsy personality and went with whatever others went with, would being a lemming or bandwagon hopper be considered being yourself?

P.S. I just realized that you're the same person who started that confidence thread. How did I miss that?