[AMIbunny]

.. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years.

Recently, we've had some troubles. To cut it short, I can't give him what he wants (space, freedom) and He cant give me what i want (more attention when I am physically away from him.)

yesterday, i didn't see him for a day. Only for 3 min when I surprised him with a sandwich that I made for him. He never calls me (this is not the first time that happened.) ..... I am the one that usually calls him , but i cant wait until he calls me cuz he never calls.

when i got home from work last night, i went on MSN to chat with him... his replies were one worded (like usual) and took very long to reply. I just wanted to know about his day.... but he never seems interested in me, unless we are together physically.

So I said to him... "this is the end of our relationship. good bye" I know that sounded harsh, but i didn't think he'd care, like usual.

But this time, HE TOOK IT SO SERIOUS. in 10 min..he changed his facebook status.. to single. and he hid it. Then, he blocked me from MSN.

I called him...and said "hey.. i didnt mean it"
he said : "Okay..i'll tty tmr."

So the next day, i wanted to surprise him at his house...when i went inside, his house, we rarely spoke..but he still called me "baby" . . i was just sitting there....then.. i hear him crying from his room.

that was the first time in my life have I heard him cry... and in front of me too... i was so shocked and scared.. I began to cry too i didnt wanna see him cry. I didnt wanna hurt him. I didnt know i hurt him so badly to make him cry!

Usually he's a strong person...... He wrote me a letter, which basically said stuff like "we should separate... i havent been treating you nicely as a bf should ... i am moving to SJ next fall...maybe its better if we end this earlier."

ugh.

*skips..
He wanted to meet up with me to talk about it. So we went to lunch. Everything felt normal between us again. He was loving..caring.. and we talked. He said "the truth is... i do think we should separate. but I love you too much."

and honestly? i think we should too... *sigh...but he makes me happy and I have so much fun with him. and he'd never cheat on me...and He does treat me nice..

Maybe i just expect too much, maybe Its just me who is horrible.



I dont wanna leave him......but then...he never gives me much attention outside of the time we are not together...

[peppermintsugar]

Well, first of all, I have to address the fact that you should never just throw around things like breaking up to get a rise out of someone. If my boyfriend did that to me, I'd think it was very disrespectful, and if he did it enough, I really WOULD want to leave him, because that's something that should be taken very seriously, and you shouldn't just say it to get a reaction. I don't blame your boyfriend for reacting the way he did when you said that, it should teach you to think about what you say before you say it.

Second of all, the whole point of dating, at least for me, is to determine whether or not I am compatible with this person for the long run. To see if we can give each other what we're both looking for from a partner. If this person that I'm seeing cannot give me what I'm looking for, then yes, it's time to move on and find someone who can. Dating is all trial and error. If you want attention, and he wants space, then it seems pretty clear to me that you two are not compatible in the sense that your requirements from a partner are not the same.

[muffinx3]

If you're not happy then I think you should either sit down with him and have a talk about what needs to be fixed/if you two are willing to have a LDR or just break up and find someone else that can provide what you want in a boyfriend.

I agree a lot with what PristineNyte said. You shouldn't just throw around breaking up. :/ It's not very nice.

[Poop-Shoop-A-Loop]

I think it might be better if you break up. I've noticed your posts for the past year (maybe even longer) in L&R, and to be honest , it doesn't seem like he treats you well at all. It's one thing for you to be incompatible (you wanting more attention, him wanting more space), but he never seems to consider your feelings. You are constantly changing yourself to accomodate to what HE wants. I am sure there are moments where you are happy with him ..but those seem like a rarity. For you to endure this for over a year amazes me.

I also agree with the above two posters that you shouldn't be throwing around words such as "Break Up" if you don't mean it and if you just are saying it to get a reaction from them.

[swo0o]

Maybe I'm just a pinkberry, but I think he's full of mini cooper.

My ex was like that too.
But what happened? He pretty much was full of mini cooper.

Notice the lesson in.. "I love you, but...."

[donporkuloin]

He's giving you a bunch of signs he doesn't want to be with you.

You said, ". He never calls me (this is not the first time that happened.) ..... I am the one that usually calls him , but i cant wait until he calls me cuz he never calls."

You said, "i went on MSN to chat with him... his replies were one worded (like usual) and took very long to reply. I just wanted to know about his day.... but he never seems interested in me, unless we are together physically."

Your bf said, ""we should separate... i havent been treating you nicely as a bf should ... i am moving to SJ next fall...maybe its better if we end this earlier."

These are all blatant signs that he does not want to be with you for much longer. I mean he's even telling you let's breakup now before I breakup with you when I go to SJ in the fall. His tears are bs to me. Cry me a river, because actions are everything!

[Kira_Hyuu]

Well in all honesty its not what we think you should but what do you think you should do "yes sorry it's clique". Like things you need to ask yourself:

1) Does he make you happy?
2) Do you make him happy?
3) Does he give you enough love and affection?
4) Do you give him enough love and affection?

If all the above is "yes" then i don't see the reason that you break up with him....if theres a "no" well sit down with him and set up a timetable and see if the two of you can work towards it.....if not then just break up.....

[macy]

I agree with donporkuloin as well. I feel that this is another one of those situations were they give you all the right ingredients to break up with them so they don't have the guilt of doing it themselves. You deserve more than what this guy is giving you anyways, so why wait? I know that you probably care alot about him but if he cared as much about you he would of wanted and explanation when you said that you wanted to break up. Not suddenly cutting you from his life.

