[Sammiie__x]

Hehe, it was just a random question that popped in my head.

*Sorry if this is a repost, I tried searching but nothing came up. :x
Feel free to close.


So, I just wanna ask fellow soompiers;

What's your opinion on LDRs?
Have you ever been in a LDRs?
Any advice for people who wants to try LDRs?

I personally haven't been in one, iuno, the thought of distance would kill me "/
But, if you want to be in one, who could stop ya? ^^ Haha... just make sure it isn't really a paedo. :x

[joxxy]

I don't believe in long distance relationships.
I was considering doing it before I moved away from my now ex boyfriend but we both decided against it to preserve our friendship.
I'd rather for us to remain best friends without jealousy rather than fight and be frustrated by time differences and such.

[CherieDee]

Umm for me, physical contact and communication are important.
To put it short, it never worked for me.

[BlG_BANG.VIP]

yeaa I dont think it would work for me, I need the guy to be right there with me =P

[peppermintsugar]

I dated a guy who lives four hours away from me for a while, but we ended up moving in together eventually. It didn't work out, but not because of the distance.

I think it's possible, but it's rarely worth it. Not to mention, within the general age group of, say, posters on this forum, it's hard to trust that someone is going to be faithful. It's easy to be manipulated and persuaded, and feelings easily change when you're young.

[nightz]

It's difficult, physical contact and awareness of their presence makes things totally different. What I'm trying to say is that, long distance relationships aren't real. There's a sense of distance which detaches you from reality.

[LindySzeto]

I'm in one right now. My boyfriend graduated and moved back home to Toronto! While I'm still in the states. I trust him and he trusts me, if things were to go wrong, we'd know what to do. He and I are both 22+, so it's not like some teenage drama.

My brother and his high school sweetheart of 13 years, had to experience some distance as well. She sought better opportunities for her in Kentucky, so she moved down there while my brother stayed in Philly for a year or so, they're still happily together. Everyones different, it gets frustrating, but the feelings...that's what determines how much is being put into it. The willingness to sacrifice. I think they can work great if you trust, believe, and love each other.

You can't find a relationship, you must create it. Distance has no measure. Be committed and it will definitely work! (In terms of you've met and been with the person, have a sense of chemistry etc.)



nightz: How are LDR's "fake?" "Online," maybe so, but long distance? People meet each other, get together for some time, something may occur, distance is what happens. Doesn't sound fake to me.

[AiMango]

they are hard to deal with.. especially if you are both busy with school. i really thought it was going to work out fine and i was so naive. but yeah physical contact is important for me. not seeing each other for long durations - it sucks. i ended up falling for another guy so i just ended it.

[whenaicu]

I've been in one before. He lived about 3 hours away because I had moved interstate. I'd always make the effort to see him every month and we texted constantly. It also distracted me from school a lot. So when I moved to where he lived (Family issues) we broke up. I don't think LDRs really work unless both people are willing to put the effort in, even so, there's a lot of strain on your relationship all the time because of trust issues, lack of communication, no physical contact or just seeing them.

[`123]

i know its not gonna work out for me
i can never see myself without my boyfriend.

[_ATELIER]

i don't believe it wouldn't work. my older sis has been in a LDR with her bf of 4 years now, and going.
he lives in hawaii and she's in ny. i just think it's usually the trust issue and lack of skin ship that typically interferes with the relationship being healthy. i don't think i'd be able to do it though, i need someone physically with me.

[j.adore]

Honestly, I never thought it would work. And for me personally, I can't deal with long distance. I constantly need to see my boyfriend and need him near me. But starting in couple weeks, we are gonna be in LDR. This is my first time actually going into long distance and I'm pretty scared of the whole ordeal. I really like him and I don't have any trust issues about him not staying faithful and all. It's not trust issues that bug me. I think the lack of seeing each other is going to drive both of us nuts. He can't do long distance either, he actually has a bit of trust issues but for him, I'm gonna be finishing my year at the university and he knows enough people on campus to find out everything about me.

Not only are we gonna be hours apart, he's going to be in Korea while I'm in the states so even the time difference makes it difficult for us to talk. He has a full time job and I have classes so we'll have to see how we manage. Hopefully, we can last one year and if we do, I'll be moving back home so we'll be able to be together.

[j00n]

LDR's never work for extended periods of time. I've seen couples make it through a few months, a year even, but beyond that never.

