dropping out? asian mom :/
#1
Posted 15 November 2009 - 03:06 AM
okay. so i've thought about it for a good year. (2nd year of college right now).
im doing horrible. no motivations. friends aren't really the problem. just been having major stress issue.
im thinking about dropping out of college and moving somewhere else.
but how do i break it to my mom?
she expects soo much. she thinks i have a 3.0 but i have a 1.7....
i can't even declare my major cuz of my grade.
i've hinted at my mom saying maybe i should quit college cuz i hate it.
and she just glared at me. and i said 'im just kidding!!'
-____________-;;
so major question: what do i tell her? and HOW?
she's like the typical asian mom. strict. expects good grades. wants me to graduate. get a good job. get married.
cuz both my dad and mom just went to high school :s
i dont really wanna disappoint them cuz she's hella scaryyy. but i don't want to be in college :s
oh me and my mom aren't really in a good relationship. i hardly ever talk to my dad.
my bro's still in high school doing ehh too :s
and i know i should just suck it up and just finish college but my grades been getting worse each quarter. and i feel like im wasting my mom's money.. 짜쯩나 ><;;
oh and i know for sure i can't just have a talk with her by sitting down. there's gonna be yelling and maybe throwing going on. so i want the best way to bring it up and to have less yelling and violence :s
#3
Posted 15 November 2009 - 05:26 AM
if i thought about dropping out of uni, my mom would have killed me.
my suggestion is to take a long look at what's making you unhappy.
are you studying something you're not interested in?
do you need smaller classes? larger ones? etc.
personally, i don't think that it's a good idea to drop out of uni.
going to university exposes you to a wider range of things than you get in high school, and gives you time to focus on an interest and polish it off...
#4
Posted 15 November 2009 - 06:13 AM
if i thought about dropping out of uni, my mom would have killed me.
my suggestion is to take a long look at what's making you unhappy.
are you studying something you're not interested in?
do you need smaller classes? larger ones? etc.
personally, i don't think that it's a good idea to drop out of uni.
going to university exposes you to a wider range of things than you get in high school, and gives you time to focus on an interest and polish it off...
sorry, i know that a lot of non asian parents are like that too :s
im not really interested in what im studying.. but thats what i can take cuz the classes get full so fast..
im going to UW at the moment and we have like 40,000 students here ><;;
yeah i need a smaller one for sure..
right now im learing about rocks... environmental science... and criminal justice (cj is interesting luckily but the others are sooo boring)
i wouldn't mind transfering to a smaller uni but my mom would still murder me :s
cuz shed be embarrassed that i had to transfer cuz of my grades..
#5
Posted 15 November 2009 - 10:12 AM
#6
Posted 15 November 2009 - 10:51 AM
In your case, unlike hers, you should change your courses/major to suit something that's interesting to you. Maybe learning about Rocks isn't that great but why not focus on Criminal Justice then? If your GPA is preventing you from majoring into something you actually find interesting, I think it's best to sit down, tell your mom the truth. Take the yelling, but she'll calm down eventually and let you transfer to a smaller school to get back your GPA. Restart, and try your best not to do it again when you get into the major of your choice.
Like the guy above me said, no point in staying here unless you're going to kick it into overdrive and start trying with your parent's happiness as your motive. And when you do get back your grades, who knows, your motivation might increase because of a sense of accomplishment. People get most of their satisfaction from intrinsic factors.
#7
Posted 15 November 2009 - 06:24 PM
My roommate was getting like a 1.9 - 2.2 GPA avg. for his classes, but after I helped him with time management and some good skills he was able to get 2.9 - 3.4+ GPA and got into Mechanica Engineering which seemed impossible from where he started at like a 1.9 GPA.
I've seen a lot of people down this road. I would really say, the problem is a lot of people feel they don't need help or are too shy to ask for help. People are paid (like me, I'm a tutor) to help people xD with their homeworks, papers or exam taking skills but not that many people come. Pursuing a major you don't enjoy also has this problem.
Reconsider your major into something else. True story, holding a degree in say Linguistics doesn't mean you can't obtain a job in some other field. Look for an open major, one that you enjoy. Open majors really have no requirements. Do you like music, do you like history, do you like math, do you like science, do you like public relations, do you like drawing?
