[KIMBURGER]

This post MAY get long ... but I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4-5 months so far. We're both university students and attend the same university. My problem is that ... a couple of months ago my boyfriend brought up something that really bothered him. It was because of my poor work habits that upset him. Following what he said, he told me that one of the qualities of his "ideal girl" is that they are going to go somewhere in life... it was actually a pretty serious conversation because it kind of left the relationship a tad awkward after I promised him I would work harder.

So I did work harder, and things were normal again for about 2 months ? But the problem was that, I eventually got distracted and it kind of slipped my mind =/ ... and the situation was brought up again; this past Tuesday. On Tuesday, we went out to eat and study at some place (after school) and I kind of asked him a lot of questions and what not. We eventually came back to my place and we continued to study, except I was doing some online homework and I was having difficulty with it ... and I kept asking him questions and I guess it ticked him off... and I believe he left because of that. The next day, he didn't go to school because he stayed over so late and had to drive back to his area. But when he woke up, he came to our school and we decided to meet up at some place after my math tutorial. We met up and I thought we were gonna go somewhere to study ... but when we got in the car .. the ride was completely silent, we didn't hold hands (which is what we always do) and it made me feel like something was up. When we got to my place, he said he was gonna go... and I didn't know what to think. But his facial expression was not like normal; it was very stern and almost angry.

I got into the house and I called him 2 times; the first to ask why he was so cranky (short conversation) and the second time was to ask if he was mad at me --- this conversation was much longer ... This is how it went:

Me: Is something wrong ? Are you mad at me ?
Bf: No , I'm not mad at you .. but I'm mad at something
Me: What are you mad at?
Bf: If I say it , I can't take it back
Me: okay ...
Bf: I'm unhappy in this relationship ( there were long pauses/ silences in the conversation; but I won't point them out lol)
Me: Why?
Bf: I just think I'd be better off alone, and you know the reason (which was the schooling ... and on top of that.. how I was bringing him down (school-wise) and that he wanted to focus on his career)

But the point is ... he was trying to break up with me ... and I didn't want to ... so I kind of begged him to stay with me and that I promised him I would try harder. But he kept insisting that he wanted to end it (he said how my effort of trying would go back to the way thhings were eventually =/). It went on for around 20 minutes. I don't know if I forced him or not ... I feel like I did, and I probably did. But things have been awkward since ... and I feel like the relationship is only one-sided. I don't know if it's stress from school that's making him act like this but .. yeah. We used to hold hands all the time, he used to put his arm around me, used to call me by pet names... you know, things a normal couple would do. But we barely hold hands (if we were, it'd be in the car -- not in public... I'd have to link my arm to his ...). We still have some good moments .. I guess .. but it feels like there are more bad moments that over power it. It really hurts me ...

But on thursday , he came over and we were sitting on the couch studying.. and we had a conversation that went like this:

Bf: Why do you want to stay with me?
Me: Why... ? Do I need a reason?
Bf: Well .. I want to know if it's worth staying
Me: Isn't it kind of obvious --- my reason?
Bf: Maybe I want to hear it for myself
Me: (It took me a while to say because I didn't know if my answer was good enough ... . But I was like:) Because.... I.... love....you...?
Bf: (He kind of smiled from there.. I don't know why.. then he said) Well ... if we're gonna stay together, it's gonna take some time to repair the damage.

"damage" ... it got me thinking ... does he not love me anymore? ... But after studying that night . I fell asleep on him and we cuddled and held hands. But the next day (yesterday) just felt like another crappy day .. kind of.

I really don't know what to do. I know I'm pathetic =/ But I really need some advice, so please be kind D: (I want to confront him about his feelings but I don't know if I should do that now.. I don't want to add extra stress ...).

Thank you to those who actually read this .. : ) <3

[donporkuloin]

I read half of this, because I got agitated by it. Your bf lost interest in you. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if he had someone else in mind to date. I think your bf needs to relax. I think you can do better. You're more like a toy than an actual gf to him. I think you should give him what he wants, and move on. You're kidding yourself if you think the relationship is going to work for the long term. Continue to be yourself in your next relationship.

