[MangoStar]

I know that there are plenty of topics where your best friend chooses their boyfriend/girlfriend over their best friend, but how do you get over it?

My story is that in my senior year of high school, I was having some family troubles that really altered how I acted, my mood etc. It was a time when I really needed my friends. I had one friend who had a boyfriend in Florida (we lived in Mississippi). Everything was fine with us. However, over time she began to focus more of her time on him, than me. I would text her and she'd never text back or I'd call and she'd either not answer or be busy playing Xbox live with him or what not. I understand that they need time together, but not 24/7. I was jealous, I admit it.

This began to annoy me and the last straw I had was the last time we hung out. Her boyfriend was visiting and she acted as if she was irritated with me for no reason. I understand that I wasn't pleasant to hang around for some time, but things were started to get better at home and this was a blow to me. For a long time I thought I ruined the friendship for how I acted. Next thing you know, I get a message on facebook from a mutual friend of ours all the way in Guam telling me how I should stop acting like a baby and wagging her finger at me over something she knew nothing about - I had enough, deleted her and told me to never talk to me again. I can't stand judgemental people.

Here's my problem, I miss my friend. Now that she's moved to Florida and she's about to have a baby (I hate not being there for her), the pain is still there. I thought I was over it, but I'm not and I don't know how to officially close the book on our friendship and learn from it. I even tried to apologize for my actions, but I got nothing back. It just sucks when you lose your best friend.

So, I'm sorry for this long post, but I really need some words of advice on how to move on.

EDIT: I didn't realize that I missed her until after I found out that she was in Florida and she was pregnant. I don't know if this is anything like getting over your first love. . or is it? Do I just get a pint of ice cream and cry for a few days?

[muffinx3]

Yes, it does hurt when a best friend prettymuch leaves you for her boyfriend.
But you have to realize that it's her life. She could potentially be marrying this guy where they will be with each other practically every day (which she probably is, since she's pregnant?). You, being her best friend, should have learned how to accept her AND her boyfriend instead of being jealous and bitter towards her (I'm assuming that's how you were from the reaction of the Guam friend and the best friend).

Did you try to call her and apologize? Or was this an email or something? Because if it was an email, that's pretty impersonal and lame. Call her and try to talk to her about it.
How come you didn't try to talk to her about it after the Guam friend messaged you?

Well anyways, if you've tried a genuine way of apologizing, and you don't get a response from her or she hangs up on you or something, then at least you know you tried. Not much more can be done about this. You just gotta move on with your life.

[SHINEjaejoong]

I don't think you are at fault in this situation.
If a friend can leave you so easily then that tells me that she wasn't a true friend. No?
I mean, I get that it's her life. She has to make her own choices but it's quite unfair to be angry at you for nothing.
You shouldn't be apologizing. What did you do wrong? You got jealous, so what. Anyone would get jealous when their friend was like busy 24/7 with their boyfriend.
Don't act like everything is your fault because it isn't. Honestly, think about the negative things she's done and get over it. You can call her and still be friends but I wouldn't think that you meant much to her.

[MangoStar]

muffinx3 I've tried to call her, she never answers my phone calls. I emailed her, she ignores it. I said my piece and I'm done, its on her to decide what she wants. But I can't continue to develop gray hair over it. As for my friend in Guam, she is very judgemental and looks down on people. She was a great friend but her acting this way wore me down and we aren't friends anymore either.

SHINEjaejoong I seriously have this issue that when someone doesn't like me or doesn't want to be friends with me, I think it's my fault. I should stop it. It does suck she choose me over a boy, but she's stuck to him. You can't pull her off him. Here's the thing I think about, nowadays a promise ring, a wedding ring or even a baby can't make a guy stick around. So what happens if he leaves her or the relationship dissolves? She gave up her friends for that? Don't get me wrong, the guy is way awesome, but even the best of relationships can falter.

As the both of you said, its her life. She's grown now and so am I.I guess I can kiss this one off.

[KanyeWEST]

stop trying to bother her. she obviously couldn't care less about you.

[myherox3]

Here's the thing I think about, nowadays a promise ring, a wedding ring or even a baby can't make a guy stick around. So what happens if he leaves her or the relationship dissolves? She gave up her friends for that? Don't get me wrong, the guy is way awesome, but even the best of relationships can falter.

Friends aren't forever either.

[Mr. Chan]

stop trying to bother her. she obviously couldn't care less about you.

I agree.

One of my former buddies who I went to school with got married like a year or two ago. The stupid part was, they were together for less than 4 months before deciding to do this. I would often times call him to come hang out but he would either not answer, or if he did then he would make up some bs ass excuse. This dragged on for a while, so I simply just gave up. OCCASIONALLY, he'd call me, but he'd usually have reasons for doing so, it usually pertains to car related questions. I then realize that he was those type of jack asses who would call whenever he needed something, so I never again picked up his calls. Our other friends also noticed the same pattern and had completely ignored him.

[MangoStar]

I agree.

One of my former buddies who I went to school with got married like a year or two ago. The stupid part was, they were together for less than 4 months before deciding to do this. I would often times call him to come hang out but he would either not answer, or if he did then he would make up some bs ass excuse. This dragged on for a while, so I simply just gave up. OCCASIONALLY, he'd call me, but he'd usually have reasons for doing so, it usually pertains to car related questions. I then realize that he was those type of jack asses who would call whenever he needed something, so I never again picked up his calls. Our other friends also noticed the same pattern and had completely ignored him.

Other friends of mine have seen the same thing with her as well. It would be totally different if she was just some girl I was friendly with but we were close so it's different.

