[yunachan]

I have a friend (I will call Friend A) who I like, have similar interests etc etc. but she has this one tendency that is really starting to annoy me: To get something I wanted for herself (usually in front of my face). For example, I'll say something is really pretty and while I am contemplating it (for like 10-15 seconds, she'll grab it off the rack and buy it for herself.

It annoys me b/c 1.) She constantly complains her family is always being hounded for money when her family is not rich at all -- though ironically, the way she shops says otherwise (she rarely looks at price tags) and 2.) she knows I don't like having the same thing as someone else. I've said it many times...usually followed by her comment, "You can just get the same thing." BUT, if she REALLY likes something, she'll suggest I get the same thing in a different color It doesn't help we have very similar tastes in clothing....

I overlooked that trait for a long time though because I liked her friendship more and I felt like I was being kind of petty for getting annoyed over such a little thing.

But then this happened:
We (me, her, 3+ other friends) were in this store and there was this wallet I've been searching for FOREVER....I was really happy b/c it was EXACTLY what I have looking for (it was hard to find b/c it went out of season). I will add here that Friend A KNOWS I was looking for this particular item b/c I literally went through ebay for months (on her computer several times) looking for it.

I was holding it my hand and started debating aloud to another friend if I should buy it since I had JUST bought a very similar wallet a few months ago thinking I would never find this particular wallet. Suddenly, Friend A reaches over my shoulder and grabs the wallet out of my hand! Then she says, "Thanks for finding this for me!"....Then walks over to the register and buys it for herself! All within 5 seconds! She never even mentioned she wanted anything like the wallet I was holding (or even a wallet in general). So to me it seemed like she decided very spur of the moment she had to have it. I can tell my other friend could tell I got mad (my face can't hide expressions well) b/c she patted my arm and smiled kind of awkwardly. And another friend whispered in my ear she thinks the one I bought previously was better anyway. I've constantly been told that my feelings are very easy to read on my face so I am fairly certain Friend A KNEW what she did pissed me off b/c she avoided me for the next few hours, then started trying to suck up to me by saying now we both have "such good taste." I have no idea why that little event angered me so much but I think it is because it really bothered me that she still did something that she KNEW made me angry (and clearly felt guilty about since she tried to 'make it up to me') but still did it because she wanted it for herself.

I asked my parents about it and my dad thinks that if I really want to stay friends with her, I need to just get over it ^^ Especially because it's just over material things which is worth more than friendship ^^ *insert guilt trip*

But my mom thinks the very fact that Friend A was willing to hurt my feelings over such a little thing is a sign of an insensitive person so it'd be better to keep being nice to her but remember she is capable of "stabbing you in the back" to get what she wants in the end. Aka pretend nothing has changed but don't let her get too close.

I kind of think I agree with my mom more but is my dad right, am I just judging her unfairly over a petty thing? Or is my mom right in saying the way Friend A acts over little things is indicative of how she will act when it comes to really important things?

What do you guys think? What have you guys done in similar situations? Do you think little actions like that are too small to judge a person by or is revealing of their "true" personality?

EDIT: Thanks guys ^^

To clarify, though I guess I should add:
1.) What I mean that I don't like having the same things as other people: If I just bump into someone w/ the randomly wearing same thing that's fine (kind of funny even). I guess it's more of the principle of it (and thus ONLY applies to friends), which is why I think it's a pet peeve of mine rather than anything WRONG. If someone wants something and put "dibs" on it first, even if it is something as small as a piece of clothing, I back off. Same with bigger things: If you like a guy but your friend liked him before you -- keep your mouth shut and hands off. You could go the other way and say nobody has dibs on things like clothing but hey, that's just me.

2.) I think what bothers me is NOT really the wallet thing (though i def think it was my tipping point) - I think it pisses me off that I feel like she's willing to "hurt" me if it means getting her way -- hence my actual question: Is " the way Friend A acts over little things is indicative of how she will act when it comes to really important things?"

I think I sounded like I was more angry over the object than I meant to be ^^

[damyoungji]

If it only happened once or twice, there is nothing to be worked up about. But it seems like this has happened many times before? If it has, I don't blame you for getting mad at Friend A. After all, she is purposely taking whatever you want and flaunting it in front of you - as though she wants you to envy her that she has whatever you wanted.