[starber]

I read the whole thing : D
He's clearly over you, sadly. I believe that this relationship won't last very long, despite your efforts. Your bf seems a little uptight ? He seriously needs to relax. Besides, if he keeps saying that your not of his standards, than that means that perhaps there IS someone out there that he's thinking of, would be (IMO). You should give him up. He's not worth your time and effort. You are worth much more than a cruddy boyfriend like him 8 )

[whatismyname]

I read half of this, because I got agitated by it. Your bf lost interest in you. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if he had someone else in mind to date. I think your bf needs to relax. I think you can do better. You're more like a toy than an actual gf to him. I think you should give him what he wants, and move on. You're kidding yourself if you think the relationship is going to work for the long term. Continue to be yourself in your next relationship.

wow well i wouldnt go as far as saying she's a toy.
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i wouldnt say he's not worth it or whatever, just that both of you are not right for each other and honestly......both of you can do better.

your bf basically told you he doesnt want to be in this relationship. both of you are young, you think he would really stick around? why would he continue to make himself unhappy? better end it now before it gets worse.

[KIMBURGER]

I read the whole thing : D
He's clearly over you, sadly. I believe that this relationship won't last very long, despite your efforts. Your bf seems a little uptight ? He seriously needs to relax. Besides, if he keeps saying that your not of his standards, than that means that perhaps there IS someone out there that he's thinking of, would be (IMO). You should give him up. He's not worth your time and effort. You are worth much more than a cruddy boyfriend like him 8 )

Thank you for reading the whole thing =P hhaha . But I'm thinking .. if he wanted to break up with me, he would have been more persistant ..? as in disagree every single time, despite my efforts ? >_> I don't know.. I have a feeling everyone's going to say the same thing. But I really do love him ... should I tell him how I feel like he's not trying to make it work? ..

[starber]

^ Yes, tell him. If you want to be with him longer, tell him how you feel about the situation. I think that he's still attached to you (explains why he hasn't broken up with you yet), but he's beginning to lose interest. Try talking to him, and see if he realizes how he's hurting you.

[KIMBURGER]

^ Yes, tell him. If you want to be with him longer, tell him how you feel about the situation. I think that he's still attached to you (explains why he hasn't broken up with you yet), but he's beginning to lose interest. Try talking to him, and see if he realizes how he's hurting you.

I think I'll do that today : ) And I'll tell you how it goes Thank you very much n__n

[Emiso]

My ex and I had a similar issue. After a year we had a serious talk and he told me he was unhappy with the relationship I told him to give me more time and that we can work on the issues, but a year went by and things just didn't seem to be going anywhere. I did change for the better but it was honestly too late, the feelings he used to have for me died. We would still hold hands, kiss and do couply things after that first year but it was never the same and it was quite obvious as time went by.

I'm sure you'll realize this too and it won't take you a year like it did for me.

But it also depends on the person, the reason my ex stayed with me is because I asked him too and he was a very considerate person and I suppose he had some sort of hope for the relationship too. But honestly, not enough effort was put in on his side and that was because he no longer loved me.

I think it's for the better if you move on, I'm not saying there's no hope take as much time as you need to see it for yourself. I never regretted waiting that one year because now I don't ask myself "what if" but during that one year I got hurt a lot and it could've all been prevented if I just let him be happy.

[donporkuloin]

wow well i wouldnt go as far as saying she's a toy.
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i wouldnt say he's not worth it or whatever, just that both of you are not right for each other and honestly......both of you can do better.

your bf basically told you he doesnt want to be in this relationship. both of you are young, you think he would really stick around? why would he continue to make himself unhappy? better end it now before it gets worse.

I would definitely say he's not worth it. I don't see how you can be blind to the obvious. Re-read how some of the convo they had, and it's blatant how he feels. I wasn't trying to call her a toy to degrade her. It's just some guys do this, and they view it as a toy, or something to that effect. That may not be the politically correct answer, but it is the truth!

