[ax1989]

So in my new class, (in college) there's this really, really shy guy who always sits near the back and basically talks to NOBODY. Our class comprises of around ~60 people, and everybody is really close. However, he basically has no friends. During breaks, he reads books by himself (while everybody is socialising) and/or goes to his car and just sits there to eat lunch or sleep.
I decided to make some progress and have talked to him and approached him sev eral times. When I do, he seems pretty interested and happy - he doesn't seem annoyed. He actually talks back with good sentences and even asks me questions about myself after getting to know each other for a while. But the problem is, he'll never come and talk to me first. I always have to be the one approaching him to his seat or place and initiate the convo.
I get that he's shy. But why is he THAT shy? (by the way he's 21) And now i'm just confused - is he super super nice also, so is being nice to me but is not really interested? Or is he really really shy but still enjoys company........?

But sometimes he just seems abnormally shy that I wonder how he ever makes friends. He rarely talks, I always have to ask him questions.. (90% of the time)

Thanks

[kimnvy]

The best thing about college is that you can socialize about 99% of the time in class. However, I have noticed that many smart guys are very private and shy. They seem like they do not want to talk to anyone and u always have to stir up the convo. Dating those people are very boring. If u are interested u should ask him to be your study partner, I’ll bet u, u will ace ur next test. If u cannot get him to open up while eating lunch and studying together, then I think he has other issues aside from being a regular shy guy.

[ax1989]

^ We're actually all in med school, so everybody here is supposedly very smart. But it seems he enjoys conversation, just has a really weird problem initating it - even after the wall has been teared.

[Gofishus]

I'm surprised that girls actually take the initiative with those types of guys...wish there were girls like you here ; No girl takes the initiative here, so if you are a shy guy, then you are screwed...

[snowpuffvy]

Maybe he's not use to approaching others. Being a guy, i'm sure he'll feel weird approaching you bc it might give the impression that he's hitting on you. Seems to me like he's just waiting for the right moment, or to at least be sure if you really WANT to be his friend. He might not want to seem like the weird, desperate guy? How long have you guys been having your conversations?

[CherieDee]

http://intjforum.com/showthread.php?t=15775

I suggest you keep doing what you're doing.
And after a couple of weeks or so, if he still doesn't bother to say hi to you or doesn't acknowledge your existance, leave him alone.

[ax1989]

I prefer shy guys - but not TOO shy. But I find that shy guys are more sensitive and caring and faithful than others. Of course, this is not for all guys - it is based on my experience.

It turns out that he's actually had a gf two years ago (facebook) and broke up pretty soon.

We've been talking for 2 months - with some healthy breaks in between, but lately since last week, we've been talking regularly everyday. Like I said, I always approach him or go sit next to him. But if he happens to be in my area, he'll smile and talk. But it's just the matter of him getting near proximity of me. lol. I really enjoy talking to him because I'm obviously interested, but sometimes I wonder if he's sick of me talking to him all the time - like does he REALLY prefer to read his book during breaks?? I don't know. I wish I knew.

But i"ve been trying to make it REALLLY obvious by smiling a LOT at him, and asking him questions and lightly flirting with him. Maybe he doesn't get it. I think he appreciates me as a friend - but I don't know what more.

&One more Thing: Whenever I talk, he always looks up (in groups) and always smiles and is ready to laugh. But that's probably because I'm always smiling.
I've caught him staring at me a few times - and staring at me when I talk to someone near him...

http://intjforum.com/showthread.php?t=15775

I suggest you keep doing what you're doing.
And after a couple of weeks or so, if he still doesn't bother to say hi to you or doesn't acknowledge your existance, leave him alone.

Sorry - what's an INTJ??

[CherieDee]

MBTI personality type.

[mintcracker]

^ type of personality
it stands for introversion uh .. forgot the rest lol


He's just really introverted, and probably shy
Meh I only dig outgoing confident guys lol.

[ax1989]

^ Yeah, I think most girls dig outgoing guys. I'm the only one in my class who actually went up and talked to him - he talks to only me, therefore... It's sad.

[mintcracker]

^ lol I'm like you with the whole 'befriend ppl that don't talk'

but it gets tiring after awhile.
Hm at least you're trying？

[emceej]

i was in this situation not too long ago.

i always took the initiative and i couldn't get him to socialize more than i wanted to. actually, i had it harder cuz this guy mostly replied one word answers. so when i asked him something, it was really hard to expand the conversation cuz i had to generate a new one. although, he added me on myspace one day and we started talking A LOT. he opens up more online and sometimes said things in COMPLETE sentences which is a miracle =___=' so i guess ask him if he has facebook, msn, etc...cuz some super shy guys i know prefer to talk online than face to face. though this doesn't work out 100% of the time, it's worth the try.

if he still doesn't initiate, leave him alone. i actually had to give up on this guy because he would talk to me online but his responses were getting shorter by the day and he never greets me in real life which is sad D: it gets tiring, trust me. good luck though.

[crazzeedrim]

this sounds alot like me actually...except that i'm a girl.

has he been at that school for a while or has he just transfered recently?

for me...last spring i transfered schools. i was living on campus at my previous school, but now im taking classes at a community college and living with my parents in town, but this school does have dorms. I'm pretty shy and know absolutely no one at the school so during class im not about to go sit next to someone and just start talking to them. if someone talks to me first i would reply, but i guess i'm still not too comfortable starting the conversation because i'm just a quiet person. although sometimes i would make small talk in groups or something...and back at my old school, most of my friends i had there i met in the dorms and only a few through classes.
well anyways...

maybe this guy is just intimidated by crowds and doesnt want to get caught in an awkward situation, even though you've talked to him several times. if you know everybody in the class and he knows nobody, it could be somewhat nervewrecking for him to just start talking to you.

sometime when you talk to him, why not invite him to meet up off campus somwhere someday? maybe just for a cup of coffee or something simple like that. he might open up more in a different setting. plus, it should give a much stronger signal that you're interested him in.

