[711]

Recently, I have been getting close with this girl whom my friend also likes. The problem is he liked her first but hes been taking no action what so ever. When our group of friends hang out he would not talk and etc. Since hes not taking any action, is it right for me to pursue her? I believe I have way more chances with her than he would. Oh, and the girl have told me that she wasn't into my friend at all.

[peppermintsugar]

It's all about being selfish.
No, it really is.
People like to make up all of these nice sayings like "bros before hos" and whatnot, but no one really means it anyways. All of these people are going to post no doubt saying things like, "well if he isn't taking any action at all then it's fair game!" but really, that's a quick way to end a friendship, or at least cause turbulence. Everyone knows that, that's why I say it's about being selfish, because pretty much EVERYONE would do the same thing you're doing.

[HaplessChild]

Recently, I have been getting close with this girl whom my friend also likes. The problem is he liked her first but hes been taking no action what so ever. When our group of friends hang out he would not talk and etc. Since hes not taking any action, is it right for me to pursue her? I believe I have way more chances with her than he would. Oh, and the girl have told me that she wasn't into my friend at all.

Just give him a heads up before you make a move.

It's all about being selfish.
No, it really is.
People like to make up all of these nice sayings like "bros before hos" and whatnot, but no one really means it anyways. All of these people are going to post no doubt saying things like, "well if he isn't taking any action at all then it's fair game!" but really, that's a quick way to end a friendship, or at least cause turbulence. Everyone knows that, that's why I say it's about being selfish, because pretty much EVERYONE would do the same thing you're doing.

If they're good friends a girl is not going to matter between them. A fight and some silent treatment at most for a while.

[witchery]

^
Unfortunately that's not usually the end of the story. Sure, you might kiss and make up but there will always be tension between the two friends. The slightest rift in the friendship after that, will ignite a lot of silent hatred and suspicious thoughts running through their minds. Will probably lead to substantial b*tching and backstabbing too (maybe more for the girls). Well. That's just in my experience and what I've seen anyway.

If you decide to pursue this girl it's very likely your friendship with the other guy will be forsaken. Depends on whose relationship you value more I guess.

v
Oh ok. The good friends I witness do make up eventually, it's just that it seems way too easy for fights and rifts to form....like an endless cycle of fighting and making up lol...because that tension is always there.

[HaplessChild]

Again, like I said, not if they're good friends. I've dated guys my best friend wanted and I've dated guys whose best friends wanted me. My friend and I never got in a fight about it and she never held it against me. I had a friend sleep with my ex but again, I didn't hold it against her. The one time I do know that the guys got upset, after a couple of months they were talking again and now that I'm out of the picture they're best buddies again.

[bonjour tristesse.]

Why should it be first come first serve? What is she, a table that someone's reserving for? He's not making any actions right? Then go for it.

[AznDragon405]

This just depends on who you are. I'm the type of person who is "bros before hos" sorta deal. I would never go against a close friend of mine for a girl unless that girl is my soulmate or something and your friend should understand that if that was the situation. But it's not really worth it to fight with a friend for a girl. Girls come and go but good friends all hard to find.

[Lie]

Again, like I said, not if they're good friends. I've dated guys my best friend wanted and I've dated guys whose best friends wanted me. My friend and I never got in a fight about it and she never held it against me. I had a friend sleep with my ex but again, I didn't hold it against her.

I sort of agree with both Izzy and yourself, and think with guys it's usually somewhere in the middle. To me the largest issue here is HOW MUCH did we like that girl? If she was the love of my life, and someone whom I've had a thing for forever (which wasn't the situation in the OP, I'm just giving the furthest end of the hypothetical pool here), I would forgive my best friend for dating her if he really did care about her and think she was special as I did, but I think there would be this tremendous resentment within me that I would never get over. ESPECIALLY if they stayed together, got married, etc. On the other hand, if my best friend dated a girl I was with for a week, never really developed much feelings for, I probably wouldn't be able to possibly care less. That seems to me to be the big X factor in these situations--how much did the first person like the girl/guy, and how much of those feelings remain?

[HaplessChild]

And that's the thing. It sounds like the OP's friend doesn't really have any sort of relationship with this gal, he's just admiring her from afar.

[xwinnie_lovex]

i think you should let your friend know about your feelings first
and then work something out
you dont wanna just go in there and steal her
cuse that might damage your friendship with that guy :[

[kg123]

Bah..if I were you I wouldnt go after her...or I would wait for him to move on..
actually it happened to my 2 friends...and belive it or not it happened twice! and the same guy got all the girls..of course they had a fight but they are best friends now...