[mintcracker]

^ Um so he had a fiancee and a girlfriend?
well obviously it didn't work out ... he cheated.

[HSuke]

HSuke Not jumping to conclusion. But it could be because they were sick of each other. Sometimes they realize after many years later, that they rather want to be with someone else. Or scared of commitment. They want to feel young again. When being married, there's a lot of pressures from parents. Parents expect so much like baby, education, money, etc. I'm not saying they were sick of each other. It could be something else. Cheating? Change of Heart? Etc.

Yeah, I have a feeling they were pressured (or pressured each other) into the marriage after living together for so long.

[justwildbeat]

I think it's more about compatibility. How we are in our homes tends to be our true self and where our habits/ lifestyles are at their strongest. Sometimes there's just a conflict in lifestyle that you don't know about until you've observed and interacted with a person in their natural state for a while.

I defintely understand your point about lifestyle compatibility. However I feel somewhere in the dating process you eventually get to see and experience your partner's "at home" behavior and that it doesn't involve moving into another's home. I'm not arguing against couples that live together (I do actually haha) but both partners should be able to compromise and adapt to each other's routine.

[mpham725]

Everyone's situation would be different. Some guys believe that since you're already living together why get married. While with other couples after living together, they feel more comfortable with each other and are ready to get married. It all just depends.

In my situation, I lived with my husband since we started dating and we've been together for almost 5 years, married for 2. During the time we've lived together, I've learned a lot about him and he's learned a lot about me.

[bebixo]

Living together could be beneficial...and harmful. I know this may be a vague response but I really do think it depends on the persons involved in the relationship.

It could be beneficial in the sense that you learn most about a person when you live with him or her. Therefore, if you are able to embrace both the good and the bad of living with your significant other before marriage, all of each other's "flaws" will more than likely already be tolerable to each other after marriage. However, it could also be harmful because maybe you end up knowing too much about your partner too fast, leading your marriage to be very...vanilla...if you will. No more pleasant surprises of common interests and dislikes. No more interesting answers to probably already asked questions. No more insightful findings of the other's past.

Statistics show that couples who are engaged for a shorter period of time have longer lasting marriages than those who are engaged for a longer period of time. However, statistics also show that couples who know a lot about each other have a better marriage than those who get into their marriage too quickly. I know this has nothing to do with living situations, but it very well could compare.

Anyways, sorry for the long mumble jumble and indefinite answer. I just personally think it could go both ways.

[goodnessgracious]

I think living together before marriage is a must. You've got to test whether you and your partner are compatible.

[babyangell]

i think I'm more on traditional side marriage before living together

this is a story of a friend of mine but kidda related on the topic

i have a friend who got married with his 1 yr bf after a month they divorce

but now she have a bf they dated about 3months and decided to move in they living together for 4 yrs i think without a marriage and they going strong


that's why sometimes I'm thinking how you will be able to know if that guy is the right guy
since in dating stage no one gonna show who or what they really is *sigh*

[Plissken]

Never dated anyone before. Ever. 2X years old. I have to say something about the two common things I've read from this thread so far.

1. If you're going to break up over things like household chores, etc. Then there's something wrong with (the both of) you.

2. If you think that just because you live with someone for a while you can find out who they really "are", and thus conclude whether or not you are compatible with them, you are wrong.

3. Experience in dating is an invalid variable in determining marriage success.

Successful marriage, imo, is primarily based on a few things.

1. Goals. Do the two of you have the same life goals? If one of you wants to be a rock star, party it out all night, etc while the other wants to settle down, move into the suburbs, raise a family the marriage will not work.

2. Finances. Money definitely affects relationships. The amount of money is not important to a relationship. It's how money is used within a relationship that's often a source of stress. Compare your financial habits. Do they mend well or are they complete opposites? If the latter, you need to fix this.

3. Spirituality (if you are religious): Compare beliefs with one another. Does one hold strong religious beliefs while the other is borderline atheist/agnostic?

There are a few others but if you're mature enough I'm sure you can figure them out.

[mintcracker]

^ I don't really agree with your third point.
I believe these three points override finances and maybe goals and DEF spirituality.

1.Communication- Ability to really talk about your problems, so things can be worked on. Instead of yelling, arguing, both take time to actually listen to what the other person has to say. In other words, communication helps with understanding, which is very important. Both ppl have to be on the same page.
2.Compromise, a successful marriage won't work if both are inflexible and are stubborn in doing things their way all the time.
3.Trust- pretty obvious why. Trust creates security, if one doesn't feel secure, the paranoia etc will cause huge problems.

[Plissken]

^ I don't really agree with your third point.
I believe these three points override finances and maybe goals and DEF spirituality.

