[m@ng0]

hmmm~ how do i tell this..
today one of my guy friends told me that i was flirty because
- i always hang out with guys
- i touch guys (hands, shoulders
- i always ask people where's *guy's name*

and my girl friends.. they ask me sometimes do i like *guy's name* . they also got ask whether i like the guy that advise me to..

because of these three things i was labeled flirty and he told me he's sure that other girls label me as a bit*h and he told me keep control of myself
- only touch the guy when i like him and confirms he like me
- control my actions

but to me,
- i hang out with guys when my girl friends are not around
- i touch guys cause it comes naturally to me like when i put my hand around their shoulder i usually say "are you ok?" and to me.. touching guys is not flirting winking is
- i like to play as in play play but not flirting play around guys but they say that to others i'm flirting
(i have a guy who i called my brother and i treat him like my brother and my friend say i'm flirty)

so what should i do? another guy friend says that my touching are a bit over the edge. but i only touch guys arms and put my hand around their shoulders (for like a sec only) and after he told me at the end of the day, he told me to forget everything he said because i keep on misunderstood (they called it thinking too much) but in fact is that i really don't understand what are they trying to tell me. I don't flirt heck i don't even know how flirting is or how it works and i don't see my actions as flirting i see them as i am playing as in play play not the flirting kind. But they say my playing is flirting..

i have to change? what should i do? attitude problem? i am flirty??

please i need advice!

[whenaicu]

You sound like a natural flirt to me, most of the time flirts deny it or don't recognise they are like that. I think, you should lay of the touchy feely stuff, in a way it's leading guys on, because it gives off the "I desire to be with you" sort of vibe. As for your chick friends, it's normal to assume people are dating if they hang out together a lot one on one. If you don't like a guy, don't be "friendly" or do what your doing. Just be nice, there's a difference between "friendly" touching and being friendly. But putting your arm on their shoulder when you guys are just "friends" or just met each other shows interest. And quite honestly, I'd say most guys would assume you like them.

[Swtess]

You are unconsciously flirting. Some people define flirting in many different ways and right now you need to step out of your own personal perspective and reflect.

For tomboys, touching is nothing. Touching is just horsing around. For other girls; and guys, touching is a sign of flirting.
Now, all you can do is control your actions like a friend said. The accusations could also come up because the guys like you and the things you're doing are giving them a glimpse of hope.

[m@ng0]

You sound like a natural flirt to me, most of the time flirts deny it or don't recognise they are like that. I think, you should lay of the touchy feely stuff, in a way it's leading guys on, because it gives off the "I desire to be with you" sort of vibe. As for your chick friends, it's normal to assume people are dating if they hang out together a lot one on one. If you don't like a guy, don't be "friendly" or do what your doing. Just be nice, there's a difference between "friendly" touching and being friendly. But putting your arm on their shoulder when you guys are just "friends" or just met each other shows interest. And quite honestly, I'd say most guys would assume you like them.

but not guys that assume i like them is my girl friends.. the friend that advise me he ask me whether my other girl friends got ask me "do you like *his name*" he says that means i'm too over.. is that true?
and i asked a number of guys.. when a girl touch a guy, does that mean that she likes him? if it's true then i'm in trouble because i touched many guys (HANDS AND SHOULDERS only)

and because of my actions.. am i considered as a bit*h?
and my other guy friend say he's going to discuss with the friend that advise me to find ways to help me
he says to don't listen so much to my friend.. and don't change so much just be myself.. but if i be myself i will touch guys like normally.. it's so confusing!

[aly_ssa]

It happens a lot especially when your girl friends may be inferior of you, they tend to misunderstand you. As long as you don't have the motives of that romatic relationship, I don't think it's actually called flirting. I have never been called a flirt even though I randomly hug my guy friends,shoulder or hand touching is very usual with us as well because we don't consider it as flirting rather we think it's more like a sisterly or brotherly gesture. But then we must have very different cultures, but I really think your friends are over thinking your gestures

[luv4dawave]

i really think it is the level of friendship too.
Like, I'm really touchy and playful around my best guy friend.
Everyone thinks we are going out, but it's not true.
We are just like siblings and are really close.
He tells me about girls he like and I tell him about guys I like.
We hug and even sleep together [not like that]. But we also hit each other and crap.
I guess it depends on who the friend is.
If its to ALL your guys friends, maybe its too much.
But if it is for just the close ones, I think it is ok.

