[lilkrnpucca]

My sister and I attend a nearby university so we live with our parents for the time being (she's a sophomore and i'm a freshman). I think she believes she can do whatever she wants to.. but I know there should be respect for our parents somewhere.. especially since we still live with them... but there's this guy that she's been "seeing" (it's not official) but I still call him her boyfriend because they apparently like eachother. She has been sneaking out for quite some time now. The thing is.. my mom knows about it and she hates that my sister is doing this behind her back. My mom desperately wants her to stop disobeying her and listen because she knows nothing good comes from a girl sneaking around at night time. Everyone in our family agrees with our mother and want her to stop doing this because this guy is not even treating her right. This has been going on for almost the whole year and everyone in our family has spoken to my sister telling her to stop doing this. Our mother is stressed out everyday and has made multiple threats to my sister, but my sister just keeps quiet and continues sneaking out. I guess my mother is too soft? because she never really carries out with her threats NOT that I want her to.. (ie: kicking my sister out, attempting suicide.. yeah pretty scary stuff). I know how stressed my mom is from this and I'm scared for her health.. She never gets any sleep, she's always stressed out and she cries constantly. My dad blames my mom for everything that is happening and I don't even think he wants to stay with my mother anymore..
Sigh. Also, my sister knows that she is hurting my mom, but she continues to do this.. I need some advice to help with this problem.
Everyone in our family just feels so lost because it feels like there's nothing we can do.

[Map_The_Soul]

Wow, your sister needs to grow up. That's the sort of thing I've only heard about young teenagers...Just kick your sister out already...clearly she does not want to change and your mom's mental health is deteriorating...she knows that and continues to affect it even more...she's not worth having around...For the sake of your mother...get rid of her.

or you could try an alternate solution and talk to her yourself...get involved...I've nothing else to say..good luck D:

[kissez*]

Why are you guys letting this affect you so much? Your sister is a college sophomore, which means she's about 20 years old, right? Let her make her own mistakes. Sneaking around with a guy isn't the worst thing ever. Instead of threatening her and telling her not to see him anymore, strike a deal with her. NEGOTIATE. 'Cause let's face it, if she's been doing this for a whole year now, she's not going to stop now.

Maybe you guys should contact his parents or something.

[ix3katz]

well do your parents even let your sister see the guy at all? like.. during the day? o_o maybe they should let her, n then she'll stop sneaking around at night?

but yah.. i duno. i guess your sister should have more respect for your parents =\ its not worth it over a guy

[lilkrnpucca]

@ Map_The_Soul: I do talk to her about it. Nothing I say makes her stop

@kissez*: Yes I know she's old enough to make her own decisions about things. But that doesn't mean she should ignore my parents and hurt them. My sister actually knows the guy's parents and they love her. They're always inviting her to dinner and everything.. which really doesn't help this situation at all.

[Map_The_Soul]

I think it would help if your parents allowed her to see him during the day...but if they do and she is still sneaking around at night...then wth?

I think Kissez is trying to say that you guys shouldn't worry about her since she's old enough to make her own mistakes..don't care anymore since obviously she is not going to stop.

[캐띠]

Well if she's 20 I don't really think your parents should be restricting her so much. I mean they should at least trust her. When two people like each other you can't stop them from loving each other. (Unfortunately in some cases. x-x) But honestly I feel like you guys are overreacting to this. But then again, she IS still living under your parent's house so she should abide their rules. But your parents should also understand she's not a child anymore. She should make her own decisions in her life and if she makes mistakes, she can learn from them. And I don't know what this guy does to mistreat her, but since that's another problem you should tell her your opinion but if she really wants to be with him, let it be. I understand you care about her but in this case there isn't' much that could be done because she's a legal adult and everything. If your parents really get stressed so much maybe she should try moving out. It doesn't mean she has to be gone forever.

