[ordinaRynne]

hi guys. i don't know who to talk to so please give me some advises.
what would you do IF
your dad is having an affair?

i don't know who should i tell this to... =(
1) mother? i'm afraid that she'll break down
2) elder brother? who's having a major examination a week later
3) younger brother? aged 8 (for sure no right...)
4) father? confront him and discuss?

i'm 16 btw... and i'm not that close to my dad.
i'm so afraid of losing my family. what do you think i should do??

[Bisu]

do you have proof? because more than likely you don't really know anything and just throwing around accusations like that could be even worse for your family.

besides you're 16, what do you know?

[Trinity <3]

Tell your older brother first after his exam. Then you both can see what you should do in the situation, and at least tell your mom after as well.

[thesisoflove]

Do you have any evidence that your father is indeed having an affair? because your topic says

"IF my dad is having an affair.."

[HaplessChild]

Don't say anything to anyone.

[YUNA!]

do you have proof? because more than likely you don't really know anything and just throwing around accusations like that could be even worse for your family.

besides you're 16, what do you know?

^that last part was unnecessary.


to original poster: how did you find out that your dad is having an affair (if)? did you see anything? hear anything?

[ordinaRynne]

i heard him talking over a phone.
he's usually a really stern person so his tone is always you know... heavy(stern).
he told the person on the phone yesterday.
"hey, it's really dangerous you know, i'll send you there tomorrow morning, don't go there alone okay?"
and his tone was soft at that time. i'm very sure that he's talking to a woman.
because i've heard countless conversations of him and men, it's entirely different.
it was 1230 in the midnight,
just after i went upstairs to my room but return for my left water bottle.
when i checked his call log this morning (i know this is bad but i couldn't help it)
he has already deleted that call log for the 1230 call...

[KimBoLee]

do you have proof? because more than likely you don't really know anything and just throwing around accusations like that could be even worse for your family.

besides you're 16, what do you know?

what does being 16 have to do with anything? ignorant
proof? obviously she didnt pull this assumption outta her ass
i didnt have proof when i felt my dad was being shady but my instincts led me to find the truth and it turned out he was having an affair
all i can say is that i understand you wanna make the situation go as smoothly as possible if ur dad is cheatin, but you cant please everyone. u cant do much becuz even though it affects you, it's still between ur mom and ur dad. as for confrontin him... hah my sister and i caught him but he still denies it to my mom. if i could do things differently... i would not tell my mom.

[Bisu]

i heard him talking over a phone.
he's usually a really stern person so his tone is always you know... heavy(stern).
he told the person on the phone yesterday.
"hey, it's really dangerous you know, i'll send you there tomorrow morning, don't go there alone okay?"
and his tone was soft at that time. i'm very sure that he's talking to a woman.
because i've heard countless conversations of him and men, it's entirely different.
it was 1230 in the midnight,
just after i went upstairs to my room but return for my left water bottle.
when i checked his call log this morning (i know this is bad but i couldn't help it)
he has already deleted that call log for the 1230 call...

yep you're right. your dad is definitely having an affair. go tell your mom asap.
your dad is a disgusting human being for cheating on your mother like that.
tell her now!!

[MrPower]

i heard him talking over a phone.
he's usually a really stern person so his tone is always you know... heavy(stern).
he told the person on the phone yesterday.
"hey, it's really dangerous you know, i'll send you there tomorrow morning, don't go there alone okay?"
and his tone was soft at that time. i'm very sure that he's talking to a woman.
because i've heard countless conversations of him and men, it's entirely different.
it was 1230 in the midnight,
just after i went upstairs to my room but return for my left water bottle.
when i checked his call log this morning (i know this is bad but i couldn't help it)
he has already deleted that call log for the 1230 call...

don't freak out over one phone call. Gather more evidence...
It could be one of his family members, or an old friend. Whatever happened to giving the benefit of the doubt?

[wendaYYY]

Stalk the crap out of him and enrol in law school. (or say you will, THREATENINGLY of course)

It will scare him gutless. and make him stop.

I told my dad I was going to do family law.

Actually put it down in my varsity course selection.

And now he's less of an A-hole.

[sus]

go to ur bro after his exams are finished
for now u cant do much...

[ordinaRynne]

thanks for the replies, appreciate it very much.
my brother's examination lasts for a whole month
and i'm afraid that many things could happen in one month.
while the phone call... it couldn't be my other relatives, because we all communicate using Chinese Hokkien, never Mandarin...

