[mrsjaejoong]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and he's my first love. We see eachother almost everyday and I lived with him for 2 weeks at one point. We call everyday and we hang out with the same group of people. The thing is, he's not that good with expresssing his emotions.
So rewinding just 4 months ago, my dad tried to send me off to Korea to stay with my grandfather because he felt like I was too liberal and I needed to get some discipline and learn some respect. I mean... this all came up because I forgot to greet my dad when he came home (insa... for those that are korean). They started threatening me about it for about a month, and I ended up telling my boyfriend. We were only about 2 months along, so he didn't say anything and shrugged when people asked him how he felt about me leaving. As for my parents, I felt like they were being ridiculous because I feel lkie I'm just a typical girl. I go to university, meet my boyfriend, come home, have dinner with the family, etc... I never swear, fight, or lose my table manners in front of elders.
But anyway, i'm getting sidetracked.... basically, I thought they were being a bit irrational, so I did something kinda funny/immature by hiding my passport and pretending I lost it so that I can't go to korea. I told my boyfriend and we were fine. But then a few weeks later, my parents and I talked it out and I gave them my passport back. I didn't end up going and everything was just dandy.

However, just about 2 weeks ago, my dad approached me again about going to Korea. But this time, it wasn't to 'discipline' me or anything. It was just a program, kinda like co-op. I just go to teach English to kids in Korea for a year. I get paid, I get accomodation, I get healthcare coverage, etc...
The thing is, Just last year, I would've given ANYTHING to take this opportunity. But now, idk anymore.... I think its because of my friends, family, and my boyfriend... i'm going to miss them a lot...

So I talked to my boyfriend about it, and once again, he just shrugged, saying 'it's up to you. I can't tell you how to live ur life, this is YOUR future. I shouldn't be a factor in ur choice.' and tehn he told me that I'm not really a factor for him when it comes to travelling. If he got to go to his home country (he hasn't been tehre in 9 years), he'd definitely go without thinking about me.... idk why but it kind of hurt when he said that.... how am i NOT a factor? won't he miss me?

the thing is... I don't believe that it can work long distance with him. I'm not saying i don't believe that all long distance relationships can't work... im just saying it can't work for me and him in particular b/c of the way we are. we need face-to-face contact. Especially since it's a year long program...


But my real question is... do you guys think he really doesn't care? or do you think he's bottling up some kind of emotion? idk what goes on in that guys head and i need to think outside the relationship and see from a 3rd party point of view, but i can't... so help me out, soompiers! =S




edit: idk... i guess the real stupid thing going on in my head right now is the question, 'if i leave, will you come after me?'
I know my boyfriend is really stubborn and he's got a HUGE ego. It sucks because i can't even think about walking away from him during a fight because I know he won't chase after me (trust me, i've tried quite a few times). This whole situation kind of brings out this problem onto the table and I need to know now... I want him to want me to stay, you know? I need him to tell me his honest feelings. I dont know if i'm just being a girl here or w/e, but it's just something that's really bothering me. And I hate to use Korea as a leverage, but it just happened to turn out this way...

[RYUUSEi]

6 months together is considered a fairly serious relationship I guess. If I were in your situation, I would get upset too ... then I'd fly off to Korea and find a better boyfriend who cares.

No, but seriously, have you tried actually confronting him about this, how you're upset that he won't miss you etc? Even if he's not good at expressing his emotions, if shouldn't be THAT hard to at least hint that he'll be sad if you left, you know. Maybe he just doesn't care, and/or doesn't take your relationship that seriously.

[YoungNegro]

dude ur dad has problems u gota move out

[Mr. Chan]

he told me that I'm not really a factor for him when it comes to travelling. If he got to go to his home country (he hasn't been tehre in 9 years), he'd definitely go without thinking about me.... idk why but it kind of hurt when he said that.... how am i NOT a factor? won't he miss me?

I'm sorry, but your boyfriend of only six months, is a jerk.

