[Gofishus]

Here is a chinese joke for you all:

看完了没一个能活下的，都笑死了

今天是我的生日，女友早早的打来电话说晚上要到家里去为我祝贺生日，还要带给我惊喜！听了这个好消息！我今天工作起来是格外买力，一下跑了十几个客户！回 到公司。都下午三点了，到食堂一看，只剩下可怜巴巴的一菜一汤了，肉炒三豆（肉炒黄豆、青豆、豌豆）和萝卜汤。没办法，跑了一上午客户，肚子早就咕咕的叫 了，只好要了一大盘肉炒三豆和一大盆萝卜汤，吃了起来！没想到临下班了，我的肚子里就像一台越野吉普的发动机！--开始了剧烈的活塞运动！刹那间，一股股 气体来势争先恐后的从我的体内冲了出来！我赶紧冲到没人的地方，肚子开始还是不好意思的轻声吟唱，但马上就变成了连珠炮似的噗噗做响！肚子好涨呀！而正在 这时，女友却打来电话，说她已经到家了，叫我赶紧回家。唉！没办法只好回家去了，希望她不会看见我这幅狼狈样呀！…… 在回家的路上我刻意努力的放了很多的屁。快到家了，肚子好受了很多，我觉得应该不会再出什么问题了。远远就看到了在门边等着我的女友，她看起来有点兴奋。 她大叫着说，“亲爱的，今晚，我为你准备了一份非常奇妙的、一定会让你大吃一惊的礼物。” 还没进门，女友就用一块布把我的眼睛紧紧蒙了起来，说是要给我一个惊喜！还领着我坐到位于餐桌前头的椅子里，并且让我发誓不会偷看。突然，我感到又想放屁 了。恰恰就在这时，女友的手机响了。这可救了我的命了！我找借口说嫌乱让她到另一间屋子里去接电话！她却非让我不能揭开蒙着眼睛的布，还让我发誓！之后才 跑去另一间屋子里接电话。她一离开，我就抓紧时机，把全身的重量都移到一条腿上，把屁放了出来。这个屁放得不仅声音很大，而且气味就象是腐臭的鸡蛋散发出 的臭味。我几乎不能呼吸，因此我摸到椅垫，使劲的向四周扇着，妄图扇掉这难闻的气味。 就在我刚感觉好一点的时候，另一个屁又来了。我又抬起腿开始放！它听起来就象是柴油发动机快速转动的声音，而且这一次气味更难闻了。为了不让自己窒息，我 用胳膊挥舞着椅垫扇了起来，希望气味会尽快散掉。 又是在一切将要恢复正常的时候，另一个屁又迫不及待的冲来了。于是我站起来，弯下腰，把屁股向后上方撅了起来！把它放了出来。这个屁放得真正称得上是一 流，连身后的报纸都被吹散到了地下.......... 我侧耳倾听另一间屋子里女友交谈的声音，因为要遵守不偷看的诺言，我也不敢打开眼罩，只能在漆黑中不断放着屁，为了赶快把肚子中的气体全部排出，又不使屋 里变得更臭！我解开了裤腰带，把内裤和长裤褪到了小腹以下，把屁股露了出来，并摸索着打开了身后阳台的门，几乎是将整个屁股都伸到阳台上，开始疯狂的放起 屁来……，啊！好受多了！之后，我又手舞足蹈的用椅垫满屋乱扇，祈祷这股恶臭能赶快散去……，就这样，在接下来的十几分钟以内，我一边不断的放着屁，一边 不断的扇着椅垫，终于，当我听到她在电话里说再见的时候，屋里的空气和我的肚子都已经好多了！我迅速的系上裤子，整理了一下头发，开始优雅地、微笑着等着 我亲爱的她来带给我惊喜。 当她走近的时候，我脸上带着满足地微笑，一付温存的样子。女友首先为她打了这么长时间的电话向我道了歉，然后问我有没有偷偷掀开过布。在我向她保证没有偷 看之后，女友移走了遮在我眼睛上的布，并对我说道，“意外吧！我的女友今天非让我带她们来看看你，她们说你在照片上很有风度，人长的很帅！喏！你看，坐在 桌前的这五位都是我单位里的好姐妹，而站在阳台上的那六位是我上学时最要好的朋友！” 这时，我才极为震惊和恐惧的发现，有一大堆女孩正围坐在我对面的餐桌边，而身后的阳台上则站着另一堆，她们都是来参加这个令我感到非常意外的生日宴会的。 现在，她们每个人脸上都带着一种无法言表的表情看着我，就像发现了火星人………………

And for those of you who can't read it, here's the (hilarious) translation:

no one can live reading of the next, are laughable in

Today is my birthday, the girlfriend of the callers said the early evening to go home for my birthday greetings, but also gives me surprises! After listening to the good news! Today, I work up is to buy extra power, ran about a dozen customers!