[m@ng0]

It happens a lot especially when your girl friends may be inferior of you, they tend to misunderstand you. As long as you don't have the motives of that romatic relationship, I don't think it's actually called flirting. I have never been called a flirt even though I randomly hug my guy friends,shoulder or hand touching is very usual with us as well because we don't consider it as flirting rather we think it's more like a sisterly or brotherly gesture. But then we must have very different cultures, but I really think your friends are over thinking your gestures

it's not my girl friends who misunderstand me it's the guys.. and i REALLY DON'T HAVE MOTIVE IN HAVING AN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.. i think they really overthink my gestures.. i treat as sisterly and brotherly but to them it's flirting.. i'm in asian countries and the friend that advice me is a korean he said that in asian countries people see my gestures as flirting.. and i see us as brother and sister as his actions is always playful and he always advice me
- like when i have a clingy guy who dun wan to leave me he advice me how to end it
- that time when we sleepover i slept beside him for 30 mins and after that we were pllaying like him hugging my legs, and use me as if i was a bolster
- and when i take care of him when he's drunk, there's a pic of him hugging me and he hugged me and pushed me down on the bed with him
(i treat all as a brotherly thing)

and he always used examples like what your boy friend will think and so on.. my other friends ask me to ignore him but i cant cause i consider him my close friend.. he also say that i'm too immature he say i should act more mature

[Shuga]

#1- that time when we sleepover i slept beside him for 30 mins and after that we were pllaying like him hugging my legs, and use me as if i was a bolster
#2- and when i take care of him when he's drunk, there's a pic of him hugging me and he hugged me and pushed me down on the bed with him

#1 - don't let them play with you like a bolster. NONONONO. That's too touchy-feely. Even tickling can lead to sex. D:

#2 - ok, i hope you didn't stay on that bed with him and got up straight away.

Also, make sure your hugging isn't like FULL FRONTAL BODY HUGGING. (I thought you said you touched only their hands and shoulders?) I think side-hugs are fine, but not full body hugs and not too long either.

For some guys, any form of touch is some kind of flirtation. I mean, hey, say a boy meets 10 girls a day. It's likely only 1 (besides their Mum) would make physical contact with them - hence, they tend to associate this with 'hey, she's giving me more attention/special attention - maybe she likes me?'

I limit my physical contact to pats on the back, side-hugs, hi-5s, arms over shoulders ONLY if i'm in a group and everyone's doing it. If you want the relationship to stay strictly platonic, talk and act like a guy. It is not like a guy to give each other hugs LOL. I don't see how what you did could be seen as 'brotherly' at all. It's okay to give advice especially when asked, but seriously, your actions are flirty... if it helps, even talk like a guy ("Yo bro, what's upp?")

[luv4dawave]

^full frontal body hugs aren't ok?

I think they are.
People do it all the time, and it doesn't mean anything.
All my guy friends give me full frontal hugs but we all have nothing between us.

I think hugs are fine. I'd give hugs to a stranger

[Shuga]

^ Ahahaha, I'm pretty sure those boys are interested in you more than platonically then. I'm serious.

I don't know, but pressing your chest against someone else is kind of... intimate, isn't it?

It is alright if the situation calls for it (like if something bad just happened and you want to comfort someone), but if it's not necessary, why do it? D:

Once again, everyone's different. But in Mango's case, it's all about not taking chances because she's stated she's not interested in any of them romantically.

[rachilde]

Eh. I've been dealing with this crap since I was in middle school (and now I'm 22 so it's been a long time coming) and it's just a fact of life. You can either live your life caring what other people think about what you're doing or you can just do whatever the hell you like. Sure, I'm pretty certain that many girls at my school think I'm a pinkberry, a hussy, and all sorts of things because I hang out almost exclusively with boys and have a lot of male attention. That's fine. I don't care about people who don't know me. They can think what they want and they can project their feminine insecurities all they want. I really just have better things to obsess over. As for boys misconstruing it--that happens all the time too, but you just have to put them in their place. There's no point living your life by someone else's standards.

[EmpsTreenee]

you are absolutely normal. If a guy takes one single touch as flirting, he needs to get out more. And what do your friends expect you to say when you're looking for someone? obviously not 'where is *insert name*?' because evidently they count that as flirting.

[chiho]

Sound exactly like someone i know.

As my other friend said, look for hints in a girl~

Well i guess they all took the bait (that you subconsciously gave them) and got rejected in the end ~

You'll end up getting a lot more confessions (present and in the future) if you act like this way. (for the good or the bad depending on how you see it)

However, i have no comment whether you're flirty or not because i simply have no right.

