[babikorean]

So i'll try to shorten the story as much as possible!!

Pretty much, i had developed an interest to this guy and started to like him. I'm obviously going to tell my closest friends about him! Now this one close friend, she thought it was the cutest thing that i liked him and would even give me advice to approach him and such. One day, i'm at work and she walks in with a huge smile, and i myself was happy to see her too! I love it when friends come visit me at work
The visit soon turned sour for me when the guy i like trails in behind her. All i could think was WTF. He said hi to me and we made small talk but i was quickly pulled away from my manager. She didn't even buy anything, she obviously came in to just "showcase" the fact they were together! I was so angry! I planned to confront her about it the next day but she didn't show up to school for the rest of the week! (she doesn't have a cellphone either so i couldn't text her)

By the end of the week, a mutual friend of her and me was like "hey, i need to tell you something... i'm afraid to upset you but your one of my best friends and I just need to tell you!" I assured her i wouldn't be upset with her and she proceeded to say, "K, she's been like secretly dating the guy you like! I spoke with her on the phone last night. She told me not to tell you because she knows she is being shady! I'm so sorry but really... i'm not surprised with her." I literally felt like i was going to throw up! like what!?

By this point, i was waiting for her to tell me herself so i could B*tch her out! To bring some past events, I moved to this new town only 3 years ago, and i clearly remember when i became friends with her, people scolded me and warned me on what kind of girl she was. (by this i mean she was labeled as a "man-eater") I don't judge people by their past actions because i believe people can change so i always stood up for her and we became great friends! She started dating this guy and we lost contact because she is just like those girls whose Bf becomes their everything. She lost contact with everyone. It got so bad, like no one would be friends with her that she transferred schools! They broke up after a year and she transferred back and when she did, me and the other mutual friend were the only ones to welcome her back. I realize that she didn't put in the effort to remain friends the past year but I did miss her and I knew she needed a friend so I gave her a chance ! It felt like nothing had changed with our friendship when she came back!

This is what angers me the most! After our 2 years of friendship, and rekindling our friendship DESPITE what my other friends were telling me, she does this to me.

I'm so tired of being the nice girl and being pushed over all the time. Their facebook official now and it's sad i had to see it on facebook and hear it from other friends. She has not even told me herself! The first few days I was so angry with her but now i'm just TIRED of it all. I'm exhausted from being mad. My anger is not so much about the guy, like of course i am upset about it but it's really because she knew i liked him, she's supposed to be my best friend, and was secretly seeing him, but then putting it on facebook, coming into my workplace its like ugh confusing!

Thanks to whoever took the time to read this! What would you do if you were in my position? Have you ever been placed in a similar scenario?

[DangerousAngel]

I understand what you're feeling
I've been in a similar situation once, and that really hurt.

What I'm wondering though is, have you talked to her about it?
Usually girls always bottle everything up and talk behind others back's, instead of saying it to their faces.

If you talk with her about this, face to face, she'll probably be embarassed and feel guilty which is what she deserves.
And she also needs to know that you're not the kind of person who just accepts this kind of behaviour.

You said you're really tired, which I totally understand, but if you let this pass, then the next time, it's going to be another girl she hurts in a similar manner.

BE honest with her and you'll get closure Good luck!

[Searesrayne]

I can't stand ppl like that like. (not putting effort into the relationship, but only wanting it when she's "alone" and going being peep's back...) I'd say kick her the curb, she won't learn if nothing has changed... even though she has been kicked to the curb so many times before.. She could be really dense... but before that you should bring up the issue, if she's still being blah then kick her the curb. LOL

[x.3christine]

you can talk with her to get some problems settle out, this might help depending on what she's willing to talk about, but just remember, this happened to you twice already, it's not like having her as a friend will be a good thing when she keeps treating you like a doormat...

[whoops]

...i understand what you're feeling right now, because i have also the same situation as yours. tsktsk. and it hurts me alot knowing that one of my closest friend would betrayed me.

...right now, i am at the pace of moving on and forgetting all the things that had happened between us. and i am mad at her for doing that to me, for being a flirt with the guy i like. i'm feeling uncertain with that friend because of what she had done to me. it's so hard to forgive someone, who you treat as a good friend.

...i don't know whether we can go back as friends or not. i'm getting used to it not talking to her, and she not involving in my daily life. i'm at peace without her. and for the guy, i don't know what i'm feeling towards him. i just don't know how to get back my friendship with him. i'm sad and disappointed with what happened, i just need to accept things the way they were.

[Pottish]

Being nice isn't the issue that causes the situation you're facing here.
You've placed your faith and trust in the wrong friend. Accept that fact. Demote her from your "best-friends" list. Admit that this is the situation that life throws you in, and that you did you best to handle it and move on.

[HaplessChild]

She didn't do anything to you. Their relationship has nothing to do with you. Just because you like the guy doesn't mean he's yours or that you have any claim in him. Obviously he likes her so it's really none of your business anymore.

