[ringo<3]

My s/o has been together almost 2 years now. We were really happy for the most part of the relationship, but since the beginning of this summer we've been getting into an argument almost every other day or every other week. I think its basically my fault. I couldn't stop nagging, also because of my insecurities. I also get easily offended, like when he said "you're smothering me" and I got angry.

Yesterday we fought again because I was really angry that he still talks to his exes on facebook because his exes would leave him comments like they're still interested. For example, he posted that he was done moving into his new room, and his ex commented and said "invite me over~". I got angry last year and he deleted her. Then he told me that she's inviting him to her baby shower, since she got pregnant by her boyfriend. Then I thought to myself, "didn't he delete her?" So I asked him, he told me that she found him again and added him, then he added her back. I asked him why did he do that. He told me "I guess I'm just nice." That made me even more angry. He would tell me that he doesn't talk to her at all and doesn't respond(I guess I can believe him on that), but he sure responds to his OTHER ex. I don't get it! Does he like the attention, does he feel good knowing that his exes still interested in him?

Anyways, he told me that he wants to spend time alone because I'm smothering him. I can't help it, I'm just that kind of person. I like to spend my time with my bf, even if he annoys me. I don't think he has any feelings for me anymore because I asked him if he still liked me or not, he just sighed. He keeps wanting sex, so I came to the conclusion that this relationship is only good for sex. I'm EXTREMELY DEPRESSED because I miss the things we use to do. How he treated me like I'm the most special person in his life. We don't cuddle anymore. There's no more sweetness in the relationship. I have a feeling that this relationship is going to end before our 2nd yr anniversary.

What do I do with this depression?
I'm trying to give him some space, but I'm hurting so much. The pain is just like as if we broke up, but we didn't. How come it feels so bad? Do I have some kind of mental illness or something?

[sumoberrylu]

the last part sounds like my relationship with my bf. no more sweetness...constant fights. he still talks to previous girls in flirty ways and he won't admit he's flirting...sigh.

boys are such trouble.
i guess for you, keep your distance. see if he misses you anymore...see if he calls you when you ignore him/not talk to him for a couple of days.if he doesnt, uh oh...
it will be hard but do this for your own good.

you dont have any kind of mental illness. don't be depressed although it's easier said than done.

[ringo<3]

the last part sounds like my relationship with my bf. no more sweetness...constant fights. he still talks to previous girls in flirty ways and he won't admit he's flirting...sigh.

boys are such trouble.
i guess for you, keep your distance. see if he misses you anymore...see if he calls you when you ignore him/not talk to him for a couple of days.if he doesnt, uh oh...
it will be hard but do this for your own good.

you dont have any kind of mental illness. don't be depressed although it's easier said than done.

How long have you been with your s/o?
I'll try to keep my distance. Thanks =)

[donporkuloin]

the last part sounds like my relationship with my bf. no more sweetness...constant fights. he still talks to previous girls in flirty ways and he won't admit he's flirting...sigh.

boys are such trouble.

Why do you put up with that? Boys are trouble, and that's why you date men.

[ringo<3]

Why do you put up with that? Boys are trouble, and that's why you date men.

Hahaha, my s/o is 24, so I guess he is a man?

[donporkuloin]

Hahaha, my s/o is 24, so I guess he is a man?

It's not a person's age, but how they carry themselves with their actions?

[Trinity <3]

Hahaha, my s/o is 24, so I guess he is a man?

Doesn't sound like one, lol.

The only way you can actually get over this is probably getting over him. If he 'sighs' to the question of "do you still like me", then what should you think? He only asks for sex and that makes you.. just someone he sleeps with. Give him space, time for him to miss you. I advise you not to contact him and if he doesn't contact you in a few weeks or so... you know what to do.

[PRRRETTYGLiTTERRR]

talk to him about it... if you really love each other, im sure one of you will be willing to compromise a little.. for ex. my bf of 2+years .. we had a phase when we used to fight a lot .. and we agreed that he would stop being so insensitive & id be less sensitive by letting things not get to me as much.. now were fine<33

[LyX]

i kinda know how you feel, only that i'm more sensitive than you....I get offended when he doesnt say that he wants to spend time with only me but with his friends too (including me but not just the two of us) ...that also makes me feel like i'm not his special someone anymore even though he's still mine... i think i have to give him some space too and spend more time without him but its really hard to keep the distance cuz i always wanna be with him...

i agree with the others that you probably have to give him some space and see if he misses you or not...