[Limerence;]

My bf and I lives two hours away. This isn't a drastic LDR, but we're feeling it yknow? We try to see each other once every 2 weeks. But sometimes we'd go about a month, and become majorly deprived. I'm not going to lie and say it's not a hassle. Since I'm the one with the car, I'm also the one with the speeding ticketS. Plural. (Bay Area cops can be so strict at night.) Two hour drive is no bueno, especially alone in the wee hours of the morning and the latest hours of the night. So far I've learned that physical contact = $$$$$$. Harsh, but true. But we're going strong. Because we're too perfect for each other to let this one relationship go. Being in LDR, we've suffered through the deprivation, the jealousy, the trusts and mistrusts, seperation anxieties. At some point we were even continents apart (I was away in Asia), but we're still strong.

Why? Because we've put too much effort in this to let go and wtf, if we let go, we'll eventually have to start over again with someone else? Hell no . LOL.

This works for me a lot. I'm a person who tends to get bored easily.
If I were to see him every single day, and every waking moment..... I'd.... yeah.
Maybe, I can imagine that in the near future. But not anytime soon.
Right now, I have more satisfaction in myself if I work hard to get what I want.
And I want him.
So, a bit of sacrifice (driving 2 hours, once every 2 weeks, ehem.) isn't bad, as long as you believe in he/she and you're willing to make the relationship work.
Distance ain't mini cooper.

BTW, at some point I even managed to reduce it to 45 minutes! Minus tickets!
See, you learn a lot in LDR's, even non-relationship things! (:

[tinatran_]

personally, i don't think LDRs are actually worth it. cause you could be just attached to them just for the moment and as the days pass by without seeing him/her, you'll eventually lose interest. i just feel that, you're gonna have to put 150% effort in a LDR (depending on how far) or else you're gonna forget about your relationship.

[nightz]

You can't find a relationship, you must create it. Distance has no measure. Be committed and it will definitely work! (In terms of you've met and been with the person, have a sense of chemistry etc.)

nightz: How are LDR's "fake?" "Online,"
maybe so, but long distance? People meet each other, get together for some time, something may occur, distance is what happens. Doesn't sound fake to me.

I disagree, long distance relationships are really no different from online relationships. People don't always meet up in real life for long distance relationships. The complete lack of physical contact combined with absolutely no awareness of the other person, keeps you from knowing the other person in full. You, yourself, admit that you have to actually meet the other person. It's hard enough to get to know someone over years of living with them, what makes you think that you have the upper hand over people who are actually together - - physically? Besides, too much happens in the real world to be able to talk about everything over the phone. Ideally, you want to be engaged as much as possible in your partner's life. Most people like that feeling of inclusion, of being part of their lover's life. Without it, there's a sense of detachment.

endnote: So . . . I'm extremely anal about word choice so I can't help but try and correct you. Notice I said try, I'm not too terrible bright, but again, I try. @_@. Distance has a measure...>_> generally longer than displacement, but there are times when they are the same in measurement. Of course, you probably meant something different, but again, I'm really picky about words.

[iadoreyooh]

I'm in a long distance relationship right now, but it's temporary, so maybe it's a bit different than other people. It's just for the summer since we go to school together, so for us there is always that date that we can countdown to/look forward to and it's a definite we will see each other again.

However, I also made a friend this summer who is in a serious long distance relationship, like 3 years ongoing and 2 out of the 3 years have been long distance, and yeah they have had their troubles but they're still going strong and are in love and everything is fine.

So yeah, I believe in them. And yeah, I believe they work. It just takes the right people, the right relationship, and a lot of effort. I talked a lot about it with my friend who's in one, and after being in one for the past 2 months-ish, and going to keep being in one for another month, I realized a few things/come up with a few things with my friend:

1) Communication is KEY. If something bothers you you have to say it. Put it out on the table right then and there. There's no waiting for the right moment to bring it up because it'll never come, and the longer you keep it to yourself, the more it'll kill your relationship. You can no longer just rely on body language to make the other person bring things up. If you have an issue you just have to say it.

2) Tell each other everything.

3) It takes effort from both sides to make it work. LDRs aren't just a one-sided kind of deal. You have to take the time and effort to stay in touch. It's not just like friends, it's a relationship so it needs pretty constant attention. You're either walking towards each other, which is making the effort, or you just stop. Once you stop putting forth that effort, you'll naturally drift apart.

4) Jealousy isn't usually the cause for breakups in LDRs. It's drifting apart/lack of communication that kills it.

5) It works better if you don't make talking to one anther an obligation. I knew one person who designated a certain time slot every day where she and her boyfriend had to webcam and just... I think you should talk when you want to and when you both have time. It works best that way.

