[PancakeMuffins91]

I'm currently a first-year student at college and on Saturday I went to my first frat party.

I don't drink alcohol but everyone else at the party was pretty drunk. My friend needed to use the bathroom and she asked me to come with her so I did.

While we she was done using the bathroom we left and she went to go get another drink while we were waiting for her drink one of the frat boys (who my friend is friends with) comes over and asks us what we're doing (he's obviously drunk). She tells him that we're getting drinks and he says "no it's alright, I have enough drinks for all of us". Then he puts his arm around each of us. I was really uncomfortable at this point so I took his arm off of my shoulder but he just put it back on.

He then said, "I'm so F-ing wasted I could F-ck a gay guy!" My friend then asked him if he was really gay and he was quick to deny it and said "No, I like chicks. I'll prove it to you, I'll grab any girl's boobs".

After he said that he grabbed my bosom...that was the final straw for me so I shoved him away and should "Don't touch me! I don't even know you!".

I was really upset and felt completely violated so I just ran and started crying. My friend accomponied me to my dorm and apologized for putting me in a situation like that. Everyone at the party found out about what happened and didn't seem to think that him grabbing my bosom wasn't that big of a deal since that's how drunk guys act. I have Calc with this guy and today after class he came up to me and said "Why the f-ck did you flip out? I was f-ing drunk."

Am I overreacting? or do I have a right to be upset? People at school make it seem like it's no big deal but that was the first time anyone has every touched me there so I just feel really upset about the whole situation. Do you guys have any advice on what I should do?

[taaaaay]

You have the right to be angry at him. You should report him for sexual harassment.

[joogrlpekaun]

I think you have the right to be upset, too. Drunkenness shouldn't excuse any and all stupid behavior--especially harassment. He should either have the responsibility to make sure he doesn't do stupid things like that when he's drunk or, failing that restraint when he's under the influence, he should have the responsibility to not drink so much he thinks he can get away with anything and use being drunk as an excuse. Either way it's his fault. Unfortunately, a lot of people in college don't think that way at all.

[ai-Do1Ce]

you know what i think?

he harrassed you because he wanted to prove to his friend that he wasn't gay, to still have that level of thoughts at his drunken stage proves that he should still have enough consciousness to sort of understand his actions against you, meaning he is still responsible

Him saying that you should excuse him because he's drunk is just him being a john teshing bubble gum.

so yeah. you have no wrongs, don't worry. Report him

[Hot Fire Neko]

You're not in the wrong whatsoever, however, you should have known better going to a frat party and not expecting retarded drunk guys to do retardedly drunk things.

Report him if you wish, but nonetheless just stay away from those kind of parties.

[Frozy]

;[ He's not taking responsibility for his actions. Has chivalry really died? Also, that is indeed sexual harassment just like the above poster said.

[KanyeWEST]

He then said, "I'm so F-ing wasted I could F-ck a gay guy!" My friend then asked him if he was really gay and he was quick to deny it and said "No, I like chicks. I'll prove it to you, I'll grab any girl's boobs".

yeah he's most definitely gay. you're not overreacting but you should realize immature mini cooper like this happens at parties.

[maharu.]

That is, sexual harassment.
But if you're not the type to drink, it's best to stay away from those kinds of parties anyway.
I surely do because I dislike seeing people drunk and I dislike those alcoholic environments.

But yeah being drunk does not excuse these kinds of behavior.
It would be saying that if a girl gets raped because of the drunk guy,
it would be forgiven because 'he was drunk'.
Any kind of negating behavior should not be forgiven.

[brownman90561495]

at least he should have said "i'm sorry, i was really drunk."

the next time he touches you even if he's not drunk, kick his crotch hard.

and stay away from alcohol-laden frat parties.

[Gytha]

You're not in the wrong whatsoever, however, you should have known better going to a frat party and not expecting retarded drunk guys to do retardedly drunk things.

Report him if you wish, but nonetheless just stay away from those kind of parties.

yeah , i agree with what he said . And dont take part in those parties any more .

[strawberrii chuuu]

you didn't do anything wrong.
try to avoid him and that crowd.
they're not good for you.

[kichiieee]

it's really wrong..
being drunk is no excuse..
and then it seems he's the one who was upset..

and stay away from those kind of people..
and those kind of party..
they are insensitive.. saying its no big deal cause it normal??

what a good way to hide stupidity..
i know they know its wrong, they just don't wanna admit it..

not taking responsibility for his action is immaturity..
using those lame excuses..
and grabbing someone's boob to prove he's not gay..
what a jerk..

just stay away from them..
they are not a good crowd for you..
you'll get in to much bigger risks if you participate..

[5.mystline]

Slap that pinkberry sideways, show em who's boss.

[PancakeMuffins91]

Thanks for the responses guys.
I'm not sure if I'll report him though...what he did definately made me feel violated and upset but people at school seem to think it's normal...I would feel too ashamaned and embarrassed to talk about this with someone in-person and a lot of his friends are in my classes so I'm afraid that they'll do or say things to me.
After what happened that night I willl never go to another party again, the events of that night reenforced why I shouldn't go out.

