[mz simmonz]

Maybe this can go into the love/relationship section but I figure it's more appropriate here since my brother is 21 and a ridiculously big momma's boy. There is nothing wrong with loving one's mother and being a bit dependent on her sometimes but it's beginning to worry me. My brother has always been coddled by my grandma and mom and was the type of kid that cried and went hysterical when he went to kindergarten the first time. Being the older, more independent of the two I was annoyed by this but figured (and hoped) he would grow out of it. I am there for him when he needs me but I feel like I'm more of the "bad cop" in the household b/c I refuse to baby him.

I'm not quite sure he has..ever since he went away to college, I don't think he handled being away from home very well..he is easily stressed out (up to the point where he cries on the phone with me and my mom) and gets terribly homesick. He is now in his senior year at college and I feel like he has made little progress. He even asked my mother to come stay with him for a few days at his off campus house. Not that it's unusual for a parent to visit their kid in college but for my brother to actually ask because he misses his mommy seems so very strange to me...especially since he's already visited us last week and Thanksgiving break is soon

I dont mean to sound like an insensitive witch here but I am honestly concerned. I've never heard of any college senior (let alone a guy) be so incredibly homesick and clingy to his mother. Maybe I don't understand b/c I am so different from him but obviously I do want my brother to "man up" since he will be finishing college soon and eventually going into grad school or working full-time. To me, this is not entirely normal behavior and I don't want him to come running home to mommy every time he can't take on the real world. I've sat him down a couple times to ask him if there's something wrong, if he's not getting along w/ friends or roommates up there and he just says everything is fine, he just misses home a lot..I once jokingly called him a momma's boy but he didn't really have a response to that. I want to help him be more independent and figure out why he's so sensitive and in need of babying so he can stand on his own two feet like a grownup b/c I just can't watch my brother be a baby his entire life and not do anything about it. I sincerely need advice on this, thank you.

[ayahuasca]

Personally, it does sound a little over done, but hey some people grow out of that sort of thing late. Partly the female members of your family are to blame for his emotional dependence. Give him some time, but talk to him about it, more importantly talk to your mother and grandmother about it too.

One plus side about it though is that once he grows out of it he'll probably make a pretty good parent, one who knows his family is important. That's provided his wife is much like you mother and grandmother because that's the sort he'll need.

[terrorist]

ever heard of.. if a boy treats his mother special.. he'll treat his spouse even better.
so maybe this is better than being violence and i'm so cool and independent personality.

i mean if this assumption is true. atleast he won't be one of those guys who beat their wives.

all in all, everyone is different. Why should your brother fall into the norms and stop loving his mother? just because he's older he's not allowed to be very close to his mother? I know you're saying it's too excessive. but i think it's not something you should worry about, it's his relationship with your mother. I'm sure your mom doesn't have a problem with it.. if she does then i think it can be a problem.

edit -
I think when he truly needs to grow up is when he gets married.

[jsp]

I'm not quite sure he has..[/b]ever since he went away to college, I don't think he handled being away from home very well..he is easily stressed out (up to the point where he cries on the phone with me and my mom) and gets terribly homesick. He is now in his senior year at college and I feel like he has made little progress. He even asked my mother to come stay with him for a few days at his off campus house. Not that it's unusual for a parent to visit their kid in college but for my brother to actually ask because he misses his mommy seems so very strange to me...especially since he's already visited us last week and Thanksgiving break is soon

I am speechless.

[papabear]

If he's going to change, I really doubt you will be able to bring it about directly. Who's paying his bills?

[zhongguoren]

I was expecting to read that your brother is waited on hand and foot by your mother daily. Or that he's 25 and still lived in the basement of his mom's house.

I probably wouldn't invite my mom to stay with me for a few days at college, but it's not particularly amazing.

[kennesu]

I think most guys are a little insensitive to their parents and don't miss them that much. When I was in college I rarely visited my parents even though they were only an hour and half away. But once I graduated and started living really far away from them, I've been extremely homesick.

It can be a hard transition for some people. But you're his sister so you know him better. You should talk to him if you think he's getting too clingy but I don't think you should make fun of him. Maybe ask him why he feels so homesick?

[duchess]

Your brother reminds me of my first roommate, who also happens to be the same age as he is. She was supposed to be my roommate for the first semester but she was so attached to her mom that she never stayed overnight. The one time she actually stayed the night, she cried even though her younger sister stayed with her. Needless to say, she never came back to the dorm and just commuted the 1.5 hour drive to school for the rest of the semester even though she'd already paid for the room.

My cousin is the same way but a little less severe. He's an only child and has been sheltered his entire life by his mom and my grandma thus he is a bit socially awkward. He used to get picked on through junior high and high school so he always kept to himself. But like your brother, he is also a college senior now and despite the fact he stayed home for college, college has helped him become more independent and a bit more open.

It's going to be hard getting him to change considering he's already 21 but I think the best way is to just be direct and talk to him. Is he aware that he's so sensitive?

[709394]

sounds like he has some seperation / anxiety issues...

[kpxkimcheexyoja]

^^ i agree... man, i thought i saw my mom waaaaaaayyy too much... but dang! sure i'll invite her to come down for a few days, but i never called up crying! i find that i get along a lot better with my mom when we live further apart!

[SeX1eStAsaBa]

I agree with mz simmonz. That boy needs to man up. He won't be able to seriously take the real world if he treated that way. He won't be able to make any real life decisions either by himself. In the end he'll just call mommy for every single life decision.

[visuelz]

Haha, I'm a momma's boy too but definitely do not have those kinds of quality. He doesn't sound like the type of guy that plays violent games or warcraft or whatever us guys play. Maybe you should try getting him addicted to counter-strike or something. I'm serious too!

[BoAFreakVer.300]

1. Is he the youngest of the family?
2. Where is the father in this?
3. Is he homosexual?
4. I thought girls like overly sensitive males?
5. Is it that you are really concern for your brother's well being or that you are jealous of the relationship that exist between them?