The next time you go shopping with her, if she tries to take whatever you have, tell her to get it in some other color. Or if you want to fool her, pretend to be interested in something that won't fit her, or something that doesn't look good! IF you don't want to do either of the two options, then don't tell her what you are interested in. When the two of you go out, secretly ditch her by saying you need to go to the washroom and head back to a store to buy whatever you want. By doing so, after leaving the store where you are planning to buy something, you will have time to debate whether you really want it or not without her standing by to snatch it away from you.

[HaplessChild]

Get it in another color or get the same thing. You don't like having the same things other people do? If it came off of an assembly line or out of a retail store there are at least 2,000 other people that have the same item.

My roommate and I have walked out of our rooms in the morning to go to work wearing the same outfit. We takes turns being the one to go back and change. It's not a big deal. If I get my paws on something she likes (or points out) we just get in different colors/ styles. We have a few that are even the exact same. Not a big deal. Know why? Because it's a f-ing piece of clothes.

[MNLV27]

You could just simply not go shopping with her.

If you do, just walk away from the item and walk around the store while thinking if you should buy it or not and when you decide to buy it, just go back and grab it and buy it before she could snatch it away from you. Or you can just take a mental note that this store has the thing you want, and just come back some other day by yourself and buy it.
I agree with your mom. If she does this little petty stuff to you many times now, this shows that she could do something bigger in the future to you. For example only, like you get a boyfriend or a guy confesses to you and you're still deciding whether to go out with him or not, and she starts to like him, she'll probably do whatever to get him away from you.

[jsp]

I would never be friends with someone like that, personally. At least not close friends. It might be a "little" action but it shows that they really only care about him/her self.

[ny-sw / ny_sw.]

that's really insensitive of her, and i agree with your mom. the little things do say a lot about what they are as a person and i really suggest just.. keeping your distance for a bit.
i know how you feel about friends getting the same things cause even though it's cool.. it's just kinda like. :/ i feel like they're trying to jack my style. idk. i can't explain it, but i don't blame you for being bothered by that.

[AoiAi]

I agree with your mom. She obviously knew it bothered you and KNEW that you have been looking for it. However, she just went and snatched it away from YOUR HANDS and played it off like she had been looking for it. It's more of the fact that she doesn't care enough about you or your feelings so she doesn't hesitate to take what you had been looking for. :\ I personally would still be 'friends' with them, but keep a distance.

[nobody knows]

man that'd piss the guts out of me

not just the fact that "dang I wanted that" but that she KNEW you really wanted that wallet or liked whatever, it's like she has no consideration for you whatsoever

and as for "It doesn't help we have very similar tastes in clothing" who knows if it's similar tastes or if she's just jacking your style and playing it off as having a similar style?

and yeah, my mom would prolly say the same thing if that ever happened to me. you can still have her friendship by hanging out, but as for something like shopping or something, keep her at a distance (and since your friends understand), have your friends distract her if you guys just happen to be shopping together or something


as for a solution, you can just not go shopping with her, or whatever catches your eye, don't contemplate and just grab it, put it in your basket or keep it in your hands and while you're walking around, think about what you grabbed, if you like it or not, and if not, just put it back.

[phalken]

I definitely agree with your mom in that small signs of inconsideration are big warning for character, or lack thereof.

Like you've already concluded, she seems to not care about hurting your feelings at all. But what's more frightening, I think, is that she does this so often that it's either become habit or she actively enjoys doing it. Either way, the relationship is at a point where it's detrimental to YOU, and that's more than enough reason to reconsider a friendship =/

Bluntly speaking, I have no idea why you're still best friends with her. Why invest so much emotionally in someone who doesn't reciprocate, but instead constantly makes you feel unhappy? I believe that friendship is about making yourself happy, sometimes by making someone you care about happy. But if you're feeling this kind of doubt, then what's the point? =/

And as for small things indicating larger faults, I believe strongly that "small things" is where you see people's true personalities =/ People say that honesty is what people do when they think no one's looking, and that's just the case for small things that they think other people won't notice/care about. When it comes to being considerate, smaller things matter even more, because it shows a lot about how much they consider your feelings.