You could also take a year off, work and see how much it sucks working and then want to go back to college xD.
#8
Posted 15 November 2009 - 07:17 PM
Hahaha I agree. In this case... Its better if your mother yells and threatens to kill you because you are transfering to another university due to your grades, than getting yelled at and threatened to be murdered because you are dropping out. If you need smaller classes go for that, you are the one who is having the trouble at school and not your mother, therefore you should consider what it is that you need. If you need to transfer to a smaller university then go ahead. Remember, your mother will get mad at you, but it wont be forever. And if you actually drop out, you wont have as many opportunities than if you graduate. Really think about it. Try to find a major or something that makes you happy and interested.
Transfering is better than dropping out.
#9
Posted 16 November 2009 - 01:51 AM
However, I've already told my mom and the rest of the family. I decided to carefully tell my mom first that I wasn't happy doing what I am doing and that I feel that I should stop now and look for something else. I told her that it's better for me to do this because I might regret it 4 years later and end up going to college for another 4 years because I want a degree in some other field. So I'm transfering school now.
I'm luckily enough to have a great mother who of course wants me to have good grades, get a job and marry someone, but she also understands that this is about my future and supports me.
Just tell her straight up and give her (good) reasons why.
#10
Posted 16 November 2009 - 02:30 AM
i also wouldn't recommend dropping out.. maybe taking a year off, go on an exchange if you like traveling and adventures or transfer! but i think taking a some time off or going on an exchange/doing something you enjoy would be better for motivate and to figure yourself out before making another big decision... like droppping out. you probably don't want to drop out because in the future, you'll really regret it. most jobs depend on a degree of some sort...
#11
Posted 16 November 2009 - 07:57 AM
... Yeah he wasn't pleased. "You started at Ryerson University, I told you to go to York in highschool, but you said no. You'll be behind and we'll have to pay more" blah blah.
My mom already shows embarrassment in my major (Criminal Justice) and tells everyone I'm doing law instead, which pisses me off. Always telling me I should've studied medicine. I told her I suck in science but no, her rationale is "You're just stupid and lazy to learn it!"
... Right now I'm dying in my second year, I've already dropped two courses this semester and barely passing my remaining three. Furthermore, I've been pretty down since summer (school in general, drama with friends, lack of money, emotionally abusive sociopath mother, etc.) so the idea of just giving up has been racing in my mind for the past few months.
So yup, I totally understand you how you feel with Asian parents. But right now, I'm staying in school just for myself. It's bad enough having to face my parents with the idea of dropping out and all their/my money gone to waste, but having my friends see me as a university drop out? Blah. Keep that in mind and good luck
#12
Posted 16 November 2009 - 06:38 PM
and if i really really am falling behind still, i'll talk to my mom about it, or try lol.
we've been getting into major fights and even with my brother :s
its really all nonsense. ex. "why aren't you wearing your socks??? its cold!!" or "why did you get fat? are you pregnant" <- can't be possible cuz 1. im on my period 2. im single.
idk thinking about my mom is making me go crazyyyy. but thanks for you guys' support!!
i'll try my best or something and if i can't make it through next quarter. i might drop out or maybe visit my motherland for couple of years and redo school.
last year i totally killed my grades cuz i had a boyfriend. partied every weekend or even weekdays.
i remember one time i drank with my friends 5days in a week. (monday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday). and i focused on my painting which had nothing to do with my classes. <- i love to paint lol.
@gregoryhousemd
dude criminal justice is sooo fun!! i really like the class! my prof is really interesting.
your mom should be happy that you're able to major in something!! college is mad competitive..
im planning on becoming an art major. and i have talent its just not the brain i guess :s
and i took art history last year and man... i can't memorize anything. i can't tell the difference with the 7 buddhas in japan (i think it was 7..) and etc lol.
if there was a college that just required you to paint like 10hrs a day instead of writing papers or memorizing things i didn't really care for, i would so do it.
i guess one never knows what the future holds for each person. good luck to you all!!
and hopefully i'll find some motivation in life, so i can get a better gpa so i wont get murdered by my mom :s
#13
Posted 16 November 2009 - 07:38 PM
As for you being afraid your mom will yell at you, you should probably just suck it up and deal with it, because if the reason your GPA is low is because you didn't study for crap (after your parents work hard and pay for your education), then it's only fair for you to get yelled at.
