[mrsjaejoong]

So i've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, and as much as I love him, I get frustrated sometimes because I hate how he doesn't fully open up to me and I'm always the one having to start up conversations and everytime we get emotionally close, he kinda backs off and avoids me for a while until we're not so close again...

I found out that he wasn't always like this... his first love really screwed him over. After more than a year together, she dumped him over a text message for another guy. And he went really emo for almost a year. Then finally, when he started to date again, he turned into a huge player. He cheated, played games, didn't care, 1 night stands, only dated slutty girls, always went to parties, and his relationships didn't last long... you get the message, right? i guess he was a manwhore?


I guess i'm his 3rd love because he said it to one other girl (they lasted 7 months.. but he just dumped her in a snap because she was apparantly too immature). Out of all his past loves, he only treated his first love really well. when we talked about this, he told me that she meant the world to him and he was so crazy about her and since then, he was crushed and he wasn't able to open up his heart, and he's kept his distant from gfs for 4-5 years and it's not about to change for me overnight...


Has anybody gone through this? Can anyone give me any tips or suggestions or opinions?

[Javus]

First loves are where you first learn anything and everything about relationships, and it certainly could have affected your bf in that way. It's only been 6 months so maybe it'll take more time to get him to open up more. As long as he's treating you right, just spend time, be patient, and build up the relationship.

[chiho]

there's not much opinion i guess... you just have to be the star that shines around him and eventually he'll open up.

In that case --> 2 things will happen --> he takes it for granted or he'll open up.

If he takes it for granted --> you can try the hit & run (passionate then suddenly all cold)

if he realize how important u are to him he'll eventually take initiative (but this can be risky)

good opinion? Probably not though ^^"

I am currently going through one of these stages -,-

[HaplessChild]

Just sounds like and excuse to me. No point in dating someone if you're not going to be intimate with them unless it's just for the rub-a-dub.

[thuytien1331]

if he's really worth the trouble, be patient and let him get to know you better... only he will be able to draw comparisons between his current and previous relationships...

over time if you're still together... slowly he will let his guard down and open himself up to you...

i knew someone who went through this exact situation... except the roles were reversed (guy did the cheating...) and she confided in me through the aftermath.... if you're willing to go through this emotional rollercoaster with him... you may end up as not only his gf but his best friend........

[forgottenmemories]

First loves are supposed to be a learning and growing experience. I guess he didn't learn and grow from it. My bf, his first love lasted for 4 years,but she called him out of the blue one day and told him she wanted to break up. He was really sad for a good 5 months but now he's over her. And he said he had learned and grew a lot from his first love. And I believe him because he's never treated me wrong in the 8 months we've dated.

I don't know. It seems to me your bf is just making up excuses telling you he's really scarred from his first love. No one should be THAT scarred from it, especially if this had happened over a year ago. Have you tried talking to him about it?

[smartypant]

first love can really screw people up. my cousin's bf ended their 8 yrs relationship together. it's been a year after the break up, but my cousin just can't seem to move on because they've been together for so long. she's still holding on to hope that he'll dump his current gf and come back to her.

[Subways]

First loves are supposed to be a learning and growing experience. I guess he didn't learn and grow from it. My bf, his first love lasted for 4 years,but she called him out of the blue one day and told him she wanted to break up. He was really sad for a good 5 months but now he's over her. And he said he had learned and grew a lot from his first love. And I believe him because he's never treated me wrong in the 8 months we've dated.

I don't know. It seems to me your bf is just making up excuses telling you he's really scarred from his first love. No one should be THAT scarred from it, especially if this had happened over a year ago. Have you tried talking to him about it?

When I broke up with my first love it took me a good 3-4 years to get over it. Its different for everyone I guess.

[donporkuloin]

Just sounds like and excuse to me. No point in dating someone if you're not going to be intimate with them unless it's just for the rub-a-dub.

IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE. I've been through something sort of similar, and I've watched people go through it. My 1st love cheated on me, and got pregnant by another guy. She told me it was my fault for catching feelings. The guy left her. I still love her to this day, but I know it's time to move on. It took me a year to realize that. It was days I couldn't sleep, because I was thinking about her. I'd be up 2-3 days at a time, get a day's rest, and be back up again. I'd drink a lot of alcohol. I'd wake up in tears, and not know why. I had no interest in talking to any other female. I forced myself, and I was depressed on the date. I had dreams of me seeing her again. I had a dream about her telling me why she cheated on me.

[peppermintsugar]

When I broke up with my first love it took me a good 3-4 years to get over it. Its different for everyone I guess.

Me too, but I fall way too hard when I do actually fall.

