[Photogeek]

Please be honest. Tell me if it's boring, or not, what you liked and didn't like. (It's a personal statement for a scholarship application) ::::::


..........Teaching, that was what I wanted to do ever since I was a little child, and I still do today. Although I face many challenges, financial aid being among one of them, my family and friends have always taught me to be perseverant. I also understand that more and more people are joining the teaching career, making it harder for me to stand out, but that doesn’t stop me.

..........My last year in high school, I decided to join clubs that serviced the community; Dream Club and Key Club. In addition to joining these clubs, I was able to do activities that I enjoyed and that were of benefit to the community. Some activities included stuffing trauma dolls for Doernbeckers Children Hospital, and being part of a community cleanup. As a conclusion to my senior year in high school, I graduated with Honors, yet I know that I could have graduated with a higher GPA.

..........Having in mind that my overall high school GPA was not the one I had desired, my long-term goal, as general as it may sound, is to obtain high grades in all the classes I take. Something more specific of what I am reaching for is to complete two years in Mt. Hood Community College, working towards an Associate of Arts Oregon Transfer Degree (AAOT). My university of choice of which I desire to transfer is Portland State University.

..........To even be able to accomplish my dreams, I must have financial support from a source other than my parents. Using part of my lifetime savings I was able to pay for half of my tuition for this term, and my parents paid for the rest. However, I don’t want to depend on my parents anymore because they have other bills to pay. This is why I am writing this, because I am in need of financial support.

..........Whether I’m granted this scholarship or not, I will continue being perseverant. I believe that Education is a privilege that only a few have, and I will not waste this opportunity. I appreciate that you have taken the time to read this and take me into consideration.

[kcn_]

i understand you want humility and modesty to shine in this
but under minding your gpa by saying you could've done better means you didn't try your hardest
and no one is gonna give money to someone who half ass's their work
revise some of your word choice, it sounds very early high school english to me
elaborate on your volunteer work, what role you specifically played in those clubs etc
some of your sentences are a bit blunt and you need to flow a bit more

last little note "perserverant" is not a word
incorrect
my family and friends have always taught me to be perseverant.
Correct
"my family and friends have always taught me to persevere."

i would elaborate further but i have to go write a 10 page report on animal behavior for tmrw lol
good luck with the scholarships

[Photogeek]

Okay thank you. I will revise it, and try to fix it.
BTW I just graduated from high school, thats why my writing is so.. bleh. haha thanks.