[cKranez]

So I've met this girl in Anatomy class during Summer, she was absolutely gorgeous, nerdy looking with black frames (found out later that she dressed like this for a reason) she decided to sit next to me, when i delibrately chose a seat to avoid others FML, if anything "why couldnt it be a dude?!" i thought to myself. Well i am a bit timid guy (you know shy ) So she decided to talk to me and hold a conversation and i saw a ring on her left hand ring finger so i was curious and asked if she was married, her reply was no, she had a boyfriend of 1 year, at that moment in time i thought "thank god!". Meaning she chose to sit next to me for class reasons (front), and + i wasn't really ready for another relationship since i just got out of one in (my ex dumped me because our families social status were not on the same level) .

Well things went a bit stray... we started talking to each other a lot in class which eventually lead to studying outside of the class (being summer semester then we saw each other M-TH about 6-7hours a day in class + lab, she was a workaholic a quality i admired about her since she paid for everything herself).. None the less we became close and feelings started to develop FML. She told me about how relationship in how her boyfriend was verbally abusive and wanted her to become something that she didn't want to be (a wife.. that's place is in the kitchen). I'm not a "home wrecker" i was there to tell her my thoughts upon things, basically being a ear/shoulder... So long story short she decided to break up with him ( i don't want to lie, i was quite joyful when i heard the news of course i held it to myself, thinking " yay, i can now treat her like shes supposed to be treated) Everything continued to go smoothly for a short period of time atleast i thought so.. The summer semester had just ended and she had to go on a family trip for two weeks.. and during this two weeks we did not talk because her Dad is a detective which is very "curious" about things and they loved her "ex" immensely so she would rather not deal with them about this situation. I understood that and i did not mind at all ( pretty immature if i did imo).

Ok soo this is the part where everything starts to fall apart... when she came back it was like everything was tottally different... she started to work even more because she needed the $... and we decided to talk about what was going on.. and she told me that she didn't want a relationship right now because she didn't have time for it... (she was working 5 days a week and had school for Fall semester). So i told her ill respect that and i'll wait for her... but i wish she would just tell me straight and honestly that if we didn't match , we didn't match (if that was the case)... I asked her once about that and she said " there's everything for a relationship attraction, attitude, like, etc... but i just dont have time" so i said is there no chance in the future? and she said "no i wouldnt say that..." and i asked her if i was just a rebound, she said nope.. if i was i wouldnt still be talking to you... So i decided to give her some time... i wouldn't bother her anymore and let her think and have some space.. and its been about 2 months.. and here i'am this upcoming tuesday im going to be leaving flowers outside her door as a suprise for when she gets home ... the reason for this is to see for myself "if it's really worth trying?" in the future if a like situation arises again... you can call me a bit of a romantic, but this ended with a " ? " and it's time for me to find the answer to what's really going on.. depending on how this will end, it will forever change my perspective about relationships... from " don't stop trying" to "drop it and keep it moving".....

i'd just needed to share my story and any criticisim/opinion is welcome of course if is constructive... i will post updates and everything....

ps.. dont get me wrong, i can easily move on and find another girl... but that's not me , i would like to try first then move on... i ampretty confident in my abiities to court other women, but again it's not me i prefer a relationship rather than a one night stand.. if this post generates more interest i can go deeper upon this relationship for others to best understand both parties... but as of now let it be a journal.. thank you

[peppermintsugar]

It sounds like you did catch her straight out of her one year relationship, so it isn't crazy for her to have realized soon after that she isn't quite ready for another relationship right this moment.
Go for it. You don't seem half retarded in the lines of love, so I'm not gonna talk to you like a twelve year old.

