[meringue]

I've been going out with my bf for almost 1.5 years now. We had been friends for 4 years before that. We are each other's first bf/gf.

Problems:

1. He doesn't like to talk a lot about himself or say what's on his mind

When I ask him about his day, he would say "it was okay" and that's it. End of convo. If I don't ask him to give me more details he doesn't tell me. I talk about 80% of the time on the phone to prevent those awkward silences. But some days, you know, I just don't have the energy to keep asking him questions in order to maintain the conversation.

2. He doesn't initiate things unless I tell him to

It's getting kind of annoying that I always have to push him to get him to do anything.

3. He doesn't make me FEEL special (he loves me though)

First off all, he's not the romantic type. I thought that he would change once we started going out. I told him that I wished that he would compliment me every once in a while. Even if it isn't true, it's the thought that counts, you know? I told him he could say something like "your hair is really nice today." or some crap like that. I spend time making myself look good when I see him, but I feel like he doesn't notice that and it makes me a little sad.


Am I asking for too much?

This is my first relationship so I have no experience. I do love my bf, but sometimes I get really disappointed in him because he just doesn't really take initiative. I have talked to him already about this a couple of times, but I don't see much change. He keeps saying that I keep "making him feel bad." I don't mean to! HELP!

[mintcracker]

woah you guys went out for that long o_O
it's never hard to talk to my bf, convo flows reall smooth, and I don't feel the need to fill in silences cos there is never any lol (even if there were, I think it's comfortable silence aha)


maybe he doesn't really like you that much...But you guys have been going out for ages so I dunno? Try to spice up y our relationship alittle? ahaha. You know what I mean.

Personally, it seems you guys don't really have chemistry or anything, perhaps it's best to find sb new.

[brownman90561495]

in relationships, just as similar as other things, change can define where this is leading on.

my first question to you, has he been like the things you have said before? or did he change as time passed by?

[meringue]

in relationships, just as similar as other things, change can define where this is leading on.

my first question to you, has he been like the things you have said before? or did he change as time passed by?

He wasn't very talkative before and I didn't mind as much because were just friends then. But after being in a relationship with him, it turned into a problem. The part about him taking initiative, well he said he was kind of shy. We've known each other for over 5 years so I can't see why he would still be "shy" around me. He gave me lots of compliments when we first started going out. I know that he loves me in his heart, but it's nice to be reminded now and then.

[Phosphate]

Do you guys have deep convos?

[strawberrii chuuu]

i know what you mean. this happened to me too with my ex of two years (we were good friends for a couple months before)... i was his first, though... and so i had to lead him in every way possible.
what helps, though, is to let him know how you feel.
have a long serious talk. don't brush it off. cause i know it's a bit awkward saying, "hey! give me some compliments!" and we end up laughing it off... but talk about it seriously with him. tell him you'd appreciate it if he takes the lead and try to open up more. give him some examples.
tell him that you'd like it if he talks about his day in detail. even if it was boring, to tell you what went on in his mind... and what not. cause he's going to have to talk about it in detail either way, you know? cause you're going to eventually ask him to elaborate on his day.

tell him you'd like for him to be more romantic. he doesn't have to spend too much money, but, the thought counts you know? and again, give him examples. tell him to try to be more considerate and think about your feelings. like, what would she like today?
maybe short letters. simple letters in random places would be okay too. or even a random phone call saying i miss you.



goodluck

[brownman90561495]

He wasn't very talkative before and I didn't mind as much because were just friends then. But after being in a relationship with him, it turned into a problem. The part about him taking initiative, well he said he was kind of shy. We've known each other for over 5 years so I can't see why he would still be "shy" around me. He gave me lots of compliments when we first started going out. I know that he loves me in his heart, but it's nice to be reminded now and then.

thanks for your answer well here's two sides of the coin:

1. tell him and let him know you need these things, especially assurance. just voice out to him what exactly is happening from your part.
2. from your reply, i'd say he didn't change (not in the absolute sense) - he has been like this since you first known each other, still the same when you started dating, and hasn't change since then. you, on the other hand, didn't find this a big deal until now. so i am guessing you have made this issue out of how you feel, not from something not good that has happened.

your choice

[taebins_luver]

my bf is somewhat like that.
he doesn't take action unless i point.

