[nicknackpattywack]

short version: I've been friends with a girl for about a month or a bit more, but we talked A LOT sharing lots of personal info, staying up until 6:30 am to talk and etc etc. I asked her out, didn't say an answer, had to ask, got a no, but idk if I should try again or just give up. I've been avoiding her for about a week now(it's been about a week since getting rejected) What should I do?


It's a long story... Haha sorry


I'm a Junior in HS and 16 years old. Right after I came back from Korea from vacationing, my friend invited me to go to an amusement park with him, his friend, his 2 cousins and his bro. So I went by getting a ride from his mom. The "friend" he brought is a Sophomore girl, also Korean, but is the same age as me. All of us had fun, rode tons of rides, and came back home around 1 A.M. ish. Then after a while, I saw her around in places, like the library, where I would wave at her and she would wave back. About 5 days later, I started facebook messaging her. We messaged each other like crazy talking about the randomest stuff, and spammed each others walls with random stuff. Also, we would talk for hours on the phone into the early morning. (Like 1AM to 6:30 AM). Then after about a month of talking with her, I got texting, so we texted each other a lot too... I ended up texting 7000 that month and about 5000 with her. Then, after a few more days, I found out that she knew that I had a crush on her, which surprised me. But she seemed cool with it, so I didn't mind the fact that she knew. Then, after kidding around and asking her out over fb and texts, she said she doesn't believe people online and that I should ask her out in person. After contemplating this, I finally decided to ask her out in person. When I did right after school, she didn't respond back except saying "umm" and I had to go somewhere, so I asked her to tell me by texting. Then, that night, she told me to look at this post that she made for me, so I did. It basically said: "I'm a really selfish mean person and I cuss a lot. I have a lot of friends that are guys around me, and since I like hugs, I receive hugs from basically everyone. I cuss a lot, I throw temper tantrums, and I get jealous really easily." But after seeing that, I told her that I didn't mind if she was like that, and that I wouldn't mind if she did get hugs from random guys/girls. We then decided to talk about it the next day. However, we didn't really talk about it the next day, so after being really down, I went home. I took a nap, got in a huge argument with my mom, and went to workout at the Y. After meeting with a few guy friends at the Y and working out, we went to McDonalds to fool around and order some food. Being curious, I decided to ask for her answer by texting, and her first response was "We'll still be friends right?" So I said yeah, but she changed the subject so I asked her again. I asked "Is the answer a no?" and she said "I guess so... Sorry." Seeing this, I was extremely depressed, went home, and went to sleep. It's been about a week or two since then, and I really don't know what to do. I tried to avoid her recently in order to forget about her, but that hasn't helped. Also, on facebook, it seems like some of her statuses are directed at me, but I'm not so sure. Such as "You didn't try hard enough, why did you expect me to?" and etc.

So overall, I've been rejected by her and I've ignored her a bit for a while. I asked a few of my friends for advice and half say forget about her and move on to a much nicer and prettier person, while the other half say try again. I really don't know what to do... Should I start talking to her again like nothing ever happened? I thought this might seem a bit awkward so I don't know if I should... Or should I completely forget about her and move on? Or any other advices??? Thanks.

[chiho]

hmm i actually took the time to read it all...

Well i dun like that girl in the story D=
I can somewhat relate to my own situation... I decided to just back off and see what happens.

Because no matter how much you try... it just won't make a difference... you can keep trying if you want but probably.. the conclusion is the same... up to you.

But backing off also means, she won't find you... so it's basically over.

It feels like i lost something inside but... i just can't see a solution out of this... that's why i really dun like girls that try dodging the question... @ least be honest and head-on -.-".. really hate guessing and when you accidentally step on a land-mine ~ game over.

[nicknackpattywack]

hmm i actually took the time to read it all...

Well i dun like that girl in the story D=
I can somewhat relate to my own situation... I decided to just back off and see what happens.

Because no matter how much you try... it just won't make a difference... you can keep trying if you want but probably.. the conclusion is the same... up to you.

But backing off also means, she won't find you... so it's basically over.

It feels like i lost something inside but... i just can't see a solution out of this... that's why i really dun like girls that try dodging the question... @ least be honest and head-on -.-".. really hate guessing and when you accidentally step on a land-mine ~ game over.

Oh haha thanks for reading my essay... Lol

When you said "backed off," what do you mean? As in you still talked to her or tried to avoid her?

Yeah that's how I feel right now... Feels like I lost something on the inside. Pretty depressed too.

[tofu plushie]

I think you should move on. I mean, she already said no before.

[peppermintsugar]

No means no. If you've been friendzoned, there's no returning.

[HaplessChild]

If she really likes you as a friend and you don't get weird on her, she won't mind if you ask again. Just be direct. Say "hey, I know you already said no once but I just thought it couldn't hurt to try again; will you go out with me?"

Now, when you say "ask her out," do you mean out on a date or asking her to be your girl? Try asking her out on a few dates before you ask her to be your girl. Try something along the lines of "can I take you out sometime?"

