[Gofishus]

So it's easy enough to get a girl's number and to hang out/study with her and stuff, but what's that magical next step? How do you get the girl to like you as more than just a friend? This is always the step I'm stuck on because it seems the girl never seems to have much interest beyond using me as study / backup material, how do I advance to the next step? I know it depends on the girl, but there has to be something I haven't done right yet, missing the catalyst to make the reaction happen!
Everyone else seems to be able to make that magical jump from friend to bf/gf so easily, how do they do it?
Any thoughts?

[Overclocked]

1.1 step forward, and 1.0 steps backwards. The metaphor I've always ripped off is attraction is two magnets, with opposing electrically charged sides, tied together with a rubberband. There exists a 'bond' between the two, but if one 'oversteps', it's space there will be a step back from the other. A perpetual balance must be kept.

If the space is violated too many times, the attraction is destroyed, and a cold concrete friend barrier is established. Once a friend barrier is established, a majority of the time, only the girl may break it.

I suggest you not do anything at all. If she truly wants to test if there is a connection between the two of you, or reinforce it with another outing, she will do so. The ball is in her court.

----

Strangely, by being 'yourself', the 'yourself', better be driving a BMW or Mercedes, or some other car with a high brand equity to demonstrate your wealth. It sucks to say, but a person has to be slightly disingenuous sometimes upon first impression. Being yourself is fine, once time progresses. You can't do anything about wealth, but you can 'play' it smooth, and not 'act' like it. What I mean by that is, you have to play your hand of cards well, most games in Big 2 can be won with the right order of things, and not just solely the good cards.

[peppermintsugar]

You don't get a girl to like you like it's some mystical quest you have to complete and if you don't complete it, she'll never fall for you. You hang out with her and you be yourself. She either will or won't be interested.

[jas0n]

Talk about movies and joke around about wanting to see a movie she likes. She might want to see it as well and ya can go together. Try talking to her friends and not just her also. Girls like guys that can get along with her friends. Be like me, I slack off when studying with a girl (put my head down, pretend to sleep, look out the window) and she wants to choke me afterward. But that can lead to the next step!

[mintcracker]

Cliche but be urself. Make her laugh, show confidence.
Have swagger but don't be cocky. Show u listen well, show you take in what she says.
Don't be a doormat. Have ur own opinions, but don't be a douche.

Be jerky in a good way lol. Girls dig that.

That said you really can't 'learn' swagger. It's sth you just have.

[ShadowMax76]

player method no. 2 , easy-intermediate level.

name: crystallization.

1. you only pour into the beaker the essential liquid_ good impressions and desirable character.
2. you wait for the crystal to form, DO NOT DISTURB. _ leave her with the idea of you and your desirability. do not say something stupid to ruin it all.
3. entirety of liquid will become a solid crystal._ she'll be all over your ass cos she thinks you're brad pitt cos she's been thinking about you so much she's come to the 2weeks conclusion you're good for her.

_ though. it's only an 'in-and-out' method. kinda hard when she opens her eyes and realizes you're just an average guy who's got no life. hence why players run for the hills asap.

_ if you wanna play honest and true [and want a mature relationship]. then you've gotta realize that if she doesn't accept you being honest and yourself, then it obviously wouldn't work in the end anyways.

[WhiteRabbitsTime]

It will come organically. If not, you will get a mutant of a mess.

Either that: just kiss and say "I like you!"

[Tuffcore]

Cliche but be urself. Make her laugh, show confidence.
Have swagger but don't be cocky. Show u listen well, show you take in what she says.
Don't be a doormat. Have ur own opinions, but don't be a douche.

Be jerky in a good way lol. Girls dig that.

That said you really can't 'learn' swagger. It's sth you just have.

I agree with everything you've said except the swagger part.

Firstly, Gofishus, you are the best person in the world at being yourself so go be yourself. You are not good at being someone else. The magic is, a person can improve themselves in areas they are lacking such as with eye contact, body language, personal awareness, touching, etc. It is possible to learn and develop conversation skill so that you can take topics into deeper talk with women. Confidence can also be developed as a result of understanding and experiencing more about dating. And finally, swagger is just one end product of a person's final transformation.

These things are you and become you as you develop as a person, as a man. Women are attracted to these things. Let yourself be into these things and then go be yourself. That's your answer.