Back to the company. All three in the afternoon, and a look into the cafeteria, leaving only pathetic one soup, and Rouchao three beans (Rouchao soybeans, green beans, peas) and radish soup. No way, ran a morning customers, stomach long cuckoo is called, and had asked for a with a big Rouchao three radish soup beans and a big tub, eat up!

Did not expect clinical work, and my stomach is like a Jeep off-road engines! - Start a violent piston movement! Suddenly, a Unit of gas from the oncoming force rushed, rushed out of my body! I quickly rushed to no one place, the stomach began to sing softly, or embarrassed, but quickly becomes a barrage of Putt-Putt do ring! Good belly up呀!

Being this time, his girlfriend had called and said she had been home, and told me to hurry home. Alas! No option but to go home, I hope she will not see me this piece of panic-like呀! ... ...

On the way home I put a lot of deliberate efforts to fart. They are nearing home, and stomach feel better a lot and I think we should no longer be out of any problem. Much to see at the door waiting for my girlfriend, she looks a bit excited. She cried, said "Honey, tonight, I am prepared for you a very wonderful, will definitely give you the gift of surprise."

Not the door, the girlfriend with a piece of cloth on my eyes tightly Mongolia up, saying it was to give me a pleasant surprise! Has also led me to sit down in front of the chair, table, and I vowed not to peek.

Suddenly, I felt a want to fart. Precisely at this time, his girlfriend's cell phone rang. This incorrigible in my life! I found the excuse that too chaotic to allow her to go to another room to answer the phone! She Quefei blindfolded I could not be opened cloth, but also let me swear!

Ran after the other room to answer the phone. She left, I would seize the opportunity to move a body weight of both legs, to Pifang out. This Pifang may not loud, but smells like a rancid smell emitted eggs. I almost could not breathe, so I touched cushions, straining of the surrounding Shan Zhao, a vain attempt to fan away the unpleasant odor.

As I just feel a little better, when another fart came again. I lifted legs and began to release! It sounds like a fast rotation of diesel engine sounds, and this time even more unpleasant smell of. So as not to suffocate, I used his arm waving fans up cushions, hoping the smell would be dissipated as soon as possible. Is in all will be back to normal when they could not wait another fart the impulse came. So I stood up, bent over, put back the top of the stick up ass up! Put it out. This Pifang may truly claim to class, even behind the newspaper to be blown underground .......... my ear to listen to another room where his girlfriend to talk to the voice, because to abide do not steal see promise, I do not open the eye and can only constantly lying fart in the dark, in order to quickly put all the discharged gas in the stomach and does not make the house more stink!

I untied the belt to underwear and trousers faded into the lower abdomen below the buttocks exposed out, and explore the open balcony door behind him, almost the entire backside all out into the balcony and started crazy sensational fart to ... ..., ah! Feel better much more! After, I was dancing with the cushions of chaos Full House fan, praying that stocks can be quickly dispersed odor ... ..., and thus, in the next 10 minutes or less, I have constantly stood side fart while constantly Shanzhuo cushion, and finally, when I heard her on the phone to say goodbye when the room air and my stomach have been much better!

I quickly tie on pants, finishing a bit hair, began gracefully, smiled, waiting for my dear her to bring me surprise. When she approached the time, with a satisfied smile on my face, a pair of gentle look. First of all for her girlfriend to play for so long the phone to me apologized, then asked if I have been secretly opened a cloth.

I assured her that not peeped after the removal of the cover up his girlfriend on the cloth in my eyes, and I said, "be surprised! My girlfriend today, let me bring them to the non-look at you, they say you in the photo very gracious man long handsome! Well! you look at the table where the five are my good sister unit, while Tens of that 6 is better than most when I go to school friends! "At this time, I was extremely shocked and fear of discovery, there are a lot of girls are sitting around the kitchen table, opposite me, but while standing on the balcony behind the other pile, they are to participate in this to me very surprised the birthday dinner. Now, they each face is a table with an unspeakable expression of looked at me, as found in Martian ... ... ... ... ... ...

[CupOfNoodles]

this is so ridiculously long no one would probably read it...

but i did...

and there's a real english version of this where a dude gets gassy after eating beans and his wife surprises him the same way like that.

[saranghejiwon]

it's like it was translared using one of them internet translators.. hard to appreciate

[smileyjade]

o OMG what a joke... hahah... poor guy.. but the whole thing is so exaggerated....

this reminds me of the forwarded mail - malaysian primary school essay (written in malay) titled 'frightening experience' with completely bizzare incidents like ultraman appearing, vehicles exploding and he died in the end o_0
for those who know malay (you've probably seen it before) here's one of the sources to read the thing: click

btw those images didn't come with the original article. i guess the blogger put them in himself.

i chose to give the link instead of copying and pasting here in case my post is deemed too long and boring ;p

[AlyM37]

uhhh, looks like it was translated using google translate or something. very poor and inaccurate. Also sooo friggin' long who has the attention span 2 read it? hahaha