[KIMBURGER]

My ex and I had a similar issue. After a year we had a serious talk and he told me he was unhappy with the relationship I told him to give me more time and that we can work on the issues, but a year went by and things just didn't seem to be going anywhere. I did change for the better but it was honestly too late, the feelings he used to have for me died. We would still hold hands, kiss and do couply things after that first year but it was never the same and it was quite obvious as time went by.

I'm sure you'll realize this too and it won't take you a year like it did for me.

But it also depends on the person, the reason my ex stayed with me is because I asked him too and he was a very considerate person and I suppose he had some sort of hope for the relationship too. But honestly, not enough effort was put in on his side and that was because he no longer loved me.

I think it's for the better if you move on, I'm not saying there's no hope take as much time as you need to see it for yourself. I never regretted waiting that one year because now I don't ask myself "what if" but during that one year I got hurt a lot and it could've all been prevented if I just let him be happy.

>__> well .. I was gonna try to have a serious talk with him tonight .. I just called him and I asked if he could come by after he was done studying. I will definately keep this in mind. But I think I want to talk it out with him first, and try ... and hopefully it works out Thank you for your advice ! <3 : )

[HaplessChild]

This post MAY get long ... but I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4-5 months so far. We're both university students and attend the same university. My problem is that ... a couple of months ago my boyfriend brought up something that really bothered him. It was because of my poor work habits that upset him. Following what he said, he told me that one of the qualities of his "ideal girl" is that they are going to go somewhere in life... it was actually a pretty serious conversation because it kind of left the relationship a tad awkward after I promised him I would work harder.

So I did work harder, and things were normal again for about 2 months ? But the problem was that, I eventually got distracted and it kind of slipped my mind =/ ... and the situation was brought up again; this past Tuesday. On Tuesday, we went out to eat and study at some place (after school) and I kind of asked him a lot of questions and what not. We eventually came back to my place and we continued to study, except I was doing some online homework and I was having difficulty with it ... and I kept asking him questions and I guess it ticked him off... and I believe he left because of that. The next day, he didn't go to school because he stayed over so late and had to drive back to his area. But when he woke up, he came to our school and we decided to meet up at some place after my math tutorial. We met up and I thought we were gonna go somewhere to study ... but when we got in the car .. the ride was completely silent, we didn't hold hands (which is what we always do) and it made me feel like something was up. When we got to my place, he said he was gonna go... and I didn't know what to think. But his facial expression was not like normal; it was very stern and almost angry.

I got into the house and I called him 2 times; the first to ask why he was so cranky (short conversation) and the second time was to ask if he was mad at me --- this conversation was much longer ... This is how it went:

Me: Is something wrong ? Are you mad at me ?
Bf: No , I'm not mad at you .. but I'm mad at something
Me: What are you mad at?
Bf: If I say it , I can't take it back
Me: okay ...
Bf: I'm unhappy in this relationship ( there were long pauses/ silences in the conversation; but I won't point them out lol)
Me: Why?
Bf: I just think I'd be better off alone, and you know the reason (which was the schooling ... and on top of that.. how I was bringing him down (school-wise) and that he wanted to focus on his career)

But the point is ... he was trying to break up with me ... and I didn't want to ... so I kind of begged him to stay with me and that I promised him I would try harder. But he kept insisting that he wanted to end it (he said how my effort of trying would go back to the way thhings were eventually =/). It went on for around 20 minutes. I don't know if I forced him or not ... I feel like I did, and I probably did. But things have been awkward since ... and I feel like the relationship is only one-sided. I don't know if it's stress from school that's making him act like this but .. yeah. We used to hold hands all the time, he used to put his arm around me, used to call me by pet names... you know, things a normal couple would do. But we barely hold hands (if we were, it'd be in the car -- not in public... I'd have to link my arm to his ...). We still have some good moments .. I guess .. but it feels like there are more bad moments that over power it. It really hurts me ...

