[incomplete]

Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Russell Beland, Springfield

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth
Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Unknown

Based on an unoriginal article in the Washington Post.




HAHAHAHAA... enjoy

[Suang_hu]

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
--
I have no idea but.. this made me laugh XD. My favorite xD

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
-
LMAO, ROFL XD XD ^ Oh wow XD

[hayuna]

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

MY FAVORITES. <3333

[PizazzPizza88]

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.


i like these!!

['Noche.]

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

I liked those. But this is really funny. One of the few jokes I read online that I had ever really laughed out loud.

[avii_ichigo09]

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield

OMG

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

LOL

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

um, 'at what time will they crash?' XD

actually ALL of them were funny OMG XD

[mOnk]

lol these are hilarious!! i love the star-crossed lovers one xD

[jeezchris.]

OMGGGGG these are SO RANDOM. >____<
omgomg they're so hilarious.

[SupaBayWitIt]

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

My favorites. They're so stupid =P

[CALI-sweetie]

HHHHAHAAAHAHA OMG THESE ARE HILARIOUS

I'm going to show them to my english teacher

[Justalilodreamer]

haha i've read these before but forgot all of them hahaha hilarious!!!

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can

Creativeeeee haha

[Scy91]

hahaha..these are MADDD funny, yo.

[etoile]

the eye one is soooo funny lol the first one too.

[kdclk313]

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

lol people are dumb

[x_clueless]

Haha! XD The first one was so weird...

[soupinmychickenoodle]

lmfao, I loved this one: Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. xD and omg the tree one was hilarious, oh man all of them were funny!

[pearly_x3]

wow these are awesome
thanks a lot for sharing!

[iAMme.]

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Russell Beland, Springfield

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
Jack Bross, Chevy Chase



lol those made me laugh so hard. xD

[fluffpuff]

OMG some of these are soooo funny and stupid!! hahahh "Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." is actually pretty witty though.

[yowzatheman]

omg these are so good. i usually dont laugh out loud when reading things but these are hilarious