[lilian21]

You shouldn't feel bad, but you should know that those things (and more) goes on at frat parties. Unfortunately, you weren't aware of that, and so you were taken advantage of. The boy sounds like he's trying to use the excuse "I was so wasted" to justify what he did. He's always trying to make you seem "uncool" because you didn't go along with his act. I seen and heard girls going to frat parties, and not just getting groped, but ending up in a guy's room they don't even know. If you're not comfortable with those scenarios, you can do one of two things:
1) just avoid that scene altogether. I went to my first frat party freshman year in college, and that was the last frat party I attended. Any other party I went to, my boyfriend was there with me.
2) You can go to those parties, but make sure you have a group of GOOD friends surrounding you to back you up. It's best if you had a guy friend with you too.

Just because other people didn't think it was a big deal doesn't mean that you are wrong for thinking otherwise. Some girls may WANT to be touched, it makes them feel more accepted or popular. If you truly feel violated, stand your ground and be confident about it. If people try to talk you down, just simply tell them where you come from. If you sound confident and firm about it, people will more likely listen to you and maybe agree with you. If you show signs of insecurity or unsureness, they'll push on you. For example, when I went to parties (in college), while everyone was holding a beer, I held a can of soda. I don't drink alcohol, and I don't have a problem explaining it to people. Some people may say something like "YOU DON'T DRINK?!" as if it's a crime, but when I act confident in my decision not to drink, they back off and doesn't see it as a big deal.

Good luck! You could try reporting him, but since you really have no evidence, I'm not sure what that will do. Maybe the student affairs people will talk to him? But then he'll just go around bad mouthing you saying you were a snitch, which will make your college experience even worse.

[kitty_N]

you definitely have the right to be angry. I hate it when people assume that just because they are "drunk" they have no responsibility for their actions. That is BS!

[Pol2ns7al2]

today after class he came up to me and said "Why the f-ck did you flip out? I was f-ing drunk."

...

if you got some real good guy friends who'd exact revenge for you, go to the next party
and get 'em to grope that bubble gum
see how that john teshing pig feels afterwards
and if he has the audacity to get angry, well, theres that drunk excuse

[Photogeek]

Honestly that man is stupid!!! Being drunk is no excuse for nothing!
You have a right to be upset.
And what you said on your other reply, it's not normal! That is harrasment!
if I were you I would defenitely report him no matter how "Normal" it seems to the people who go to those frat parties.
I know it would be a bit embarrasing, but it would be better to report that because he could get away with it again. ><

You can still go to parties, but just make sure that if there's alcohol or drugs involved you dont go. And if you dont know then go, and if you see alcohol just leave.

You shouldn't feel bad, but you should know that those things (and more) goes on at frat parties. Unfortunately, you weren't aware of that, and so you were taken advantage of. The boy sounds like he's trying to use the excuse "I was so wasted" to justify what he did. He's always trying to make you seem "uncool" because you didn't go along with his act. I seen and heard girls going to frat parties, and not just getting groped, but ending up in a guy's room they don't even know. If you're not comfortable with those scenarios, you can do one of two things:
1) just avoid that scene altogether. I went to my first frat party freshman year in college, and that was the last frat party I attended. Any other party I went to, my boyfriend was there with me.
2) You can go to those parties, but make sure you have a group of GOOD friends surrounding you to back you up. It's best if you had a guy friend with you too.

Just because other people didn't think it was a big deal doesn't mean that you are wrong for thinking otherwise. Some girls may WANT to be touched, it makes them feel more accepted or popular. If you truly feel violated, stand your ground and be confident about it. If people try to talk you down, just simply tell them where you come from. If you sound confident and firm about it, people will more likely listen to you and maybe agree with you. If you show signs of insecurity or unsureness, they'll push on you. For example, when I went to parties (in college), while everyone was holding a beer, I held a can of soda. I don't drink alcohol, and I don't have a problem explaining it to people. Some people may say something like "YOU DON'T DRINK?!" as if it's a crime, but when I act confident in my decision not to drink, they back off and doesn't see it as a big deal.

Agreed ^

[LennyRin]

First of all, Welcome to college
Second of all, as incoming freshmen, as a college student, and as a girl, you should know what kind of situation you are putting yourself into.. if you agreed to go to that party you should've known what was coming.. ALOT ALOT of perverted drunk guys, not to say that they are perverted when they are sober.. BUT when people get drunk and things start to loosen up.. be extra careful.. i personally dont recommend for freshmen girls to go to frat parties.. maybe a few close friend's drinking parties.. but stranger's frat parties are a no no unless you are close friends with someone in the frat..
Im sorry for what happened to you but in all honesty you shouldve been more careful and should have known what could have happened.. this is why alot of girls report rape or sexual harrassment becuase they get themselves into this situation..

many girls would get drunk and have sex with a guy and then report rape.. when in reality they consented to having sex.. girls should def. be more careful..

so keep what happened as a reminder of what is to come whenever you decide to go out to parties..
i, myself, like to drink and party.. therefore im used to the atmosphere of drunk horny guys.. BUT i also know my limits and when the situation has become too much for me to handle.. just be careful next time..

oh yes, AND when someone says that they are "So wasted!" or "Im really drunk!" usually, they're not and are just using it as an excuse..

today after class he came up to me and said "Why the f-ck did you flip out? I was f-ing drunk."

if he was too drunk.. he probably wouldnt have remembered this ^ ... and if he respected you, he would understand WHY you flipped out.. his problem not yours.. i agree with ^^ .. get some revenge lol

[jaeka]

I would've went apemini cooper. I don't care what he was trying to prove, he shouldn't of done that. D: I would've thumped him all over.