[des monstres]

he's kind of right to some extent.
if this is something you've wanted to do, go for it.
there's a lot of stories of people missing amazing opportunities for their significant other.
and later, they break up.
now. i'm not saying you guys are gonna break up.
but yeah.

i'm sure he does care about you.
i mean, why else would he have stayed in this relationship?
some people are just better at expressing their emotions than others.

for instance, my dad.
he doesn't tell me he loves me a lot and other things.
but i know he loves me a lot. :3

that WAS kind of mean of him to say that he wouldn't think about you.


and my mom is like your dad.
i didn't say hi to her when she came home.
and she went berserk.
and when i accidently forgot to tell her that i was going out.
(i went to the library for god's sakes.)
when i came home, she slapped me. @___@

[_MissYun]

I guess he's looking out for you but at the same time, the way he said it seems a bit harsh, if my fiance said that id be pretty hurt, we should always be together somehow you know? or idk just the way your bf said it seems so careless ;x

[WoopieDaDoo]

Hmmm..
Based upon what you said about you and him being with each other for half an year now, and how much you see each other, means that you guys have a pretty close bond with each other.
I'm going to skip to the boyfriend part, since I saw that you already solved your issues with your parents.
To me, there are two things that's on my mind now.

1. Your boyfriend honestly does not care about the relationship anymore, and basically said that he wouldnt care if you left, because he would of left too if it was the opposite way, not even thinking about you.

or..íf you actually just stop and really think about this..

2. He does care about you, and he really wants the best for you and your future, therefore, telling you to go and have a better future. Here's the thing.

You know most of the guys have a hard time showing their emotion, because we are men.
Maybe he's afraid that once you see him break down because of you leaving, that you feel bad and want to stay with him and not go to Korea anymore. So I'm guessing deep in his heart, he wants you to stay.. but on the other hand.. he wants you to go to Korea and have a better future. There's a possibility he has no emotions at all.. but that's hard to believe to be honest. Regardless of how long you guys are with each other, that doesnt mean he's just going to tell you: "Alright, you can go to Korea, I'm not going to miss you, I would of left too without thinking about you anyway" <<< to me, that does not make any sense whatsoever, does it to you?

Honestly, if option nr. 1 is true, that he really does not care, then I would say leave him and forget him, a guy like that is not worth it, but it just doesn't add up to me, it doesnt many any sense. Being in a relationship for 6 months and having a good bond, why would he basically say that he does not care?

My main question to you is now: How good is your relationship with him? How close are you with him?

If your answer is going to be that you have a strong bond with him, then there's a big chance that option nr. 2 is true, and that he really does care, you just have to face him in person and talk to him about this, and ask him how he really feels about this.
If your answer is the other way around, then it's most likely option nr. 1, meaning that he does not care.

You let me know.

- Brandon

[hAppynote]

Just go and do the program in Korea. If he feels this way after 6 months, then much won't change after a year. Or he might just have a lot of faith in you. This is a good opportunity for you. Talk to him about it.

[c[:]

I don't think your bf doesn't care, but I don't think he wants to be making a decision that could possibly be your future. He is your bf, so of course he'll miss you and stuff since you guys won't be seeing each other every day... but, seriously, don't give up your future for a boyfriend. Like you said, a year ago, you would have hands down taken the opportunity, but now that your bf is in the picture, you're iffy about it. I say, take the opportunity to Korea, and while you're in korea, see how the relationship is. If things work out, then it works out. If it doesn't, then just move on. Six months isn't long in comparison to your future.

[forgottenmemories]

Maybe he still has a hard time opening up to you. Or maybe he DOES care that you go to Korea, but he doesn't want to say anything that will affect your decision. In the end, you still need to talk to him about this.

[Blue Lemonade]

It IS your life, it IS your future. If this opportunity will benefit you in the future and if it's something you really want to do, you shouldn't throw it away for a 6 months relationship. I'm sure your bf will miss you if you go, but it will be very selfish of him if he asks you to stay and not take this opportunity. He's just thinking about what's the best for you because he cares about you. If he doesn't care about you and only thought about himself, and what would make HIM happy, I think he would've asked you to stay.

Err, hope I'm not too confusing.

[ionely]

What he said is true. It is your choice, your life, your future. Yes, you guys have went out for six months, but that does not mean you are marrying him! You should not, ever let a guy stop you from living your dreams and doing your thing. It is great to be in a relationship, but it should never be a priority.

[KanyeWEST]

dump is broke ass and go teach english in korea.
i did that a few summers ago and it was really really fun. im almost 100% sure it's more fun than your loser boyfriend.
he sounds like a little emo pinkberry, no offense.

[A-shoo]

Hmmm..
Based upon what you said about you and him being with each other for half an year now, and how much you see each other, means that you guys have a pretty close bond with each other.
I'm going to skip to the boyfriend part, since I saw that you already solved your issues with your parents.
To me, there are two things that's on my mind now.

