[Osakagrl]

Hello Everyone,

If there is already a thread like this I apologize.

I guess basically I really need to vent and hopefully reach out to other people who know what i went through for support.
Its such a lonely feeling when no one you know can understand the pain and trauma you experienced in the past.

For me, my mother abused me as early as six all the way till 17 when I finally left. She would scratch my face, punch me, drag me on the floor by my hair and rip my hair out. Call me a piece of S**t and a mistake. It was such a painful situation. But whenever she did that she would always come to me and cry and say she was sorry and she would never do it again.
And you know what? Everytime she did that I loved my mother so deeply, that I stayed. I honestly believed she would want to change. When I would ask her several weeks later is she would get help she would tell me to promptly "F" Off and that I was just a bad daughter and thats the only reason that I acted that way. This vicious cycle kept going and I didnt know when I would get out.

One day when we had a fight about my boyfriend she threatened to kill me and really "hurt him bad" as she said. she chased me to hurt me and I ran and ran. I had enough I screamed that I would call the police through tears. "she said that she would kill me before they got to our house". I was so scared...but she finally calmed down and demanded I get out. She took all my belonging and threw them out the window onto the yard. My friend picked me up and that was that.

After that she demanded I come home but I refused. She would leave my harassing phone calls if I didnt answer the phone in time like, "Listen you little f*****g b****h answer the phone before i beat you!"

I changed my number and NEVER spoke to her again.

But...I still have nightmares, I still find myself crying for no reason and getting HUGE anxiety attacks because of her.

No one understands....its so lonely when all people can say is "Im sorry..."

Has anyone here been through abuse? still in a abusive relationship?

[Regina Rae]

Why did your mother do this to you? Did she think you misbehaved or something?

[Osakagrl]

Why did your mother do this to you? Did she think you misbehaved or something?

When people are sick, what they do dont make much sense. I could get a beating by not cleaning my room well enough, staying on my computer too late, or expressing my political views

[aznstyles]

I kinda know what you went threw I don't think its possible to ever know what you went threw. I do want to say sorry to you because some times when people say there sorry its them reaching out in the only way they know how.

So yea my older brother used to beat me....at one point he choked me till I passed out. Another time he tied me to a chair and used me as a punching bag. Your probably thinking where were my parents when all this was going on. Well both of them worked a lot and my brother never left marks on my face. He had me so scared that I thought if I tell my parents he would kill me. Ive still got scars today from when he shot me in the back with a Co2 pelt gun and one from the time he cut me with a knife. After a few years I told my parents but he was still underage so they sent him to a psychologist and a psychiatrist. At that point in his life we found out he had several things wrong with him two of which are psychological conditions and one a physical. All three can affect how a person acts and can lead them to violence. I have come to terms with my brother years after a few years I don't blame him for his problems. But in away its left me a some what cold and angry person.

I understand how you can feel alone and I know there are groups which offer help to people with traumatic pasts. I will also say its easier the more you talk about it but I know it will never be easy. I am here for you if you want some one to talk to. Or if you just want some one to vent at.

[makesure]

Find someone, your boyfriend perhaps, that can stick with you through thick and thin, someone that honestly cares for you and can be there (literally) whenever you need it. Not trying to be cheesy, but in all honesty, this isn't something you can survive alone without undergoing endless emotional torment. If the nightmares/anxiety attacks are frequent, then you could consider sleeping over at a friends/boyfriends house, so that they would be there to comfort you when you needed it.

Your mom sounds like she really needs you even though she's expressing her love in all the wrong ways. Have you ever contacted another family member/relative that was capable in helping you deal with your problems? The way I would look at it; is to bring your mom to a psychologist your family trusts and as for you, I would move you out, which I see you already did. Right now I guess, would be to find someone who can help your mom. Hopefully after a while, things will get better.

[peppermintsugar]

I've never really gone through a constant state of abuse like you have, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for you, and you're a very, very, strong woman to have dealt with something like that and be able to talk about it. Very strong woman.

[mintcracker]

Well I haven't really been abused per se, though my dad has some MAJOR anger issues, to the extent he goes off and starts shouting just like that. Havne't really gone a day without him yelling at me '_'.