=( this is so bad, i'm clueless about what to do...

[peppermintsugar]

It's not your business, as much as you feel like it might be. It's not your place to go snooping around and telling your parents anything, leave it alone. Even if he is having an affair it's none of your business. You're a child and they're adults, let them take care of it. Nothing you could possibly say or do would end positively.

[coldTEARSx3]

besides you're 16, what do you know?

@bisu
that was really unnecessary
im 16, and today jsut found out my father is having an affair
and hearing you comment on such a serious topic, and also probably has no idea wat it feels like, or how it feels like with no one to confront to should jsut shut there hole
She is obviously concerned and worried. ==


Anyway back to the topic
Leave it, you shouldn't tell your mother. And if you are wrong (there is also that possibility) well things wont be that great would it.

Let your brother know, at least there is someone who knows about it, but it is really up to your father to be truthful to your mother. Even though its hard to see that right now

[pokiaki]

Since it's not a for sure thing yet, though it does seem suspicious, let your brother know. This is something you need to get involved with because you are aware of something that has to do with hurting someone's feelings. I hate it when people say to mind your own business, when it really does concern you. People have the right to know that kind of stuff - like when they're being talked about behind their back & being betrayed. No secrets. You should try talking to your dad about it, but don't point fingers, just ask, and let him know how you feel. You don't want anyones feelings getting hurt. Don't stress over it k? I hope for the best for you and your family! Remember that everything happens for a reason and you can change the path of your life with your actions for the better!

[JaCkiie]

I think you should try and find more supporting evidence to support your argument. Your dad would deny it and it would only ruin/make your family atmosphere awkward if you don't have any proof/evidence to support your suspicions.

But even if you haven't found any evidence, I think you should talk to your mother about it. I personally think that if you find it suspicious, than your mom would bound to be suspicious too (but like you, also unsure), especially since she's your father's wife.


I was in a situation pretty similar to you just a few months earliar, I just found out out that my father was having an affair with a younger woman (someone who isn't much older than me), and of course, I was absolutely blown away and heartbroken. I confronted my mother about my findings and I was pretty surprised to hear that she had her own suspicions/proof of her own that my father was cheating on her.

And well, it's up to them to sort out their problems but all I can say is that as a child, it's emotionally heartbreaking to endure because my only male figure that I have, has practically disappointed and hurted me. I have completely lost my respect towards him because of what I found.


I think you should pursue your suspicions, simply because if you don't find out the truth, then you can never see your father as a respectable man ever again. I chose to confront my father because he was spending literally thousands on a wwhore whilst choosing to be stingy with the family. Namely my mom. So I was really angry.

Gosh, I'm ranting now, sorry about ranting but it's something emotional and tough to talk/discuss about.


As for age discussion - age has nothing to do with suspicious actions. If parents act suspicious, then you would automatically know. I think if you have a mature head then you're more likely to realise/become more aware about your surroundings. I'm only 17 years old and it made logical sense to see that my father was cheating on my mom.

[NEEKA902]

Well, I've been in this situation before..except I had some major evidence and I don't have any siblings.
I get where you're coming from when you were checking his phone and stuff, I did the same thing! Don't feel bad.
I think you should try to get more evidence, before you make a move. You could also tell your older brother.
If you do get more evidence then explain the situation to your mom. Who knows? Maybe she already knows.

[RYUUSEi]

Honestly, this is such a tough situation and I really hope things turn out well for you. With that said, you can either investigate more into this matter and try to get evidence to know for sure that he's having an affair, discuss things with your siblings ... and eventually show/tell it all to your father (to convince him to stop seeing the other woman) or mother (to break the bad news to her), but be aware that worst case scenario it might cause your parents to discuss a divorce. If not that, then you can just stop here and pretend like you've seen/heard nothing for the sake of keeping your family together but you would be living with a "lie" and always know that your father is/was having an emotional affair.

It's a tough decision to make at such a young age too, think long and hard before continuing on this road. Good luck!

[MR. LEE'S]

well, are you sure that your dad is having an affair? if you're definitely sure about it, i think you should calm yourself down first- and tell your mother because she needs to know about this matter. i think, if you keep this thing shut for a long term, things will get worse. you should tell your mom first.