[chiho]

Oh haha thanks for reading my essay... Lol

When you said "backed off," what do you mean? As in you still talked to her or tried to avoid her?

Yeah that's how I feel right now... Feels like I lost something on the inside. Pretty depressed too.

she won't msg me if i dun msg her... So i stop my initiative...
and decided to delete her off me list. (didn't block though).
Just looking @ it makes me wanna click it.. so i guess if i dun see it, i won't click it kinda idea.
It's just weird... she'll willing to talk about things (i believe) normal friend won't talk about (daily live in detail?) (or maybe i am just a conservative guy). It just gives me this feeling she still thinks bout me (@ some degree) but she clearly said no.. so.. ahh...

[ajjang]

if you really like her, don't give up.

[nicknackpattywack]

Oh... I really don't know if I've been friendzoned... But maybe I am..? Thanks for the responses guys. Oh and she had 10+ boyfriends and apparently she only loved 1 out of all of them. Uhh exactly the same case here... I completely stopped from going on Facebook recently... I decided to avoid her and like her at the same time but a friend says that's not a good idea...

[chiluvskk]

hmm this girl's personality sounds kinda like my lol :X
idk if she's exactly the same as me but when i make friends with a guy and i talk to him about everything and things i don't usually say to others (like you said she tells you) it pretty much means that i feel super comfortable around him and see him as mostly a friend or even like a girl friend. b/c if i was attracted to him right from the beginning i would still talk to him a lot but not about everything in my life you know like i would be hesitant and scared to think what he would think of me blah blah. and if she was attracted to you in that way, i don't think she would have rejected you but said yes right away considering you guys are already close and all.

Anyways this sounds exactly like what happened to me last year. I met a guy friend through a guy and boy did we become good friends. we always texted, he kept calling me, wanting to hang out with me and stuff. and i'd talked to him about everything b/c i felt so comfortable spilling my life to him. but then he started to like me and always wanting to be around me until it got pretty annoying that i just stopped talking to him.

so for now you probably shouldn't ask her again. maybe wait until you pick up some signs that she's flirting you b/c telling you all about herself doesn't exactly mean she feels that way for you.

Goodluck

[chiho]

hmm this girl's personality sounds kinda like my lol :X
idk if she's exactly the same as me but when i make friends with a guy and i talk to him about everything and things i don't usually say to others (like you said she tells you) it pretty much means that i feel super comfortable around him and see him as mostly a friend or even like a girl friend. b/c if i was attracted to him right from the beginning i would still talk to him a lot but not about everything in my life you know like i would be hesitant and scared to think what he would think of me blah blah. and if she was attracted to you in that way, i don't think she would have rejected you but said yes right away considering you guys are already close and all.

Anyways this sounds exactly like what happened to me last year. I met a guy friend through a guy and boy did we become good friends. we always texted, he kept calling me, wanting to hang out with me and stuff. and i'd talked to him about everything b/c i felt so comfortable spilling my life to him. but then he started to like me and always wanting to be around me until it got pretty annoying that i just stopped talking to him.

so for now you probably shouldn't ask her again. maybe wait until you pick up some signs that she's flirting you b/c telling you all about herself doesn't exactly mean she feels that way for you.

Goodluck

How can you tell the difference between a very good friend and a potential bf/gf then...
Are you trying to say that you would rather hide to a person who might become your husband/wife and tell everything to this "best friend" of yours because it's more comfortable...
Sadly i can't make logic out of this.

I personally don't think a relationship is about hiding things from each other and showing the best to make the other half attracted to it... there's practically no point to it...
I think it's more about honesty and comfort or how do you expect to live w/ that person for XX years. that's why divorce rate are increasing because we're all " attracted" base on visual appearance ... might as well everyone grab a k/j/c-star home and hug him all day long...

@ nicknack

try backing off for a few months.. w/o avoiding her. If she msg you, you msg her back but just dun take initiative... if you still have feelings for her.. you have to decide one.. whether to eradicate the root or continue or pursue once again.

[ChingGoo]

wow really?
forget her.
she is weird.

[jedimindtricks]

Don't.

I've been friendzoned and I tried again. Epic fail. ;p
Move on brah

[janjan13xx]

she sounds like the type of girl you HAVE to chase and you HAVE to go out of the way to impress. think about it like this, do you think she deserves all that hard work from you? if she doesn't give you a chance with just the way you are, she doesn't seem like the type that is worth it.
but my advice to you is cool off on her for a while. and when she starts to try to talk to you again, reply. but, don't be tooo into it at first. give her a slight challenge so she doesn't get bored. but then after that, do what you feel is right.

[AhYee]

she sounds like the type of girl you HAVE to chase and you HAVE to go out of the way to impress. think about it like this, do you think she deserves all that hard work from you? if she doesn't give you a chance with just the way you are, she doesn't seem like the type that is worth it.
but my advice to you is cool off on her for a while. and when she starts to try to talk to you again, reply. but, don't be tooo into it at first. give her a slight challenge so she doesn't get bored. but then after that, do what you feel is right.