[slowpanda]

I was in your exact situation with my ex.. as things started going downhill (he even admitted that he didn't like me as much as before), I realized it, so I tried spending as much time with him as possible to get him to love me again, but that only 'smothered him'. I felt like if I gave him space, which he asked for, his feelings would fade away faster and he'd end up breaking up with me. This fear of him losing feelings for me caused me to cling to him 24/7 buut that just pushed him away even more. Aaand we broke up cause he just didn't love me anymore.

This can go 2 ways.. either way, no matter what, you should still give him the space that he asked for. he can either end up missing you while hes away from you or the time apart will cause him to realize that he realy does not miss you and does not like you anymore. Either way, it's all up to him and I dont think there's much you can do.

[duchess]

Sorry, but if I were your boyfriend I'd want to get away from you too. Unless your boyfriend has given you solid reasons to feel insecure, there's no reason to control who he talks to. Just because he talks to his exes doesn't mean he's still interested in them, and with you smothering him like that, it probably just increases the chances of him running back to them.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he asked me if it was okay for him to remain friends with his ex, which I was fine with. I mean even though they didn't really maintain their friendship, I don't care who my boyfriend talks to or hangs out with because we tell each other everything and thus I have complete trust in him.

Don't let your insecurities ruin the relationship if there's nothing to be insecure about. Give yourself and the relationship an overview and see if you have solid reasons to be insecure. Facebook is a means of communication and there really is nothing wrong with trying to keep in touch with someone you once knew. Also, it doesn't seem as if your boyfriend was trying to hide his convos with his exes from you. Maybe he neglected to mention she added him again but is that really such a big deal?

[kg123]

Sorry to tell you this but I think you are a little clingy..but if I were you I'd just tell him everything I feel bout him talking to his exes or whatever you want to fix bout your relationship. Then I'd listen to everything he has to tell and finally try to negotiate...but try to keep calm and let your brain work, not your heart. Dont yell nor swear.

[judii]

umm no offense but it sounds like your really clingy and like your suffocating your bf...

Its not so bad if your bf talks to his exes as long as you know he still doesnt like them or will cheat behind your back.
Also, one of them is having a baby shower with her bf...doesn't that mean shes attached already anyways?

If you can't trust each other totally and you keep having insecurities and it seems like he wants sex all the time, you should get out of it and dump him. Its not worth it.

[peppermintsugar]

Maybe try looking for someone that feels the same way about talking to exs as you do.
My boyfriend and I agree that neither of us need to really talk to exs, so we don't.

[ringo<3]

Maybe he neglected to mention she added him again but is that really such a big deal?

I think that it is because he knew I had a problem with him talking to his exes, and he deleted one of them, but she added him again, and he decided to add her, again.

talk to him about it... if you really love each other, im sure one of you will be willing to compromise a little.. for ex. my bf of 2+years .. we had a phase when we used to fight a lot .. and we agreed that he would stop being so insensitive & id be less sensitive by letting things not get to me as much.. now were fine<33

Its good to know that your relationship is fine now. =)
I guess I feel so dependent on him. I'm really scared that he'll leave me if I give him time, but if I don't he'll still leave me. How do you become less sensitive?

Sorry to tell you this but I think you are a little clingy..but if I were you I'd just tell him everything I feel bout him talking to his exes or whatever you want to fix bout your relationship. Then I'd listen to everything he has to tell and finally try to negotiate...but try to keep calm and let your brain work, not your heart. Dont yell nor swear.

It really sucks that I act on my emotions all the time, its just so hard to control.


I have talked to him about I think and he says he misses the 'old days' too, but I can't seem to feel it from him. I mean, he doesn't seem to do anything about it. Actions speak louder than words.

[GloomyPookie]

You said in the beginning of your post that maybe it's you. And to be honest...maybe it is you?

You said that lately you've been fighting a lot and that you get easily offended. So is it you who starts the fights with him? If so, then it's probably you who's pushing him away. Constantly fighting doesn't make the relationship better.
If it is you who starts the fights then you need to think about why you do it and think about if it really is necessary to argue with him.