I think you're amazingly strong, and it's great you got away from all that crap.

[anniiepoo]

Well? I can definetely relate. My father has major anger issues. He would shout at me for the tiniest things like ... I don't even know- he just vents his anger out on me most of the time. He'd call me useless, question as to why a person like me is not dead yet.. curse at me in the most horrible ways. And time and time again I would just dismiss it thinking he was just not in a good mood, which is probably the case.
Asides from the verbal abuse, there's been countless cases where he literally beat the living cr_p out of me; using whatever's in sight as weapons lol. Could be whacking me with a chair repeatedly, throw whatever at me.. He'd choke me, punch, slap, kick me until I'm gasping for air, then continue with the verbal insults.
It's not that I'm a bad child, just the the 'best'. A few times I've rebelled just cuz I can't take this sh__ anymore.
In the worst cases I would try to drag myself to the phone in hopes to call the cops and then he'd just threaten me even more, saying 'Do it, I'd still kill you.'
It wasn't till recently I began to retaliate, resulting in just a major scrap between father and daughter >< All this time my Mom would be crying on the ground begging him to stop. Oh have I mentioned he's cheating? I found photos of him and the sl*t and showed them to my Mom. She confronted him and he was just like "And what?" I don't even know why she hasnt left him yet,, her excuse is 'Dont want to break up the family" [I have two younger sisters]
So yeah. That's my story haha. But in the end, he's my Dad and it just breaks my heart to think of leaving him and never talking to him again.. when he's good, he's great and I sincerely forgive him for everything he's done.. but then =.='' gahhhh...
Oh well, in a few months Im 18- lets see about it then ^^

[Osakagrl]

Thank you to everyone who has replied, I dont know if I am strong persay to be speaking about this, I just basically want to reach out to others and let you know that your not alone. And people like me know exactly the pain your are experiencing! Its a long journey since I left that situation. I live my loving boyfriend of 3 years, we have a beautiful home and I have a wonderful job. So even though I went through that situation I made it my strength to get farther in life. And not let people tell me what i can or can not do.

Aznstyles: Im so sorry that you had to experience that pain and torment. It must have been so scary and a lonely place to be in. But I am so glad that your brother was able to receive help and realise whats wrong with him. Even though it wont take the illness away at least you can recognize its there and know how to protect yourself!

Anniiepoo: It breaks my heart more then you know to read your story. Your father should NEVER lay a hand on you! It is not acceptable. I know when your in that situation its so common that it almost seems normal...hence you never leave because you just get "used" to it. You love your father, but you also have to love yourself. And that includes protecting yourself, AND your family! It sounds to me that your father is really toxic not only to you but also to your mother. I hope that your mother gather the strength to leave him, especially for you and your sisters. I will keep you and your family in your prayers. And honey, trust me from experience....you will feel so much better if you GET OUT! It feels like the chains that bind you have finally broken and youll be so much happier.

To Anyone in general if you ever need someone to talk to about think kind of stuff, feel free to PM me and I can give you my MSN : )


God Bless

Ashley

[joannieos]

Oh wow, I can't believe they can actually do that to FAMILY >_> crazy. Anyway, when I was younger in primary, my parents use to hit me, but only when I misbehaved. They would never touch me without reason, because my parents know their limits. So it's a good, I'm glad they weren't like crazy bashing machines. I'm in high school now, and they got over the whole "hitting" thing, so I never get hit anymore only told off ==". They only make my sister kneel and cross her arms sometimes, but that's about it.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry to all those people who have gone through that kind of torment, it's horrible really..Reading these stories makes me so furious, I wish I could do something for you guys!