[xxsarahhoangerz]

Just show the girl that you wanna hang out without the textbooks.

[JinEnjuce]

Ask her to lunch or something, without any pretexts. Like, just out to have lunch just because. No movies though; maybe after lunch. But, it's gotta be something you can get to know her better in. You're gonna try to know some about her. nothing too personal, maybe like what she lieks to do on her free time, her favorite foods, whatever.

[mintcracker]

I agree with everything you've said except the swagger part.

Firstly, Gofishus, you are the best person in the world at being yourself so go be yourself. You are not good at being someone else. The magic is, a person can improve themselves in areas they are lacking such as with eye contact, body language, personal awareness, touching, etc. It is possible to learn and develop conversation skill so that you can take topics into deeper talk with women. Confidence can also be developed as a result of understanding and experiencing more about dating. And finally, swagger is just one end product of a person's final transformation.

These things are you and become you as you develop as a person, as a man. Women are attracted to these things. Let yourself be into these things and then go be yourself. That's your answer.

Yes, it can be developed (I meant it as more it can't be developed just like that) but it takes years doesn't it? And he's obviously looking for results quick lol.
And based on his posts that I've seen, he's not the confident 'you know you love me' type.
Gofishus, just be yourself. If you're not the funny type, don't force it, everything you do that's not how you are naturally will come off alittle fake. Besides, you want her to like you for who you are, not some self adjusted version of you. Cos eventually you'll be tired of putting on that facade you know.

[HaplessChild]

So it's easy enough to get a girl's number and to hang out/study with her and stuff, but what's that magical next step? How do you get the girl to like you as more than just a friend? This is always the step I'm stuck on because it seems the girl never seems to have much interest beyond using me as study / backup material, how do I advance to the next step? I know it depends on the girl, but there has to be something I haven't done right yet, missing the catalyst to make the reaction happen!
Everyone else seems to be able to make that magical jump from friend to bf/gf so easily, how do they do it?
Any thoughts?

For the most part, a girl knows right away if she'd date you or not.

Flirt, hug, touch her. If she reciprocates, kiss her.

[Gofishus]

Thanks for the replies. Alot of the responses say 'just be myself' and it'll come eventually. Well I've been myself all through high school and college and my lack of results tell me that it probably won't come eventually (generally harder to meet girls after college) and I'm missing something in my approach. Whether it requires me to change myself - well I like to think of a positive change, say gain more charisma somehow would be nice. Also - a lunch without pretexts often is just a lunch and nothing more.

[bonjour tristesse.]

Just kick it with her and let things be. Get to know her in a much more deeper level and then when you think it's time, go on and do what you think you should do.

[moot11]

There is no magical next step. I would be better able to provide troubleshooting advice if you provided more information. Describe your interactions with women, number and hang out mean very little because they can be made under the friendship pretense. If they are giving you their number expecting friendship, than it is very hard for you to dig yourself out of the hole.

Describe how you are getting the number and your interactions during the hangout (including what you are doing, talking about, etc) The more info. you provide the better we can all help.

Edit

In short, attraction starts at the first interaction and is much harder to create once she has established that it is a platonic relationship. As far as meeting women, bookstores, supermarket, malls, train stations, ANYWHERE. It is so easy to meet women out of college, don't use that as an excuse. You just have to talk to them. I just noticed that you live in NYC, women are everywhere there!!! I'm really surprised that you're having trouble meeting people after college. It would be understandable if you lived in some rural, far away town.

[Tuffcore]

Yes, it can be developed (I meant it as more it can't be developed just like that) but it takes years doesn't it? And he's obviously looking for results quick lol.
And based on his posts that I've seen, he's not the confident 'you know you love me' type.
Gofishus, just be yourself. If you're not the funny type, don't force it, everything you do that's not how you are naturally will come off alittle fake. Besides, you want her to like you for who you are, not some self adjusted version of you. Cos eventually you'll be tired of putting on that facade you know.

For the most part, a girl knows right away if she'd date you or not.

Flirt, hug, touch her. If she reciprocates, kiss her.

Thanks for the replies. Alot of the responses say 'just be myself' and it'll come eventually. Well I've been myself all through high school and college and my lack of results tell me that it probably won't come eventually (generally harder to meet girls after college) and I'm missing something in my approach. Whether it requires me to change myself - well I like to think of a positive change, say gain more charisma somehow would be nice. Also - a lunch without pretexts often is just a lunch and nothing more.

