[YoMi~]

Hey.. just wanted to know a few opinions about this..

Basically the majority of people in my year at school (by majority I mean like 90%+) drink/smoke at parties/clubs on the weekends and probably some weekdays. I'm certain of this but I wasn't aware that it was this 'popular' until earlier this week when I heard A LOT of people talking about what happened the weekend before (getting wasted etc.)

I don't know why.. but I just feel really left out by the fact that the majority of my friends who are included in this majority do all that stuff aswell (which means less people to hang out with etc. which makes me feel left out and less social able) Don't get me wrong, I don't want to start drinking until i'm an adult.. but I want to try and fit in better and be able to socialize with my friends but not go through drinking or smoking etc. and i'm not much of a party person.. so that rules parties out (i'm more of the quiet type)

I really don't want to attend these social get togethers and I feels as though if I told them that, they'd all laugh at me or something.. (all guys btw.. so yea..) I don't know what I should do.. I feel more lonely everyday and I hate the fact how every knows all the stuff that happened over the weekend and i'm just puzzled.

Is this normal? and should i do something about it?

Thanks! ^^

[joogrlpekaun]

Well, at least you're also left out of all the hangovers, blackened lungs, and I-know-what-stupid-thing-you-did-last-night stories. You're also left out of all the chances of getting caught drinking underage (I'm assuming you're still underage? correct me if I'm wrong) or doing illegal drugs.

It's normal to feel left out when it seems like everyone else is more in the loop and having more fun social times, I know, but if you don't even like the idea of doing those things, then you're being left out of something you don't really want to be a part of, anyway. As long as some of your friends like to do things that are more your speed and your social life is not completely zero, I don't think you should let it get to you so much that you're not going to wild parties with tons of people every weekend. Sometimes, quality is better than quantity; a couple of friends who will hang out with you doing other things that you all enjoy can be worth more than a bunch of friends who go out partying every weekend in a style you aren't comfortable imitating yourself. The "everybody is doing it" idea is an illusion; I can guarantee you that you are not the only one who isn't, even if the people who are seem to be larger in number and much louder about it.

If you feel like you don't have enough social life, try inviting friends to do things that you're comfortable with more often. If you're tired of most of your friends leaving you out while they go party, then try reaching out to other people who aren't into your school's party scene. If you don't want to do something, then don't. You won't likely be any happier if you force yourself to do something you dislike on a regular basis. It's okay to be yourself and dislike things that a lot of other people enjoy; you're not other people, so you don't have to do what other people do to be happy.

[Mannosuke]

Meet more girls. Then you can hang out with one girl instead of a dozen guys.

[YoMi~]

The people who aren't 'doing it' are like the nerds or Christians.. (no offense) i personally don't fit in with any of them because;

1. i'm not a nerd nor do i plan to hang out with them
2. i can be blasphemous at times and i wouldn't want to offend any of them

It can be hard for me to meet up with the friends who don't because I have only a couple close friends who i can socialize with, but it can be difficult to meet up because one of them is very busy with golf (can takes like 6 hours over the weekend, and then he'll be very tired and there will be little time to hang out) and the other has difficulties getting picked up etc. (there's no buses or anything near him and he lives very far away). And my closest friend has recently gone over to that particular drinking/smoking group, so i've decided to take the more mature approach and hang out with him less..

Mannosuke ~ Generally ALL the girls do the drinking and partying, if anything there are more girls than guys that do that.. and reasons for not having a close girl friend is because of the reasons above ^ (meaning the ones who don't do all that stuff stated)

[dramaprincessxox]

Your friends are too different from you. There's a simple solution: time to change your friends! Forget these party animals and go find people who are more like yourself.

If the only other people are "nerds and Christians" then I guess you should either keep to yourself or just go join your wayward friends. You'll have to be a loner if you dont want to fit in with other people. Or you'll just have to fit in with somebody. For example, you can choose to drink and party with your friends. Or you can choose to learn more respect so you can hang out with Christians without being offensive. The fact that you want to postpone drinking means you're a bit more self-controlled, right? So you can learn to control your mouth as well.

Or you can start talking to the nerds, they are usually very friendly and happy to tell you about everything they like, really. Take your pick.

[carnivals]

okay i'm pretty sure you don't know EVERYONE in your school. and you are kind of the one secluding yourself, since you don't want to go to these parties OR hang out with the apparently 10% of the rest who are all nerds or religious fanatics. i think you need to stop generalizing. and even if a lot of your friends are drinking etc, there are still some you can hang out with. there's nothing wrong with having a few friends with whom you feel comfortable vs having many friends who would make you feel pressured into doing things you don't want to do.

[free-at-least]

Meet more girls. Then you can hang out with one girl instead of a dozen guys.

True. This is what I do.