[cKranez]

It sounds like you did catch her straight out of her one year relationship, so it isn't crazy for her to have realized soon after that she isn't quite ready for another relationship right this moment.
Go for it. You don't seem half retarded in the lines of love, so I'm not gonna talk to you like a twelve year old.

edit: nvm got'cha

[donporkuloin]

Wow. I can relate with you somewhat. 2 scenarios. Scenario 1. I met this girl at my job. We watched movies one night, and it turns out she wanted sex. I wanted a relationship. I was moving out of town, but I would have paid for her to come visit me pretty much whenever she wanted. She rejected the idea. I was at the airport days later really drunk. I called a florist, and had flowers delivered to her. She never returned my phone calls, and got her number changed like I was some type of psycho. When all I did was made the effort to want to build something great with her. I stopped thinking about it for a while. Then a year later I find out she's with some white guy. Effed up how the world works sometimes.

Scenario 2: I went out on 2 dates with this girl. Come to find out she was into her guy friend. He didn't want to be with her. I made the effort to hangout with her. Which always resulted in some excuse why we couldn't hangout. Like an idiot I kept chasing her off and on. This Summer I had it planned out. I was going to buy some Lilies, and surprise her at work. She told me the week before she was giving up on him. I won't lie I was happy. I thought ok great I'm finally going to get a chance. The next week we talk on fb, and she tells me he decided to finally get with her. It was one of the moments that killed my Summer. She wanted to be friends, but it resulted in an argument. Weeks later she tells me how much of a great time she had with her bf. Like I really wanna hear that. When in my heart I felt it should be me experiencing those great times with her! I told her I didn't want her friendship, because I felt the basis of our friendship was fake. I was going to send out an email today to her actually. With no other intentions but to see how she's doing.

Point being to all of this. The odds of you getting rejected are high. Good luck, and update us on what happens?

[taebins_luver]

maybe she's in a postion where she doesn't have to feel the abuse anymore,
and it's a good thing for her.
give her some time, the girl needs it.
but keep doing what you're doin.

[evans]

it seems like there're a lot of things going on in her life right now, and the last thing she'd need is having a relationship that will f her up again, especially since she just got out of a long and horrible one. it's understandable if she goes with logic and chooses to still not get together with you, but i think you should go for it. better have tried than spend your life wondering what could've been if you took that step right? prove to her that you can exist in a relationship with her without making her have to worry about one more thing? my two cents (: all the best!

[cKranez]

Wow. I can relate with you somewhat. 2 scenarios. Scenario 1. I met this girl at my job. We watched movies one night, and it turns out she wanted sex. I wanted a relationship. I was moving out of town, but I would have paid for her to come visit me pretty much whenever she wanted. She rejected the idea. I was at the airport days later really drunk. I called a florist, and had flowers delivered to her. She never returned my phone calls, and got her number changed like I was some type of psycho. When all I did was made the effort to want to build something great with her. I stopped thinking about it for a while. Then a year later I find out she's with some white guy. Effed up how the world works sometimes.

Scenario 2: I went out on 2 dates with this girl. Come to find out she was into her guy friend. He didn't want to be with her. I made the effort to hangout with her. Which always resulted in some excuse why we couldn't hangout. Like an idiot I kept chasing her off and on. This Summer I had it planned out. I was going to buy some Lilies, and surprise her at work. She told me the week before she was giving up on him. I won't lie I was happy. I thought ok great I'm finally going to get a chance. The next week we talk on fb, and she tells me he decided to finally get with her. It was one of the moments that killed my Summer. She wanted to be friends, but it resulted in an argument. Weeks later she tells me how much of a great time she had with her bf. Like I really wanna hear that. When in my heart I felt it should be me experiencing those great times with her! I told her I didn't want her friendship, because I felt the basis of our friendship was fake. I was going to send out an email today to her actually. With no other intentions but to see how she's doing.