I noticed that when I get insecure over certain things he does I take it out on him. It's not right to take your insecurities out on your bf. Now that I noticed I try to really understand things from his way and support him and NOT pick a fight with him 'cause it definitely doesn't make things better.

By the way, about the missing sweetness of him. Have you ever told him that? You should tell him that you miss that. Sometime in the beginning of my relationship with my bf about 6 months (I know that's early for the sweetness to go away!) I talked about it with my bf. That it hurt me and didn't make me feel loved. He didn't meant to be that way, things just got casual that it didn't seemed necessary for that. You know guys... guys are not girls. And some guys are just not that touchy (same goes for as some girls are not the touchy type of girls). But gradually over time he became so sweet again!! And cuddly! He and I are together now for 2 years and 5 months and things are going great.

It's all about communicating and sometimes adjusting yourself for the other. And you need to realise that sometimes it's not him but you. And be honest with yourself and try to fix yourself.

BTW when you ask him if he still likes you/loves you and he sighs could mean that Yes he still does but that he is tired of you asking because of you acting so insecure? Show him love and love only and talk to him about the sweetness things in a normal way, might I add.

[<3 Kim]

I agree with everyone else that you do seem a bit clingy. He probably wants time alone. Though I don't blame you that you got angry that he said he wanted to go to the baby shower alone with his ex, I think everyone would feel that way.

Also I think in most relationships you start to stop getting 'loveydovey" with your s/o. After about a year my bf and I were like that too. We also used to fight almost everytime we saw eachother. I talked to him about it MANY times before but nothing helped, then I kind of got over it and I guess I became the same, not giving him as much attention as I used to. But then later after around... 2.5 years he started acting really nice to me again, giving me hugs etc, kind of came naturally back again.

[KareBear]

Maybe next time before getting into an argument with him, try to step aside away from it first and ask yourself "is it worth fighting about this?" Truthfully, I HATE it whenever someone claims that "I can't help it," because yes you can. Of course controlling your emotions- especially when you're upset- is hard. But if you continue to act on your emotions- then yes your relationship would end because this relationship isn't based on just making YOU happy. His happiness should be important too.

You got to remember - what's past is past. No matter how much you dislike the fact that he dated others before you - you can't change the past. They broke up for a reason- and that reason is the same reason they're still apart. You can't force him to cut people out of his life because of you. Did they personally offended you before? Or did they actively try to break up yours and his relationship? Is it right to ask/demand him to sacrifice some of his friendships just because of you don't trust/like them? Is it right for you to give up some of your own friendships because he doesn't trust them or don't like them?

A friend of mine is going through a similar situation. He doesn't want to spend that much time with his girlfriend because she always pick a fight with him about anything. Try to see it from his point of view- how would you like it if he picks over the most insignificant topics? Like a good guy friend is trying to flirt with you - would you fall head over heels for him and start daydreaming about him? No- right? Because the most special person to you is your boyfriend! But your bf starts freaking out cause some guy is "pulling the moves" onto you and telling you that you better cut ties with that friend. How would you feel? Would you either 1.) feel flattered because he's jealous. 2.) hurt because after two years of dating your boyfriend still fails to see that the only person you're looking at is him... or 3.) think is utterly stupid because despite the fact that your friend is a flirt- he's still a good friend... Friends are easy to come by but it's hard to find a good/real friend.

If he wants space then you should give it to him- otherwise he'll just add it up as another reason why the relationship wouldn't work out... And when he's okay with talking to you again then approach with caution and try to bring some romance back into the relationship... After he warms up, bring up about your guys' relationship and have a serious conversation about it. Try to get his point of view about stuff... Think about it and tell him about your views.

If you finish reading my post, congrats. It's a bit long- sorry. And I criticized a lot- SORRY!! >_< But I almost went through a similar situation and seriously felt like I lost my boyfriend... But after that incident I smartened up, learn to think things over before rushing into it. Now we're heading to our fourth year anniversary, all lovey dovey. I truly think it's sad whenever a relationship breaks down because of this situation... But remember this: You cannot make a person change for you. Either get someone else or you have to change yourself.

Hope this helped.