[powerbygood]

hey fellow soompiers i've been a lurker for awhile, but i have something that's been bothering me.
My gf recently moved into college that's far away and i'm always wondering what shes doing and what not, but i dont wanna call and intrude on her studies or her hanging with her new friends. i feel as though our communication got less and less because when she was still here, we talked everyday and everynight well on aim anyways. Now, it's just like we barely have any communication. I try to call her once or twice a day you know to tell let her know that I love her. I've been tearing up a lot recently, but i can't help it because i miss her so much. Also, i am afraid that she would fall out of love with me and fall for another guy because i've seen it happen to all my friends once their gfs moved into college. Even when i try my best that she won't the small thought takes over and i begin to tear.

I was wondering wwat i should do to help ease myself.
Also, i would like to hear any soompi members on LDR and how it worked out/ didnt work out.

thx for readin ^^

[rachilde]

Just remember that long distance relationships statistically have the same chance of working out in the long run as normal relationships. But, it'll exploit any weakness in the relationship if one exists. Think of it as a test--not a destroyer.

[tenshi]

if you miss her, call her. IF you're afraid of intruding on her, text her.

[lovecubedlee]

Just remember that long distance relationships statistically have the same chance of working out in the long run as normal relationships. But, it'll exploit any weakness in the relationship if one exists. Think of it as a test--not a destroyer.

^HM i didnt know that. that's comforting to know, haha

im in an LDR and actually that's how it was from the start. we never lived anywhere in close proximity to each other (long story, and no, i did not meet him over the internet or anything). it's hard but you have to learn to trust the other person (as cliche as it is). know that you have to give her space because she's off in college--she's not waiting by the phone every day. she has stuff to do and you have to trust that that "stuff" is nothing you should be worried about. make sure you guys have a set time/'date" to call/videochat and just catch up on things. and of course, seeing her every so often should be arranged!

[Javus]

EDIT:^ lovecubelee beat me to it lol.

I think it's normal to have those kinds of doubts(moreso in a LDR), especially cus when anybody starts college they get introduced to alot of new things and people as well. In situations like this it's best to keep in touch whether through calling, or if you feel it might be intruding on her, then text or email her.

It's ok to wonder at time what she might be doing, but all relationships are about trust. Just because other relationships haven't worked out doesn't mean yours won't, every relationship is different from another. So you have to trust her that she won't do anything wrong.

[Mr. Chan]

Just remember that long distance relationships statistically have the same chance of working out in the long run as normal relationships.

I'd like to see some proof that backs up this statement.

OP, give it up. Long distance relationship just generally doesn't work out unless you frequently visit her. I'm sure if you and her got into a fight over the phone, she'd have plenty of guys over there to comfort her while you're far away.

Cold sad truth, I know.

[rachilde]

In one study of premarital couples, we found that nearly three-quarters had been involved in an LDR at some point and that around 25% were currently involved in an LDR. Long-distance marriages are less common, but by no means rare. So LDRs are everywhere, and everyone wants to know one thing: Do they work? Before answering this I need to define what it means for a relationship “to work.” Most people are interested in whether or not the relationship can simply survive the separation. They want to know if trying a long-distance relationship means that they have a greater chance of breaking up than if they were in a geographically close relationship. The most accurate answer to this is that no one knows for sure. However, the majority of studies that have been done show no greater risk of an LDR breaking up than any other relationship.

Many people find this hard to believe, and I’ve heard scores of people scoff when I say this. They then quickly produce their own story of how their LDR didn’t last. Let me make it clear that I’m not saying that every LDR will work, only that they work as well as any other relationship. When we followed premarital couples in LDRs and compared them to another group of couples in geographically close relationships, we found that around 40% of both groups eventually went their separate ways. Many relationships end, but we tend to remember those LDRs that did not work, more so than the geographically closer relationships that failed.

[Mr. Chan]

Care to give us the actual link?

and I'm pretty sure the amount of people who had gone through the relationship and had broken up far exceeds the people who actually stayed together. Statistics can be biased and do not speak for everyone who had actually gone through LDR.