...i can't really say you can do much to change who he is really.
i've known my BF for a long time before we dated, we were even best friends for a while.
if he isn't gona do it, then he ain't gona do it, that's the rock hard truth. [lolz, the ugly truth]
you can make him feel like crap and he still won't change.
are you POSITIVE he ABSOLUTLY likes you?

...maybe you should leave him.
see what he does.
see if he attempts to change.
but girl, like i said, if he isn't gona do it, he ain't gona do it.

[Gofishus]

I've been going out with my bf for almost 1.5 years now. We had been friends for 4 years before that. We are each other's first bf/gf.

Problems:

1. He doesn't like to talk a lot about himself or say what's on his mind

When I ask him about his day, he would say "it was okay" and that's it. End of convo. If I don't ask him to give me more details he doesn't tell me. I talk about 80% of the time on the phone to prevent those awkward silences. But some days, you know, I just don't have the energy to keep asking him questions in order to maintain the conversation.

2. He doesn't initiate things unless I tell him to

It's getting kind of annoying that I always have to push him to get him to do anything.

3. He doesn't make me FEEL special (he loves me though)

First off all, he's not the romantic type. I thought that he would change once we started going out. I told him that I wished that he would compliment me every once in a while. Even if it isn't true, it's the thought that counts, you know? I told him he could say something like "your hair is really nice today." or some crap like that. I spend time making myself look good when I see him, but I feel like he doesn't notice that and it makes me a little sad.


Am I asking for too much?

This is my first relationship so I have no experience. I do love my bf, but sometimes I get really disappointed in him because he just doesn't really take initiative. I have talked to him already about this a couple of times, but I don't see much change. He keeps saying that I keep "making him feel bad." I don't mean to! HELP!

My question is, how could you date someone like that for 1.5 years? lol. Judging from his responses, I mean, I've had better conversations with total strangers and I'm quite shy myself.

[PhuongNguyen]

Are you happy with him?

If he don't change, are you ok being with a person like that for the rest of your life?

I know you're not here to ask if you should break up with him, but I think that when you're in a situation where it's just that person's personality, there's really not much you can do. He can TRY to be talkative, but he's pretty much forcing himself talk. Some people don't like to talk and just aren't conversation material... he might just be one of them. If you ask him to talk more, chances are, he might force himself to talk more but it'll end up tiring him out. You know how you feel tire because you have to talk 80% of the time? Well, he's probably feeling that way if he have to talk 50% of the time, lol.

Now, another thing is... the things you guys are talking about might just be boring? Find something where you both are interested in and talk about that. Talking just to talk is dull and make you more bored than not talking at all. I mean, for me... I can't stay on the phone for more than 30 minutes without running out of topics to discuss. A phone requires that you get an immediate response from a person so conversation just goes by very quick. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now and our conversations hardly ever get dull because we usually just talk online. That way, I can do my own thing and he can do his own thing while we're still talk to each other. We don't have to give each other 100% attention and conversation don't have to be force since you don't have to worry about keeping the other person's attention. Why don't you give that a try and see how it works out?

[meringue]

Do you guys have deep convos?

By "deep" do you mean talk about serious stuff? Yeah, once in a while. I'd tell him my future plans (career-wise), my dreams of making the world a better place, things like that. Then I ask him what he thinks. Usually he'll say "I dunno". He just likes to listen.

Now, another thing is... the things you guys are talking about might just be boring?

In order to keep the conversation going, I always tell him a funny story about what happened in my day to make him laugh. It always works. After that I ask him about his day and go from there. I don't think that's a boring question...?

I really do love him. He makes me laugh and he's loyal.

We used to IM each other before but even then, he didn't really say much... I'd just be sitting in front of my computer waiting for a response.

[PhuongNguyen]

By "deep" do you mean talk about serious stuff? Yeah, once in a while. I'd tell him my future plans (career-wise), my dreams of making the world a better place, things like that. Then I ask him what he thinks. Usually he'll say "I dunno". He just likes to listen.


In order to keep the conversation going, I always tell him a funny story about what happened in my day to make him laugh. It always works. After that I ask him about his day and go from there. I don't think that's a boring question...?

I really do love him. He makes me laugh and he's loyal.