[bbyxwinnie]

err. it sounds like she's still annoyed with you, i heard that pregnant people are more emotional? so you're probably just irritating her more than ever by spamming her phone and email. its probably hard but you'd have to get over it eventually ;/ sorry

[MangoStar]

err. it sounds like she's still annoyed with you, i heard that pregnant people are more emotional? so you're probably just irritating her more than ever by spamming her phone and email. its probably hard but you'd have to get over it eventually ;/ sorry

Woah, I am in no way spamming her. I only texted her on one occaision and emailed her on another. Both were months apart. I know what its like to be emotional and pregnant, but it doesn't justify your actions.

[Innocent_Asian]

Ugh i hate when this happens.
I usually just drop it.
i mean i dont care anymore.
if she chooses him over me the whatever.

[des monstres]

sorry, but i'm one of those people that would definately chose my boyfriend over my friends.
well, i have more fun with him. although we do go through rough patches.
in fact, we're going through one right now.

but i think of him as my best friend and my significant other.

well, she should have put a bit more thought into her friends.
but she's about to have a baby...
and i'm sure she'll wanna spend the most time with her boyfriend.
especially during an important milestone like this.

[A-choo]

Everyone needs space :]

but, i dun't like it when my fwend spends tew much time wif their bf's either ><

buh wat can yooh do, i mean, i understand, lol.

:3 i think, as long as yoor there for them when they needed yooh.

Yooh're a great fwend ;D

[chll51]

Close that chapter of the book and move on. I recently got into a fight with a friend over the same thing, almost. Anyway, the point is this, she didn't care enough to even try and contact you. that shows you don't matter as much. why care about people who don't care about you? just close that sh.t and move on.

[XJShinoda]

I don't know how should i put it. So i will be turning 21 next month and we're gonna hold a party in my house on my birthday. I was expecting her to come and she KNOWS when is my birthday, just like she was expecting me to go to her birthday party few months back even though i was in exam-tension-period.

She just informed me that she will not be able to attend my birthday party, because she's going on a trip with her bf. I know that i need to give them privacy and time to spend together. But i wasn't expecting her to miss out my party.

I know i shouldn't be upset over the whole thing, but the reason i got so upset was when she said: " I thought you might be celebrating it on weekend (My birthday falls on Thursday)..." I was really sad when i heard that, it's the lamest excuse ever.

[MangoStar]

Like I said, I'm beginning to see that she's in a new period in her life that doesn't include me or other friends. I just let it go, because she can do what she pleases, hopefully she'll learn not to ditch best friends over a guy. Hell, best friends tend to know more about you than your s/o.

[RYUUSEi]

Honestly, there's not much you can do. Just let her know that you're still there for her if she ever wants to talk and then back off. If she really wanted to be your friend again, she would have made time to see you and put in an effort into keeping your friendship but she hasn't, has she? It's time you focus on what's best for you yourself and just move on with your life.

Treasure the other friends you have, get new friends and enjoy life instead of wasting time worrying over this one good friend you used to have, but most importantly, don't let the same thing happen again. Next time, "fix" the problem as soon as you can before it escalates. In this case, you should have been more forceful about wanting to talk things out before she got so serious with her boyfriend and moved on with her life, without you.

[Mr. Chan]

Like I said, I'm beginning to see that she's in a new period in her life that doesn't include me or other friends. I just let it go, because she can do what she pleases, hopefully she'll learn not to ditch best friends over a guy.

That's the best thing you can do.

Hell, best friends tend to know more about you than your s/o.

I respectfully disagree. Once you have a s/o, that s/o will be with you more than your best friends, thus understanding you more. By understanding you more, they will know how you really are.

I apologize for my crappy explanation, but that's the best I can do.

[~Tropical.Mists]

Wow that does seem really harsh T___T
I've never really been through the same problem.... but I do have a lot of ups and downs with my best friend.
It's sorta sad because she has this REALLY great bf and I think they're perfect together =) to the point that like.... even now, we all live together and the three of us get along really well. But anyways.... problem is, sometimes we all through stages in life and random humps that we just don't know how to deal.
I know her and I know that she doesn't like talking about it and in fact, she avoids it like no tomorrow and just takes it all out on me >=( She tells her bf everything but sometimes leaves me totally in the dark... she might even rant to strangers on the bus rather than talk to me.
So I guess it just really depends on the friend.

Everyone's different and it's just how you deal with the issues that bring you closer or just.... show you how much you mean to each other =) In reality, she doesn't even claim me as her "best friend" but she knows that I consider HER my best friend, so it's an awkward relationship lol O_o

I think how you're feeling now... is more of a reminiscent feeling? You've been without her for how long? I think you just miss her company. You miss having someone THERE and it's a hard to replace someone who used to be your best friend. I really don't know how to help you get over missing her or whatever, but my best advice is to just.... make new friends, go on living life and see what happens ^^'' if she doesn't bother communicating back and trying to catch up with you either, then it's her problem and not yours. You're TRYING to offer support and if she doesn't want to, then there's nothing else you can do. Accept reality I guess >_>

--xoxo.
TM

[azurette]

I've been through this, frustrations and all.
What worked for me was hanging out with other people, often.
The closer I grew to them, the less I missed my friendship with her.
That, and realizing how selfish and foolish she was; thinking lowly of her, knowing she was replaceable.
You just have to remind yourself that often at this stage in life, people can be replaced. (except family but duh)
Maybe in time she'll come crawling back to you like my ex-bff did. And when she does, say no. Cuz you don't need her.