[uchung89]

so here's the deal: i've been sneaking out a few times to see a guy friend of mine. my reason is that i like him and i guess he cares about me too because he is always asking for me to come over. although we are not "dating" it's fun to hangout. he always works during the day and i usually have to work during the night so we both never really had the time during the day.

however, my mom doesn't approve of me seeing such a guy. she just think he's trouble (without even meeting him) and girls that sneak out are all up to no good.

i'm 19...about to turn 20 in less than a month, but my mom continues to lecture me how it's not a good idea.

one night she found out that i snuck out and started throwing stuff at me when i came home saying i should just go live with him. i mean...all my other friends have no curfews. even some of my really good girl friends have stayed at guy's houses and vise versa.

i don't see how my being out at night affects her life so much. if she doesn't know it doesn't hurt her but it only affects me because of my lack of sleep. i guess it makes her look bad in front of others? she has been talking about how she can't brag about me anymore. before i met this guy she depended on me A LOT. i was basically the second mom in the house..

maybe it's just a korean culture...any advice? =/
please be nice about comments. i have been having low self esteem issues lately;;

[bbylizee]

lol my mom said the same thing to me too when i used to have to sneak out.
Actually she still says the same thing to me now when I go out after hours,
that it's not "ladylike" to be going out at that time and only up to no good girls do so I shouldn't.

She trusts me now so I go out whenever, besides I'm 21. Ha, ride it out til you're older I guess.

[azndubz]

lol I don't get that :/ you're 19 already, technically you're almost-ALMOST legal, right? I mean, you should have some freedom too :| But that's just me saying, and I'm only 16

[aznbakax]

I'm pretty sure she's just worried for you. She must have her reasons.
Maybe you should have a talk with your mum and ask, why she doesn't approve of the guy.
I think it was pretty extreme that your mum started throwing stuff at you.
I guess in asian culture, the parents love to boast about their children to other parents. For example, what does your child study, blah blah, etc.

[Mannosuke]

Have your guy friend meet your mom. Simple as that.

Instead of talking about how "all your other friends don't have curfews" and "I don't see how this affects HER life" (which are meaningless), just fix the problem directly by showing her what kind of person HE is.

SCREW what others kids get, they're not in YOUR family.
If you really don't like the rules of this household, you can just "go live with him" like she suggested. Maybe she'll be careful with what she says in the future when you don't come back.

[c0lap1nada]

Eh.
I would kill my daughter if she went sneaking out of the house to meet a guy.

It seems so... Trashy? Man.. can't think of the word.

[Regina Rae]

Eh. I would kill my daughter if she went sneaking out of the house to meet a guy. It seems so... Trashy? Man.. can't think of the word.

Trashy? Lol, sure.

The fact that a 19 year old girl can't meet up with a guy is selfish. Her mother is only thinking about herself.

Trashy > Selfish

[trèsCREATIONS]

That's funny, I just had the biggest argument with my mom just now about how I've changed. She caught me sneaking out last week and screamed, cried, wanted to punch me. And I'm going on 19, and legally an adult. That does not change the fact that they don't see you as an adult, and the fact is, while you live under their house, you're still a child to them, and it effin' sucks.

I tried seeing from her point of view, and I guess I can see why she doesn't want me out in general late, because to her it's always about a guy, and she does not want me seeing anyone.

Unfortunately, kids, teens whatever, regardless of how controlling their parents are will always find a way to be with the person they like. It's just up to the parent to pick whether their child lies and leaves or says the truth and leaves.

Live with it, honestly I'm just waiting to get kicked out LOL, keeding, I don't know, if you find a solution, tell me ):

[eyeluvyew<3]

Maybe, a mature talk with your mother would ease up things more.
Talk about how much you think you are responsible and trustworthy.
Don't be like " I'm 19 and an adult, you're not the boss of me "
Talk to her about your curfew time, expectations she wants and what you think you guys should talk about.
Communication is important!
Like, have her talk what she expects and etc, and then talk about what you want and probably go from there...

Good Luck!

[teaispink]

I wouldn't say ur mom is wrong. She has every right to lecture you, no matter how old you are.
Seriously, this has nth to do with 'i'm legal'. Imo, as long as ur living under their roof u follow their rules
only if its reasonable to you, if you dont like some things you can always talk to them about it. Have a mature talk.
The very immature thing ur mom did was throwing things at u, wtf?

I'm sure you can tell her that this guy is someone u like and the only time he's free is at night. Sneaking out is unnecessary, unless ur mom is really unreasonable. Btw, why do you have to go c him, why cant he be the one sneaking out for u?

[pink_berry]

Maybe, a mature talk with your mother would ease up things more.
Talk about how much you think you are responsible and trustworthy.
Don't be like " I'm 19 and an adult, you're not the boss of me "
Talk to her about your curfew time, expectations she wants and what you think you guys should talk about.
Communication is important!
Like, have her talk what she expects and etc, and then talk about what you want and probably go from there...

Good Luck!

