[hot_chocolate]

so ive been dating this guy for 2+years and then my mom comes to visit me for 2 weeks, and for asians meeting the parents is a VERY BIG DEAL! and unless HE"S THE ONE! your parents dont feel the need to meet him. So i didnt let him meet my mom, and then i think he was a bit angry about that. but anyway, we r very stable and good and happy with each other . however, one day!!

he tells me, i've been thinking about what i want lately, and i don't want to be in a serious relationship. I feel that we arent going to be going anywhere anytime soon and that i dun want to waste time. We will be in the same place as we are now two years from now. I don't want to ruin any chances of us being togehter in the FUTUREEEEEEEEEEEE. i think we're jus too young.

so im CONFUSED!!!
and we're 21. and nothing was wrong with the relationship except for probably me not letting him meet my mother.so what does any body think???What do you think he's thinking? do you think theres another reason for the breakup or is he jus a jerk that wants to play around.

[jho]

That last comment was a bit unnecessary, haha.
Anyway, why don't you talk to him and ask him yourself?
His answer will be more sensible than what any of us Soompiers can tell you.
You guys were in a relationship for 2+ years. He should be able to be honest with you.

[peppermintsugar]

Just because he realizes that maybe he's too young to tie himself down in a serious relationship, doesn't mean he's "a jerk that wants to play around and get AIDS," if anything it means that he's smart and respects you enough to tell you flat out, instead of wasting your time and maybe even cheating on you.

21 is young. Too young for lots of people. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 24, for us, the single life of going to clubs and parties, and hooking up and all of the "fun" stuff is done. It doesn't interest us anymore. I know we're young, but that's just how we feel.

Your boyfriend doesn't, I guess. It's really smart on his part. Plenty of marriages end up in shambles because they married too young, and one or both partners feel as though they never got to live those days of fun times as I mentioned before. When he says "I feel that we arent going to be going anywhere anytime soon and that i dun want to waste time." it probably means something along the lines of "we aren't getting married anytime soon because we're young, and I should be out enjoying my single life."

There's a time and a place for everything, for him, now is simply not the time and/or place for a serious relationship. You should be thankful that he was mature enough to bring it to you like this, because there are many, many other worse ways this could have gone down.

[muffinx3]

I'm confused by the second paragraph. Are you saying that all of those things is what HE said about you? Or what YOU think?

I feel that we arent going to be going anywhere anytime soon and that i dun want to waste time.

If this is what YOU think, then you shouldn't be in a relationship of 2+ years, heck, you probably shouldn't even be in a relationship at all.

Also, I don't know what kind of Asian you are, but even if you're "not supposed to introduce them to your parents unless he's the one", you've been dating him for TWO PLUS years and you don't even have the respect to at least quickly introduce him to your parents? Even more so if your parents know that you're dating someone? Man, I would hate that. If I were your boyfriend, I would feel like you're ashamed of me.

That last comment was totally unnecessary. Maybe he doesn't want to be with you because you don't take him seriously.

[hot_chocolate]

thanks guys i kinda get what u mean

[MNLV27]

I think by you not allowing him to meet your parents is basically showing him that you don't see you guys together in the long run. Like you said, meeting your parents means he's the one, if you've told him that explanation, and by not letting him meet your parents, you're telling him, "You're not the one for me that's why I'm not letting you meet them."
Just look at what he said

I feel that we aren't going to be going anywhere anytime soon and that i dun want to waste time. We will be in the same place as we are now two years from now.

He's telling you that he doesn't want to waste his time if you're not serious in the long run with him. His excuses after that is just basically to get you mad at him and let him go so that he can go find another woman who is willing to let him interact with her family showing that she's serious on being with him in the future.

He's not a jerk. He's thinking about his future and what he wants and stuff. I think you're just living the moment, you guys are apparently on different pages.

[HaplessChild]

I think by you not allowing him to meet your parents is basically showing him that you don't see you guys together in the long run. Like you said, meeting your parents means he's the one, if you've told him that explanation, and by not letting him meet your parents, you're telling him, "You're not the one for me that's why I'm not letting you meet them."
Just look at what he said



He's telling you that he doesn't want to waste his time if you're not serious in the long run with him. His excuses after that is just basically to get you mad at him and let him go so that he can go find another woman who is willing to let him interact with her family showing that she's serious on being with him in the future.

He's not a jerk. He's thinking about his future and what he wants and stuff. I think you're just living the moment, you guys are apparently on different pages.