[Mannosuke]

1. i'm not a nerd nor do i plan to hang out with them
2. i can be blasphemous at times and i wouldn't want to offend any of them

Mannosuke ~ Generally ALL the girls do the drinking and partying, if anything there are more girls than guys that do that.. and reasons for not having a close girl friend is because of the reasons above ^ (meaning the ones who don't do all that stuff stated)

lol you're in quite a situation there.
The safest route to take, is #2. Not all christians get offended by blasphemous jokes =)

[twix0rz]

If you don't want to party, drink, get wasted etc etc then try to find another group to hangout with. Probably not all the other "10%" are just "nerds" and "Christians." You have to stop generalizing so much or you really will just be stuck in that small circle of yours. Try to meet some people outside of your comfort zone. It won't kill you to talk to the nerds or Christians.

I think your best solution might be joining some clubs or sports that you like and try hanging out with those people.

[maly&ahpulee]

You are being too critical of yourself and picky about the type of friends you want to hang out with. What may be the popular choice isn't always the right choice. If partying and drinking aren't for you, then don't do it and don't get involved. Find friends/clubs that have the same interests as you do.

And who says nerds aren't cool? It's not about making friends that are studious or not.. It's always nice to have a diverse group of friends, otherwise you'll be stuck doing the same stuff everyday and that is never fun.

[YoMi~]

I don't have a problem with actually hanging out with nerds for example because their not 'cool' it's the fact that I literally have nothing in common with, believe i've heard some of their conversations before and all they talk about is star wars and games.. I have NOTHING in common with them, they sometimes even sit at my table during lunch when i'm with my other friends and that's all they talk about.

I know i'm kinda picky about choosing friends but that's because there are many people I don't like in my school *sigh* there are literally about 3 people in my school that I can say that i'd feel comfortable hanging out with.. (people who also have no interests in partying)..

The worst part is during the weekends when there's nothing to do

[mentalfiction]

If you don't want to party, drink, get wasted etc etc then try to find another group to hangout with. Probably not all the other "10%" are just "nerds" and "Christians." You have to stop generalizing so much or you really will just be stuck in that small circle of yours. Try to meet some people outside of your comfort zone. It won't kill you to talk to the nerds or Christians.

I think your best solution might be joining some clubs or sports that you like and try hanging out with those people.

There.

Even if you feel left out, just know that at least you're smart. Seriously, drinking and getting wasted is just so uncool these days...so that makes you cool! XD
Yeah nothing to worry about

But yeah I kinda get that maybe besides the drinking, you and your friends must have a lot in common, and thats why you'd still want to be friends with them, so maybe you can just tell them that you feel left out, and you can also tell them that you don't like the fact that they get wasted all the time. It's immature and foolish.

Well I hope it works out =D

[Bk.]

I had the same problem you did. Honestly, don't get too worked up about it. If your friends are all interested in getting wasted at a party while they're still minors, I don't think you should have to get involved with that just to 'fit it'. It's not worth your time. Stick to what you believe is right.
They could influence you to do what they think is 'fun', but you could influence them to do what you think is 'right'.

Like a lot of the people above said, you should try finding new friends within the 10% (possibly more).
If there's more then one person who likes to drink and smoke, then there'e more then one person who doesn't.

[Mannosuke]

there are literally about 3 people in my school that I can say that i'd feel comfortable hanging out with.. (

Let's expand our search criteria to OUTSIDE of your schoolgrounds. It's not possible for your entire region to all love to party everyday.

When you're bored and have NOTHING to do on your weekends cause everyone else is partying, you can go out and meet more people.

[jojo16]

Okay. I can understand that you don't like the idea of hanging out with nerds, because some people do think less of you once they see you with a skinny guy that has a bed head, along with a pair of glasses that seems to have been purchased at least 10 years ago. (A little shallow, but it's true.)

But Christians? No one's gonna know the person you're hanging out with is a Christian, and no we don't spend each and every minute of our lives talking about Jesus. We really don't! (Except for the odd hard-core believer...but that's not so common)

[MangoStar]

I'm in the same situation. Everyone either parties all weekend or they go to church all weekend. I'm dead serious. I can't really hang out with guys who game, because they see me as a girl. Which irritates me to no end. I guess if it's possible, hang out with some friends back home (if you're in college). Try to get a job and meet some people there.

[TiFFaNiZeD]

really? i'm pretty sure you're just generalizing much outta all those groups of people.
my friends and i don't drink and go to parties. we just get together at someone's house/dorm and play lets say board games. or go out to movies, ice skating, mini golfing, dinner, etc.
seriously, go out and meet more people. you just need to find the right group. i'm sure peopel are more diverse and versatile than party animals, star war geeks and religious fanatics.

[TozZi]

I agree. I don't think you should degrade yourself just to fit in. If these are the kinds of people in your class then maybe try to make friends in other classes and/or out of school? I have better friendship with people that I don't go to school with for some reason lol =/

[hobobear]

The worst part is during the weekends when there's nothing to do

Go do your homework.

But yes, the feeling of being left out is very normal (for me atleast). Only a few of my friends go out partying every weekend or every other weekend. While the majority of my friends don't. When i'm super bored i get jealous that those friends don't invite me out to go partying too >=(. But oh well. There are greater priorities in life than just partying.