[ny-sw / ny_sw.]

my ex and i were exactly like that.
we kept trying for a lonnnnng time and eventually we just couldn't do it anymore.
i also made the mistake of throwing it around.
i still haven't decided if i'm missing out on anything yet, but.. yeah. he actually told one of my friends if i didn't break up with him, he'd break up with me right after prom.
spare yourself the extra time and heartache and do it.

[Mr. Chan]

It's simple. Break up.

Pretty simple concept, right?

[happypiano]

here's the thing about most guys... if you give them too much attention and love, they'll just act cold and distant from you. why? because you start reminding them of their mothers. yep~ guys are totally different from us...

however, i will have to say that your boyfriend is not worthy of your attention. it feels like the only reason he's with you is just for the sake of being with someone. this would explain why he suddenly became affectionate and crap when you suggested breaking up.

in a nutshell: this guy is immature and doesn't respect you.
what you need to do: dump him and never look back.

in your future relationships, do not give guys your full attention 24/7. a relationship has to be balanced, so you can't be the one who initiates all the time.

[Mr. Chan]

here's the thing about most guys... if you give them too much attention and love, they'll just act cold and distant from you. why? because you start reminding them of their mothers. yep~ guys are totally different from us...

That's nonsense. I like the attention.

[jsp]

HE TOOK IT SO SERIOUS.

No kidding.


All break ups are hard, but maybe he's just not the one.

[damyoungji]

There are more to life than being in a relationship.

A break-up will hurt, but isn't being with someone who you know wants to break-up, too, is even more painful than not being with them at all? Sometimes false hope and clinging onto something is worse than giving up when you know things won't work out. Not to mention, why go through the pain of waking up everyday when there is the possibility that that day may be the day you two are no longer together?

The two of you can still be friends and keep in touch with each other. Maybe the time off will let you guys decide on whether you two truly still treasure each other and if the two of you do, I am sure things will work out one way or another as the two of you COMPROMISE and CHANGE to suit each others "demands" (but don't change too much or else you will forget who you are!).

[peppermintsugar]

That's nonsense. I like the attention.

It's actually nonsense because from a psychological point of view, men actually look for qualities that their mothers had when searching for a life partner.

Guys don't like being smothered because pretty much NO ONE likes being smothered. Has nothing to do with being a man.

[foldingvault]

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIT A SEC... - people are quickly pointing out that you shouldn't throw things around.

It seems at this point that she was pretty frustrated with the direction her relationship was headed and it seemed like she was having trouble bringing it back. I would consider it a calculated manuever...

If anything, it seems like your boyfriend likes the novelty of having a girlfriend or is just plain immature. Facebook status? MSN block? Errr...how SMALL is that. He couldn't call you? He couldn't do anything else? He reacts heavily from a couple of words that would ruin his side of the relationship but doesn't react to words that define the meaning of your relationship (trying to maintain contact w/ him). Seems awfully selfish.

If you love him and you think he can give you the love you want, the do what you want. If you don't think he has the capacity (you make him sound immature), then I would just leave him.


Furthermore, this sounds exactly like a scenario of a friend of mine who said he wasn't able to treat his relationship seriously and he was going to move to Waterloo anyways (from Toronto)...and so he left his gf because he didn't really care for her enough and she didn't seem to give him the kind of love he wanted. He probably pulled the exact same words that you received from that guy...he just doesn't want to cling after he moves away....

[jsp]

^
Speaking of maturity, how about being honest with the person you're in a relationship with if you're unhappy with how it's going, rather than bottling it up and finally blurting out that it's now all over?

[bonjour tristesse.]

Sometimes, goodbyes are better than having tears every time. If you're not happy anymore, then best break it off than to go on with a lie.

[rurutia]

I'm in the same position as you. I'm too clingy to my boyfriend and that really turns him off, and he doesn't pay much attention to me. In the end, I get really depressed too. What you should do is give him space and try going out and doing things you like - without him. You have to have a life outside of him, and learn to live without him so that if you DO break up, you can still be independent without him. Don't make him your everything, and put your own happiness first. I know you love him, but it's true - I'm trying hard to do that too.

When I wasn't trying to be as clingy anymore, he instantly started talking with me more. So I think you should do the same, but if you've tried giving him space and he still isn't paying attention to you, then I think then you should move on. Oh and, don't throw those words around as if they're nothing, you might think it'll get his attention, but that's not the way to do it. Hope I helped =)

[dramaprincessxox]

He was giving you all the signs, as others have already said. You just chose to cling to him and end up more hurt. But when your bf doesn't love you anymore, you have to leave him. You'll get over him in a couple of months. Staying with someone who ignores you is no good.

I know some people were saying you shouldn't have thrown around the breaking up subject but I am not one to just agree with the majority. He doesn't care about anything you say/is not interested in the conversation, then fine; if he was hurt by what you said, too bad. Do NOT feel sorry for him and do NOT blame yourself for his crying. I know it probably tore you up to hear him crying but that's exactly what he wants. I agree with swo0o--he is SO full of "mini cooper". But maybe you haven't realised this yet. However it would help, when you're dating, to remember that you're looking for a man, not a self-pitying little boy who cries to divert your attention from the real issue. What is the real issue? He has not been treating you well at all; it doesn't matter what you do together, what he's given you or where he's taken you.

This guy, after ignoring you instead of being straight with you, tried to make you feel guilty. Do NOT feel sorry for any guy who only pities himself like that, I'm serious. And you are confusing yourself because you're in love. You say he had been showing you no interest, and yet you also said "He does treat me nice". Listen, any guy can buy you things, take you out, laugh and chat with you etc. That does not mean anything. He does not love you if he can brush you aside like that. I hope you can see the situation in a different light soon and realise that such guys are no good for you.