Agreed.
Her status updates on facebook [if they were directed towards you] seem to show that she needs to be impressed and whatnot. If you don't act up to her standards, there's no way she'll say yes to you. Ask yourself what you've done for her, and then see if you think you've put enough effort into it. Or is it like what she said, that you didn't try hard enough? She's dated 10+ guys, and only loved 1? At the age of 16? Uhh... sure. I'm not sure I'd be impressed by this girl, but if you think she's worth it, I say try again but not now. Like what others have said, give it some time and then reconsider.

[chiluvskk]

How can you tell the difference between a very good friend and a potential bf/gf then...
Are you trying to say that you would rather hide to a person who might become your husband/wife and tell everything to this "best friend" of yours because it's more comfortable...
Sadly i can't make logic out of this.

I personally don't think a relationship is about hiding things from each other and showing the best to make the other half attracted to it... there's practically no point to it...
I think it's more about honesty and comfort or how do you expect to live w/ that person for XX years. that's why divorce rate are increasing because we're all " attracted" base on visual appearance ... might as well everyone grab a k/j/c-star home and hug him all day long...

@ nicknack

try backing off for a few months.. w/o avoiding her. If she msg you, you msg her back but just dun take initiative... if you still have feelings for her.. you have to decide one.. whether to eradicate the root or continue or pursue once again.

exactly you don't think a "relationship" is about hiding things from each other, which makes my point right b/c the poster and this girl are yet to be in a "relationship". What I meant is that at a beginning when someone likes someone there's still a mysterious/shy feeling between them so that they are more cautious towards each other unless you've met people otherwise b/c my whole life i've been surrounded by girls who when they like a guy they flirt with the guy and let the guy know about them but not necessarily their whole frickin life. Haven't you heard of girls saying " oh I tell you this or I do this front of you b/c I don't feel that way towards you and so I don't feel the need to impress you" ?

When you begin to like someone you always have an insecure feeling unless you are the most confident thing in the world. When they both like each other, get in a relationship, then they spill the beans to each other and be close b/c they've both accepted each other in some ways. When you are in a relationship and find out more about each other, then you can decide whether or not that person is for you. It's impossible to be sure from the beginning b/c sheesh haven't you read so many threads about people liking other people or are interested in others even they don't know them much?
You might not like that attraction might begin with only appearances but that's just a part of reality. And it doesn't even have anything to do with my post. You seem to misunderstand that people are only uncomfortable around goodlooking people. Different people have different tastes.

I think you need more experience about real life relationships, by which i mean comfort and honesty between two individuals take time to develop within the relationship.

[doctorlee]

No means no. If you've been friendzoned, there's no returning.

I would have to completely agree with her.
If she said no, it means she doesn't want to. Doing little things to impress her will not change the fact that she would not want to go out with you. You could ask her out again, but she'll most likely say no, unless out of pity she says yes.

And I don't see a point of going out with a girl when she just goes out with you for pity.

The best thing to do is forget about her.

[4y3paragon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UashJe1EhbI

[Mannosuke]

Friendzone =/= deadzone.

People like to play mind games all the time.

[gotseoul?]

Listen. I'll tell it to you right now that no matter what you decide to do, it's going to end up with you having a hard time. There's no other way to put it. Let's see, you have three choices: act as if nothing happened, break off the relationship, or keep pursuing her.

If you act as if nothing happened, it's going to be awkward as hell for a period of time (length depends on you two) and things will be back to normal only when she feels like you have lost your feelings. For you though, you're going to have to deal with the hell of liking her and not being able to do a damn thing about it because you're her best friend; and at the same time experience jealousy like no other. All until you stop liking her.

If you break off the relationship, the awkwardness will be there when you guys see each other. She'll be hurt and you will be too. It'll take a long time to adjust. Still, you'll have to deal with jealousy and all the other crap until your feelings fade.

If you keep pursuing her, she's going to end up rejecting you until you back off. Sad thing is, she'll hold onto you all the while because she wouldn't want to lose her best friend. Hence, an uncomfortable relationship to say the least. And of course, there'll be the jealousy as you watch her with other guys.

You're friend zoned. And nothing good comes out of it until you lose your feelings, which I assume might take awhile...because it always does.

Reading your post seriously reminded me of my experience with my best friend...every detail down to the time period. When I was in your position after I got rejected, I took the option of breaking off the relationship. We went for a year without talking and it was pretty much hell. After that, we started talking again and...we became closer than ever. It was too comfortable for us, we fell right back into being best friends. Too bad I still have intense feelings for her. And she has no idea. So I have to shove all those feelings away and be her best friend. I get jealous more than ever nowadays and it sucks. But, I chose this and I'm going to deal with it. If you want to get some more advice or whatever, check my threads.

Best of luck to you.