[darker than black]

I never talk to her, C.H. She was from my old high school, we never talked, perhaps one or two sentences, I liked her since like grade 11, for no apparent reason, she was really nice, I thought maybe we could be good friends and I won't push things any further than that, but... I was diagnosed with SA/SP (social anxiety/phobia), OCD, and depression, and still do, so I didn't have many friends. I didn't know what would I say if I ever bumped into her. And I was and still hurt from the past, so I tend to avoid girls. W/e.

She's in the same university as me, and taking neuroscience or something. I'm in the library with no journal book, so ya.

We spoke like once..I think. Last year, when I finished my Chemistry class, she was siting outside waiting for someone, I think. It was winter, she talk really fast man..I couldn't follow..lol. We talked, a little, and God, my anxiety levels were rocketing, my mind was almost going blank, so I ended the convo, and said bye. That happens with all girls..sadly

Right now she's on my MSN and Facebook, which I barely use, I added her randomly through one of my old classmates... Felt kind of weird, cuz we never talked. I want to, but when I open my MSN chat window, I just remember my shi*y high school life..no wait, my life in canada, . It's not that I'm that shy, I'm not really shy at all..I think, I just..have a lot of problems..well some people have it worse..I'm such a noob. And it is a trigger everytime I do something that remind me of cowtown, a name that I shall never speak physically again, unless needed. A place I'll never vist again, unless needed.

Back in high school, she and I talked a little, like I just said, but I always said something mean back *hell, I didn't want to*, but I couldn't take the 1-1 situtation, and I didn't want some..a lot of people to hurt me, so I was always like "hurt them before they hurt me"..or "just leave me alone" that kind of attitude

But I felt different about her, just random feeling. but I said some mean stuff, like once in art class. She walked in and was like "I didn't know u took art?" She was smiling and being nice.. I was like "well, what does it look like??" I wish I could've taken that back and said something else.

I don't want to sound like a stalker or anything, u know...lol

I wanted to know more about her, but I didn't know much of a way, other than talking to her, which I couldnt do. And I barely made any friends in high school, I didn't like people to know, like her friends. So I erased the thought, and focused on school, which was something I did for years, and through out junior high and high school, SA sucked, going through high school was like hell for me. Now she's in my university, and I really wanna just be friends. But I don't want it to be so weird between us, I don't talk that much, and don't have much of a social life, and I think she has like a lot of friends, I've noticed in high school, not that I was stalking her, those friends of hers were really obvious... I just don't fit in..

Right now I'm talking to myself, omg. LOL, I'm siting here in the study hall, and theres a window in my room, I think some people were like WTF is this guy doing? LOL.

I just get nervous generally around girls, I wasn't like this before, I was alright, just a minor anxiety, really small. Now when some people say get a gf, or dude u don't know any girls, I get so sad. but I don't cry, ever if I wanted to, theres no tears man, just heart pain...chronic heart failure due to depression, never diagnosed but....LOL maybe
IDK.


This morning, when I was at the LRT station (light rail train), when the train was coming, my feet were aching to move, my thoughts were only of those of jumping infront of the train and get this life over with, but my body weren't moving. I was so close, a few more inches...maybe a few more ten inches, my life woud've ended there. But then I was like "oh, man, I haven't left a note yet" so I backed off, and then I found out the train stopped like 10 meters away from me, if I did jump infront the train..omg..total embarrassment. But I wanted to, SO bad. Those were my only thoughts at the station, even when I was talking about something else.


, I got my SA/SP support forums, but not that many or at all..people responds, idk. I recently met some ppl on these forums that were from Ontario, i'm so happy . Yah, I'm not alone..but y from ontario, i wish they would be close to alberta

don't know if any one have SA/SP, u know it sucks, or maybe u don't wanna admit it on soompi, well, nobody know who the F I am..so I'm ok with it haha...

What is it like living with SA? well this vid sums it up, not by me, by some girl, I'll never get the guts to make a vid...then people will know..

http://www.youtube.com/user/JaneyfromKorea.../27/6uo3E22-6QA

and

http://www.youtube.com/user/JaneyfromKorea.../26/QsRWmPDK100



So, about my topic, any advice?