1. Your boyfriend honestly does not care about the relationship anymore, and basically said that he wouldnt care if you left, because he would of left too if it was the opposite way, not even thinking about you.

or..íf you actually just stop and really think about this..

2. He does care about you, and he really wants the best for you and your future, therefore, telling you to go and have a better future. Here's the thing.

You know most of the guys have a hard time showing their emotion, because we are men.
Maybe he's afraid that once you see him break down because of you leaving, that you feel bad and want to stay with him and not go to Korea anymore. So I'm guessing deep in his heart, he wants you to stay.. but on the other hand.. he wants you to go to Korea and have a better future. There's a possibility he has no emotions at all.. but that's hard to believe to be honest. Regardless of how long you guys are with each other, that doesnt mean he's just going to tell you: "Alright, you can go to Korea, I'm not going to miss you, I would of left too without thinking about you anyway" <<< to me, that does not make any sense whatsoever, does it to you?

Honestly, if option nr. 1 is true, that he really does not care, then I would say leave him and forget him, a guy like that is not worth it, but it just doesn't add up to me, it doesnt many any sense. Being in a relationship for 6 months and having a good bond, why would he basically say that he does not care?

My main question to you is now: How good is your relationship with him? How close are you with him?

If your answer is going to be that you have a strong bond with him, then there's a big chance that option nr. 2 is true, and that he really does care, you just have to face him in person and talk to him about this, and ask him how he really feels about this.
If your answer is the other way around, then it's most likely option nr. 1, meaning that he does not care.

You let me know.

- Brandon

i agree with this guy
i'm a guy myself, and i would never say anything like that to a girl unless there was a reason behind it.
even if it were just a friend, i would never say anything like that D:

[mintcracker]

He's only been your bf for 6 months, and I don't think he doesn't care. He doesn't want to be selfish and go 'no stay here for me' bc that's just stupid. He wants you to do what ultimately is the best for YOUR future, you should be glad he's thinking of you.


If you dated a guy for 2 years and he didn't show any emotion...that would be pretty sad.

[xspringrollsx]

He probably doesn't want to hold you back in your decisions or your future. If he showed his true emotions for you, the decision for you to go to Korea would make it much for difficult. He's probably doing a selfless thing by acting like he doesn't care for your benefit even if it doesn't seem like it.

[mrsjaejoong]

idk... i guess the real stupid thing going on in my head right now is the question, 'if i leave, will you come after me?'
I know my boyfriend is really stubborn and he's got a HUGE ego. It sucks because i can't even think about walking away from him during a fight because I know he won't chase after me (trust me, i've tried quite a few times). This whole situation kind of brings out this problem onto the table and I need to know now... I want him to want me to stay, you know? I need him to tell me his honest feelings. I dont know if i'm just being a girl here or w/e, but it's just something that's really bothering me. And I hate to use Korea as a leverage, but it just happened to turn out this way...

[Mr. Chan]

dump is broke ass and go teach english in korea.
i did that a few summers ago and it was really really fun. im almost 100% sure it's more fun than your loser boyfriend.
he sounds like a little emo pinkberry, no offense.

fo shizzle my nizzle.

[mintcracker]

Yeah I guess you just wanna feel wanted and that he really treasures you alot right?
Well ... since he's got a huge ego, which means lotsa pride, it won't be easy for him to admit to anything.

[Kira_Hyuu]

Haha, look what your boyfriend is saying isn't something stupid - true it seems that he lacks sympathy nd it feels like he could just throw you out of the door whenever but honestly that's what he probably wants you to think...

Guys aren't the best emotional people in the word and when sometimes it boils down to these big emotional stages they revert to a cold and automaton sorta persona. They'll be rational and say stupid things....honestly i've been there for and not even i sorta understand why i say these things....basically from what i believe it's just a noble act - he thinks that it's probably better for your future if you go overseas and do the course and thus knowing that he's a major obstacle in the decision making process he sorta just phases out and pretends he doesn't care....makes you feel better for dumping him and going off with little kids "doesn't it??"

- It's actually a noble act if u think of it - maybe it's too dramish for a guy to possibly do - but guys are rational people and plus if you say that it's a serious relationship he's probably willing to sacrifice....like girls might know but guys actually do alot for their friends.....

I'm drawing on personal situation but then again i can't be 100% sure that's what he's meaning but to me it's the sorta vibe i get from it.....again if u really want to find out for urself....ask him if he'll take you too the airport on the day that you leave....or say something like how about we just break up now then since i really don't see the long distance working - if he loves you - he'll come clean right away......