1.Communication- Ability to really talk about your problems, so things can be worked on. Instead of yelling, arguing, both take time to actually listen to what the other person has to say. In other words, communication helps with understanding, which is very important. Both ppl have to be on the same page.
2.Compromise, a successful marriage won't work if both are inflexible and are stubborn in doing things their way all the time.
3.Trust- pretty obvious why. Trust creates security, if one doesn't feel secure, the paranoia etc will cause huge problems.

Oh, I definitely agree with all three points. I was just being a little bit more specific in terms of something tangible rather than abstract.

[kdawg2k]

Don't mean to slightly derail this thread, but i just found this article posted on a friend's Facebook today:

http://www.newbernsj.com/news/herbert-4212...ferrer=facebook

Maybe we all can learn something about marriage from this couple.

[terrorist]

there is dating for a reason. to find out if he/she is really the one for you.

living together is jumping into the relationship too fast..it will crash.

if you're dorming. think about how it is living with the s/o

[mintcracker]

^ you can't find out EVERYTHING from dating. And why is living together jumping the gun? It's not like you meet them then the next week you're shacking up.

[peppermintsugar]

there is dating for a reason. to find out if he/she is really the one for you.

living together is jumping into the relationship too fast..it will crash.

if you're dorming. think about how it is living with the s/o

I've lived with my boyfriend throughout our entire relationship, and it's been perfectly fine. In fact, the only alternative would have been long distance, which is much more destined to fail in my opinion.

[tian`tian]

I think it can go either way (vague answer yes...)

Just because you live together beforehand and find something out that you don't like or can't stand doesn't necessarily mean that you can't agree on household chores. Those little disputes can actually be a sign of a deeper incompatibility - how you see things in life, etc. Being able to compromise on the small things like household chores is also really important, and in some cases it's hard to see if you would be able to do that with someone else without living with them.

I definitely agree with the posters above that there is more to marriage than just being able to live with someone though. There are definitely people that I can live with just fine, but would not think about marrying. But since marrying someone does entail living with them, it can't do more harm in living together first can it?

[My Sweet September]

^ you can't find out EVERYTHING from dating. And why is living together jumping the gun? It's not like you meet them then the next week you're shacking up.

Actually for me, like I mentioned earlier, I pretty much WAS living with my boyfriend a week after getting together....It wasn't intentional, but it worked out well for us (we didn't...err...consummate our relationship that quickly though, even if we shared a bed, lol.)

Everyone's relationship is different. For my fiance and I, we just clicked...it was almost unreal how quickly I developed strong feelings for him, and he was the same way as I. And those feelings haven't faded over time...I love him more every day, even though the "newness" is gone out of relationship, we're closer an more in love then ever.

In a little over a month, though, our lease ends and we're gonna both move back to our parents for a bit. He's still on unemployment and I dont want to get another place before he secures a job. So...I think that is going to be interesting...since I've lived with him for almost 2 and half years now, living apart is going to be hard. Neither want us to do it, but I can report back to you guys if this time apart from each other was beneficial or just a nuisance (I'm thinking the latter...cause we really dont have any problems....)

To add a bit of personal perspective to the whole, "if you are breaking up over household chores" discussion...you wouldn't think little nuances like that could destroy a marriage. But when yuo think about it...your homes is your HOME. It's your haven from the outside world, it should be a place where you can find peace of mind. But if you are so distracted by your other partners living habits, it makes it hard to stop the stress from building up...Add that stress, with the stress that already comes with a marriage and/or relationship, and it can be the "straw that breaks the camel's back" so to say. Some people are really set on ways their home should look, be organized, etc...it's a part of them, and sometimes it just can't be compromised on easily.

[WhiteRabbitsTime]

Marriage isn't all rainbows and unicorns.
Don't jump in the shallow end of the pool, is all I am saying.
So, check and double check before anything!

[lennjao]

It's better to live with your partner, it's a good way to know if your compatible or not. When u date someone is not the same to live with someone. And if it's ok u can think to marriage.

[nene]

simply beneficial.
you don't want to find out things you didnt know about your partner before living together, and then ended up not liking/cant tolerate ---------which lead to divorce? and divorce is not really a good thing. specially when you have kids that are still kids... it affects everything. unless you're a selfish bastard >_>

[sh0rtstuff]

I think it is beneficial but not necessary. You can see how your s/o is when they're "off guard", but it can destroy the relationship because of what you see. Living together doesn't mean everything, it is a way to learn more about your s/o and taking another step in the relationship but bascially you'd still split your finances and all that. Marriage is like a binding contract, so if all goes to hell I pick break up over divorce.