[lilkrnpucca]

Well :/ my parents don't like him because of what he makes her do.. and it's not even that he makes her go. She goes there even the guy doesn't want to call her his girlfriend. I think my sister is desperate for a guy.. i didn't want to sound mean. My mom cares too much to just let her daughter go off at night like that so we can't just stop making a big deal about it because it's affecting my mom..
So my parents don't want her to see him anymore. I guess it comes down to that "forbidden love" kind of thing. I guess that's how my sister feels about it. :/ But she sees the guy during the day also. So I duno

[kissez*]

@ Map_The_Soul: I do talk to her about it. Nothing I say makes her stop

@kissez*: Yes I know she's old enough to make her own decisions about things. But that doesn't mean she should ignore my parents and hurt them. My sister actually knows the guy's parents and they love her. They're always inviting her to dinner and everything.. which really doesn't help this situation at all.

Maybe your parents should chill out a bit. I'm not saying turn their backs on her but if it's getting to the point where she's ruining their marriage and your mom is threatening to commit suicide then that is WAY extreme.
I'm not asking if your sister knows the guy's parents. I'm saying that if you guys are so against her seeing him, speak to his parents about it. Let HIS parents know what YOUR family is going through right now.

[MNLV27]

Well, she's older now, your parents shouldn't worry too much about her and what she does at night, as long as she comes back home safely. Your parents and her need to come to a compromise, she can do this as long as she comes back home or calls or something to let your mom know what's up with her. Honestly, she's an legal adult now, if she doesn't abid the compromise then your parents have all the rights to kick her out of the house. She will never take your parents serious until they follow through their warnings.

[blush]

I agree w. MNLV27.
I think your mother and your sister should compromise and I think you should help make it happen. I think it'd be the best for them both, especially if your mother won't just let this go. Honestly, she probably won't stop anyway if you people keep telling her to not sneak out at night because she'll do whatever she wants if she knows your mother won't take action. Maybe you can set up a thing where she can see him during the day, see him during the weekends, but also set a curfew for her. Some time like 11PM? I don't know.

I agree that she is an adult... legally but if she chooses to totally ignore what everyone in your family tells her to do, then that's just totally disrespectful and not a good trait as an adult IMO. If she wants to be an adult, I think she should act like one. You know, learn to call home and not just go off and do whatever she pleases. She DOES live under someone elses' house.

[kcn_]

honestly if everyone has been telling her to stop and she hasn't, playing a broken record won't help.
I used to do the same and go out late at night and would come home in the early morning
not neccessarily for a guy, but just because i was stupid and thought that i had more "freedom" that way...

The only reason i stopped was because i realized how badly i damaged the trust and relationship between
my parents and I. When i was face to face with my mother and knew that i was the reason she was
crying, its an overwhelming emotion and if that doesn't slap any sense into you, then you don't deserve to be their child.

i think your sister is acting immature for her age, if she wants more freedom the best way to gain that is by earning her parents trust. No man is worth hurting your parents for.

[peppermintsugar]

Your mom needs to assess some REAL punishment for your sisters actions. None of those empty threats, because your sister obviously knows that they're empty and that's why she does it. A good way my parents kept me from doing stuff like that was to threaten to kick me out of my house, and let me tell you, I know for a fact they would follow through, so I didn't do things to make them do that.

[Mr. Chan]

Post pictures of yourself and your sister so we can really get a feel for this situation and help you out.

[MR. LEE'S]

your sister sounds immature to me. well, it must be hard for your family. i think- in the meantime, just let her does what she wants to do.

[mintywinter]

The more you try to oppose the relationship, the harder she'll work to maintain it. It's the Romeo and Juliet effect - "forbidden" love is incredibly attractive. And she's twenty years old. Let her learn on her own. She's not doing anything illegal, right?

Your mother is threatening to kill herself? I know she's really stressed out, and I don't have all the details of your situation, but... that's over-the-top.

[happybeee]

I understand what u saying..as i am going through the same thing..my parents are really strict and my sister would sneak out once a while..but she never got caught yet.hehe.

[mintcracker]

She's 20, let her live her life, make her own mistakes, that way she'll learn from em as opposed to being confined by your parents and never learning a thing. Best way of learning things is from experience right?

[AngelsWhisper]

your sis need some calm reasoning talk. No drama or nagging. who likes to listens when getting nagged at anyway right? But if she stil doesn't listen, let her get hurt. yeah i know that sounds messed up, but it'll force her to see things a little more clearly on her own

[brap]

Tell your mum to emotionally blackmail your sister more! And then lecture your sister more because this is the best way to solve problems!