[LUVSSOURCREAM]

Oh wow, I can't believe they can actually do that to FAMILY >_> crazy. Anyway, when I was younger in primary, my parents use to hit me, but only when I misbehaved. They would never touch me without reason, because my parents know their limits. So it's a good, I'm glad they weren't like crazy bashing machines. I'm in high school now, and they got over the whole "hitting" thing, so I never get hit anymore only told off ==". They only make my sister kneel and cross her arms sometimes, but that's about it.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry to all those people who have gone through that kind of torment, it's horrible really..Reading these stories makes me so furious, I wish I could do something for you guys!

actually it's not as uncommon as you think. and her mother didnt exactly choose to abuse her own daughter you know, like the starter of this thread said, her mother is sick. i hope you know what that means .

anyway, ive been in a verbal and emotional abuse relationship with a guy. i knew that i was in it and i stayed. i KNEW all the signs and i still stayed and thought we could work things out. I KNEW there was nothing wrong with me but gah....its over its over. that loser son of a b.itch can die for all i care. he's the only person i wish harm on. i dont care what others think when i say that. 'oh you're still bitter, you need to move on.' but i dont think about it constantly i just hate him with a passion. he was such a loser. insecure. ugly inside and out. racist. sexist. useless. unreliable. stupid. cheap. alcoholic. pathological liar or just a plain liar. narcissistic. ignorant. on top of psychological issues, family issues, he's just a stupid a.hole who wants to drag ppl down with him and very selfish. gosh i was so stupid.

and he called me all sorts of names (women degrading names). try to make me feel bad about myself. try to make me feel guilty and i end up cursing him back because i knew what he was trying to do. and then i felt bad about what i did. i was too understanding. he has the guts to be mean to me while we're apart but he's a fu.cken lion king when it comes up for standing up for himself to others (strangers, family) i knew he made me feel all these things because he is truly a loser himself. because.....well why would a happy and healthy person go around making others miserable? it wasnt healthy at all.........for ME. that is, for him, it's a dead end road he will always be living. he's not gonna change.

even towards the end of the relationship, he still thought he had control over me. he would break up with me then five minutes later (like ALWAYS). 'Im sorry, im just stressed out with everything. i shouldnt have taken it out on you.' (and keeps talking but i ignore) then he goes ballistic 'WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IGNORING ME' then i get texts, phone calls, voicemails, offline msgs. it was a phase of apologies, then irritation then anger then apology. it was a one man show.(throughout this process it lasted for about 6months WITHOUT me responding. he was psycho, a true sicko. there was a week when he didnt contact me and i thought it was over but it wasnt, so i finally blocked his number, aim and stuff. it was really stupid.

whew im done venting. but anyway, you are not alone. although my situation cant compare to yours, there are only better days ahead. i do believe there are situations you cant forgive though. because only then you can move on. once you forgive, cycle happens all over again

[Kaylme]

i've never been in that kind of situation and I hope not to be in one.... buy what im trying to say is that even thought you think that you're alone and no one is there for you then your wrong cuz god is always on your side no matter wat happens

[dAN.c]

I kinda know what you went threw I don't think its possible to ever know what you went threw. I do want to say sorry to you because some times when people say there sorry its them reaching out in the only way they know how.

So yea my older brother used to beat me....at one point he choked me till I passed out. Another time he tied me to a chair and used me as a punching bag. Your probably thinking where were my parents when all this was going on. Well both of them worked a lot and my brother never left marks on my face. He had me so scared that I thought if I tell my parents he would kill me. Ive still got scars today from when he shot me in the back with a Co2 pelt gun and one from the time he cut me with a knife. After a few years I told my parents but he was still underage so they sent him to a psychologist and a psychiatrist. At that point in his life we found out he had several things wrong with him two of which are psychological conditions and one a physical. All three can affect how a person acts and can lead them to violence. I have come to terms with my brother years after a few years I don't blame him for his problems. But in away its left me a some what cold and angry person.

I understand how you can feel alone and I know there are groups which offer help to people with traumatic pasts. I will also say its easier the more you talk about it but I know it will never be easy. I am here for you if you want some one to talk to. Or if you just want some one to vent at.

its sh*t like this and the other stories i've read in this thread that make me believe there is no god. many people get to go through life without this sh*t, ive had an exerpience similar to anniipoo and its left me somewhat an angry bitter kid

im glad u all got through...its f***king bulls*it knowin people go through stuff like this, wish i couldve been there to help you all