Don't drop out. You can't do much lately without having a college degree. Transferring schools should not be a big deal if you're willing to work hard in the school you transfer to. If you want to go art school, that's great too; there can be a lot of opportunities coming out of art school. Just work hard in whatever you do.
Oh and P.S. The only reason you don't want to disappoint your mom is because she's scary? What about the fact that she's your mom? The fact that she provided for you and raised you all these years? If you feel like you're wasting your mom's money, just study harder and pick that GPA up; then it wouldn't be a waste, right? Dropping out isn't going to do either of you any good.
#14
Posted 16 November 2009 - 09:40 PM
As for you being afraid your mom will yell at you, you should probably just suck it up and deal with it, because if the reason your GPA is low is because you didn't study for crap (after your parents work hard and pay for your education), then it's only fair for you to get yelled at.
Don't drop out. You can't do much lately without having a college degree. Transferring schools should not be a big deal if you're willing to work hard in the school you transfer to. If you want to go art school, that's great too; there can be a lot of opportunities coming out of art school. Just work hard in whatever you do.
Oh and P.S. The only reason you don't want to disappoint your mom is because she's scary? What about the fact that she's your mom? The fact that she provided for you and raised you all these years? If you feel like you're wasting your mom's money, just study harder and pick that GPA up; then it wouldn't be a waste, right? Dropping out isn't going to do either of you any good.
that was a bit harsh. but you're right
i can't concentrate half of the time but i have been working my butt of this quarter. really hasn't gotten anywhere. i barely hang out with friends and been loosing touch with most of them.
can't transfer until i raise my grade up, according to one of my friends. so i guess only option is try harder (which i already am) or drop out so i dont waste my mom's money.
like you said its her money and im wasting it since im getting bad grades.
#15
Posted 17 November 2009 - 12:20 AM
It's never too late! Good luck!
#16
Posted 17 November 2009 - 05:20 AM
How many classes are you taking each semester? you might have to just take the bare minimum with elective only courses? Taking too many hours is really hard, especially if there's no motivation.
My tip: somehow get back into the game. My mom always tells me to just get my BS. Your parents will still love you and you will just have to face their wrath. it will end. keep them updated and let them support you from now on! But keep in mind to just finish college and get your degree!!
#17
Posted 17 November 2009 - 08:50 AM
How many classes are you taking each semester? you might have to just take the bare minimum with elective only courses? Taking too many hours is really hard, especially if there's no motivation.
My tip: somehow get back into the game. My mom always tells me to just get my BS. Your parents will still love you and you will just have to face their wrath. it will end. keep them updated and let them support you from now on! But keep in mind to just finish college and get your degree!!
i made up a fake account. and emailed her my grades with it.
i copied my grade to paint and edited the grades and gpa and the credits earned. it looks pretty legit.
i still have to do it even if i manage to do well tihs quarter cuz of the cumulative gpa and credits earned.
#18
Posted 18 November 2009 - 12:45 PM
i copied my grade to paint and edited the grades and gpa and the credits earned. it looks pretty legit.
i still have to do it even if i manage to do well tihs quarter cuz of the cumulative gpa and credits earned.
Whoa I give you credit lol I don't think I have the skill to do that, and in paint no less.
I would think about a possible transfer. I dunno college inst for everyone, and I think that's the problem with ours and other societies that are sooo college bent. I don't even think college is what it used to be, I tend to see it more from a business angle tuition goes up..quality lowers or remains the same but does not compensate for the price hike. (u.u) Dropping out is tough these days. If there were jobs available period....then I'd say maybe, but it's probly not a good time to do it.
I'm questioning my major too....its the problem when you like so many things
What do you like maybe we can recommend a major?
#19
Posted 18 November 2009 - 04:24 PM
#20
Posted 20 November 2009 - 05:39 PM
when i was in university, i took just enough credits per semester to get financial aid.
sure, i graduated a year later, but in my view, it's better to take a little longer and spend the extra time understanding the materials than just rushing through and not getting everything.
even if you switch to something like "general studies", i say stick it out and get the degree.