[calculator]

He is basically saying F you guys I'm going home.

[ShadowMax76]

perhaps he just wants to make things convenient for you and have you choose when you want to talk to him whenever you like.
rather than have him talk to you whenever he wants, and bother you or embarrass you in front of others talking to the 'shy guy'.

or perhaps he's doing mind games. lol.

[ParappaRappa]

i can probably relate to him, i'm pretty similar. (but i'm a girl lol)

if people don't talk to me, i'll be this complete loner that never says a word lol. but when people talk to me, it's not like i can't hold a conversation or reply to them.

although...he must be REALLY shy because after someone takes the initiative to talk to me a couple times, i get pretty comfortable around them and start talking to them whenever i want to too...

i wouldn't really know what he's thinking, but i would say to just keep talking to him. you're being really nice :]

[odddodo]

So in my new class, (in college) there's this really, really shy guy who always sits near the back and basically talks to NOBODY. Our class comprises of around ~60 people, and everybody is really close. However, he basically has no friends. During breaks, he reads books by himself (while everybody is socialising) and/or goes to his car and just sits there to eat lunch or sleep.
I decided to make some progress and have talked to him and approached him sev eral times. When I do, he seems pretty interested and happy - he doesn't seem annoyed. He actually talks back with good sentences and even asks me questions about myself after getting to know each other for a while. But the problem is, he'll never come and talk to me first. I always have to be the one approaching him to his seat or place and initiate the convo.
I get that he's shy. But why is he THAT shy? (by the way he's 21) And now i'm just confused - is he super super nice also, so is being nice to me but is not really interested? Or is he really really shy but still enjoys company........?

But sometimes he just seems abnormally shy that I wonder how he ever makes friends. He rarely talks, I always have to ask him questions.. (90% of the time)

Thanks

I'm actually a first year med student myself, and I also am a somewhat shy guy (though not to the extent to which your friend seems to be). Here's the thing: For a shy guy, it kind of shifts the power dynamic over to him if you're the one who keeps coming to him, since he holds the impression that he's already fine by himself, but you're the one making the effort to meet him. In that strange shy-guy logic, if he later decides to approach you, he'll be giving up some of that power, and it may just feel awkward enough that he'll avoid it, ESPECIALLY if he's interested in you but is too shy to admit it.

I catch myself doing this sometimes, too, which is why I can guess the situation you're in.

What makes it worse is that the med school environment is just like high school rather than college, since you're stuck in the same classes with everyone else through the whole day. It has a tendency to make a shy guy even more reclusive if he's around the same people all the time and has a certain class act as the quiet guy.

Try withdrawing a bit temporarily, and see if he makes any effort in initiating a conversation (it can be as small a thing as a greeting when you just pass each other in the hallway!) or responding enthusiastically when you do talk to him. But you'll have to realize that even then, it'll be largely up to you to get the ball rolling on anything further. That is the price you pay for chasing after a shy guy...

[Liandon]

I prefer shy guys - but not TOO shy. But I find that shy guys are more sensitive and caring and faithful than others. Of course, this is not for all guys - it is based on my experience.

It turns out that he's actually had a gf two years ago (facebook) and broke up pretty soon.

We've been talking for 2 months - with some healthy breaks in between, but lately since last week, we've been talking regularly everyday. Like I said, I always approach him or go sit next to him. But if he happens to be in my area, he'll smile and talk. But it's just the matter of him getting near proximity of me. lol. I really enjoy talking to him because I'm obviously interested, but sometimes I wonder if he's sick of me talking to him all the time - like does he REALLY prefer to read his book during breaks?? I don't know. I wish I knew.

But i"ve been trying to make it REALLLY obvious by smiling a LOT at him, and asking him questions and lightly flirting with him. Maybe he doesn't get it. I think he appreciates me as a friend - but I don't know what more.

&One more Thing: Whenever I talk, he always looks up (in groups) and always smiles and is ready to laugh. But that's probably because I'm always smiling.
I've caught him staring at me a few times - and staring at me when I talk to someone near him...

JEEBUS.
That is exactly what I am currently going through as well!
There is this boy three years my senior in my mixed beginner/advanced Korean language school, and he SITS there listening to his music for the whole of break.
Recently I have been able to socialize and make him talk to us (well....me *cough*), but I always initiate it, although I too have caught him staring at me several times, and notice that the only time he does smile and laugh in class is when I start conversations with him. Other than that, his expression is stotic and he sits there. in the corner of the class. Farthest chair from all of the class, which consists of only 15 people.
I too am not a sociable person and cannot speak in front of many people, don't do crowds, prefer solitute, reading, writing as opposed to a party, etc., but he is to the point where he never speaks to his sister in class, anyone for that matter. I get this feeling that he is interested in me, but I don't know.
I mean, he could be just friendly to me...right?

[WhiteRabbitsTime]

He sounds like that guy that went on a killing spree at Virginia Tech some odd years ago.

[Lie]

He sounds like that guy that went on a killing spree at Virginia Tech some odd years ago.

Not really. That guy, from all reports, displayed brooding, anti-social behavior patterns. The guy mentioned in the OP just seems to be incredibly introverted. He is friendly when people engage him, it just requires them to take the initiative at all times.