[inyeon.]

People my age are supposed to hang out with friends after school, participate in school activities, and all that jazz.

I just can't. I have trouble making new friends because I'm often so concerned with what they'll think of me, and I'm always worried about what I should say, what I should do. I know people don't care that much, but my mind just tells me they do. I can't hold a conversation either. Someone comes up to me and goes "hey whats up", the only thing I can reply with is "hi -waves-" and then theres like a long draft of awkward silence before they go "okay bye". It makes me face/palm. I just don't know what to talk about to create a nice conversation.

And worse, I have no personality or wit. Like srsly, I'm not funny and I'm probably the most boring person you'll meet. My friends can think of replies really quickly and make everybody laugh while I'm just like... how do they do that? I rarely hang out on weekends(I'm so lame the point where my "friends" dont invite me to anything anymore.) , and tbh, I've never taken a photo with friends before. (except maybe 5 years ago u_u)

The weird part is that I'm completely fine when I'm not at school. I say whatever I want, and I actually have a personality. I just don't know what stops me at school x_x

Its just so...sad. Like it makes me genuinely sad that I have to waste my school life being this way. Can anybody give me advice, especially those that have gone through the same thing as me? Being social is just such a challenge. ):

[GRRRf00]

LOl,
thats me in some situations.
I'm really outgoing with the majority of people,
but once I meet certain people,
I just do a 180 and shut up and everyhting flys outta my head. X))

[ParappaRappa]

lol, i know exactly how you feel. they are the exact same things i'm always thinking to myself haha

the only advice i can give you is to just stop caring what people think. i know how hard it is though, it's hard to convince my own mind that...x_x besides, other people care about what other people are thinking too. they probably won't be spending that much time thinking about someone they don't know, you know? hahaha

and you know what might help?? tell your friends that you want to change. they should be more than happy to help you. i remember my friends used to tell me that they were going to help me break out of my shell, LOL.

this helped for me: try to force your confidence. that doesn't sound too great, haha...but this helped me get used to talking more and louder.

[brownman90561495]

@OP: hey may we know how old are you now?

[dragonninja598000]

You've just barely hit high school. Don't worry about it so much. It normally takes time for you to settle in a be comfortable. Took me a while too, but one thing you can do to speed it up is to put yourself out there and not care about what people may say or thing because it really doesn't matter what they think. =P You'll learn that one way or another

[Junior.Panda]

Haha, i always see people have this problem on soompi seriously. alright, just be yourself. your having this "problem" because your thinking about what their going to say. Who cares what their going to say. People will like you if you just be yourself.

[한스 ㅋㅋ]

I know people don't care that much, but my mind just tells me they do

imo that is your problem.
You are correct, they don't care at all.
So why should you bother?
The sooner you could get over this, the sooner you could improve.

[inyeon.]

this helped for me: try to force your confidence. that doesn't sound too great, haha...but this helped me get used to talking more and louder.

I constantly tell myself this, and yet, it still doesnt get any better? I guess I will try harder though.

@OP: hey may we know how old are you now?

Freshmen at HS. I hope you don't use that against me, lol.

Haha, i always see people have this problem on soompi seriously. alright, just be yourself. your having this "problem" because your thinking about what their going to say. Who cares what their going to say. People will like you if you just be yourself.

At the same time, thats part of the problem too. I...am boring. I'm a boring person, which is the probably one of the reasons why I'm not social either.

thanks to everybody that replied though. Its been just a weekend, and its getting a little better already.

[Chyeaah]

Don't worry about what other people think. I used to be like that during years 7 and 8, but i slowly began to not really care what others think of me. I made heaps of new friends and became more sociable because i just stopped worrying about others' opinions.

Although it feels kind of awkward when i meet new people, i just keep talking and laughing and try to get to know them more which relieves the awkward tension.

And I agree with bear 474, you should force your confidence cause that was what helped me and now i'm just used to talking to everyone and meeting new people.

Also, try to look appear more confidence... like a more confident 'look' if you know what i mean. I think it'll help you with the inner confidence cause if you look it then you'll feel it

[commedesgarcons]

JUST STOP! Who cares about what others think. just be yourself!

start by participating in sports that you like.. like cross country.. makes lots of friends that way =)

[xxxxxxx]

I'm just like you.. I , unfortunately, sometimes care what people think of me. but I realized that that was the reason why it getting in the way. When I'm myself and I don't care about anyone , I can easily befriend them.
It's hard. I know. Compared to my sister, I'm really shy and I don't talk much and theres tons of awkward silences...I can be really boring . I can't think of anything witty and I don't keep conversations for over 20 seconds. I'm pretty antisocial and I don't do much.
I'm dealing with this right now. I just started college and people are all making friends and I'm not.