Take this good advice from a girl... "A girl knows right away if she'd date you or not."

This is the key. Attraction has to be built right from the first 3 seconds you meet a girl and not after two or three times of studying together. Before you even talk to her for the very first time, you've got to have good body language and carry yourself with confidence (fake this for now). The first time you talk to her, you've got to maintain good eye contact. Pick one eye and focus on it. Don't swap between eyes because that shows nervousness. Remember, the secret is that there's always two conversations going on: verbal conversation and physical conversation.

Verbal Conversation: This is where you build a connection with the girl. Don't fake stories. Just talk about your life experiences and continually try to establish the fact that you two have a lot in common whether it be through your life experiences or through perspectives of life. ie. you two see things similarly. You two feel the same way about things... (avoid topics like politics, religion, etc in the beginning). If you two don't have much past life experiences in common, then talk about stuff you'd like to do that just so happens, she'd like to do too. Connection, Rapport, etc.

Physical Conversation: This sounds like where things begin to fall apart for you. This is where you "put on your swagger". Eye contact i've already mentioned briefly. Be very masculine with your body language. Sit/stand comfortably. Don't be moving around. Don't move your hands, etc. Don't show nervousness. The most important physical conversation is touching her. Touch her right from the first time you meet her whether it be a hand shake or pat on the side of her arm. Do innocent things like use the back of your hand to touch the side of her arm when you begin a sentence. Hands on the small of her back for a split second when you two get up from sitting or something. Walk very close to her side. These things are just the beginning... after establishing comfort, then proceed further into more touching. This is the "magical jump" you are talking about but it has to begin right from the beginning.

Yea anyways, that's just the surface of it... it gets deeper as the situation progresses or obstacles present itself. Nonetheless, while developing this part of yourself, the great thing is, you are still you! You still have to be yourself. Be genuine and be true but instead, you bring these tools into your dating game.

[xKaiin]

The first major thing is to know if she's single : )
If she is, ask her about her ideal guy, and jokingly ask if you're close enough .
That worked for me everytime .

[Gofishus]

There is no magical next step. I would be better able to provide troubleshooting advice if you provided more information. Describe your interactions with women, number and hang out mean very little because they can be made under the friendship pretense. If they are giving you their number expecting friendship, than it is very hard for you to dig yourself out of the hole.

Describe how you are getting the number and your interactions during the hangout (including what you are doing, talking about, etc) The more info. you provide the better we can all help.

Edit

In short, attraction starts at the first interaction and is much harder to create once she has established that it is a platonic relationship. As far as meeting women, bookstores, supermarket, malls, train stations, ANYWHERE. It is so easy to meet women out of college, don't use that as an excuse. You just have to talk to them. I just noticed that you live in NYC, women are everywhere there!!! I'm really surprised that you're having trouble meeting people after college. It would be understandable if you lived in some rural, far away town.

Sure, I'll be glad to answer that. BTW note that what I mean by the after college thing is that I'll be working alot and in my industry (computers) there's not alot of women.

I have no trouble at all with the first step. Getting the number is simple: whenever I see a girl that I am physically attracted to, I'll sit beside her in class or get close to her, then have a pretext to talk to her (the professor or the bad lighting or upcoming quiz or missing notes, etc) and then go into more personal topics until I feel she is comfortable enough with me to ask for her number at the end.

Now, the next step is harder. To hang out with her, I'll usually text her or call her to say how the homework is coming along and if she's free to study this week or if she has time to go for a cup of coffee.

Then when I meet up with her, it's just talk about personal life, hobbies, school, interests, etc. And a bit of studying of course . But after that, that' s it. The girl either never has time for me again or is not interested in hanging out anymore. Note that this whole time it's always been me to take the initiative (they never take initiative to talk to me). Andddd that's pretty much how it is with me and every chick. Lol.

[rachilde]

Simple. Ask her to dinner. If she refuses for no good reason then she doesn't like you. If she assents then there's a chance. I don't see why it always has to be studying.

[Gofishus]

Simple. Ask her to dinner. If she refuses for no good reason then she doesn't like you. If she assents then there's a chance. I don't see why it always has to be studying.

;;; it's not always studying that's just one example. 'Hanging out' when I mean that term it encompasses studying, dinner, movies, shopping, etc can be anything that two people can do together.