[ShadowMax76]

some people are raised isolated, and become naturally withdrawn,
others turn out like you. social, yet perhaps a bit too much.

flirtatious behavior is obviously riske behavior. it implies sexual interest, and provokes physical curiosities.
be it you know this already or don't, or deny it, or naively think "it's just a touch. hug, cuddle, kiss", it is actually potentially heart-breaking to some lonely, socially immature 18yearold males who don't find this behavior just 'friendly'.

the guys you hang around with probably think it's normal. and most certainly, there's a few guys you hang around with that developed an imagination to go with a few of your physical affections.

whether or not it's the 'little boys' who'll fall for any girl that hugs them.
or if it's your heart-breakingly 'just friendly' weapons of mass affection..
i'd have to say it's usually a bit from both worlds- to blame.

i guess if you want to 'fix' this. you need to ask yourself why you're doing this. what's the root of the problem? where is all the source of affection coming from? the hunger for affection. why would you tease boys? control? attention? hatred? some distorted view of normalcy/friendship between the opp. sex?

_ i'd like to say it's diff. between flirtatious people. but i find it's usually between
1. a desire to be loved by many of the opp. sex . [who doesn't, lol]
2. a belief that the opp. sex can be emotionally/physically close and friends, without being romantically involved.
3. past abuse.

-shrugs- just some thoughts. up to you to figure it out.

[colloquy]

There's no point in changing your personality for them. Honestly, nothing I read that you did seemed like crossing the line to me. They're just going to have to accept you as a person. Believe me, if I cared about everyone that called me a pinkberry, guys that telling me I'm playing with their minds (haha, I'm far from touchy feely here!) especially when I don't think that behavior is necessary for me to correct, then I would be a total faker. Believe me, you're not the source of their problems, they're pushing their preconceived notions and blaming you for their issues. Simply tell them that's the way you behave with everyone. Your girlfriends probably already realize this because they've observed you in different situations.

[Shuga]

I agree with ShadowMax76 - I think both parties are to be blamed.

And of course, be yourself, but if you really value their friendship - you would find the capacity within yourself to maintain that friendship, right?

I don't know, just some thoughts. Maybe talk to your guy friends and tell them how you feel and how you don't see it as flirting. I think they'll understand you more. But still, don't get over touchy.

[LiIy]

I remember hearing about a study where they played a conversation between a man and a woman, and they asked men and women if they thought it was flirting. The men said there was flirting much more often than the women, and the women usually thought they were being friendly.

So maybe that's why? From the way you describe it, it sounds like you're flirting, but you're not doing it on purpose.

[ohb0yitsMEL]

I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing, it's only slightly flirty. Your friends are definitely more conservative than most people I know. Gosh, if they only see what people at my school do!

[ShadowMax76]

"not on purpose"
"it's harmless"

..naive.
it's not what the flirtatious person thinks about their actions,
it's the person who gets the message. be it guys or girls.

you could think patting people is fun and affectionate,
but those being patted could give you a few purple bruises.
happened to me. lol.. =='

let's say your boyfriend has one of these flirtatious girls at the workplace.
or perhaps you're a lonely romantic who over thinks the displays of affection he gets from the opp. sex.

is it really harmless?
is it forgivable, just because it's in a person's nature?

i'm not trying to lean towards either side of the question, i've already made my point earlier.

it's just that there are people more sensitive to affection. and a 'naturally' flirtatious person has to be aware of that cultural difference. be the culture of the not-so-social/touchy/affectionate people, or that some racial groups like to keep their distance, and might misunderstand certain things.

just because you don't think anything of a cuddle. it doesn't mean there is nothing in a cuddle.

egh. reminds me of my maths head teacher.he leaned in so freaking close whenever he talked to me.

[coldTEARSx3]

Look, you should not worry so much about what other pplz think. In our lifetime, there are going to be millions of people who will call you a pinkberry, or think you are one, whether or not they like you or hardly know you.

What you need to make sure is that your 'physical contact' with your guy friends have no ulterior meaning. Make sure that they know that you just see them as a friend and vice versa.
As long as that problem is solved then there is really no problem to it.

AND if you are really worried about what your friends think or what the world perceives you as then maybe cut back on the 'physical contact'

If your friends are going to misinterpret your actions and then start saying all these 'unnecessary' things and not know that this is who you are. Then really are they your friends? Or just people who are jealous that you are able to get on well with both genders. Whether it be a guy or a girl.