[~fantasygurl~]

To become friends with her the first thing you should to is TALK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you are just being stubborn and selfish because you are a coward and just by being that of course you can't talk normally or be friendly with just anyone. I am not being mean towards you or anything...

I might not understand or anything but i said to give it a go and talk to her like give it your all and just say hi to her every time you see her you know? I know it can be vexing for a guy like you wanting to be friends with her and all too.

Say a simple: Hi.

Let her her know that you exist and ask to hang out sometimes and yeah it should be okay.

You can talk to me about it too if you want just message me!

[KanyeWEST]

so you're completely obsessed with a girl you've only spoken a few sentences with and you contemplate suicide because of it?
i would suggest seeing a psychiatrist if you aren't already seeing one. have you tried taking any prescribed medication for your anxiety and depression?

try not to kill yourself, get on some meds, and hopefully when you're able to function better you can not be creepy and actually try to talk to the girl instead of being weird/suicidal.

goodluck

[brownman90561495]

i don't really know what it's like to have an SA/SP, but besides taking the prescribed medication (if you have any). but i am sure your mind is working as it should be, and i think you should train yourself in talking to many people until you get used to it. always make yourself ready when you get to chance to talk to this girl you like - write down anything that you two can talk to.

and, try to wear your smile at all times.

[darker than black]

so you're completely obsessed with a girl you've only spoken a few sentences with and you contemplate suicide because of it?
i would suggest seeing a psychiatrist if you aren't already seeing one. have you tried taking any prescribed medication for your anxiety and depression?

try not to kill yourself, get on some meds, and hopefully when you're able to function better you can not be creepy and actually try to talk to the girl instead of being weird/suicidal.

goodluck

Um, no, I didn't try to commit suicide cuz of her, that's just stupid. I got other reasons, and I'm not completely obsessed, she's only at the farthest reach of my mind, just a crush from high school, nothing else.

[azn_guitar_guy]

y'know i used to be in that sort of situation before so i can understand that this issue keeps coming up in ur mind and how u think about it too often, which i think is how u feel...

before i used to have some ppl that would listen to me ranting and venting out on them and they would give good advice to me, so that i want to try the same thing for u

if you want to start up a relationship, you have to have the "courage" to talk to her and to get "courage" is to have experience... like A LOT of it!!

you have to talk to other girls... short, tall, fat, thin, ugly, nerd, like all types... i used to have a problem talking to girls too, like i didn't know what to say at first and what to say later on and how to keep the conversation going and how to keep it natural. i constantly felt that i had a lotta pressure building up (but that was back in like junior high, not trying to make u feel bad ) and so trying to pursue on this issue... i tried practicing by talking with ppl online instead... girls that would sign in on those online games like yahoo or omgpop... it was just friendly chat and we just had fun... like it was just naturally fun to talk to them and they felt the same way

and that feeling is what makes them want to come back to u and talk to u again and again... and some more...

now the thing is.. is that u haven't talked to this girl much at all, so that u probably don't know enuff about her to start a relationship... but i think it's best to start out by being friendly before anything else... she might not even agree with some of the things that you do and vice versa... so really.. the start of any relationship is the strong bond of communication between the two of you

hope that helps~

[Mannosuke]

I'm assuming you've tried to fight against these disorders? There are those that just accept it and never do anything about it (and continue to go downhill) and those that refuse to let it control their lives no matter how hard it is.

[darker than black]

I'm assuming you've tried to fight against these disorders? There are those that just accept it and never do anything about it (and continue to go downhill) and those that refuse to let it control their lives no matter how hard it is.

ya, I am, currently, but I dont know how long is it going to take, things are going kind of slow, maybe I'll have this all my life.

Like I've been forcing myself in 1-1 situtations where I get really uncomfortable, and eating or walking through a mall or something. Nothing too extreme.

[KanyeWEST]

Um, no, I didn't try to commit suicide cuz of her, that's just stupid. I got other reasons, and I'm not completely obsessed, she's only at the farthest reach of my mind, just a crush from high school, nothing else.

uh huh. so you thought about committing suicide but not because of her?
oh well that's great!

srsly just go smoke some weed and chill out. learn some social skills.