[babikorean]

She didn't do anything to you. Their relationship has nothing to do with you. Just because you like the guy doesn't mean he's yours or that you have any claim in him. Obviously he likes her so it's really none of your business anymore.

excuse me? she didn't do anything to me? she stabbed me in the back are you kidding me?
i confided in her for advice, she gave me confidence to talk to him more and to go for him then suddenly one day their together? She betrayed our friendship and has now gotten herself a WORSE reputation.

you can talk with her to get some problems settle out, this might help depending on what she's willing to talk about, but just remember, this happened to you twice already, it's not like having her as a friend will be a good thing when she keeps treating you like a doormat...

I'm not that good with handling confrontations! But if she doesn't say anything to me i will talk to her about it.
Yes you are right.. She is a bad friend and it took strike two to realize that.. thanks for your input!

I understand what you're feeling
I've been in a similar situation once, and that really hurt.

What I'm wondering though is, have you talked to her about it?
Usually girls always bottle everything up and talk behind others back's, instead of saying it to their faces.

If you talk with her about this, face to face, she'll probably be embarassed and feel guilty which is what she deserves.
And she also needs to know that you're not the kind of person who just accepts this kind of behaviour.

You said you're really tired, which I totally understand, but if you let this pass, then the next time, it's going to be another girl she hurts in a similar manner.

BE honest with her and you'll get closure Good luck!

Awe i'm sorry you were placed in a situation like this as well!

No i haven't, i want HER to step up to the plate and tell me herself! But if she doesn't i will bring it up.

exactly! I'm not going to let her step all over me anymore.

thanks!

...i understand what you're feeling right now, because i have also the same situation as yours. tsktsk. and it hurts me alot knowing that one of my closest friend would betrayed me.

...right now, i am at the pace of moving on and forgetting all the things that had happened between us. and i am mad at her for doing that to me, for being a flirt with the guy i like. i'm feeling uncertain with that friend because of what she had done to me. it's so hard to forgive someone, who you treat as a good friend.

...i don't know whether we can go back as friends or not. i'm getting used to it not talking to her, and she not involving in my daily life. i'm at peace without her. and for the guy, i don't know what i'm feeling towards him. i just don't know how to get back my friendship with him. i'm sad and disappointed with what happened, i just need to accept things the way they were.

that's so sad... i know how you feel! Losing a friend is hard but like inside i know i should just b*tch at her and never be friends again but i still want to forgive you know? I hate having grudges with people.

[HaplessChild]

You can't reasonably expect that she'd come running to you as soon as they discovered a mutual interest. Just because you spill your guts over a guy [that it would seem you don't even really know] doesn't mean she's required to do the same. You act like he was waiting for you and she stole him away.

[azurette]

^You're a good friend.

I'd cut her off. If my friend did that to me, there would be no second chances. She doesn't even deserve to be spoken to.
Let her find out on her own time after time that her lack of loyalty ultimately equals a lonely life.

[babikorean]

You can't reasonably expect that she'd come running to you as soon as they discovered a mutual interest. Just because you spill your guts over a guy [that it would seem you don't even really know] doesn't mean she's required to do the same. You act like he was waiting for you and she stole him away.

Of course i expect that! A person with a normal mentality of being in a friendship would. I know i would.
She did steal him! i KNOW she contacted him AFTER i told her i liked him. She didn't even know who he was until i started to like him. That kills even more.
Wow, i didn't think anyone would be on her side to be honest. What she did to me is extremely shady and backstabbing but i guess some people think that's alright!

[HaplessChild]

You're young. Eventually you'll learn that it's usually the best idea to keep your romantic life separate from the rest of it.

BTW, she can't steal what isn't yours.

[CriticalHit]

DreamingSaturn is right that just because you said you were interested doesn't mean that he's entitled to be yours. However, ... I also think that your friend was being shady in that she never told you, and in fact, wanted to hide it from you.

I think you should have a civilized conversation with her over tea, or something. Ask her, very diplomatically, why did she want to hide it from you? Figure out what she is thinking. Often, with people like her, people only scream and yell or criticize them, never asking them why they do things. Be different, and have a mature conversation with her. Maybe you can be the one to change her. Get her feelings out. Is she really dating that guy because she likes him? Or for some other reasons? Good luck, whatever you end up doing (:

[babikorean]

You're young. Eventually you'll learn that it's usually the best idea to keep your romantic life separate from the rest of it.

BTW, she can't steal what isn't yours.

I'm young but i know how to treat people kindly and just because your in a "romance" doesn't mean you treat other people, especially friends who have been there for you like complete sh*t.

BTW, just assuming you must have been just like her when you were my age. Do you know what it's like to have a close friend? I'm actually sorry that you think that what she did isn't wrong.

DreamingSaturn is right that just because you said you were interested doesn't mean that he's entitled to be yours. However, ... I also think that your friend was being shady in that she never told you, and in fact, wanted to hide it from you.