This.

My bf is Asian and he introduced me to his parents. We've only been together a year; I met them maybe a month in. So the "Asian parents..." bit is lame. I've met every mother of every Asian guy I've dated but one and I broke up with that one very quickly.

[whatismyname]

if youre not ready youre not ready. youre 21, you are not ready. if he wants to break up then break up. and just let it go. easier said then done, but if he could, so can you. make sure of your decision THEN do it. cuz its really annoying when people say things and then take it back, shows you how much they know what they really want

[megacowboomboom]

Well, just tell him what you just wrote here: That meeting the parents is a really serious thing. But you know, figure out when you ARE ready for the next step. It seems like he's ready but not willing to wait for you to be.

[spixder]

MNLV27, you took the words right outta my mouth.

[taebins_luver]

i don't think it has anything to do with meeting your mother,
i just think it's you and him.
he doesn't feel that your relationship has evolved much from what it was previously,
maybe he wants to have sex-i don't know.
2 years is a long time for a guy, not for us women, but for men it is.
he's coming up on a 2 year dry spell, don't be sad he wants more.

either ways, he wants something to change

I think by you not allowing him to meet your parents is basically showing him that you don't see you guys together in the long run. Like you said, meeting your parents means he's the one, if you've told him that explanation, and by not letting him meet your parents, you're telling him, "You're not the one for me that's why I'm not letting you meet them."
He's telling you that he doesn't want to waste his time if you're not serious in the long run with him. His excuses after that is just basically to get you mad at him and let him go so that he can go find another woman who is willing to let him interact with her family showing that she's serious on being with him in the future.

He's not a jerk. He's thinking about his future and what he wants and stuff. I think you're just living the moment, you guys are apparently on different pages.

she might be the one for him, but he might not be the one for her, you also have to consider that.
21 is still a very young age to consider anyone 'the one' and there's still a lot to be explored.
he's thinking too far into the future already if he's making her 'the one' for him.
lots of people do that, and it's a mistake that takes a hard hitting toll when the relationship ends.

[MNLV27]

she might be the one for him, but he might not be the one for her, you also have to consider that.
21 is still a very young age to consider anyone 'the one' and there's still a lot to be explored.
he's thinking too far into the future already if he's making her 'the one' for him.
lots of people do that, and it's a mistake that takes a hard hitting toll when the relationship ends.

I can see where you're coming from but then, if he's not the one for her, then it's just best for them to not be together then, what's the point in him being with her if he's not someone she wants to be with in the future. They've been together for 2+ years, she should at least have some thoughts of the future with him, like he said, he doesn't want to waste his time if their relationship isn't going to progress or grow.
Yeah, 21 is young but then, some people like to settle down early. Maybe he's getting into that stage or if not at least he'd like to meet her parents as a form of letting him know that she's serious enough with him to let her parents know about him or meet him. Some people like to have a bond/connection with their s/o's family too. It's been two years that they've been together, it's not like it's only been two months, two years is a long time to not have met your gf/bf's family.

[taebins_luver]

I can see where you're coming from but then, if he's not the one for her, then it's just best for them to not be together then, what's the point in him being with her if he's not someone she wants to be with in the future. They've been together for 2+ years, she should at least have some thoughts of the future with him, like he said, he doesn't want to waste his time if their relationship isn't going to progress or grow.
Yeah, 21 is young but then, some people like to settle down early. Maybe he's getting into that stage or if not at least he'd like to meet her parents as a form of letting him know that she's serious enough with him to let her parents know about him or meet him. Some people like to have a bond/connection with their s/o's family too. It's been two years that they've been together, it's not like it's only been two months, two years is a long time to not have met your gf/bf's family.

my brother was in a relationship with a girl for 7 years and he didn't marry her, nor had she been properly introduced to my parents. the point to being with someone for a long period of time is to determine whether or not they're the one. you can't simply make that assumption too early in, especially with 2 years on the record. that's like determining every 'guy/girl' in your life 'the one' until you break up with them. maybe she's not ready for them to meet. like said, meeting your S/O's parents is like telling them that he/she could possibly be the one, but what if you're not ready to commit yet? that's showing committement when there's possibly nothing to commit to, depending on the person.

same thing for me, i haven't 'properly' introduced my BF to my mom because i'm not ready. she knows he my bf, but that's about it. everyone has their reasons as to whether or not parents get to meet their gf/bf, she just shouldn't be pressured into something she's not entirely down with, but that doesn't mean call off her relationship either, she's just doing some soul searching to see whether or not he's in her future.