We used to IM each other before but even then, he didn't really say much... I'd just be sitting in front of my computer waiting for a response.

Well, to be honest, your boyfriend sounds really... dull? No offense but yikes!

If he's just the type that don't talk then there's just nothing you can really do except wish that one day, he just have a change in personality. I mean, it's not even his personality really... but it just seems like he's not interested? If you ask him for his opinion and he just goes "I dunno", it gives off "I honestly don't give a damn to have an opinion on that" vibe. Honestly, I can't imagine you being happy with someone like this when you're the total opposite. If you're talkative, being with someone who is so passive is going to eventually make you sick of being around them.

[WallaceJiang]

you guys aren't close enough yet, maybe he's too shy or doesn't feel open enough to you yet.
This takes time :S A LOT of it

[peacee]

less is more


be less affectionate and he will start to take the initiative.

[telepopmusik]

wow what you're facing is EXACTLY what i'm facing right now. even down to the "i dunno" responses that i get. i'm not sure if its cos he really doesn't bother enough to give me a response about it or if he really just doesn't have an opinion on the isse though=/ but i'm still with him too cos he does genuinely make me laugh, as what you mentioned.

i'm not sure what kind of advice i can give as well cos i'm currently facing this dilemma of considering to just leave, but on the other hand i really do love him too and i don't feel that just saying its over is really an option. but i just wanted to post to tell you that you're not alone (if it gives you any sort of comfort at all) and good luck=)

[tsai_jolen]

The only thing you can do is let him do it at his own time. I would say that if you were dating for 6 months. You guys are at a 1yr and a 1/2. If he's not affectionate or talktive he's never going to be. Sorry!

[JJ no Baka]

Tell him you're tired of always being the man and initiate everything and that he needs to be one for a change.

[charat]

guys are lazy XD we always just answer "it was ok" if he was smart he would say "yours?" right after to divert the attention from his day to yours.

we dont initiate anything because when we do, you girls get all blown up about it for doing it wrong and make such a big deal about it... like how you are now...

he probably does like you, just that he's not good at showign it XD

[engl07]

I've been going out with my bf for almost 1.5 years now. We had been friends for 4 years before that. We are each other's first bf/gf.

Problems:

1. He doesn't like to talk a lot about himself or say what's on his mind

When I ask him about his day, he would say "it was okay" and that's it. End of convo. If I don't ask him to give me more details he doesn't tell me. I talk about 80% of the time on the phone to prevent those awkward silences. But some days, you know, I just don't have the energy to keep asking him questions in order to maintain the conversation.

2. He doesn't initiate things unless I tell him to

It's getting kind of annoying that I always have to push him to get him to do anything.

3. He doesn't make me FEEL special (he loves me though)

First off all, he's not the romantic type. I thought that he would change once we started going out. I told him that I wished that he would compliment me every once in a while. Even if it isn't true, it's the thought that counts, you know? I told him he could say something like "your hair is really nice today." or some crap like that. I spend time making myself look good when I see him, but I feel like he doesn't notice that and it makes me a little sad.


Am I asking for too much?

This is my first relationship so I have no experience. I do love my bf, but sometimes I get really disappointed in him because he just doesn't really take initiative. I have talked to him already about this a couple of times, but I don't see much change. He keeps saying that I keep "making him feel bad." I don't mean to! HELP!

I think that that you won't be able to get him to take the initiative since you've already been dating for a year and a half and its clear that he hasn't done so so far. People rarely change unlike what they show in dramas lol. It's also not necessarily true that only the guys have to take the initiative, girls can also do that... however, if you don't like that, I don't think this will really work out? Just my opinion from my past experiences...i personally like a guy that always takes the initiative so if he doesn't do that in the beginning and expects me to do it, well.. it ends before it reaches the actual relationship stage. I know its hard, but you can sit down and talk to him about it if you do really like this person... I've never done that but its usually the advice people give me

[sus]

hm talk to him
tell u why u need him to do those stuff
honestli its not that hard to say a nice thing once in a while

maybe ask him why he doesnt... maybe he not use to it or he feels weird?
my bf is sorta like that but not that bad..
im trying to 'train' him to be better lol
its working.. persistance is the key and one major thing is that he is willing to...