I think you should have a civilized conversation with her over tea, or something. Ask her, very diplomatically, why did she want to hide it from you? Figure out what she is thinking. Often, with people like her, people only scream and yell or criticize them, never asking them why they do things. Be different, and have a mature conversation with her. Maybe you can be the one to change her. Get her feelings out. Is she really dating that guy because she likes him? Or for some other reasons? Good luck, whatever you end up doing (:

Thanks for your advice! When this was fresh, i was angry and wanted to yell at her but now that i have had time to calm down about it i think i will do what your telling me to do. I won't swear at her or scream. That's what hurts too, that she's keeping it from me, like i found out on freaking FACEBOOK. I will tell her that too.
Thank you!

[「Sachiko」]

Don't wait until strike three to cut her off/realize that she's not a good friend :\ Honestly, I used to be overly nice, and people would just take advantage of that. I'm still nice but now I know not to be a pushover. I haven't been placed in a similar scenario (only because my taste in guys differ from my friends..), but I've had that happen to some friends of mine.
If I were in your shoes.. I'd be the better person and wish your friend and the guy well. I wouldn't just demote her from best friend to friend, burn the freaking bridge between us. A friend doesn't go to your work place to show off to you that she and your crush got together... a friend who knows you like him won't hide their relationship from you... you deserve better.

Also, you should talk to her.. ask her why she did that.. etc. Then..cut off your connections with her, she isn't worth YOUR time and effort. A friendship (or any relationship) takes TWO to maintain. Obviously she isn't doing her part well. Also, move on. It won't help if you keep thinking about the guy.. it's easier said than done, but in the long run, it'll get better.

[CriticalHit]

Thanks for your advice! When this was fresh, i was angry and wanted to yell at her but now that i have had time to calm down about it i think i will do what your telling me to do. I won't swear at her or scream. That's what hurts too, that she's keeping it from me, like i found out on freaking FACEBOOK. I will tell her that too.
Thank you!

Yeah, but you gotta be careful not to offend her, either xD I saw your angry response to DreamingSaturn. I know what he/she said might be offensive to you (being honestly blunt xD) but you gotta be careful when replying to things that offend you. Like, if you're talking to that girl, and she says really offensive or dumb things, you still have to take a deep breath. If you keep a cool head, then you're more likely to not do anything that you'll regret later. Like exploding with anger for instance xD I've done that so many times and I feel horrible about it afterwards, because it just made me lose the point of my discussion. Good luck ok! ^^-b

[AniLAttacK]

ok let me tell you girlfriend...the same thing basically happened to me. but stupid me forgave her. i totally regret it now. she just ended up not being a good friend after all. what i'm trying to say is if shes capable of doing something like that, she can do other things equally if not worse to you. i'm extra careful around girls now. but i learned my lesson and i know how to handle different relationships in my life.

p.s.
i kinda came to the conclusion that my friend was basically a h0. your friend sounds like one too. all she cares about is guys. she picks them over her friends.

[x SaRaNg HaE x]

I disagree with a lot of what others posted.
It's true that although he wasn't exactly yours, she could have at least told you that she had an interest in him before dating him behind your back. Plus, she didn't even have the balls to say it to your face. That's straight up backstabbing right there.
But anyways, I wouldn't waste time on a "friend" like that. Ditch her now and find a hotter guy.
Just wait until he sleeps with her and dumps her, and she'll have no more friends to come back to. Karma wins.

[perfect visual]

^You're a good friend.

I'd cut her off. If my friend did that to me, there would be no second chances. She doesn't even deserve to be spoken to.
Let her find out on her own time after time that her lack of loyalty ultimately equals a lonely life.

thats what i would do too. life is too short to live your life with poisonous friendships

[HaplessChild]

I'm young but i know how to treat people kindly and just because your in a "romance" doesn't mean you treat other people, especially friends who have been there for you like complete sh*t.

BTW, just assuming you must have been just like her when you were my age. Do you know what it's like to have a close friend? I'm actually sorry that you think that what she did isn't wrong.

Just like you assumed you had rights to a guy that you weren't even dating or hadn't even approached. Good job.

1. At your age I was smart enough to keep my personal business PRIVATE. I didn't go around spreading my business to anyone that didn't need to know, especially regarding my romantic affairs.

2. I didn't keep girlfriends.

3. I certainly didn't keep girlfriends that had the same taste in guys as me.

4. I had the gonads to approach a guy I liked; I didn't wait around for someone else to scoop him up.

If it were me and I called a girl a friend, I would be happy for her to be in a happy relationship. I would also be instantly turned off from the guy because I don't like the idea of double dipping. To look at a guy and KNOW where he's been is gross. 90% of the time people wouldn't even know I liked someone or was in a relationship until months later.

Learn from your mistakes. Keep your business to yourself. If you like a guy, go for it, don't wait around for someone else to scoop him up. Don't assume that he's waiting around for you.