6) LDRs are purely mental relationships. They're not just "online" relationships. I think you guys are completely discrediting them. It takes SO much work to keep up a LDR, but I also think that in the long run, it makes your bond that much stronger. If one person is sad because of somehting you did, you can't just hug them and say you're sorry. You have to actually talk these out and go through everything step by step to solve it, and in that way, problems are actually fully solved because you don't have that physical component that you can fall back on. Plus, there are phones and webcams involved. It's not just like you're only IMing the person...

My boyfriend says that he thinks as long as you're always thinking of one another it doesn't matter that you only get to talk to each other for a really short amount of time each day. I guess this might not reassure most people, but I was concerned when we suddenly couldn't talk that much anymore because he became really busy, and this is what he told me.

It's hard, but I actually am glad that I had to do long distance for a little while. I feel like as a person, it has helped me grow SO MUCH, and it has taught me a lot of things about relationships in general, and has helped me gain habits such as telling my boyfriend everything and having to talk through everything and letting him know immediately when something bothers me, that will be good for our relationship even when it's not long distance. We are a lot more comfortable and open with one another now, and a lot closer. It also makes you really treasure and truly appreciate the times that you do have together. I wouldn't give up those changes for the world.

[san-ni-ichi]

I think long distance relationships don't last that long.
In my first relationship, we went out for about 8 months before she moved somewhere else.
It became long distance and we broke up 2 months later.
However, people are different, some could work, i dunno o_O

[LindySzeto]

I disagree, long distance relationships are really no different from online relationships. People don't always meet up in real life for long distance relationships. The complete lack of physical contact combined with absolutely no awareness of the other person, keeps you from knowing the other person in full. You, yourself, admit that you have to actually meet the other person. It's hard enough to get to know someone over years of living with them, what makes you think that you have the upper hand over people who are actually together - - physically? Besides, too much happens in the real world to be able to talk about everything over the phone. Ideally, you want to be engaged as much as possible in your partner's life. Most people like that feeling of inclusion, of being part of their lover's life. Without it, there's a sense of detachment.

endnote: So . . . I'm extremely anal about word choice so I can't help but try and correct you. Notice I said try, I'm not too terrible bright, but again, I try. @_@. Distance has a measure...>_> generally longer than displacement, but there are times when they are the same in measurement. Of course, you probably meant something different, but again, I'm really picky about words.

You'll never ever understand someone completely. Distance has nothing to do with that statement. You could be with someone for years on end that you see, touch, speak to every single day and they could turn on you at the drop of a hat. Trust me, in this life time, no one will ever understand someone as well as they understand themselves. Everyone has unspoken secrets. Distance has no measures because I'm always "with" my bf, whether it's physically or with my heart. It doesn't measure the love between two hearts. My feelings doesn't change just because he's a couple hours away from me.

When you're dating someone, of course you're apart of their life, once again, you don't need to be with someone every waking moment to classify it as a TRUE relationship. Like I've mentioned before, it's all about the truth and the sacrifice from both sides. I was in fact speaking of ldr's where both parties have met each other and been with each other. That's the difference with LDR's and Online. I'm NOT in an online relationship, but a LDR. I could see my other half any time I'd like. My boyfriend and I are in the "older" crowd, so maybe that's why we're a bit more tolerant when it comes to the trust and wanting to be with each other...not to say the younger couples aren't able to do that, it's just that they most likely wouldn't be able to handle it. He works 10 hours a day 5 days a week, I work 8 hours a day-6 days a week. I go to school fulltime, we're both very busy. He likes to go out a lot, which he does, and most of the time he and I are up during graveyard hours communicating/seeing one another. We're both extremely unconventional people, which has a huge influence on our relationship. It works because he and I actually put effort into it. We allow one another to have a personal life. I don't need to have my boyfriend with me 24/7 to reassure his love for me.

. I'm not saying there aren't any downsides to it, but I'm saying, don't knock it till you, YOURSELF, have tried it.

[lovecubedlee]

GAH im so glad this thread came up. im struggglin

1.) What's your opinion on LDRs?
I honestly never believed it would work until i met someone and then I suddenly wanted to believe it would. Maybe it's because I'm sort of in this situation, but I'm hopeful that LDRs CAN work.
2.) Have you ever been in a LDRs?
Sort of. We're not official and I turned down the offer to BE official...but we talk every day and I plan to visit him every other month if he visits the other months.
3.) Any advice for people who wants to try LDRs?
Maybe if I was ACTUALLY in one....I'M the one who wants advice!!