[rachilde]

http://www.waiit.com/Long_Distance_Relationships_Statistics

Yeah but why don't you sit down and tally the number of couples you've known in your entire life and how many short distance relationships made it in comparison to long distance ones. Also, tally down the number of married couples you know and how many were long distance vs short distance. At this point, I know of 2 married couples--and one of that set were in a long distance situation from the get go. I probably can't count the number of couples I've met in my life, but the number of short distance breakups and the number of long distance breakups are pretty much even considering that most people under the age of 25 are still relatively nomadic so the number of relationships in the short and long distance categories are pretty much even. I see no reason to dispute the evidence. After all, when you see a long distance couple break up, you immediately think "the distance got to them" instead of "well that girl was a psycho" or "well that guy was incredibly inconsiderate" whereas we never think of the proximity of the couple when a short distance relationship dissolves. As a result, we tend to think of distance as a cause of break up more frequently in long distance situations and that's what sticks out the most. Long distance = failure by virtue of long distance instead of long distance might = failure by virtue of personal character traits.

[Mr. Chan]

Interesting. When they say LDR, I always thought of it as being 300+ miles away. But they're going by couples who are within 125 miles. Heck, I wouldn't really mind being in a LDR with someone that's only 125 miles away, I'd drive to see that person every weekend.

Yeah but why don't you sit down and tally the number of couples you've known in your entire life and how many short distance relationships made it in comparison to long distance ones.

From MY statistics, 6 of my friends, all who were in LDR's (all beyond 300+ miles from each other) had broken up with their s/o's due to the distance.

12 of my other friends, from the top of my head, were in a relationship with people in the same town. 11 out of the 12 are still in that relationship while 1 had gotten dump due to him cheating.

[powerbygood]

well i want ours to work and to the poster above me it is 300+ miles

[Mr. Chan]

well i want ours to work and to the poster above me it is 300+ miles

Well that sucks. But I hope it works out for you.

[Allure011]

Hmm..well I've been with mine for about 4 years. He works in WA state, and I live in Cali. He's always on a busy schedule, sometimes even out of the country, so we don't see each other for months at a time. What we do though is talk, text, and if he's in a different country, we webcam. He's going to be transferring here soon, so I'm happy =]. Anyways, unless you're one of those ppl who needs the physical part of a relationship, it shouldn't be that hard. (at least for me, it wasn't). One thing you need to remember though is to trust each other, and to never doubt your relationship because when you do, every single little thing from that point on will start to get you paranoid, and that's when it starts going downhill.

[AngelsWhisper]

aw, I feel sad whenever a guy cry. dunno why. And hey, it doesn't hurt to give her a little call or a txt to tell her that you love her. Give her a warm text message now and then, maybe at night? Oh yeah, hanging out with friends are the best. well for me

[lovecubedlee]

Well that sucks. But I hope it works out for you.

Um.. why are all your comments so bitter? Just because it didn't work out for you, doesn't mean it won't work out for other people. You're instinctively refuting statistical evidence based on your own experiences and while it may have been biased, don't you think you are too? Calm down with your skepticism. Even if you're right, stop being a freaking negative nancy.

[Xyeun]

If she`s really your girlfriend, call her (:
Of course, she misses you too!

[Mr. Chan]

Um.. why are all your comments so bitter? Just because it didn't work out for you, doesn't mean it won't work out for other people. You're instinctively refuting statistical evidence based on your own experiences and while it may have been biased, don't you think you are too? Calm down with your skepticism. Even if you're right, stop being a freaking negative nancy.

Oh my! I'm ever so terribly sorry for being a realist instead of an idealist! I honestly didn't know that the world runs solely on positive unicorns riding along a rainbow road!

Real talk, I don't know how old you are. So I'm going to make the assumption that you're ATLEAST under 21. Once you're old enough to realize that the world is a bitter place and that you learn much more from negative outcomes, you will then realize how futile things really are and will try to avoid situations such as these.

[phoenix rise]

it is obvious that you two are drifting away... both physically and mentally...

[powerbygood]

how is it obvious that the both of us are drifting apart? I mean i call her and text her everday or every now and then to see what's going on in her life. I try hard to maintain the relationship, even though shes in a uni now I try as much as i can to communicate. Doesn't trust and communication com a long way?

[phoenix rise]

how is it obvious that the both of us are drifting apart? I mean i call her and text her everday or every now and then to see what's going on in her life. I try hard to maintain the relationship, even though shes in a uni now I try as much as i can to communicate. Doesn't trust and communication com a long way?

you two are talking less and less... that is what you said in your first post.

i don't even know you but it doesn't take a genius to see what is going on.