Point being to all of this. The odds of you getting rejected are high. Good luck, and update us on what happens?

yeah i hope scenario 1 doesnt happen to me... if anytihng ill learn that trying to court a girl by being nice comes off as youu being a psycho.. soo ill make a memo not to do it anymore in the future... drop it and keep it moving..

and about scenario 2... i don't really mind if she finds another... if anything im glad she actually found someone that can probably treat her right, its ok i wouldn't be jealous or anything but would b a tad bit dissapointed if anything... either way i would solve this " ? " and finally get a solid conclusion...

but if anything im leaving her flowers tuesday to see her reaction... im not going to see her or hang out with her im just letting her know that im still here... im stil going to be giving her much needed space.. my plan is by end of december imma do it one more time and if shes not ready yet, then i know i have tried and gave it my best.. and is time for me to move on...
and i will have learned a valuable lesson..in life/love

maybe she's in a postion where she doesn't have to feel the abuse anymore,
and it's a good thing for her.
give her some time, the girl needs it.
but keep doing what you're doin.

yeah i am... im not harassing her or anything i barely even talk to her now, if anything once every 2-3 weeks?... im am giving her, her much needed space and when i do talk to her basically the feeling/mood is equivilent to what "friends" would talk about or act with each other... just " catching up "....

it seems like there're a lot of things going on in her life right now, and the last thing she'd need is having a relationship that will f her up again, especially since she just got out of a long and horrible one. it's understandable if she goes with logic and chooses to still not get together with you, but i think you should go for it. better have tried than spend your life wondering what could've been if you took that step right? prove to her that you can exist in a relationship with her without making her have to worry about one more thing? my two cents (: all the best!

exactly, that's what im trying to do... but she said every time she gets out of a bad relationship, she becomes quite sour.... soo it's going to be hard.. all i can do is be me.. and try now instead of wondering what could have been?...

idk we'll see what happens on tuesday.. i 'll keep this updated thanks for all your comments and suggestions... they are appreciated

[leedre]

Be the guy who will show her a good time. She's gonna need/want to relieve stress from work, everyone does. Also subtly let her know that you have options, that your world doesn't revolve around her, but at the same time care of her.

[NEEKA902]

but if anything im leaving her flowers tuesday to see her reaction... im not going to see her or hang out with her im just letting her know that im still here... im stil going to be giving her much needed space.. my plan is by end of december imma do it one more time and if shes not ready yet, then i know i have tried and gave it my best.. and is time for me to move on...
and i will have learned a valuable lesson..in life/love

I think it's a good plan. You seem like a sweet guy.

[cKranez]

Be the guy who will show her a good time. She's gonna need/want to relieve stress from work, everyone does. Also subtly let her know that you have options, that your world doesn't revolve around her, but at the same time care of her.

Yeah, that's very true... you can't treat a girl too nice, even if u really wanted to because they'll just take it for granted and usually end up walking all over you... it's weird how things workout "girls love jerks"...quite often...
but im not the type to make one jealous...just soo they would want me or what nots... its a silly game played by children imo... im a bit too old for it... cuz the relationship begins with lust instead of companionship imo...

I think it's a good plan. You seem like a sweet guy.

i hope it works, thanks...
"expect the worse, but hope for the best "

[cKranez]

ok well... its tomorrow ... let see what happens... lol

[mylifemyradio]

i wouldn't go for it. she already told you that she's not looking for a relationship. don't bother listening to her reason why, the bottom line is that she wants to be single.

so if you buy her flowers and 'suprise' her, i really doubt she'll suddenly change her mind. don't do it. move on.

[cKranez]

i wouldn't go for it. she already told you that she's not looking for a relationship. don't bother listening to her reason why, the bottom line is that she wants to be single.

so if you buy her flowers and 'suprise' her, i really doubt she'll suddenly change her mind. don't do it. move on.

hmm i understand your point...
but the thing is .. she said she wants to be single at that time.. she didnt want to get into a realtionship too soon after breaking up.. i understand that of course that was about 2 months ago, from then i stopped contacting her..even for lunch or anything.., come to find out she visited me 4days ago at my work but i wasnt working so she texted me saying " u dont work thursdays anymore?" i never responded.. to giver her some more space and time.. she probably thinks im avoiding her which is not the case...