[Mr. Chan]

Out of all his past loves, he only treated his first love really well. when we talked about this, he told me that she meant the world to him and he was so crazy about her and since then, he was crushed and he wasn't able to open up his heart, and he's kept his distant from gfs for 4-5 years and it's not about to change for me overnight...

Wow, I feel the exact same way as him. After losing my first love; I'm not able to open up to anyone else again.

[ShadowMax76]

what's that dark joke again?

"don't feel so bad when you see some retard with a babe.
when she dumps him for some rich old guy
he'll never find anyone better than her. N.E.V.E.R.never.ever.ever.ever."

went something like that.

_ iunno. felt like saying that.

ask him if he's comparing you to his first.

[sus]

hmm help him get over it
be supportive
n eventualli if he wants to let go then he will

[HaplessChild]

IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE. I've been through something sort of similar, and I've watched people go through it. My 1st love cheated on me, and got pregnant by another guy. She told me it was my fault for catching feelings. The guy left her. I still love her to this day, but I know it's time to move on. It took me a year to realize that. It was days I couldn't sleep, because I was thinking about her. I'd be up 2-3 days at a time, get a day's rest, and be back up again. I'd drink a lot of alcohol. I'd wake up in tears, and not know why. I had no interest in talking to any other female. I forced myself, and I was depressed on the date. I had dreams of me seeing her again. I had a dream about her telling me why she cheated on me.

It took me over 7 years to get over my first love. I still love him and he's still in my life. He cheated on me too. Big whoop. Committing and communicating effectively are actions that you take; they're not dependent on your feelings. You can be heart broke as balls and still communicate effectively, honestly and wholly. Someone treating you like doodoo is no excuse to treat others poorly or with less regard.

[kookikiwi127]

This might be a dumb question but.... what do you guys consider as a "first love" like does someone you date during grade school count as a "first love"? Or what if you dated someone just because you felt sorry for them because they've been asking you out for a while ><
I'm really confused ><

[EHNerJI]

Of course it can. If they had a bad experience the first time they loved someone,
some people might lose trust in others and not be able to open up as well (because they are afraid of getting hurt).
Everyone is different. Others, just shrug it off and move on with their life.
The same can go for if they had a really good experience with their first love,
their expectations for others may become too high, which can also screw up future relationships.
All you can really do is just show him that you won't hurt him and stay by his side if you want the relationship to happen.
You can't change the past and you can't take away the pain he felt, but you can be there for him.

[Floatii]

This might be a dumb question but.... what do you guys consider as a "first love" like does someone you date during grade school count as a "first love"? Or what if you dated someone just because you felt sorry for them because they've been asking you out for a while ><
I'm really confused ><

your first love is the person you first fell in love with. =P
just because that person is the first one you've dated and was in a relationship with doesn't mean that person was your first love.

anyway, i think you should just think if he's really worth it or not. help him get through it if you think he is really really worth it. and hopefully he'll eventually open up to you. =]

[iangel]

I understand what the guy is going through. After I broke up with my first 'real' bf, I was really depressed for a while. I drank so much alcohol every night so that my mind goes blurry, so I don't have to think about him. And it'd take alot more to put me to sleep. That lasted 8 months, then I dated this other guy for almost a year, it was suppose to be a rebound for me, and I guess in a way it worked well. It was really easy for me to end it with the rebound (I did like him, but he was never able to erase my first from my mind), and after that I dont think about my first very often nemore. However with that said, I'm not willing to go into another relationship any time soon. I'm pretty happy currently, with friends, and everything else, just not an official relationship. I don't want to be mentally attached to anyone.

[sylviee]

I'm going through the exact same thing. My current boyfriend dated this girl Y for 1 year and on their 1 year anniversary she broke up with him. For four years there hasn't been a day since he hasn't thought about her. There was a period during our relationship where we broke up and got back together and I found out that he was still yearning for his past love.. His personality and over all attitude have changed drastically from what I've heard. He never gets close to me beyond a certain point and his guard is always up. As far as advice I'm sorry I have none because I have no idea what to do. I hope you feel better knowing that you aren't the only one.

[evans]

first loves are the ones that stay with you for life, cause that's where you learn how to really love someone, how to be like in love and, what it feels like to get heartbroken amongst others. for me, it's the same way. i do know that i won't take any other guy seriously anymore, at least not for awhile because of my first love (though we're back together). it takes time to change people, i guess. one day he'll open up and show you who he really is, if you're patient enough not to rush him to open up and all. just be there for him and show him that you'll be there, especially when he's the most vulnerable. (: you have to show him that you're really worth him going through the possibility of getting hurt like that again?

all the best!