[toffys191]

uh huh. so you thought about committing suicide but not because of her?
oh well that's great!

srsly just go smoke some weed and chill out. learn some social skills.

john tesh off Kanye West. I don't know how good my internet-sacrasm-detecting skill is, but it looked pretty damn sacrastic to me. Cut him some slack, he's suffering from a disorder. Go smoke some weed and chill out? Are you john teshing kidding me? I'm not even gonna go into it. Learn some social skills? No mini cooper, obviously from his post, that is he is john teshing doing and asking for advice anonymously on a virtual world. At the very least, he is attempting to overcome his disorder.

[KanyeWEST]

john tesh off Kanye West. I don't know how good my internet-sacrasm-detecting skill is, but it looked pretty damn sacrastic to me. Cut him some slack, he's suffering from a disorder. Go smoke some weed and chill out? Are you john teshing kidding me? I'm not even gonna go into it. Learn some social skills? No mini cooper, obviously from his post, that is he is john teshing doing and asking for advice anonymously on a virtual world. At the very least, he is attempting to overcome his disorder.

congrats, your internet sarcasm detecting skills are pro!!!

ive already tried giving advice but instead he just says he didn't try to commit suicide over the girl. why even add that piece of information into the original post? is he looking for sympathy or something?

yeah, i can understand him having a disorder, but it's a disorder that you can overcome. whether it be with prescribed drugs, seeing a shrink, etc etc. and weed tends to help a lot of people with anxiety, so that little bit wasn't completely unhelpful.
weed also helps you socially, and can often lead to a really good group of friends.

and good job not even giving advice to the op.

[darker than black]

congrats, your internet sarcasm detecting skills are pro!!!

ive already tried giving advice but instead he just says he didn't try to commit suicide over the girl. why even add that piece of information into the original post? is he looking for sympathy or something?

yeah, i can understand him having a disorder, but it's a disorder that you can overcome. whether it be with prescribed drugs, seeing a shrink, etc etc. and weed tends to help a lot of people with anxiety, so that little bit wasn't completely unhelpful.
weed also helps you socially, and can often lead to a really good group of friends.

and good job not even giving advice to the op.

I never tried drugs, but did have counseling..from a PHD student in university..

does weed really work? dont u smell bad, and get addicted, and get cancer or something?

[whatismyname]

well ppl claim that weed is not addictive. i dont smoke weed so im not sure.

you may take my advice as a cruel joke....but its not. i dont entirely know what exactly is SA and when you get episodes of it. but do you feel anxiety towards ugly girls? im assuming you dont really have problems chatting with guy friends....so how about being a friend with a girl you have no physical or emotional attraction to? a girl that you would even find that is nowhere near your 'type of girl'. and then maybe you wont care about how she sees you or if she would even judge you. i think this is a small stepping stone.

[darker than black]

well ppl claim that weed is not addictive. i dont smoke weed so im not sure.

you may take my advice as a cruel joke....but its not. i dont entirely know what exactly is SA and when you get episodes of it. but do you feel anxiety towards ugly girls? im assuming you dont really have problems chatting with guy friends....so how about being a friend with a girl you have no physical or emotional attraction to? a girl that you would even find that is nowhere near your 'type of girl'. and then maybe you wont care about how she sees you or if she would even judge you. i think this is a small stepping stone.

um..actually I do have problems talking with ugly girls and trouble speaking to my guy friends too....I have problems talking to everybody in general, theres only one or two people I kind of talk to w/ not that many problems, and before we became friends, there were A LOT of silences, but I think they didn't mind as much, some...actually a lot did have probelms with me being so quiet, so they stopped talking to me. It's not like I don't want to say anything, I just don't know what to say..I don't want people to feel that I'm rude or hard to approach and stuff u know, if I didn't have my SA..

And I don't just get episdoes, I get it everywhere I go. Like when I'm in class, when I'm outside of class, walking to class, walking in mall, walking in rez, in my rez room. am I suppose to talk to my roomates? and some times when we do talk, and get all silent. I think to myself

" why is it so quiet?"

"am I suppose to say something"

"I never talk enough"

"Ahh..S**t, what if he/she is uncomfortable w/ me"

"omg, I don't know what to say"

I always felt ok in the library, where it is quiet.