[xDMufffins]

Hehe, I'm sort of going to disagree from everyone else. : P

If the stores you two shop in are limited and you both DO have similar styles, it's not her fault to want the same things. It's really not a big deal to get the same item in different styles, or colors if you REALLY want it that much. I've had a friend who had a scarf that I loved and I went into the store and bought it too (because I REALLY liked it I wouldn't if I didn't like it THAT much). It's really not a big deal. Heck, a friend and I decided to buy the same sweater just a few days ago in different colors because we both liked it. If you both like it, get it.

BUT, the thing that would irk me is that she snatched the wallet while you were still holding it, and went to pay for it, without even asking you. Did you ask her why she did that though? Like did you directly show or tell her that you weren't happy with that?

For example: "Hey wth? Give it back man!" half jokingly.
Maybe since she's done it SO much and you haven't said anything, she doesn't think you'd mind? Why don't you talk to her about it?

Yes, I firmly believe that the little things are the most important when judging a friend. Is there any other little thing that she does that just irks you? You should tell her if it's bothering you, and if she does it again, just don't keep her too close or tell her about certain stuff.

To wrap it all up: tell her it's bothering you, if she continues, don't keep her too close.

Good luck? : P

[maly&ahpulee]

This is nothing to get so worked up about. I get annoyed with my friends all the time, but it's like a trade. If they annoy me, I annoy them back.. It's a love-hate relationship but it works well.

[uraha]

stop complaining...you're getting worked up over nothing serious.

If you don't like the way she behave, tell her.

[HaplessChild]

To wrap it all up: tell her it's bothering you, if she continues, don't keep her too close.

Good luck? : P

This.

I don't know how people expect another person to fix a problem they don't know exists. If you confront her about it a couple of times (and I say a couple bec people don't change over night) and THEN she continues, that's one thing. However, to just expect a person to start acting the way you want without saying anything and then get mad when they don't is really just kind of stupid. Most people have a minimal amount of skill as a mind reader.

I stand by what I said though. Really, it's clothes FFS.

[mentalfiction]

I'd be really pissed off too.
Because, seriously, it doesn't matter that she took a wallet, or whatever, it matters that she took something that you wanted for a really long time, and she knew you wanted it. Maybe she wanted it too, I dunno, but I think she's doing it more to annoy you, and possibly belittling you (by showing off that she can always get what you wanted first)

But again, like I said, she might've wanted it too. So, just wait it out a little and see if this goes on, if it does, either confront her, or do what your mom said.

[Swtess]

My friends and I all have the same policy as well. We don't buy the same thing or get in different colours. Your friend is being a pinkberry about it and you have all right to be pissed, but being silently pissed off isn't going to solve anything. Confront and tell her that you're not happy with it. Plus, if you knew she was that type of person then don't just stand there and decide in front of her.

Honestly, you should've said something when she grabbed it out of your hand instead of getting silently pissed.

[jsp]

I don't know how people expect another person to fix a problem they don't know exists. If you confront her about it a couple of times (and I say a couple bec people don't change over night) and THEN she continues, that's one thing. However, to just expect a person to start acting the way you want without saying anything and then get mad when they don't is really just kind of stupid. Most people have a minimal amount of skill as a mind reader.

Normally I'd agree, but what the friend did by snatching the wallet directly out of the OP's hands was pretty blatantly rude. Even if they did not do it on purpose it shows, at best, that they are completely dense and insensitive, and personally I would have short patience for something like that.

[HaplessChild]

Normally I'd agree, but what the friend did by snatching the wallet directly out of the OP's hands was pretty blatantly rude. Even if they did not do it on purpose it shows, at best, that they are completely dense and insensitive, and personally I would have short patience for something like that.

I snatch stuff from my roommate and call her names on a daily basis. This is our dynamic. Unless she says otherwise I will continue to assume that this is how we are and that she's ok with it.

[cannotfindserver]

your friend might be insecure with you. so she wants to have the exact same things that you wanted.

[jsp]

I snatch stuff from my roommate and call her names on a daily basis. This is our dynamic. Unless she says otherwise I will continue to assume that this is how we are and that she's ok with it.

Do you snatch stuff she's about to buy and buy it yourself?

[BAZINGA!]

OOORRR...


You could've just told her you were looking at that wallet and you were going to buy it when she snatched it out of your hand. Your loss for not stepping up all those times it bothered you.