I'm sorry but the only advice I can get to you is be yourself. Don't be scared of what people think of you. When you don't care about that stuff, they will begin to be like " hey , i want to meet her"
I think the reason you can meet new people is join groups. I can be really shy but when I'm stuck with people for a service event, I start speaking. you never know!
good luck

[brownman90561495]

Freshmen at HS. I hope you don't use that against me, lol.

no of course not

you're still young, and i think it's a plus that you can recognize this obstacle now. and now, you have alot of time setting your identity and character while you grow more mature. don't worry too much, just try to relax and try to be yourself

there are times that it's important to try to imagine how others would feel if you do or say something, but too much of it can be painful. on the other hand, it's also important that you know how and when to be distant of other people's reactions or would-be reactions. but not too much of this, as people might tend to see you as an unecessarility insensitive person. just keep a balance of these two - know when and how to do them properly.

also, it's very important while you grow up is to gain self-confidence. this will pretty much shape up your social life - how much courage can you muster talking casually to different kinds of people, how do carry yourself well, how do make decisions on normal or stressful situations - basically how people would see you in real life.

so gear up, and get ready to grow up good luck!

[Mannosuke]

I constantly tell myself this, and yet, it still doesnt get any better? I guess I will try harder though.

At the same time, thats part of the problem too. I...am boring. I'm a boring person, which is the probably one of the reasons why I'm not social either.

What makes you boring?
Maybe if you stopped thinking you were "boring" it'd be easier to feel more "confident"

[hannieoon]

Seems like you're lacking confidence. That's why you think you're boring... think too much what others will say etc etc etc.

Word of advice. Don't live like that. It just makes it harder for you. Trust me... I used to be like that but to a lesser degree. LoL. The more you think about what other people think, the more you lose confidence about yourself.

I won't tell you to get out there and start talking to people because it's something you're not used. It takes practice to acquire people skills. So take baby steps. I'm sure you're in school and sit next to someone. Maybe strike a conversation and go with the flow. Don't think too much about what to say next. Better yet, try getting a job. It forces you to talk to people. You interact with all kinds of people and it helps you get out of that shell. That's how I stopped caring about what I said (of course not to the point I lacked common courtesy lol). Nowadays... I choose not to talk to people not because I can't, but because the customers at work annoy the hell out of me. LoL So good luck!

[terrorist]

i think you're too self conscious. just talk about normal things
like school. people. entertainment.

nobody will judge you for what you say.

[adiavoy]

I'm kind of in your situation, except I'm not too self conscience. I try to start conversation with other people, but it sometimes ends up going nowhere. Like I'll bring a story up and they'll be like "haha oh..." I guess I just need to work on being more interesting and open. My advice is that it takes time to slowly adjust since you're at a new school and all. You dunno how much being on a sport/club helps, it gets you acquainted with other people and they're eventually become your friend. I wanna join some clubs... too bad I don't know any info on how to sign up or whatever.

[paradoxious]

no of course not

you're still young, and i think it's a plus that you can recognize this obstacle now. and now, you have alot of time setting your identity and character while you grow more mature. don't worry too much, just try to relax and try to be yourself

there are times that it's important to try to imagine how others would feel if you do or say something, but too much of it can be painful. on the other hand, it's also important that you know how and when to be distant of other people's reactions or would-be reactions. but not too much of this, as people might tend to see you as an unecessarily insensitive person. just keep a balance of these two - know when and how to do them properly.

also, it's very important while you grow up is to gain self-confidence. this will pretty much shape up your social life - how much courage can you muster talking casually to different kinds of people, how do carry yourself well, how do make decisions on normal or stressful situations - basically how people would see you in real life.

so gear up, and get ready to grow up good luck!

I actually would agree with Brown. Although, the one thing I would add is since you are still very young, confidence is borne from experience. The only way to get experience is to get yourself involved in a club or a sport. Team sports really force you to socialize and a lot of clubs present you with the opportunity to broaden your horizons i.e. trips (out of state/country) with people your age, organizing events and they really get you involved with people that share the same interests that you have. If you have anything outside of the realm of school that you are involved in these experiences actually help build social skills and you would have some interesting stories too.

The one thing I would avoid though would be stop comparing yourself to your friends, your friends are your friends and you are yourself. You will come into your own as you mature and eventually grow up.

[commedesgarcons]

forgot to mention something before:
remember that those who judge your by your appearance aren't your friends!!

so don't worry =/

[kg123]

Stop thinking so much...it may be hard but just be yourself ok? Even the most popular people cant please everyone..you just gotta find a group that fits you better...money and pretty face helps.

[lightangel]

i was like u i still kinda like that now but i grow out of my shell and more open to others i talk more and make some jokes but sometimes i feels like everyone ignored me becuz i dont have topics to talks about
i feels your pain but if u want to make friends u got to show them your personality, dont think about it too much
for ex: if they are making a joke then u should add something to it to make it funnier even if its lame just talk more
and smile will help you makes more friends
for every topic they makes have some comments to it =) hope this will help sorry im not very good with this