Michael: It's simply beyond words. It's incalcucable.
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Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
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Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me... for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
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Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
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Dwight: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis....Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
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Oscar: [of Mexican descent] I can play [basketball] if you need any help.
Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.
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Michael Scott: ...some burritos or some colored greens or some pad thai.
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: That doesn't make sense. You don't call them 'collard people'... that's offensive.
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Michael: I was on a hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight...
Dwight: Really? We don't have any girls in HR.
Michael: You know for the sake of the story...and things were getting hot and heavy...
Dwight: Yeah!
Michael: And I was about to take her bra off...
Dwight: Yeah!
Michael: And she made me fill out six hours worth of paperwork.
Dwight: Like an AIDS test?
Michael: No. God, Dwight...
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Michael: An employee will go home and ask his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" "No man, I slave all day and no one notices," next thing you know, he smells something funny from his neighbor's house. Neighbor hanged himself due to lack of recognition.
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Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard "women and children first". But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace by law. So if I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
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Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon- sue me- and since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that…
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Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone’s psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re downriver from that old bread factory…
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Michael:Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say “Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth”.
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Michael: What do I write under "reason for visit?"
Jim: Concussion. [Michael scratches something out] What'd you write?
Michael: ..."Bringing someone to the hospital."
Jim: Oh, you thought they meant your reason for visit.
Michael: No, you know what? This isn't about me anymore.
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Michael Scott: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it’s like to be disabled?
Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl…
Michael Scott: Never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble.
Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
Michael Scott: Wha? How- how old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley(African American): I'm not disabled and neither are you.
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Michael: Let me ask you something. How long does it take you to do something simple? Everyday. Like brushing your teeth in the morning.
Billy: [in a wheelchair] I dunno. Like thirty seconds.
Michael: Oh my God. That's three times as long as it takes me.
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Michael: You may look around and see two groups here; white collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
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[Viewing a picture of marijuana]
Creed: That is "Northern Lights" Cannabis, India.
Dwight: [sighs]. No, it's marijuana.
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Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
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http://g.msn.com/0VD0/02/26?m=office_hotgi...v&csid=3&sd=mbr
^ One of my FAVORITE clips everrrr!
Dwight<3Haha this show is so ridiculous. I hope it keeps going!!