[hot_chocolate]

well the reason for me not introducing him to my mother is partially mostly bcuz its a big deal and he would be the one if i were to intro him. But becuz he's 21 and unsure what he wants with his life. he's been to university for 3 years and still doing 1st year courses, its not like he's studying part time, hes doing courses and paying for them and not going to them. its such a waste of money in my opinion. and a bit unstable. He use to go to classes in our first year of uni but then started clubbing and hanging out with friends late nights and couldnt get up in the morning for classes. I like the guy alot but him being so immature and not setting his priorities is a bit .................. I don'tneed him to go to uni, ive even told him. if you don't want to go to uni then drop out and just work, don't half arse it and pay all this money for courses that your not going to or ur just going to fail. but he refuses to listen and says that im giving him pressure. I'm not doing this for my benefit, its not my degree not my profession or career. i'm doing it for him. and its not like its cheap to pay for uni either its 2000 per subject. so yea, i want to stick around with him but i jus want for him to mature a bit more and before i show him to my mother so that my mother wont think he's a bad guy with no direction in life and just wants to play around. But in his point of view, he's jus having fun cuz he's young, if not now then when? so he says. So i tell him to work ful time and he says no then i wont hav enough time to play and stuff. He's a really nice guy but im just waiting for him to grow up a bit. And like i said, we've been dating for 2+ years so suddenly he says i dont want to be in a serious relationship. its kind of weird on my part. so yea.............

[taebins_luver]

^
you know, that's more insight on the situation than before. i think he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, or why else would he suddenly say what he said. if he's not willing to quit the partying, i suggest that you end things before it gets messy. 3 years and still on year 1 courses? you've got to be kidding me. he must be rich huh? 2g's a course, my parents would be HELLA broke.

you're right for not introducing him to your mother, i'd do the same. and if my daughter had a bf like that, i'd tell her to drop him in a heart beat. i already get the feeling he's not gonna get much from his studies to get him a stable and serious job. careful about it, you just might end up supporting him in the long run.

choice is yours whether you wanna stay or not, but i'm gona tell you now, he's not stable and he doesn't seem to be looking to get stable either. if he's lookin to party more than working and finishing up school, he isn't headed in a good direction.

[hot_chocolate]

hes doing the bachelor of commerce in marketing and economics, he's only passed 1 economics subject and cant do anymore bcuz he failed the prerequisites to do the others.and he failed 2econ subjects 3 times. whilst he's chinese so he's doing chinese for electives as a beginner and hes still managed to fail it even tho he can speak chinese just bcuz he doesnt go to classes so he doesnt no when things are due. he gets financial aid so he'll just pay back his school fees when he goes out to work from taxes, but nonetheless its still money coming from his pocket. his excuse is "they take so little out of your taxes each year its practically nothing." money is money doesnt matter little or lots. its money you earned hard for. And he's doing marketing becuz he's easy and half arse so he can jus come out with a degree. His family's not rich either. i have tried being the lenient girlfriend and letting him hang out with his boys to go out to clubs every saturday and dance with girls or whatever the heck he does. He spends 5 out of 7 days driving his useless good for nothing cousin around whos a complete bi**h with no consideration for everything and anythign or anyone and he's too nice to decline her. and really nothing was going wrong with our relationship. i asked him "were you not happy with me" and he said no i was . so THEN??? =_=

the only thing i can think of is that he really seriously jus wants to go out have fun, casual date other females, date hot girls that are jus hot or whatever ROARR. angryness

[HaplessChild]

hes doing the bachelor of commerce in marketing and economics, he's only passed 1 economics subject and cant do anymore bcuz he failed the prerequisites to do the others.and he failed 2econ subjects 3 times. whilst he's chinese so he's doing chinese for electives as a beginner and hes still managed to fail it even tho he can speak chinese just bcuz he doesnt go to classes so he doesnt no when things are due. he gets financial aid so he'll just pay back his school fees when he goes out to work from taxes, but nonetheless its still money coming from his pocket. his excuse is "they take so little out of your taxes each year its practically nothing." money is money doesnt matter little or lots. its money you earned hard for. And he's doing marketing becuz he's easy and half arse so he can jus come out with a degree. His family's not rich either. i have tried being the lenient girlfriend and letting him hang out with his boys to go out to clubs every saturday and dance with girls or whatever the heck he does. He spends 5 out of 7 days driving his useless good for nothing cousin around whos a complete bi**h with no consideration for everything and anythign or anyone and he's too nice to decline her. and really nothing was going wrong with our relationship. i asked him "were you not happy with me" and he said no i was . so THEN??? =_=

the only thing i can think of is that he really seriously jus wants to go out have fun, casual date other females, date hot girls that are jus hot or whatever ROARR. angryness