But on thursday , he came over and we were sitting on the couch studying.. and we had a conversation that went like this:

Bf: Why do you want to stay with me?
Me: Why... ? Do I need a reason?
Bf: Well .. I want to know if it's worth staying
Me: Isn't it kind of obvious --- my reason?
Bf: Maybe I want to hear it for myself
Me: (It took me a while to say because I didn't know if my answer was good enough ... . But I was like:) Because.... I.... love....you...?
Bf: (He kind of smiled from there.. I don't know why.. then he said) Well ... if we're gonna stay together, it's gonna take some time to repair the damage.

"damage" ... it got me thinking ... does he not love me anymore? ... But after studying that night . I fell asleep on him and we cuddled and held hands. But the next day (yesterday) just felt like another crappy day .. kind of.

I really don't know what to do. I know I'm pathetic =/ But I really need some advice, so please be kind D: (I want to confront him about his feelings but I don't know if I should do that now.. I don't want to add extra stress ...).

Thank you to those who actually read this .. : ) <3

I think you already know exactly how he feels: that you're a slacker and you said you'd do better and you didn't.

If he's willing to work with you (which it sounds like he is) just do your best, be mindful and don't MAKE it awkward. Pull out all the stops, buckle down and show him that you're willing to work your toosh off to be with him. Don't spend your time worrying and fretting over what he's thinking; spend that time doing things that will make him think good things.

[KIMBURGER]

I think you already know exactly how he feels: that you're a slacker and you said you'd do better and you didn't.

If he's willing to work with you (which it sounds like he is) just do your best, be mindful and don't MAKE it awkward. Pull out all the stops, buckle down and show him that you're willing to work your toosh off to be with him. Don't spend your time worrying and fretting over what he's thinking; spend that time doing things that will make him think good things.

I've been studying a lot this week cause of my midterm. He knows it too ..but I guess he doesn't really have that much faith in me cause he thinks it's going to go back to the way things were. But I promised him , so I'm gonna always keep it in my mind from now on =/

[HaplessChild]

I've been studying a lot this week cause of my midterm. He knows it too ..but I guess he doesn't really have that much faith in me cause he thinks it's going to go back to the way things were. But I promised him , so I'm gonna always keep it in my mind from now on =/

Don't do just the bare minimum. Go above and beyond what you're normally inclined to do.

[KIMBURGER]

Don't do just the bare minimum. Go above and beyond what you're normally inclined to do.

Will do : ) Thank youuu

[HaplessChild]

Will do : ) Thank youuu

Good luck!

[Malice_Kaiser]

Thank you for reading the whole thing =P hhaha . But I'm thinking .. if he wanted to break up with me, he would have been more persistant ..? as in disagree every single time, despite my efforts ? >_> I don't know.. I have a feeling everyone's going to say the same thing. But I really do love him ... should I tell him how I feel like he's not trying to make it work? ..

You're digging for reasons to justify YOU persisting on him staying with you. If you have to try that hard to come up with reasons your relationship could work, it's not worth it.

[chiho]

If it as me i probably won't distance myself from my gf due to school work/ stress but then again. I was never really stress about school work. On the other hand, I would get mad since you did decide to "slack off" (it's basically like saying ... bf's words are worthless and not worth hearing --> of course ppl might get mad? ^^") after attempting.

Well didn't really give off an advice but good luck ^^

[KIMBURGER]

If it as me i probably won't distance myself from my gf due to school work/ stress but then again. I was never really stress about school work. On the other hand, I would get mad since you did decide to "slack off" (it's basically like saying ... bf's words are worthless and not worth hearing --> of course ppl might get mad? ^^") after attempting.

Well didn't really give off an advice but good luck ^^

that's true though =/ but he prioritizes school before anything =/ it's really important to him

You're digging for reasons to justify YOU persisting on him staying with you. If you have to try that hard to come up with reasons your relationship could work, it's not worth it.

My cousin brought that point up to me, and it made sense to me.. but then I kind of felt like I forced him, which I probably did.. But in any case, I'm going to talk to him today and see how that works outt o_O

[mintcracker]

eh.... it's never good to beg. Even if you want him to stay, bc it seems he's really lost interest in you. And now he's taking you for granted. Maybe it's best to end it? I'm sorry if it's sad to hear.