Yeah, she can't use the 'I'm not a kid anymore. I'm an adult now' excuse because then her mom would be like 'If you're so grown then move out'
I suggest you sit your mom down and talk to her about this. How you feel.

[adiavoy]

LOL, take up your mom's offer on living with him then But seriously.. if something hurts the child, it's going to hurt the parent. She's just worried about what you're doing, who you're doing these things with and if something is influencing you. Parents are definitely going to be mad if you sneek out in the middle of the night without telling them. I mean... you guys don't work EVERY single day, so why not just hang out during those days and not lie to your mom? Btw.. if you're still living in your mom's house.. then gotta follow your mom's rules. Also.. this guy your meeting is ONLY a friend... is he really worth having arguments w/ your mom?

[missmoobear]

i'm pretty sure she's just worried..
maybe she's being overprotected.
like all asian parents. not all ! just saying. ^^;
like mine. o___o;

[maharu.]

She's just really worried for you.
If I were the mom, I would be worried too if my daughter sneaked out without telling.
It's most likely because your mom doesn't want anything bad happening to you.
A girl out alone at night doesn't seem to be a safe option because you never know what happens.
Your guy friend could be a shady guy (inviting a young girl over doesn't seem to be a safe idea...
because I know someone who was drugged in that way and was almost raped).

Have a nice discussion with your mom and work it out.
If you're reasonable, she may make a respectable decision.
Plus if you're still living with her, I think she has the right to have a say.

[vintageballad]

Maybe she's more mad at the fact that you've been sneaking out without her approval/knowledge for so many times than you just meeting him WITH her approval/knowledge.

[infinityx]

i think your mom's more concerned about you sneaking up to meet with him than imposing those "rules" and "curfews".
why? pre-marital sex, people. that's what goes through her head--- its just natural for a mother. even if he's just a friend.

the present culture is so liberated right now, she wont want it if you got pregnant at young age, it would break her heart for sure. she's just being cautious about the guy she hasnt met. i hope the guy you like will know some secret strategy to warm up to your mum

its not just korean culture. my mom's pretty conservative too by the way, but she will just let me go out as long she knows where i am.from my experience, a simple text or "hey mom, im going out, ill be back around midnight" goes a long way. the more you sneak out of your room, the more she will tighten her leash--- that's what i learned from my mistakes.. tell her you can prove to her you can be responsible, even when going out. Earn her trust--- dont sneak out, please. It will mean youre doing things behind her back and you trust your guy friend more than your own mother.

Maybe you can just try to reach a compromise--- like giving her the address of where youre staying at, or your guy friend's home residence number so she can talk to his mum or any "point person" (his sibling, or whatever).

altho throwing stuffs is quite erm, violent-- at least it wasnt something physical enough to suffer bruises or whatever. Asian moms can have REALLY SHORT TEMPER-- after all, they've already been patient with us when we were young (washing our butt off after potty training, seeing a D on our Math report cards, yadda yadda), what more if they have to be patient when we're already adults?

erm those "bragging rights" youre talking about---i think as long as she finds there's something youre good in, whether in arts or cooking a simple pasta or whatever--- not necessarily academics--- you're okay. After all, mums will feel inferior to other mums/relatives who have "better" daughters/sons, im sure it's just her defense mechanism that she says "youre up to no good".

keep your self esteem up--- you have the rest of your adult life to worry about larger things. me, i have to worry about being unemployed after graduating college :|

Stay safe, stay cool-headed. And do your momma proud

[KareBear]

Can't really blame your mom though for being mad. I'm assuming you never snuck out before to see a guy so... the first thing that would pop up in your mom's mind is "omg... this guy is messing with my daughter! He's getting her to sneak out at night to meet him! If he wants to see her, why wouldn't he come over then during the daytime!? OMG! He wants to sleep with m daughter!! that b**tard" <= I bet that's what your mother is thinking.
Although it doesn't affect her directly, the truth is that you are her daughter. She cares for you and if some guy is trying to mess around with you, of course she'll be angry. If you want her to understand that the guy you're seeing is a good guy then you should introduce him to her so she'll get a better idea of him.

[* veenee]

its not just culture.. shes protective of you, and besides she may disapprove of any guy. she doesnt want you to be tricked, lied or worse, pregnant. you should be home..
question : why do you want to be in his house? you and him arent officially dating..

and i realized my mother was correct when she judged my friends back when i was a little school girl. she pointed out 2 people and said i shouldnt be too close with them or see them too often.. turns out 1 is a pinkberry who just wants popularity and the other is a jealous freak who befriends decent-pretty looking people (to steal their youth.. kidding) but she befriends people so she gets tips to make herself pretty but then bad talks when shes jealous of what she cant have, like boys, objects, and.or other things someone has that she doesn't have,

[sus]

cos ull get up too no good...sooner or later...
she jsut scared of losing u.. or growing up

[PRRRETTYGLiTTERRR]

i thought you would be under 18 .. hmm but yeah i dont think your mom should be that strict.. if youre going to do it, then do it well! idk but korean moms are like that >:[ so overprotective and judgemental at times!