1. School is not for everyone.

2. Just because he doesn't take school/ work seriously yet doesn't mean he didn't take you seriously.

3. This doesn't sound like it had anything to do with your mother so I'm not sure why you even put that in the original post.

4. He's 21. He's going to goof off and screw up because he's really just a young man and doesn't know what he's doing yet or why he's doing it. If you want someone that's already got it all figured out, try the 30-40 age range next time.

5. Just because nothing was explicitly wrong doesn't mean everything was right either.

[hitokiri007]

mmm, after reading the first part, i would have to say personally, i would be disappointed that you didn't introduce me to your mother. i mean, you don't have to consider me as "the one" yet, but i should at least be a potential candidate that you're serious about. if i felt that you weren't serious about me, i wouldn't wanna continue the relationship either, because it would be going nowhere. we might as well just be friends with benefits.

after reading the second part though, he just might want to explore his options more and see what's out there, and also have more time to have fun and party without you nagging and lecturing him. and he could be using the "not being introduced to your mother" thing as an excuse to break up with you. or mebbe it's a combination of both things: he wants to party and have freedom, but also find someone who wants to eventually marry him. you're going to have to ask him to know exactly.

[hot_chocolate]

1. School is not for everyone.

2. Just because he doesn't take school/ work seriously yet doesn't mean he didn't take you seriously.

3. This doesn't sound like it had anything to do with your mother so I'm not sure why you even put that in the original post.

4. He's 21. He's going to goof off and screw up because he's really just a young man and doesn't know what he's doing yet or why he's doing it. If you want someone that's already got it all figured out, try the 30-40 age range next time.

5. Just because nothing was explicitly wrong doesn't mean everything was right either.

well if he's not taking schooling or working seriously than what is he taking seriusly? playing??? and i know sschool isnt for everyone hence why i suggested him dropping out of uni and working full time until he has figured out what he wants to do or go back when he's serious about his degree. and well if he doesnt really hav a set plan for his future, i certainly hope he doesnt expect me to support his financial needs. i get that hes 21 and hes going to goof around and stuff i let him go out and play and give him all the freedom he wants, i dont question it or such. but i just thought being 21 he would be better with time management and know when to play and when to work or study.

of course its got to do with my mom, if my mom saw that the guy i was dating was a guy who'd rather play then work hard towards life and a good future. i would be PWNed.

[HaplessChild]

well if he's not taking schooling or working seriously than what is he taking seriusly? playing??? and i know sschool isnt for everyone hence why i suggested him dropping out of uni and working full time until he has figured out what he wants to do or go back when he's serious about his degree. and well if he doesnt really hav a set plan for his future, i certainly hope he doesnt expect me to support his financial needs. i get that hes 21 and hes going to goof around and stuff i let him go out and play and give him all the freedom he wants, i dont question it or such. but i just thought being 21 he would be better with time management and know when to play and when to work or study.

of course its got to do with my mom, if my mom saw that the guy i was dating was a guy who'd rather play then work hard towards life and a good future. i would be PWNed.

You basically gave him a big loud "I am ASHAMED of you. You embarrass me. You're not good enough for me and mine."

I would have dumped you too.

I'm 24 and I don't have plan for my future. I don't have a degree. I'm not even working right now. Doesn't mean I can't pay the bills (I'm still paying $900 a month in rent alone.) Doesn't mean I can't be in a meaningful relationship. Just because he doesn't work/ study the way YOU would and his life isn't on YOUR schedule doesn't mean he's doing anything wrong. My bf spent the first year of our relationship unemployed and basically doing little to nothing. I know that we're/he's young and he's learning and eventually he'll figure out what he wants and whether he designs it or not he'll end up on a good path. You don't have to plan big things for good things to happen.

Better for him to get all the play out of his system now than to wake up 30 years old, married, trapped and wanting his youth back. That sentiment leads to stupid decisions and a LOT of hurt feelings/loved ones.