[angel2nyt]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you
forgot?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Duh.............
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you
go to?

WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing
an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for
a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law!

[CharredCookies]

read some of these before but they're still funny.. guess most lawyers are too pre-occupied with the possiblities

[Malice_Kaiser]

Hah. Last one's good. XD;;; Some people's kids... *shakes head*

[Rosechime]

OMG. XD That was SO amusing. XD Hahahahahaa.

[mrs. pakman]

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


hahahahah..i like that one. omg...these are so funny! LOL.

[kakashi]

uhhh a lot of these have been posted before but nevertheless still good to read again i guess.

[cocobar]

OMG. some of them is really stupid and funny. hahaha

[*.:AnGeL*BAbII:.*]

LOL hahahahaha good stuff!

[taeHee.x3]

lol^^ this is funny stuff~

[vannushka]

I guess I am lawyer material then!

[marc3lla]

OMG how did some of the lawyers passed their law school?

[Cloud]

this is so freaking funny.
i'm so glad that no one's home right now.
'cause damn i was laughing like crazy reading these.. LOL

:] i can't believe these are actual instances. hahahaha

[Little Miss Snackwrap]

Haha I've read these, they're freakin hilarious. Man, you've gotta wonder how these people actually got degrees.

[babossagaji]

omg...even the attorney..haha

[Tr710]

OH man, these are so good. I love it when people make fools out of themselves.

[xyummy]

LOL these are really amusing and entertaining.

[x_terr]

HAHA these are really funny. hahaha. i really like these. some people are just soo...soo.....lack of common sense!

[Classic Example]

Hahaha. I never realized how dumb attornies could be

[GOOMBA]

^ Lol. I've seen this so many times already.
Still funny though.

[luckycharm]

Lolllll

Some of those are so retarded!
To think i used to think that lawyers were quite smart

Yay for good comebacks from witnesses