but back to before that (2months ago) i asked her if its worth waiting.. if theres a any chance in the future cuz i know she needed space to rethink things... she said she doesn't know... maybe.. soo basically like i said " ? " so i told her i'd wait but if anyting better comes along i wont hesitate, she agreed to this also but i told her that i still will give it some time and wait.... and i dont think it hurts to try.. i'm a grown man , im doing this to let her know im still here and i still care, and alongside for me to gain some wisdom... therefore my plan is to still continue to keep contact very low... and come december im going to ask her out (seriously) once more and if she says no.. then i've tried my best and i will move on..

but it all depends upon her reaction tomorrow if its bad then i will discontinue this plan right then and there.. we'll see... ( and don't get me wrong im not sprung or anything. i think it's important that you know my current feelings towards this to probably re-evaluate your opinion or not lol, anyways i am not as fond as her as i was 2 months ago...it's just that i really want to know the truth and learn for the future in this certain situation if it's worth trying at all... relationships are a learning process... every one is different if you never try then you won't learn....experience is precious).

but thx anyways for your input .... you sound like my friend... but the thing is he's a player... he looks at women for what they have in between their legs... "hit it, and keep on moving" is what he tells me... if i was anything like him i wouldnt b on here writing this lol

[cKranez]

well here it was .. what i left...

[frog]

^ Are they real flowers? It's pretty.

[BrianH_]

Hmm. I think one mistake you made already was to ignore her when she asked if you stopped working Thursdays. I know you're being understanding that she's very work-oriented, but you should give her the decency of a response. She initiated contact after a period of time right? She visited you not too long ago too. You may not be intentionally doing it, but you might be confusing her a little bit. (Though this might be a good set up for that surprise.)

Anyways the flowers are a nice surprise and I'm a little curious of what her reaction is going to be too. Surprises are nice once in awhile, but don't ignore her if she tries to make contact. I can only imagine she's trying to keep you as a potential option for a future serious relationship because she wasn't clear with her feelings about having relationship with you or not while her work is clearly her main priority at the moment. Until later (however long that is) maybe, after she's sorted out her work and feelings a relationship will be possible. Just gotta find the right timing and that may not be as soon as the end of December for her. One thing for sure is that she respects you. Trying never hurts (maybe a little bit), but you'll learn faster that way lol.

[NEEKA902]

Hmm. I think one mistake you made already was to ignore her when she asked if you stopped working Thursdays. I know you're being understanding that she's very work-oriented, but you should give her the decency of a response. She initiated contact after a period of time right? She visited you not too long ago too. You may not be intentionally doing it, but you might be confusing her a little bit. (Though this might be a good set up for that surprise.)

Anyways the flowers are a nice surprise and I'm a little curious of what her reaction is going to be too. Surprises are nice once in awhile, but don't ignore her if she tries to make contact. I can only imagine she's trying to keep you as a potential option for a future serious relationship because she wasn't clear with her feelings about having relationship with you or not while her work is clearly her main priority at the moment. Until later (however long that is) maybe, after she's sorted out her work and feelings a relationship will be possible. Just gotta find the right timing and that may not be as soon as the end of December for her. One thing for sure is that she respects you. Trying never hurts (maybe a little bit), but you'll learn faster that way lol.

+1.
But let us know how it went! :]

[juju<3]

Aw, I hope it went well.. tell us how it goes

I like how you left it for her instead of just giving it to her. I don't know about others, but I don't like the awkwardness of confessing and stuff upfront, haha. It's good you're giving her time to think about her own feelings and such!

[forceful213]

well here it was .. what i left...

I read and understand your situation. But, YOU FAIL!!!!!!!! NO MEANS NO.....make like a bridge and get over it!

[theninthtrack]

^That's totally uncalled for. Go play somewhere else.

I think you did good so far, just make sure you don't push yourself on her too much. If you're really serious about this, just wait till the moment is there. That's it.